Simplicity is genius

[Cory]

Static. The EBWF logo flashed in the corner of the screen as the snow slowly cleared into a dark, empty room. Nothing discernible gave the viewers any indication of where this was being filmed. The camera shook a little as a large hand adjusted it and centered the shot on himself. The camera turned around into the chest of a man who steadied the viewfinder and stepped backward to reveal himself. Randy, in his currently sold RKO t-shirt from EBWFShop.com, backed up enough so that the camera could capture the majority of his body, only cutting off at the knees. He peered into the camera and arched an eyebrow. A smirk appeared across his lips as he licked his finger and smoothed out an eyebrow.

Randy Orton: There. Alright, we're good to go.

Randy looked back over his shoulder towards the unending blackness that extended past him in this poorly lit space.

Randy Orton: Hello everyone out there in the EBWF Universe. My name... is Randy Orton. And I have a bit of a confession to make. You see, I am a very rich man. I make a lot of money doing what I do. And I'm married to a gorgeous businesswoman who runs many aspects of the multi-billion dollar entertainment juggernaut that is EBWF. I have a really nice house, with a top of the line security system. But outside of things that I feel are extremely important to the safety and the quality of life of my family, my wife will be the first to tell you that I'm, well... a cheapskate.

Randy shrugged sheepisly and nodded an affirmative to the camera.

Randy Orton: Guilty as charged. I've been driving the same car for many years. I wear t-shirts and jeans if I can get away with it. Hell, I didn't even spring for the cellular upgrade on my Apple Watch. I didn't even need to spend any money to lug some camera equipment out to this parking garage to shoot this promo. I don't spend a lot of time on stuff that I don't need. I'm a man of simple tastes. Which brings me to my diminutive opponent, Darby Allin.

Randy rolled his eyes.

Randy Orton: Proof that the wrestling world is running straight out of gimmicks.

He leaned down and picked something up off camera. As he stood up straight, he lifted his Gateway Championship belt up and moved it closer to the viewscreen. The lights of his camera sparkled brilliantly off the gold surface of his title belt.

Randy Orton: Darby Allin seems to think that this right here...

He shook the title slightly for emphasis.

Randy Orton: Is his new crusade. The next move of his glorious up and coming career. Adorable. So I'm sure it's going to be a grand spectacle. Everything the little guy could imagine. Maybe some pyro as he skateboards down to the ring, with half his face covered in Day of the Dead facepaint, and some emo music playing in the background. And after all of that pomp and ceremony, he's going to get into the ring with me and become the Gateway Champion. Or... what was it that he said? Ah, yes. Or he'll "die trying".

Randy scratched his chin, deep in thought on that.

Randy Orton: You know, I might just take him up on that. Because while I'm sure he'd like everyone to believe that he's the scrappy underdog who has come up from underneath his whole life, I see something different. I see a guy featured on Tony Hawk Pro Skater video games. I see war paint on his face, I see skateboards and trench coats and tailor made jackets. I see a guy getting swept up in the life. And who could blame him? When he walks down to that ring tonight and his music is playing and those HD 4K cameras get a shot of that perfectly drawn face paint? It's going to look and sound great. And then... he'll get into the ring with me.

The slightest sadistic smile crept up on his features.

Randy Orton: Tonight Darby Allin is going to learn for the first time what countless others keep failing to understand. I don't spend time on the things that don't matter. I don't spend money on the things that don't matter. But the things that do matter?

He clicked his tongue.

Randy Orton: I invest everything into those. And one of those things that I obsess about is what I do in that ring. Every punch a targeted move. Every kick a measure towards a goal. Every twitch of every muscle in this body is an advancement of an objective when I'm in that ring. And tonight? That objective is Darby Allin. The adorable little tyke that thinks walking into his victory celebration. The culmination of a years long career to matter in the wrestling industry. Well congratulations, kid. Fighting Randy Orton for the Gateway Championship at Summerslam is a guaranteed confirmation that you now matter. I just can't guarantee how much longer that's going to last. Because this belt is going home with me, and you'll be going home in a sling.

Randy grinned, an icy stare fixated on the camera.

Randy Orton: Inflicting pain is a science, Darby. One that I've perfected over a very long career. Now I've seen your shtick. The kid that never quits, never gives up. Some even say you don't feel pain. Well tonight, you're going up against a master of dishing it out. Who's going to break first? The champion who doesn't stop, or the challenger who doesn't give up? Stick around to find out, because I have a pretty good idea of the answer. And Darby,,,

He tapped his title and sighed.

Randy Orton: You're not going to like it.

Randy casually saluted the camera as he walked off, the camera fading to black.