I love Christmas.

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Cory
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:59 pm
Location: Austin, TX
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I love Christmas.

Post by Cory »

BREAKING NEWS

The bright flashy banner flew across the screen as the scene faded into one of the most well used card tables in EBWF’s inventory. Covering the table was a banner that said RNN in large, red letters. Seated behind the table, wearing a new RKO: Legend Killer t-shirt was easily the most interesting man alive, Randy Orton. Both his tag team title belt and his Gateway championship were resting upright on the table next to him. He looked dead into the camera and picked up a stack of papers, tapping them on the surface.

Randy Orton: We interrupt this EBWF Broadcast to give you this breaking news.

Randy leaned down, and without even a slight change of expression, picked up a fluffy red and white Santa hat and placed it on his head.

Randy Orton: It’s Christmas.

Randy just let that linger for several seconds, his deadpan achieving full effect.

Randy Orton: I know you’re all excited. Families sit down in front of their Christmas tree, exchange gifts, eat great food, have a chat by the fire, it’s the time of year we all wait for. Now, a handsome guy like me? People take one look at me and think “that guy hates Christmas”. But I will tell you one thing. I love Christmas. I love it so much.

His atonal delivery would give anyone pause as to whether he was serious or not.

Randy Orton: That’s absolutely legitimate. I enjoy this holiday. I have a family myself, you know. Perfect time to sink some money into the economy, you know? Get my family some nice gifts, make a big dinner, and pay some schlub to come hang my lights. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

He smirked.

Randy Orton: But that’s not all that December brings. It also brings my favorite EBWF event of the year. Christmas Eve of Destruction. It’s no secret that the Gateway Championship has to be defended. And tonight, it will be defended in a…

Randy flipped through his papers a few times.

Randy Orton: Sadistic Madness match. Right. So basically, I have to make Tomasso Ciampa bleed, and then pin him to the mat in order to win the match and retain my title.

Randy looked around, a little frustrated.

Randy Orton: I mean, isn’t…isn’t that what I always do?

He shrugged.

Randy Orton: Basically this is the “Randy Orton Does Stuff” match. Because when Tomasso Ciampa gets in the ring tonight, he’s going to wind up a bloody, broken mess. And then I’m going to pin him and take my titles home. But let’s face it, that would have happened regardless of if this match showed up on Warfare, Christmas Eve of Destruction, or an EBWF.net exclusive. Tomasso will bleed, I will still be champ, my daughter will get most of the presents, and the world will keep spinning.

Randy picked up his Gateway title belt and plopped it in front of him, leaning on it with his forearms.

Randy Orton: Sorry that you’re going to need to punt on the rest of 2020, Tomasso. It’s not been a great year for just about anyone, so I get it. It’s not going to get much better tonight. But look on the bright side, Ciamp. Once you heal up, get that blood transfusion, and come back to the ring, you might get a shot at that Gateway championship after all. Because once I’m through with you, it might be time to turn this bad boy…

Randy smirked as he tapped the top of his Gateway title.

Randy Orton: Into something a little bigger.

He grinned malevolently and picked up his title belts, walking off as the scene faded,
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