Ciampa: Ladies and gentlemen - today I'm here to talk to you about redemption. High One offers redemption to anyone who humbles themselves. But what does it mean to be truly humble? How can one truly begin on the path to forgiveness in High One? The first step is to admit that you are... there is no true word for this. Other false deities would call us sinners, High One does not approve of this. We must confess that we are, for lack of a better term - a Villain
Ciampa clicks a button and the slide moves to an image of Marty Scurll and the word Villain
Ciampa: This man has made the first step towards acceptance. He is a self confessed villain. This is good, compared some in the world, and in EBWF, Marty has made some of the right steps to salvation. Or so you might think
Ciampa clicks the button. A large red X animates over the image of Scurll
Ciampa: Calling yourself a villain is progress. Taking pride in being a villain? Acting like a so called villain? Wearing an obscure demon mask? Allowing the villainy to attach itself to you? Wearing villainy like some sort of vile comfort blanket? That is the opposite of progress, in this case Marty Scurll you are hindering your own journey. Ladies and gentlemen, don't be like Marty. I can help you. High One can help you, He wants to save each and every one of you - even you Scurll.
Ciampa moves onto the next slide some surprising product placement
Ciampa: And while we're on the topic. Today's lesson is sponsored by Cricket Wifi. As I'm sure you know High One saves. But, did you know that after He is done saving He backs everything up to the cloud using Cricket's handy 1GB of free online storage? Enter promo code HighOne10 that's High one one zero for half price coverage for the first six months.
Ciampa moves onto the next slide
Ciampa: Marty, so close yet so far. So, at Warfare I'm going to do something amazing for you. I'm going to connect you with High One. I'm gonna take you by the hand Marty, make it really simple. I will take your arm, stretch it, damn near disconnect it from it's socket. And then? I. Will. Not. Let go. Not until you repent. For real. I will not let go until you see High One face to face, until you confess all the evils you've committed. And in the long run? You will redeem yourself in His eyes. You'll thank me. My gift to you. High One be with you.
Ciampa hits the button. An image of a smiling Ciampa pointing to the sky and smiling. Fin