DC 3.12: Let's Get Physical

[Derek]

The sound of clanging metal fills the soundtrack as the camera pans up the sequined torso of Party Peacock Dalton Castle. He flashes his trademark crooked grin. “Salutations. Dalty Two-Belts here, reporting live from Gold's Gym in Laval, Canadia. I'm joined by my fellow tag team champion, the Scottish Sasquatch, ICW legend Grado. Grado, my boy, tell the folks at home why we're here today.”

Grado can be seen over Dalton's shoulder, struggling to push a bar up off his chest. “Eh, eh, gah, we gotta mash dis wheat, eh, gah, again the Ducks Demon Nation.”

Castle shakes his head. “Dutch Demolition, is what my partner was trying to say, and it is inSANE that I am starting to be able to TRANslate that MESS. We are facing down Tommy End and Michael Dante. They've known each other for the better part of two decades, and neither one would be my choice to encounter in a dark alley. Tommy End kicked me one time, ONE TIME, at the Royal Rumble and I still find pieces of his boot in my teeth. However, we remain UNDETERRED! Isn't that right, Grado?”

“Aye, aye, cunt breed! Aye cunt breed!”

Dalton sighs and snaps his fingers, summoning two Boys to help lift the bar off of Grado's lungs. “We are undeterred, because we are champions. That means LEGALLY we are the best tag team in the world. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the appellate court. Yeah, I WATCHED SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK! So tell me, Grado, are you ready to reach the End?”

The co-owner of the tag titles rubs his chest and pats his round belly. “Aye, it gonner be a fightena bad knife in old Tronto. Tomma-ain, yer foot, she's a quicken and you go harden. Mika Dontay, yew maybe biganba and like. But aye'm standing tall, nexa me parter, and we ain scurred. Tis Monday, it's yersel.”

Castle nods along with Grado's rant, until his ears start to pick up at a grunting in the distance. “I know that sound. Oh this is a treat! COME ALONG!” He gestures to the camera to follow him. “Why are we wasting time talking about Tommy End, I mean he doesn't know if he's truly good or truly evil, THEN WHAT IS HE? I hate shades of gray, THAT'S WHY I WEAR TEALS! And Michael Dante should go back to manning the desk at a grocery store in New Jersey with his friend Randall. There are more important THINGS in this world! Such as...”, he stops upon reaching the source of the grunting and steps to the side for the camera to see. “Saying hello to my very best friend in all possible universes, Braun Strowman!”

The Monster Among Men lets out a long annoyed sigh as he effortlessly benches an insane amount of weight. Dalton leans against the post. “Looking good, buddy. Hey, did you hear that I'm a double champion now? That's twice as many belts as I had last time we hung out.”

“We never hung out.”

Dalton lets out a chuckle. “And in fact, it is twice as many belts as any other champion in EBWF currently has. That means, mathematically, I am the greatest champion in this company. SEE, the NUMBERS DON'T LIE, and they spell DISASTER FOR YOU! And by disaster, I mean, your continued avoidance of giving me a high five. So stick that mitt up here and give ol' Dalty Two Belts some love!”

Braun tosses the barbell to the side with a grunt and stands up, towering over Dalton as he holds his outstretched palm as high as possible. “Your hand. My hand. Let's make it happen, captain. And how about one down low for my partner over there?”

Grado beams and reaches out his own hand. “Aye, an frienda Dalt be afrina me own!”

Letting out a roar of frustration, Strowman picks up the discarded barbell and hurls it like a javelin into the nearest wall. He grabs the nearest Boy, chucks him up on his shoulder, and charges him through a rack of weight plates before slamming him to the ground. He lets out another roar that sends patrons and employees of the gym scurrying, then punches his way out through the nearest exit, setting off the security alarm.

As the klaxon blares over and over, Dalton purses his lips and shakes his head at Grado. “I can't believe you would embarrass me like that in front of Braun.”