Access Q&A: More Stipulations

[Ashlee]

The scene opened up on an long empty table. The Wrestlemania, EBWF, Snickers and Mountain Dew logos could be seen on a wall behind it. Four microphones were set up along the table, separated by a few feet.

Christy Hemme made her way onto the stage, stood center and produced a microphone.

Christy Hemme: Okay everybody, right now we’re going to have a Question and Answer session for you fans. Are you guys ready?

The crowd reacted mildly.

Christy Hemme: I’m sorry. I can’t let this happen until you make some noise like I know the EBWF Universe can!

The crowd shouted and chanted loudly.

Christy Hemme: That’s much better. Okay, let me introduce to you your two EBWF Superstars. EBWF 10 time World Champion, former General Manager and Legend...Chris Jericho!

“Break Down the Walls” played as Jericho walked out with a bottle of water, waved to the crowd and sat on the furthest most left microphone.

Christy Hemme: Okay and our second Superstar is the current EBWF General Manager, former two time Tag Team Champion, former two time Intercontinental Champion and the first ever Gateway Champion...Jimmy Havoc!

“I Hope You Suffer” played as Havoc begrudgingly made his way onto the stage. Havoc walked towards Jericho, and was about to sit next to him… then he scoffed, and took the seat furthest away from Jericho. For a moment, Jericho looked offended, then he smirked and spoke into his microphone.

Chris Jericho: Yeah, you better keep your distance.

Jimmy Havoc: Yeah whatever. I’m more worried that if I get too close I’ll suddenly be a middle aged man wearing a scarf that he thinks is cool. Christ, we don’t want that now do we.

The joke got a low chuckle from a few people in the crowd. Jericho scowled.

Chris Jericho: Everyone loves the Scarf of Jericho! A limited edition Wrestlemania Jericho scarf is available in the EBWF megastore.

Jimmy Havoc: Yeah you’ve sold one so far.

Jimmy produced said scarf from an inside pocket.

Jimmy Havoc: Gotta admit. Looks good to be fair, wonder how water resistant it is.

Jimmy opened his water bottle and poured it on the scarf and held it up.

Jimmy Havoc: See. It’s not very water resistant. I was going to do a flammable joke, however the building banned me from doing it and Baron Corbin’s not here so.

Jimmy threw the scarf in Jericho’s direction.

Jimmy Havoc: You’re not even on Wrestlemania! Drink it in maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

Jericho looked furious.

Chris Jericho: The only reason I’m not on Wrestlemania is because you booked the card. But everybody here at Access knows I’ll be on Wrestlemania, even if I’m not in a match. Because after 17 years, Wrestlemania is Jericho!

The crowd cheered that. Havoc was about to respond, but Christy Hemme cut him off.

Christy Hemme: Okay, I think it’s time for some questions! If you have a question you’d like to ask Jimmy Havoc or Chris Jericho, raise your hand and one of our crew will come to you with a microphone. Who is up first?

A short nerd-like fan raised his hand and was picked, he was wearing a Fozzy shirt and made his way to the microphone.

Jimmy Havoc: Hey look everyone it’s the living embodiment of Fozzy fans. What’s up bro?

The fan did not look amused.

Fan: This question’s for Chris.

Jimmy Havoc: Saw that coming.

Jericho scowled at Havoc and motioned for the fan to continue.

Fan: Hey Chris, my name is Nathan and I’m from Cleveland, Ohio. I noticed you’ve got some more Fozzy dates booked in April… I’ve actually got tickets for the Cleveland show. I just wondered if that means you’re going to be leaving EBWF?

Chris Jericho: Thanks for your question, Nathan! I’ve been combining my Fozzy commitments with EBWF for years, and that’s not going to change any time soon. So no, I’m not going anywhere. But if you give your details to one of the crew members, I’ll make sure you get a VIP upgrade for the Cleveland show!

Nathan looked made up. Christy pointed out another fan, who was wearing a Stone Cold Steve Austin t-shirt.

Fan #2: My question is for Jimmy Havoc.

Jimmy Havoc: No I’m not leaving to tour with Fozzy. I’ve told Chris a thousand times, YES I’d be a better frontman but I can’t do it!

Chris Jericho: The worst thing is, he actually thinks he’s funny! I can guarantee you won’t be winning Entertainer of the Year tonight.

Christy Hemme: Guys, let the poor guy ask his question!

Fan #2: Thanks, Christy. Martin here from Philadelphia. My question for Jimmy is, did you ever think when you signed for EBWF, you’d be main eventing Wrestlemania?

Jimmy Havoc: Oh god no. In truth, when I signed I never expected to amount to anything. British guys don’t get big spots, or at least they didn’t. Regal, Jones, Brookside, Barrett, Neville. The list goes on for days, but I did it. I broke that glass ceiling and now I’m Main Eventing Wrestlemania! It feels so awesome, but don’t get me wrong this won’t be my last either. Havoc train doesn’t stop here, this is only the beginning. Great question man, thanks for asking that.

Havoc had barely finished his sentence when the familiar riff that started “Sound of Madness” hit the nearby speaker system. After a moment, Wes Ikeda was climbing the riser stairs and moving to the makeshift stage. He motioned for someone to bring him a chair, and a stagehand brought a folding chair and sat it out beside Jericho.

Christy Hemme: We’re joined by the Chairman of EBWF, Wes Ikeda!

Wes leaned into Jericho’s microphone as the production crew got him mic'd up.

Wes Ikeda: Hey, babe. How are you?

He grinned.

Wes Ikeda: I kept hearing people talking about Wrestlemania. Main eventing Wrestlemania. Mania is Jericho. I’m pretty sure, everyone knows…

His own mic was operating now, and he leaned away from Chris into his own microphone.

Wes Ikeda: ...they don’t call it WESslemania for nothin’.

Jimmy Havoc: Pretty sure it’s still a McMahon creation but sure, WESslemania it is.

The crowd reacted with an “ooooooooh” sound. Jericho addressed Havoc.

Chris Jericho: Wes, I know you don’t need me to speak for you, but I need to say this. Jimmy, the only reason you’re in the main event is because of the guy you’re facing. If it wasn’t for Wes Ikeda, you’d be jerking the curtain.

Wes Ikeda: I don’t mean to pile it on, Jim, but good luck getting on the McMahon version of Wrestlemania too. We all know he may have created it, but I perfected it.

Christy Hemme: Why are you interrupting this Q and A anyway, Mister?

Wes Ikeda: I get tired of this one talking about how he’s worked here longer than I have. And I’m tired of listening to that one over there talk about what a fucking mystery it is that he’s here at all.

Jimmy Havoc: I mean I agree he’s an asshole but…

The crowd “oooh’d” as Christy scowled at Havoc.

Jimmy Havoc: Oh Yeah. PG. Jericho is a...a...stupid head. However, what mystery is there? How about the mystery of the disappearing roster? People come and go yet I’ve stayed here, just why is that?

Wes Ikeda: Because you’re a glutton for punishment. How about you let the lady run her panel, huh?

Jimmy Havoc: I know you run this joint but, didn’t you interrupt?!

Christy Hemme: Now now. Come on, let’s get some more questions.

A fan with a Natalya T-Shirt made her way to the microphone.

Fan #3: This question is for Jimmy Havoc.

Jimmy was intrigued, he didn’t expect him to be asked.

Fan #3: How does it feel knowing Mr. Ikeda hasn’t wrestled for nearly 2 years but he still beat your ass 2 weeks ago on Warfare?!

Wes Ikeda: Ah, the lady has good taste! What’s your name, Darlin’?

Fan #3: Sarah. Sarah Jones, Mr. Ikeda.

Wes Ikeda: Go ahead, Jimmy. Answer Sarah’s question. It’s Wes by the way, hun. Only the referees have to call me Mr. Ikeda.

Jimmy Havoc: Embarrassing. Sure it was, embarrassing. I’ve been a nice guy for way too long and it’s really cost me. I was King of the Ring, I lost that right. I had a great Tag partner and discarded him like it was nothing all for the success and the fans. Look, Braun destroying Wes in London made me realise something. I love being an asshole! Sorry Christy but I said it and I’ll say it again, I love being the one everyone hates cos that’s how I won all the titles I’ve ever won. You know something Wes, you may have won the first round. Truly, I still have the bruises. Come Sunday though, in that deathmatch.

Jimmy mimed sorry to Christy.

Jimmy Havoc: I’m going to fucking kill you.

Wes Ikeda: I told you guys two weeks ago on Warfare who he really is, and the fans in that arena had the audacity to boo me. The arrogance is hilarious. Being an asshole got him all the titles he’s ever won… except for the one that matters, eh, Chris?

Wes nodded toward Jericho, and sat back from his microphone, still wearing a smirk. Jericho held up all his fingers and thumbs, reminding Havoc he was a 10 time World Champion.

Christy Hemme: Okay, things are heating up in here! But we promised these fans a Q&A, so I think it’s time for another question. You there in the front row!

Fan #4: Thanks Christy! My name is Carl, and I’ve travelled all the way over from England to be here. Can I ask Wes a question?

Christy looked over to Wes for approval.

Wes Ikeda: I’d love to answer a question. Go for it.

Carl: It was mentioned earlier that you haven’t wrestled for almost two years. The question I want to ask is… why are you returning to the ring now? In a deathmatch, no less!

Wes looked to Chris.

Wes Ikeda: You think they want the kayfabe answer or the breaking kayfabe answer?

He chuckled.

Chris Jericho: What does kayfabe mean? I don’t know the meaning of that word.

Wes shook his head.

Wes Ikeda: There’s an answer that’s somewhere in between I guess. Two years ago, you may remember, I was actually EBWF World Champion. There was a pretty big story that was never told because of the events that happened that caused me to have to go back to production. Oddly, I think finally, after all this time, we’re in a place where the crew has a good handle on things - and if I am going to be in the ring for forty-five minutes they’ll manage back there. I’m returning to the ring now because the time is right, and the opponent is right. Jimmy Havoc is the King of the Deathmatch. Except to have that title I think my nearly twenty-year track record would show that in order to rightfully hold that title, he has to beat me. That’s not happening.

Jimmy Havoc: The problem being though is that is IS happening. I’m not going to lie either, this will be a deathmatch to a tee. I’m talking backyard CZDub style, Sick Nick Mondo, Zandig and Janela. Sure we can actually wrestle as well but that all goes out of the window when Wes over here gets that gorgeous white powder all over him when a light tube gets cracked over his skull. Wes, I may hate everything about what you are and what you stand for, but I damn sure do respect you. I watched you do the shit you did and replicated it over in the UK, but the difference being is that I did it so much better. I grew up deathmatch. I lived deathmatch. I AM deathmatch. Plus, if all else fails, there’s a big monster waiting out back to tear you apart. Yeah, I got backup, wouldn’t be Jimmy Havoc without it.

Wes Ikeda: Funny, I don’t need backup to be Wes Ikeda.

Jimmy Havoc: Oh, I'd love to tell him “no”, he can’t come out, but I can’t control that big beautiful bastard. Can you?

Wes glanced over at Jericho.

Wes Ikeda: Wait, I thought he was the bastard?

Chris Jericho: He’s a bastard alright…

Before Jericho could say anything else, “BRAAAUUUNNN!” blasted through the PA system and Braun Strowman walked out, taking a seat next to Jimmy Havoc.

Jimmy Havoc: Hello Beautiful!

Braun Strowman: Hey, Jimmy.

Strowman patted Havoc on the shoulder, then turned his attention to Wes.

Braun Strowman: Don’t worry, Wes, I won’t ruin Access by putting you through this table. Well… as long as you don’t piss me off.

Strowman smirked.

Jimmy Havoc: Oh please, Wes, please piss him off. It’d make my whole year. Oh and do Jericho too, I’ll give you fifty bucks!

Wes Ikeda: Given that I sign Braun’s paychecks, I think you’d have to do a fair bit better than fifty bucks. Listen, Harry, this has been fun, but I’ve tired of you and your Hagrid here. I think it’s time for you to put your money where your mouth is.

Jimmy Havoc: Finally a real statement from Wes Ikeda. Sure, let’s raise the stakes. I don’t want much out of this other than your blood really but, If I win…

Jimmy pondered for a second.

Jimmy Havoc: I stay General Manager and you return to active ring duty so I can book you against Braun like, EVERY week! How does that sound?

Wes Ikeda: If your puppet had to face me in an actual wrestling match he wouldn’t stand a chance, Jim.

Braun Strowman: Excuse me? I could kill you with my thumbs. Also, in case you’ve forgotten, I haven’t been pinned yet.

Wes Ikeda: First time for everything, Braun. So, if you win… I have to do what I love? Is that supposed to be some kind of… issue? You are as stupid as you look.

Jimmy Havoc: For the record, I’m not nominated for Hottie of the Year and that’s such a disgrace! I’m gorgeous!

Chris Jericho: Don’t worry, Jim… that award is rigged anyway.

Jericho nudged Wes jokingly. Wes pondered for a moment.

Wes Ikeda: Chris, what do you think I should get if I win?

Chris Jericho: Can we fire him? Pretty pretty please?

Jimmy Havoc: Sure, Fire the reason we still have a TV deal. Sick idea Jericho!

Chris Jericho: I was wrong, he is funny!

Wes laughed.

Wes Ikeda: Alright, Jim. If I win, I’ll finally get to say those words to you. If I win, you’re fired.

The crowd gave a mixed reaction.

Wes Ikeda: Now why don’t you be a man about it and ban your monster from ringside.

Jimmy looked uncomfortable.

Jimmy Havoc: Okay. Let’s meet in the middle here, I’ll tell Braun nicely not to come out at Mania. However, I’m not fired. I’m removed from General Manager duty to return to the ring full time. I say that’s a fair compromise.

Chris Jericho: I mean… that means I can kick his ass some more. And we can do what he did to me, put him in loads of shitty matches. I’m okay with that, I just don’t want him as GM any more.

Wes Ikeda: This isn’t a democracy. Give me one good reason why I should?

Wes looked in Braun’s direction, and smirked.

Wes Ikeda: Braun goes out into the crowd right now and hugs five people. And I’ll take that deal.

Braun Strowman: Are you sure you want me to do that, Wes? Have you seen the size of my pythons? I’d crush someone. You’d get a lawsuit.

Christy Hemme: Does anyone here want a hug from Braun Strowman?

There were several cheers from the crowd.

Wes Ikeda: You will hug them, gently, or I’ll save myself the aches and pains and fire your friend right now. Jim Ross be damned.

Jimmy Havoc: Just do it. Jesus Christ.

Braun Strowman: You owe me one, Jim.

Christy Hemme: Alright, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… if you want a hug from Braun Strowman, raise your hand and we’ll pick five… I want to say lucky volunteers, but I’m not sure that’s the word!

There were more cheers and both men and women raised their hands. The EBWF crew picked five people at random, and brought them onto the stage. There were two men, and three women. Braun sighed, and got to his feet. The five people lined up, and Braun hugged them one by one. The last person was one of the women, and after hugging Braun she kissed him on the cheek! The crowd whooped, and Braun sat back down with a smile.

Braun Strowman: Watch out, Wes. Maybe next year I’ll be the frontrunner for Hottie of the Year.

Jimmy Havoc: Thanks brother. Told you you were beautiful.

Wes Ikeda: You’re my five-year old’s favorite right now, so he’s probably gonna want a hug too.

Wes and Jericho had each signed a souvenir for the hopefuls to leave with.

Christy Hemme: So is that a deal? If Havoc wins, Wes Ikeda returns to active competition. If Ikeda wins, Jimmy Havoc is no longer GM of Warfare?

Wes Ikeda: I think that’s a deal, Christy.

Christy Hemme: Care to shake on it, right here on the EBWF Access stage?

Wes moved back from the table and then got to his feet. He gave Braun a long look as he moved past him. Jimmy stood up when Wes neared his chair, and held out his hand. Despite the high stakes, Havoc looked as smug as ever. Wes mouthed off to him as he shook his hand. Jimmy took the opportunity to take a few verbal jabs of his own.

Christy Hemme: There we have it! The stipulation has been made. The Wrestlemania Deathmatch is now higher stakes than ever. We’ll be right back here on the Q&A stage in fifteen minutes with a few very special guests. I’ll see you then!

The men on the stage began to take their leave and the EBWF.net exclusive faded to black before flashing the EBWF logo.