Live From!

[Billy]

Aiden English held his phone out at arm’s length in portrait orientation. Framed up in the distance behind him was the class windows of the main entrance to Bell MTS Place. A half smile adorned Aiden’s face as the shot opened.


Aiden English : And I’m live from…

Aiden took a long pause and looked around him. A few die hard EBWF fans had already gathered outside the arena in anticipation of Monday Warfare. Aiden cleared his throat forcefully.


Aiden English : lovely, Winnipeg. Yes, I’m a stone’s throw from the Bell MTS Place where tonight history will be made when I win my debut match on Warfare! Then tomorrow, the Winnipeg Jets take on the Nashville Predators in game 3 of their NHL Playoff series. I’m always a hard act to follow, but is Canada even trying? Hockey? That’s like closing the curtain on a Broadway performance of Phantom of the Opera and following it up with the opening night of Spider-man the musical.


Aiden spat on the ground beside him.


Aiden English : I don’t mean to insinuate that hockey isn’t a real sport. Just it’s a lesser sport. Behind wrestling, football, baseball, basketball, soccer, rugby, tennis and maybe even golf. Somewhere way back there in the back is hockey right next to field hockey. Er, I mean lacrosse.


Aiden spat on the ground beside him again. He covered a faked yawn with his free hand.


Aiden English : Bad sports, that’s the legacy of Winnipeg, Manitoba and maybe even Canada as a whole. Did you know the Winnipeg Jets aren’t even the original Winnipeg Jets? Nope! They’re a team named after a failed team. Named after a team so bad they got sold to Phoenix. Imagine! An ice hockey team so pitiful they wind up in the Sonoran Desert! This is like Shane Douglas bad! Then, Winnipeg couldn’t get that old team back so they went and bought a different failed team from Atlanta. No disrespect though, selling off something Canadian born and replacing it with something American made is Rodgers and Hammerstein level genius. Not only that but it gets a little bit of that ridiculous hockey out of the greatest country in the world.


Aiden walked a bit closer to the crowd and turned to show them off in the camera. The crowd was mostly subdued, and talked amongst themselves.


Aiden English : Sure, the people are overly friendly but that’s just to make up for their country’s complete lack of cultural significance. What does Canada provide to the world, besides punch lines? Maple syrup? Who needs maple syrup when you can just buy a bottle of Aunt Jemima? Aunt Jemima is sweeter, younger, more refined and comes in a better package than maple syrup. Maple syrup will try and tell you that it’s better than the competitors but that’s all talk and no facts. Maple syrup has to face the facts! It’s been replaced by the newer model. It’s old and trying to hold onto former glories. Sure, it ruled the breakfast world before modern civilization but only because the new stuff wasn’t around yet. Was Aunt Jemima hit the shelves, maple syrup was a thing of the past. It became the thing you put out on the table if you want to look pretentious. The thing that sat on the table because your guests wanted the newer, better looking, syrup. It became obsolete, and it’s still grasping for one more moment of breakfast relevance. Aunt Jemima knows it’s time for maple syrup to be put out to pasture and is willing to do that for the future of breakfast everywhere.


Aiden backed up even closer to the crowd and pointed a fan out. Some of the crowd had taken notice of Aiden.


Aiden English : You, who is your favorite wrestler?


Fan : Chris Jericho!


Aiden’s expression changed to surprise.


Aiden English : What? No! Your favorite, like who do you think is the best wrestler?


Fan : Chris Jericho!


Aiden’s surprise fell into a look of mild displeasure.


Aiden English : Maybe, in Canada but I mean like favorite wrestler in the whole world.


Fan : Still Jericho!


Aiden forced a smile to return to his face covering gritted teeth and being pulled up by a throbbing forehead. It was that smile not completely hiding the anger underneath.


Aiden English : Well, at least it’s not Shane Douglas. You come and find me after the show and let me know that your new favorite wrestler is Aiden English.


The fan started to reply.


Aiden English : No, that’s all from you now. You’re not doing this right.


Aiden English walked quickly away from the fan to silence him. He turned so that the fan was completely out of the shot and then a true smile returned to his face.


Aiden English : Can you believe that heckeler tried to ruin my live stream in front of all my adoring fans? The nerve! I’m sure he’s not a Canadian. Must have come up I29 from Grand Forks or Fargo. I know there isn’t a Canadian around with the stones to talk to me that way. To spit in my face and try and ruin my performance. I’m a freaking mega star and I won’t be disrespected by some random fan who has to wait in lines to see me. I can’t wait to get out of this hell hole. Catch me tonight on Warfare. Watch the debut match of Aiden English and the final Curtain Call of Shane Douglas’s career.


Aiden brought the camera down to eye level and ended the live stream.