Yeah Boy!

[Ben M]

The scene opened in a bar. Jericho was sat at the bar, by himself, drinking vodka with ice (or as he called it, a Yeah Boy). As he sipped the vodka, he looked down at a list on his phone:

MENS ROYAL RUMBLE
ORDER OF ENTRY
1. Aiden English
2. Rey Mysterio
3. Surprise Entrant
4. Heath Slater
5. Jimmy Havoc
6. Surprise Entrant
7. Lio Rush
8. Matt Sydal
9. Chris Jericho
10. Grado
11. CM Punk
12. Surprise Entrant
13. Andrade Cien Almas
14. Marty Scurll
15. Bobby Lashley
16. The Rock
17. EC3
18. Braun Strowman
19. Surprise Entrant
20. Surprise Entrant
21. Tommaso Ciampa
22. Randy Orton
23. Hardcore Holly
24. Mike Kanellis
25. Surprise Entrant
26. Michael Dante
27. Elias
28. Adam Cole
29. Edge
30. Surprise Entrant

As often seemed to be the case, a cameraman was watching Jericho, and after zooming in on the list, the camera zoomed out. Chris Jericho looked at the camera, and began to speak.

Chris Jericho: Surprise, surprise, surprise... with seven entrants still to be confirmed, this year’s Royal Rumble is shrouded in mystery, but the real surprise is that of the other 23 names on that list, only a handful stand out. Number one... Aiden English. If you’d ask me a year ago whether Aiden English stood out from the crowd, I would have asked you “who the hell is Aiden English?” And yet, since joining the EBWF, the drama king has made such an impact that you could argue he’s one of the favourites to win the Rumble. He’s certainly impressed me, and that’s no easy task. And speaking of no easy task, as the number one entrant, Aiden English has a harder task than anyone else if he wants to win the Royal Rumble. Which makes me wonder - how motivated is he? After all, he’s the Gateway Champion. He can cash that in for a shot at the World Title any time he wants, so why fight his way through 29 other guys to get the same thing? If you want my advice, Aiden, take a knee. You want to main event Mania, leave the Rumble to me and get the title shot you’re already owed.

Jericho paused to take a sip of his drink, then continued speaking.

Chris Jericho: The next name that jumps out is Jimmy Havoc. I actually feel like Aiden English should hand the moniker “The Drama King” over, because there isn’t a single person I know that’s more dramatic than Jimmy Havoc. This is a guy that let himself get crucified, all for a swerve to reveal that he’s been part of Legion all along. Spoiler alert: no one cares. What intrigues me, Jim, is why you’ve entered the Rumble when you could be getting your World Title rematch. Are you scared of The Miz? Or was your supposed “injury” just a ruse to get Tommy End a World Title shot? It’s funny, Legion goes on and on about how everyone in Legion is equal, but it kinda looks like Tommy End is the boss...

Jericho chucked to himself, then looked down the list of entrants.

Chris Jericho: I don’t know what a Lio Rush is... I can handle Matt Sydal unless anyone someone tries to shoot him... then it’s me... and, ah! Entering just after me is my old rival, CM Punk. Punk is another odd one, won the World Title just to prove he can then vacated it the next day. I can’t remember if he’s even been back since then. I was always better than Punk anyway, so I’m not worried about him. Thank you, next.

Jericho hummed Ariana Grande to himself as he looked down the list.

Chris Jericho: The Rock will want to be out of there and back to Hollywood before you can say “Tooth Fairy”... EC3 isn’t a name, it’s an acronym... Braaaauuunnn. You’ve been around a while now, Braun, but what have you accomplished really? Nothing. You were at your most prominent when you were Jimmy Havoc’s henchman, but since the Bastard and the Beast split, you’ve just been lurking around in the background looking menacing. A big guy like you is always a threat in the Rumble, but that also puts a target on your back... and I’ll be more than happy to team up with everyone who’s in the ring when you enter to help throw you over the top rope.

Jericho finished his vodka and asked the barman for another one, then turned back to the camera.

Chris Jericho: Two more surprises follow Braun, then we’ve got Ciampa... no doubt Braun will take care of him if he hasn’t been eliminated already. And then we’ve got another old rival of mine... the Viper, Randy Orton. “RKO outta nowhere” is one of the internet’s favourite memes, but it’s also why Orton is such a threat in this kind of environment. When you’re in the Rumble, you can’t watch everyone, and if Orton catches you off guard he can have take you out in a second. I’ve faced Randy Orton many times, seen him at his most deadly... but these days, Randy is like a viper that’s been defanged. If I catch him trying to sneak up on me, he’ll get a Codebreaker outta nowhere.

Jericho looked at the next name on the list and chuckled.

Chris Jericho: I can’t get through this monologue without mentioning Hardcore Holly, he’d be pissed! Since joining EBWF, Bob has picked a fight with everyone... except me. Maybe I’m the Dumbledore to his Voldemort, the only one he ever feared... except Hardcore Holly is no deadly wizard, he’s more like a squib. Yeah I made a Harry Potter reference, get over it.

There were just a few more names on the list, and one in particular stood out to Jericho.

Chris Jericho: Number 29... Edge. A former Rumble winner and entering so late, he has a huge advantage. I’ve always respected you, Edge, and if you and I were the final two... well, it would be an honour. An honour to throw you over the top rope, that is. Sorry! I’m going to Wrestlemania, and no one is standing in my way. Yeah Boy!

Jericho smirked, finished his vodka and exited the bar.