Movie Star

[Sam]

EBWF Announcer Corey Graves passes it to the back where Jimmy Havoc is stood with a microphone. Jimmy is on his own wearing his usual attire with updated 2020 "REBORN HAVOC REBORN" in blood styled writing. He is standing in front of a door.

Jimmy Havoc: I've always thought that to beat your opponent you need to get into your opponents head. You need to know what there gonna do before they do it. You need to become your opponent. So Mr. Cameraman can you hold this for me please.

Jimmy hands the camera a microphone and then heads behind the door, closing it. A few seconds roll by until Jimmy Havoc re-appears wearing blacked out Aviator Glasses, an ill-fitting tank top and Jean's. He is purposefully trying to make his chest as big as possible as he walks out and acts startled by the cameraman...

Jimmy Havoc: Who are you? Who are you and why are you standing outside The Papers locker room?

Voice from behind Camera: I'm...

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: IT DOESNT MATTER WHO YOU ARE AND WHY YOUR STANDING OUTSIDE THE PAPERS LOCKER ROOM.

The crowd popped as Jimmy looked up and tried desperately to raise a single eyebrow and looks like smelt something awful.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: FINALLY. The PAPER HAS COME BACK...TO...

Jimmy pauses.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: TO...

He quickly pulls down his glasses slightly and looks at the inside of his hand.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA!

Jimmy again desperately tries to raise a single eyebrow.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: The Paper might never have been here, to be truthful The Paper doesn't remember but I gotta get my catchphrase in or The Paper wont get over. You dig? I suppose you Mr. Cameraman you want The Paper to talk about The Papers match tonight?

Voice from Behind the camera: Y...

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: IT DOESNT MAT..oh I did that one already. Fuck.

Jimmy checks the inside of his hand.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: Jumanji 2 in cinemas now!

Jimmy throws up a thumbs up to the camera.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: The Paper was walking backstage earlier and he checked the call sheet for tonight's Warfare. The Paper noticed hes doing up against none other than Rock "The Dwayne" Johnson. Now The Paper saw this and thought. Hey, isnt that the guy who showed up and got Final Four in the Rumble out of nowhere? It sounds very alike The Papers own recent success, now The Dwayne are you copying The Paper? Do you think you Impress The Paper by copying The Papers recent success? Cos you dont. Now my mother always taught me that imitation is the best form of flattery and while he is flattered, The Paper isnt really happy with you The Dwayne. Now we've got a match tonight The Paper hears. Now I'm sure this whole lovely return is just too advertise whatever Disney movie your doing because we all know your movies golden boy right now huh? Do you know what movies The Paper has been in?

Jimmy tried once again to raise the eyebrow.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: None! The Paper hasnt been given one movie role! I went for a role on Jumanji. Didnt get it. I went for a role in Fast and Furious, didnt get it. I went for a role on Jungle Cruise and didnt get it. Now whilst I have been turned down, at least I knew not to audition for the god damn Tooth Fairy or GI Joe. But if you EVER.

Jimmy takes a deep breath.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR. AND THE PAPER MEANS EVER BEAT ME TO A ROLE AGAIN. I'M GONNA SHINE UP THE PAPERS BRAND NEW SHOES REAL NICE, TURN THAT BLOODY SHIT SIDEWAYS AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ARSE!

Jimmy looks again up and outward and looks like he just smelt something awful.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: Now, you've wasted too much of The Papers time, I only have a few more words to say. When we step into that ring, John "The Son" Dwaynerock, you're gonna find yourself situated in my house! The Warfare Hotel, Jabroni Drive. Just round the corner from Know Your Role Boulevard! When The Paper lays the smackdown on The "Sondwayne" Johnrock. Hes gonna know that he just felt the full force....OF....

Jimmy takes another deep breath.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: THE DICKHEAD-BEATIN, PIZZA-EATIN, BLOOD-CURDLIN, RAIN-MAKERING, IM BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER, THE MIZ STILL GETS CUCKED. DONT GO SEE JUMANJI COS THAT SHIT SUCKED!

The crowd popped huge.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: IF YOU SMELLLLLLLL

Jimmy tried to tongue roll and ended up coughing and spluttering.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: How the fuck does he do that shit? Jesus christ!

Jimmy coughs again and tries one more time but less aggressively.

Jimmy "The Paper" Havoc: IF YOU SMELL. WHAT THE PAPER. IS. COOKING.

Jimmy once again raised an eyebrow until the shot faded to black.