Cashing In - CM Punk

[Billy]

The shot opened on CM Punk sitting in a steel chair. His hands were wrapped in his signature white tape and he was dripping sweat. He started to unwind the tape from his right hand.

CM Punk: I’m supposed to put together a video announcing the fact that I’m going to enter the 2021 Royal Rumble. But I’ve got to be honest, I don’t even know where to start. Oops, I guess I just let the cat out of the bag a little earlier than I intended to. I’ve got to be honest Universe, my heart just isn’t in it anymore. I don’t care about who wins the Royal Rumble. I don’t care who the EBWF World Champion is. I don’t even care who’s signing the checks as long as they keep coming. And, normally the merch checks are enough to keep me going. I check in once in a while and I do my numbers. The company releases a new shirt and I get paid for the new merch for another six months to a year. Then they drag me out, dog and pony show. A match here, a match there. All for the pay day.

Punk had finished unwrapping his right hand and started unwrapping the left.

CM Punk: This time it’s the Royal Rumble and I don’t even get to be one of the mystery entrants! Nope. Wes wants the world to know that I’m going to appear. He hopes it will put some more fans in the stands. He’s praying that I sell a handful more pay per views than Christmas Eve of Destruction did. He’s hoping I pull ratings on the show after the Rumble when everyone is wondering if my return will last longer than a single match on a single card. Well, this time I’m going to give a huge spoiler warning! CM Punk IS NOT returning to a regularly scheduled broadcast! CM Punk is not moving back into the active column of the EBWF roster. CM Punk is not going to make this a weekly ordeal! I’m here to collect my check, sign my name and get paid for another six months to a year. Maybe when Wes can come up with something better than Royal Rumble. Something with more impact than introducing the next generation of Ikeda. A little bit more rewarding than lacky. Then I may consider a more full time return to the ring.

CM Punk finished unwrapping his left hand.

CM Punk: Until then, creative has nothing for me and I don’t mind. At the Royal Rumble, it’s clobbering time!

Punk stood up and turned off the camera to end the segment.