Outer Monologue (Grimes & Ciampa)

[Ian B]

Cameron Grimes and Tomasso Ciampa are backstage speaking to a member of the EBWF crew with "technical" written on his back

Tech: Okay, as you know it's Rumble week, we have a lot of these things to get through. Ciampa, you know the drill by by now. Grimes, to save a little time what I'm gonna do is get Tomasso mic'd up while you speak to Charly

The guy points and the camera pans to show Charly Caruso getting ready to host interviews with Royal Rumble entrants.

Tech: We're going with lapel microphones because all of my radio mics went boom at the same time. More on their way, courier is due any time, time is short. Not ideal! The whole weekend coulda been ruined, we woulda had to run with a completely different set up but I'm a God damn genius and made it work. I'm the MacGyver of the tech department...

Tomasso Ciampa: Kev, much as I'm sure this is fascinating for Trevor to hear don't we need to, y'know, move it along?

Tech: Good point well made!

The tech begins to fuss around Ciampa and Grimes connecting lapel microphones to their jackets.

Tech: Charlie is set up on mic C, Grimes you're gonna have mic A. These thing have a half decent range but a pretty crappy battery life so I need you to push this button soon as you're done shooting your shit to shut this thing off. Christ knows how long he's gonna be with the good stuff

Kevin the tech guy demonstrates which button Grimes needs to press

Cameron Grimes: No problem at all. Nice and simple.

Tech: Great, Charly's good & ready for you now if you'd like to...

Cameron Grimes: Now? Right now?

Kevin the tech guy sighs.

Tech: I swear I JUST mentioned limited time. That gonna be a problem?

Cameron Grimes: I just, I got a little something I gotta take care of before I'm ready to do my thing on the microphone

Kevin the tech guy's brow furrows, he grits his teeth loud enough that it can be picked up by the camera

Tech: Of course you do!

The tech begins to hurriedly fuss with Ciampa's mic to get it set up first

Tech: Okay Ciampa. Do your thing. Grimes, be ready to go on as soon as Ciampa's done. Push the button to switch off the mic. Do not, I repeat, do not push the God damn button again before he's finished. Your microphone take priority. Just, it's easy. Now, while you're getting on with things I'm going to take 10. Remember Cameron, just don't push the button til Ciampa's done. Cool

Tech guy Kev and Cameron Grime both walk off, the camera follows Tomasso Ciampa as he walks toward Charlie Caruso and the area designated for backstage promos. Caruso greet Ciampa briefly and they exchange small talk about how stressed tech guy Kev is before getting down to business

Charly: Tomasso Ciampa, Royal Rumble is always an exciting time. How are you feeling at the start of the Road to Wrestlemania?

Ciampa paces, instinctively he goes to walk back to Charlie before glancing at the mic, smirking and pacing once more

Tomasso Ciampa: I'm feeling how I always feel Charly. Ready! Ready to do some damage to a couple of guys. Actually more than a couple. Royal Rumble time is one of my favorites. I don't get to put a hurting on one or two men, I get to hurt, like 29 others. It makes a change too - I'm a man who likes to focus on the arms, that's no secret right? In the Rumble it's better to go for the legs. A man who is off his feet isn't going to be raising you above his head and throwing you over the top. Plus, well, my sadistic side likes to fantasize about throwing a man over the top and watching his knee pop as he hit the ground. Would make a change for it to be someone else, amiright?

Ciampa slaps his knee support a couple of times

Charly: Other superstars are dreaming of headlining Wrestlemania, your biggest dream is...

Ciampa speaks and as he does Charly's mic is instantly cut off

Ciampa: Charly, you got me all wrong, I would love to wreck somebodies body in the main event of 'Mania. Know who I really want it to be? Orton! I'm back Randy in the main event simply because I'd like to be the one to put him in his place many have tried, many have failed. I've failed. Many time. But that's why. Orton has it coming more...

Charly attempts to speak but Ciampa's mic clearly overrides hers

Ciampa: Than Rock does. I dunno, somehow it would be sweeter. So don't tell me I don't dream. I do, more than you I dream...

Ciampa's mic cuts off and Cameron Grime's voice replaces it

Grimes: That was a big one. Possibly record size!

The sound of a toilet flushing followed by a door opening and closing, followed by footsteps, followed by another door opening and footsteps

Grimes: Dangit! Grimes by name, Grimes by nature. What kinda gentleman forgets to wash his hands?

On screen Ciampa and Charly look at each awkwardly as we once again hear the sound of a door opening and closing, a faucet running, hand being washed and dried, the door opening and closing again

Grimes: I got a lot on my mind but that woulda been unforgivable - grappling with 29 other guys while I still had dookie smell on my hand. Poor showing that's for certain! Then again, it ain't gonna be 29 other guys. I drew a decent number. Imagine if I had a lapse in concentration... Woah Cameron, calm down. It's gonna be fine. Think about this real careful, no more lapses allowed between now & winning the Rumble. I sure am glad I'm in the thing so late on! There's a lot of competition. Former winners, former champs, Jericho, Edge, Aiden English, Punk. I sure as hell hope they're long gone by the time I get in the ring. I want smooth sailing for my debut. There's an honest to goodness dinosaur gonna be in the match too. Hopefully him and any of the other big fellas are gonna take care of each other. That's what I want I come in at 29 to an empty ring. I dunno, they all eliminate each other, clock counts down, I come in at 29 to rapturous applause. Then the last person is one of the littler guys. Gimee Rey or Chavo, someone I can happily throw over the top. Job done, a little anti climactic maybe but a win in the books, fast track future set! Destination Wrestlemania, sounds good! Oh! I think I pushed the button on accident. Do I push it again?

During the entire outburst Ciampa and Charly looked more and more awkward. There is silence for what feels like an eternity but is around 10 seconds.

Charly: I have, somehow completely lost my train of thought...

Ciampa: This is the level of competitor who feel they're in my league Charly. How can anybody question my ability when we have this caliber of... I... nope can't do it! I guess, see everyone in the ring. Expect pain!

Ciampa tears his mic off and throws it

A few moments pass. Charly takes a second to compose herself. Suddenly Cameron Grimes rushes into shot.

Grimes: Sorry, sorry, sorry, I thought Tomasso woulda had a little more to say.

Charly: Right, so. Cameron Grimes. Number 29. Good number. You've got to feel good about entering so late

Grimes: Number 29? What are you talking Charly? How do you know these thing? As for feeling good. You're damn right I feel about it. Not that it would matter if I was in there first or last. I'm Cameron Grimes and I have a whole hell of a lot of faith in myself.

Charly: You do realize... Actually, never mind.. Are you sure there no fear there? Edge, Chris Jericho, do none of these names scare you?

Grimes: Scared? Me? Nope. Not even for a second. Cameron Grimes fears no man... 'cept God... 'cept God isn't a man... I fear no man... 'cept Jesus is God and man so maybe, wait. He ain't been around since like the 1950's. Cameron Grimes fears no man who is currently on Earth.

Charly: How about dinosaurs?

Grimes: Okay, I ain't dumb, I seen Game of Thrones. I'm a little scared of Luchasaurus but tiny arms like that? He ain't gonna be able to throw anybody over the top rope. Then, I suppose if I'm being honest, and you should always be honest Charly - there's another. Paul London, he's more than a mere man also, he's a threat. Probably seen the millions of futures where Cameron Grimes wins the Royal Rumble, he probably came up with a counter to it all. 'Sides he risks the space/time continuum every time he steps into the lab. He's a super villain in the making. Can anybody claim not to fear someone with that sort of power? You're all fools if you underestimate that sorta potential. Also, the boss himself is in this thing, right? You'd be foolish to underestimate Wes Ikeda, he surprises every time he steps into the ring. But you're even more foolish if you bet against me cos I'm the greatest wrestler what ever lived. I'm Cameron Grimes and I'm going straight to the moon

[Matt]

I’m loving Grimes. Brilliant, hilarious, good job!

[Ben M]

This was brilliant, Ian. I couldn't stop laughing!

Look forward to seeing where you go with Grimes :)