Uninvited

[Cory]

The camera found Rated RKO walking with purpose down the hallway in the backstage area of the Denny Sanford Premier Center in Sioux Falls.

Edge: I mean… I didn’t know South Dakota was on the road to Wrestlemania...

Randy Orton: It's not on the road to anywhere.

Edge: But somehow, here we are.

Randy Orton: And it’s only half as miserable as I thought it w-

Both men stopped abruptly.

Edge: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.

Randy Orton: What are you doing here?

The camera panned over to an interview area where an EBWF backdrop was set up. Michael Cole stood in front of the set.

Michael Cole: As EBWF’s senior most correspondent…

Edge coughed.

Edge: Old guy.

He coughed again. Cole was not deterred.

Michael Cole: I thought it only appropriate that I should interview the EBWF World Champion… the EBWF Tag Team Champions, before their Tag Team Main Event tonight.

Randy Orton: What does the senior most correspondent do, exactly? I've been the World Champion since January and I haven't seen you once.

Michael Cole: Well, I coordinate the other correspondents! I schedule the interviews. It’s a very task oriented job, and occasionally I get to dabble in journalism, which is what I intend to do right now. Edge, Randy… tonight you take on Tommaso Ciampa and Cameron Grimes. Your thoughts?

Edge: My thoughts are that the powers that be are trying to create Tag Team Division drama ahead of Wrestlemania with an eye for getting Randy Orton and Edge in TWO matches on the grandest stage of them all, and to borrow a phrase from the legendary Stone Cold Steve Austin during this 3:16 week - EH-EH!

Randy Orton: Was that a Canadian joke?

Edge: You know, in hindsight, it will probably be widely memed.

Randy Orton: I'm sure there's someone halfway up the EBWF building that thinks they're going to get a promotion for thinking of this match. I can just see it now - "A Wrestlemania Preview" is how they're going to bill any tag match the two of us have until the big show. While I freely admit that more of Randy Orton and Edge means more ratings, money, and show quality, this is just a bit lazy. Especially in a match against Tomasso Ciampa, a guy I'm pretty sure I've beaten twice, and his friend that writes poetry in front of everyone at Starbucks.

Edge: What is his gimmick exactly? Open mic night participant? Broadway tap dancer? Sideshow freak?

Randy Orton: I think he's a redneck that got lucky in Bitcoin.

Edge: God damn you have a brilliant mind for this business.

Randy Orton: Whatever he is, surely they could have come up with a better idea than lumping us in a tag team match with these guys. We're on the road to Wrestlemania and this is like stopping at a Motel 6.

Edge: And Cameron Grimes is the guy living out back by the dumpster.

Randy and Edge looked to Michael Cole who stared up at them, mute.

Edge: I know you don’t do this very often anymore, but the interviewer usually asks some questions.

Randy Orton: I thought your job was to coordinate the other interviewers. Do you tell them to just stand there like an idiot?

Edge: That would explain Mike Rome.

Michael Cole: Like I said, my job is mostly administrative!

Edge looked to Randy.

Edge: The girls told him we mostly interview ourselves, and he saw a good opportunity to get his ugly mug on TV. Renee, Charly, Sarah… they put up with a lot. I mean… I’m very lucky I haven’t been Me Too’ed.

Randy Orton: I'm pretty sure Renee has a voodoo doll of me in her apartment. But yeah, I think you nailed it.

Michael Cole: Wait.. have you actually been invited to Renee’s?

Edge: Um, yeah. All the best parties are at Renee’s. Come to think of it..we’ve… never… seen you there. Oh. Awkward.

Randy Orton: I don't think I could put on better parties and I'm rich. Wait, what are we doing here again?

Michael Cole: I'm getting your thoughts on your match and you're making me hate myself.

Randy Orton: Right.

Edge: No one can make you hate yourself, Michael. Only your thoughts about yourself can make you hate yourself. It took years of me working on myself to understand that. Um, Randy… I’m all out of thoughts on this match. How about…

Edge’s eyes shifted to the other side of Randy, and Cole’s expression changed to one of confusion as Paul Heyman stepped into the frame.

Paul Heyman: Gentlemen.

Edge: Never.

Paul cleared his throat as Randy cocked an eyebrow as he turned to face him.

Paul Heyman: Champ.

Randy Orton: Paul. This match your idea? Because I have some notes.

Paul smirked and rubbed his hands together.

Paul Heyman: Of course not, Mr. Orton. As you know those types of decisions aren't in my periphery.

Randy Orton: Well, then. If you're not here to gloat about putting your Wrestlemania main event stars in this pointless exhibition, why are you here?

Paul Heyman: Randy, you know how much respect and admiration I have for you as a face of this company, as a champion, and as a singles competitor…

Edge put up his hand.

Edge: I know I stepped out of the locker room with my invisibility cloak on, but I can, in fact, hear you, and I believe the question, Paul, was why in the hell are you here?

Paul's attention didn't waver even slightly. He remained fixed on the World Champion as he replied.

Paul Heyman: I just wanted to wish you good luck in YOUR match tonight. And I would love to have a moment of your time to talk business after your match. You know, at a more appropriate time.

Paul lightly tapped the World title that was over Randy's shoulder and smiled as he walked off, leaving Randy with a confused expression on his face. Edge read Randy’s confusion, and his eyes followed after Paul. He nudged Randy with his elbow.

Edge: You know what that was about.

It was definitely more a statement than a question. Randy was silent, eyes narrowed as he watched Paul walk off. He slowly turned to look at Michael Cole.

Randy Orton: What are you still doing here? Don't you have papers to staple?

Edge: And stick to coordinating. You were never great at this, and you’ve only gotten worse!

Michael opened his mouth to respond, but thought better of it and walked off with his tail tucked between his legs. Randy smirked as Cole bailed.

Edge: Damn, we get mean when we’re mad.

Randy Orton: I think we're just mean always.

He turned to look at the camera, addressing it directly.

Randy Orton: Tonight, Cameron Diaz and a Tomato Sandwich. You're going to get a close up look at just how mean we can be.

Edge: You’re also going to get to observe what a true team looks like.

Edge tapped the championship on Randy’s shoulder, and turned, walking out of the frame. Randy followed suit, but stopped just short. He looked at the cameraman and nodded.

Randy Orton: You may need to turn this one in, yourself. I think your boss might be hiding in the bathroom.

With that, he walked off as the scene faded to black.