Crystal Ball

[D.J]

He had done it. After a couple of months of being out of the limelight in the EBWF, The Miz was back in the spotlight. He outlasted numerous men to become the NEW EBWF Gateway Champion. He was back on top of his game, and all felt right with the world (at least in his eyes). The soon to be father, was seemingly on the fast track to be right back in the World Championship picture, and this current situation just had a different feel to it. Miz had been one of the companies biggest success stories of memory, but this particular instance felt like a solidification of that fact. Too often would guys come into the company, blow up, then fade out for good. Miz wasn't that. He had reinvented himself numerous times, and managed to stay current and relevant throughout his illustrious career with the company. He found new ways to find an edge or gain an advantage over every new talent that emerged in the business. Other veterans would be around then fade away for years at a time before coming back to try and make a name for themselves once again. Miz was more of a constant, he was consistent, he was a man who had managed over the last 9 years to be one of the faces of the industry, one of the faces of the EBWF. Everytime Miz' name appeared on the card it was something that people were ready to see, that they wanted to see, because you just never knew what he was going to do, or bring to the table. There were few guys in the anals of EBWF history that had this type of presence. It was something that Mike Mizanin was extremely proud of, and that all of those who knew him and cared for him, were extremely proud of as well. The wrestling business is one of the hardest to excel in, it takes pain, sacrifice, maybe a little luck, but more than anything it takes talent. Miz clearly had proven himself as a draw over the last 9 years. He'd proven that he could bring it in the ring, on the microphone, in creative, every aspect it takes to be a professional wrestling star, The Miz had seemed to have figured out. His opponent on Warfare, CM Punk, was in a similar category. CM Punk was a name. Anytime you heard CM Punk, your ears perked up a bit, fans were interested. However, this alone would not intimidate The Miz. The Miz was ready to continue to prove that this current run, was going to be his best yet.

The scene opened up to a Miz TV logo. In center frame was exactly the man you'd expect. He wore sunglasses and a long black jacket. He had a shit eating grin on his face as the camera panned out to reveal that he had the EBWF Gateway Championship draped over his right shoulder. There was a light backdrop to this shot, and Miz was center frame. He looked cocky, focused, but most prominent, he looked.. happy. He peered into the camera as if he was staring at a group of friends, and he was ready to tell them an epic story. He shook his head as if the emotion overcame him just as he was about to speak. He finally did gather himself enough to begin speaking to his many supporters and his detractors as well.

The Miz: You thought I was done. You did. I know it. How do I know it? Well aside from the fact that every. single. time. I would log into twitter 8 months ago, 6 months ago, dumb jamoak after dumb jamoak would be saying. Miz is done. He's washed up. He can't win anymore. He'll never realize the same success, the same prominence that he once had. He's finished. Finished? Really? REALLLY? You see Mizfits and even those few MIZtakes.. greatness.. is never FINISHED. And that is exactly what I am friends.. romans.. countrymen.. I am GREAT. I'm never FINISHED.. I'm like art.. music.. I change.. but I'm never FINISHED. I may go through some stretches where I'm not as good as I used to be. I mean like in 1999 the Backstreet Boys existed.. in 2021 we have like Post Malone.. it's not ideal.. but it's still music.. it's still art.. it's not finished. The Miz is the closest thing professional Wrestling has to ART. I am a masterpiece.. my career is a masterpiece.. that is just NEVER FINISHED. So just when you think my picture's been painted.. just when you think that I'm ready to be hung in a museum to only be admired by stupid little families who are on the shitty part of their vacation.. BOOM.. I'm back in your face.. in the spotlight.. continuing to prove that I am NEVER. GOING. AWAY. My name is Mike Mizanin, you can call me The Miz... and as of Wrestlemania.. you can call me the NEW EBWF Gateway Champion.. which means you can ADD yet another thing to my already extensive resume. They say to keep your resume to one page.. pfft.. I don't think so job firm.. maybe if I'm some dork-a-lork accountant.. I could try that.. but instead I'm the best wrestler to ever lace em up.. so I'm going to need a stapler when it comes to my resume. Hash tag facts.

The Miz smiled. He adjusted the EBWF Gateway Title on his shoulder.

The Miz: CM Punk is a guy who thinks that he belongs in the conversation with guys like me. I may be brash, I may be confident, I may even be a little bit delusional.. but I can promise you.. it's this blind belief that I've always had in myself that has made me the success that I am. So when I look at Phil.. when I look at CM PUNK.. CM PUNK.. CM PUNK..

The Miz smirked.

The Miz: I have always understood that about him. He's got a blind belief in himself, so it doesn't matter how insignificant he becomes in this company. Every single time he comes back.. you have to pay attention. He DEMANDS that you pay attention to what he's going to say and what he's going to do. So here you go Punk.. I'm listening. You have the two most important ears in the history of wrestling.. listening to what you're saying.. you have the two most beautiful eyes.. that are attached to the single greatest moneymaker that has ever flashed a million watt smile on EBWF programming.. locked into what you're going to do this time. You have my attention.. but just like a swimmer doesn't want to be spotted by a shark.. that doesn't put you in an enviable position punk. It puts you in a position that you're going to get slaughtered right where you stand. You see Punk, I have always found your over confidence.. your inexplicable feelings of self worth, as kind of endearing. You're sort of like me.. if I wasn't the biggest star in the history of the EBWF. You're kind of like what I would be if I didn't choose to become a first ballot EBWF Hall of Famer. You remind me of what I could have been.. had I not chosen to be a freaking legend. You are what I would be.. if I just TALKED about being great.. but forgot to go actually do it. Yeah you've had your little runs here and there.. and we've even run into each other a time or two along the way... but somewhere along those lines Punk, you have seemed to have forgotten that words can only get you so far. You are, and have always been a great talker.. but you just have seemed to forget that you actually have to produce in the ring for people to give an ounce of a f... sorry.. don't wanna pull a "Bliss" here.. for people to actual care about you long after your words are finished. You once claimed to be the "Voice of the voiceless" but really all you are these days Punk.. is a voice. You're a voice.. that's it.. nothing more. You're a voice that blabbers on and on and on.. about what you're going to do.. but then you never actually do it. Our match at Warfare is going to be the latest example of that. Sure you'll talk a big game. You'll make a ton of promises. You'll somehow find the bravado to have the nerve to talk down to me. Then the match will arrive.. and I will do what I've done my entire tenure here in the EBWF. I will do what you have been UNABLE to do with any type of consistency in this company. I will turn my VOICE.. MY WORDS. INTO ACTION. I will turn my promises.. my claims.. into a loud and CLEAR message.. that I Punk.. NOT YOU.. ME.. THE MIZ.. AM THE BEST IN THE WORLD. I am the Gateway Champion.. which means I will soon become the EBWF Champion ONCE AGAIN.. for a FIFTH TIME Punk.. and what will you be? You will be the guy that bitches and moans to all his little washout buddies like Colt Cabana.. as you sit around drinking apple juice.. or like capri suns.. or whatever people who don't enjoy a beer from time to time drink.. about how this business has lost it's way with guys like me ruling the roost.. but really it's just going to be more of what you've always been, Punk. You've always been nothing but a slick haired.. scraggly beard having.. taped wrist wearing.. HATER.

The Miz paused for dramatic effect. He clearly had some deep issues with what Punk had become.

The Miz: You see Punk, you try and pass it off to all my Mizfits as you being this intelligent instigator. This historian of pro-wrestling, that always seems to know how to get in the head of the guys he's about to tangle with. Really it's classic hater tendencies. The reason you know so much about all of us, Punk.. is because ALL of us.. but ESPECIALLY ME.. are just different people that you are insanely jealous of. You say you've never gotten drunk, Punk.. but you definitely are drunk of a little drink called "Haterade" There's NO freaking doubt in my mind.. that I live rent free in that stupid little head of yours. You have watched EBWF programming year after year.. I'm sure of it.. and everytime that I have been on top.. which.. news flash.. has been all the god damn time.. you've sat in your living room.. and you've without question been like "oh Miz is champion.. how original.. he sucks.. he was on the Real World.. you see this is what's wrong with the business now.. there really should be someone better on top of a company like the EBWF.. how could there be this little talent.. that The Miz is the top guy.. this is nothing like 1976.. that's when wrestling was wrestling.. " and blah.. blah.. blah.. blah.. freaking blah. You know who complains about others successes Punk? People who suck. You know who bitches and moans when someone is better than them at something.. or when they've achieved more than they have? People who suck. You know who refuses to acknowledge amazing.. even when it's hitting them in their resting bitch face Punk? People who suck. You Punk.. you just flat out suck.. and that is why you can't stand to see someone like me.. on your TV Screen 24/7, 365. Just flat out not sucking.. just flat out proving time after time.. year after year.. that I can do this thing that you take so much pride in.. SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU CAN. Here's how good I am Punk? You ready? I just literally made you care about an insult that revolves around me saying "you suck." You literally are tearing apart your living room right now.. because I'm so far under your skin.. and all I actually said was "you suck." You take so much pride in being the best talker in our business.. well once again Punk.. bad news.. I'm better than you at that too. You wanna rock the slick hair look.. sorry Punk.. looks better on me. You wanna play the cocky douchebag? Sorry Punk.. I'm better at that too. I've had the Mizfits cheer me.. I've had entire arenas boo me. You've run factions... I've run better factions. EVERYTHING.. that you think you are.. EVERYTHING.. that you hang your hat on.. EVERYTHING that you would feel proud of.. I've done it.. BUT BETTER. This Monday Night is going to be you literally running into someone that is literally NEVER going to get out your way for you to have any type of success in the EBWF. Boo freaking hoo.. why don't you go read a comic book and cry about it.. nerd.

The Miz laughed at his own joke. He was gaining so momentum on this segment.

The Miz: It's really unbelievably fitting that you have a trademark move called the "Go To Sleep" because honestly Punk.. that is EXACTLY what I do whenever words start spewing out of your mouth. Go to sleep.. pfft.. just way too appropriate these days. There's no way you're hitting the move against me anytime soon.. but you telling me you're going to beat me on Monday.. go to sleep is exactly what I'm going to be doing the second those words leave your lips. I mean for real how boring have you become? It's literally like Roman Reigns is ghost writing your trash talk these days. What happened to you man? You used to be witty.. you used to actually make me believe that the microphone for you was actually a pipe bomb. Now I want to just put a pipe bomb down your pants.. and watch you blow up.. rather than listen to you bore me and all my Mizfits for another god damn second. Your arrogance is actually irritating because it's like the scrawny kid being cocky at the gym. It's the ugly kid being confident around ladies. It's the short kid being cocky on the basketball court. It's actually just pretty irritating. You're back to trying to recycle your straight edge lifestyle as your main talking point, about how you're more of a god than a man. Well I'm actually just beyond confused about that, because if you were a "god" like you say.. I feel like you'd be smart enough to come up with a new way to not be interesting that didn't jump the shark in 2008. It's honestly just sad at this point Phil.. I'm sorry.. Punk.. Like I'm crying.. look at my crying face for how sad you've become.

The Miz stared an intense hole in the camera.

The Miz: Spoiler Alert Punk.. I'm not sad. I'm furious. I'm mad that I have to be subjected to this again. I'm mad that EVERYONE in the EBWF universe has to be subjected to this again. I'm mad that you just don't seem to get that you're really.. really.. NOTHING around here anymore. I mean god.. like talk about worthless. I've been in this business for a long time, Punk. It's my life. I barely take vacations.. I'm here night after night year after year. Which means I've seen so many different people come and go. I've seen guys overstay their welcome. I've seen guys have success than vanish. I've seen guys who's skills literally deteriorate in front of my very eyes. I've seen guys who hold on to this for too long, and it gets pathetic. However, AT LEAST when that happens.. they are still fun to go out and have a beer with. At least we can grab a cold one and talk about the glory days, and how good it used to be. With you, I can't even do that.. because A.) WILDLY.. you still think you're in the glory days.. and B.) you don't even freaking drink. Now I'm not going to sit here and be the bully in a D.A.R.E filmstrip.. and call you a geek for not drinking...actually.. yes I am.. CM Punk.. WHAT A GEEK.. dude doesn't even drink!

The Miz smirked as if he had just come up with this on the spot. Sometimes the wit just comes out of nowhere.

The Miz: It's pretty much just nonsense out of you at this point Punk. Absolute, utter, nonsense. It's clear.. like I'm talking crystal clear.. that you're not going to accept my words today as factual. You are not going to believe me. You are not going to accept that what I'm telling you is the gods honest truth. So it's pretty obvious that I'm going to flat out have to beat the realization into your drug-free brain that if ANYONE.. in our match.. is a GOD around here.. it's THIS beautiful bastard that you're staring at right now. See you at Warfare Punk..... I'll be the guy beating you to within an inch of your pathetic life.

The Miz took his shades off and winked into the camera as the scene faded out.

The scene faded back in to the Royal Farms Arena in Baltimore, Maryland. We were minutes away from EBWF Warfare kicking off. Fans were just getting settled in their seats when a familar sound was heard.

"AWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Followed by "I Came To Play" by Downstait bellowed throughout the arena. A mixed reaction was heard, but definitely more cheers than boos, as the Miz made his way through the curtain. He was already in his ring gear and once again he held the EBWF Gateway Championship confidently on his right shoulder. He went through his complete trademark entrance really showing off his new gold. Finally, he requested a microphone from the timekeeper. When he was granted one, he paced around the ring. Finally, he held the microphone up to his lips.

The Miz: Since obviously our ring announcer is in the bathroom taking a dump.. I'll go ahead and do the honors. Ladies and Gentlemen.. the man who has MADE his way to this ring.. hails from Cleveland, Ohio.. he is the NEW EBWF GATEWAY CHAMPION... he is.. THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

The same mixed reaction was heard from the crowd. Miz was getting a kick out of himself.

The Miz: Tonight- Baltimore, The Miz is not only going to stand before you a champion.. because.. uh.. duh.. I'm already doing that... but The Miz is ALSO going to stand before you.. a prophet. You see, I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what is about to happen just a couple short hours from now. All I need is my crystal ball.

The fans reacted with laughter as Alex Riley emerged from the back dressed in an outfit that would look more natural on Miss Cleo. He held a crystal ball in his hands, and was acting intimidated by it as if it was a mythical future telling device. He handed it to Miz who comically acted the same way.

The Miz: Nice to see you Alex.

The crowd laughed at The Miz acting like no time had passed between these two frenemies. Alex craned his head to say something back but Miz shook his head.

The Miz: Nah bro..less is more.

Alex nodded and kind of laughed acknoweldging that Miz would never change.

The Miz: As I stare into this crystal ball- I see this entire night unfolding right before my eyes. CM Punk is going to come out. He's going to yell "It's Clobbering Time" I see not one person in this entire arena caring. He's then going to saunter down to the ring with a look on his face that basically looks like he's trying to figure out who farted. He's going to get into the ring.. and sit down. He's then going to start doing that weird thing with his wrists, like he's a fat kid who's literally watching someone decorating a cake that he can't wait to eat. He looks ready.. he looks determined.. he looks... well he looks completely stupid. He looks stupid because that cake.. that he wants to eat.. is actually going to be a man.. who's the greatest of the great.. cream of the crop.. the SUPERest of SUPERSTARS.. your FAVORITE WRESTLER'S....

Crowd: FAVORITE WRESTLER!

The Miz: The EBWF Gateway Champ.. THE MIZ! Then Mizfits.. I see.. well I see me.. here I come.. "AWEEEEESOME.. I CAME TO PLAY" here comes your hero.. the man.. the myth.. the legend.. The Miz.. here I come down the ramp. Looking like a million bucks. Gold on my shoulder. I'm getting in to the ring.. and the match begins.. and then OH MY GOD.. oh NO.. OH MAN.. OH JEEZ.. OH GOD.. HOLY... OH.... OHHH.... OWWWWW... god I can't even describe what I'm looking at right now.. it's.. oh it's grotesque.. oh it's disgusting.. it's the single biggest decimation that the EBWF has ever witnessed. Oh god? Why Miz? Why destroy CM Punk..so that he may never wrestle or even walk again.. WHY?

The Miz paused.

The Miz: Why? Because CM Punk REALLY thinks I can't.. and that REALLY makes me laugh.. so that is what REALLY is going to happen.. because I'm the Miz....

and I'm REALLY... REALLY.. REALLY...

he paused dramatically and the crowd joined him on his last word.

AWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

The Miz knocked the crystal ball out of Riley's hand, who like a goof dove on it like it was a coveted item. The Miz flipped the microphone down to a mostly positive reaction. He adjusted the strap once more and exited the ring. Miz confidently made his way back up the ramp as Warfare was set to begin.