Sorry I'm Not Sorry

[D.J]

The Miz had retained the EBWF Championship against Roman Reigns in what many are calling an early match of the year contender. However, clearly the buck did not stop at the Pay Per View because in the weeks that followed Reigns and Miz' rivalry seemed to be only gaining momentum instead of the other way around. Last weeks show ended with the two men literally needing to be peeled off of each other- and it was clear the animosity had reached an all time high. This week it would be The Miz who would be in action against Brock Anderson, and with the beef with Reigns only increasing, one would have to wonder how focused The EBWF Champion would be on Anderson. Brock, the son of legendary wrestler Arn Anderson, was quietly putting together a nice singles run in the EBWF and was definitely someone who could pull off an upset victory if overlooked. The Miz would look to show that looking past opponents was just something he no longer did- as we all prepared to watch The Champion live on Warfare!

The scene opened up in the Bro Awesome RV. Mickie James Mizanin drove while Michael Cole, donning a sideways hat and big wad of bubble gum in his mouth was scrolling through tik toks on his phone, next to him on the couch was Riddle. Riddle wore a Bro Awesome sweatsuit and backwards hat. He was looking over Cole's shoulder at the tik toks Cole was watching, and the two of them shared the occasional laugh at the videos on the screen. Across from everyone's favorite duo, sat the EBWF Champion, The Miz. He wore his "I'm The Miz- You're a Freaking Nobody" t-shirt and the EBWF Title rested on the top of the chair he was sitting in. He looked a little perturbed as he began to speak. The second the first word came out of his mouth, Cole and Riddle immediately ceased goofing around to listen to their leader.

The Miz: Honestly guys- a lot of people have been asking me this week why I did what I did. Why did I come out and attack Roman Reigns unprovoked. A lot of people are alluding to the fact that this guy is in my head, that he's making me act out of character. What people seem to forget is just who the heck they're dealing with. I'm the freaking Miz- and I don't have to explain my actions to anyone- but guess what I will anyway..

Riddle: Sweet!

The Miz kind of looked annoyed by the interruption. Riddle had a goofy smile on his face and he looked at Cole. Cole gave him the index finger over his mouth to indicate that Riddle needed to quiet down. He then popped a bubble, smiled, and winked at Riddle. Riddle nodded and the two went back to listening.

The Miz: The fact is- this guy is NOT in my head. He's not making me act of character for any reason that has ANYTHING at all to do with the fact that I'm threatened by him or nervous about facing him at Total Supremacy. The fact of the matter is that I just.. god man I just can't stand this guy. So I'm sitting backstage and I'm watching him. and something just came over me. Like I want to go down there and I want to just continue to beat the absolute shit out of this guy. I actually want to do it week in and week out until we get to our Last Man Standing match, and I honestly don't even care how it makes me look. I don't care what people think of it, I just care about continuing to remind Roman Reigns just how much I OWN this guy. I want to constantly remind him just how inferior he is compared to me. I want him to never EVEN FOR ONE SECOND- think that his skills are anywhere near the same stratosphere as mine are. I've been patient with this guy. Every week going into our first title match, I had to listen to him come out and cut the same god damn promo over and over again. I sat back- and I watched- and I listened- and then we faced off and ONCE AGAIN, I beat him. So Like I said a couple weeks ago, I thought that was going to be it. Surely this guy is going to get the point that he just can't beat me, and he never will... but did it end there? NO! It didn't- now he wants a rematch and he wants it at Total Supremacy- so NOWWWW I have to sit back again and listen to him recycle his losing words AGAIN?! No.. sorry I'm not going to be as patient this time with you Roman. No.. instead I'm going to spend every waken moment making your life as miserable as possible until we face off again.. and then guess what? I'm going to destroy you again.. and maybe.. just maybe after being tormented and humiliated OVER and OVER- and then after losing to me.. AGAIN.. you will then finally.. FINALLY get the picture. So there.. that's my explanation.

Riddle: It was rad bro.

Michael Cole: Rad like a fad bro.

The Miz seemed to soften and he smiled.

The Miz: Thanks guys. So let's switch gears and talk about someone else- because Roman Reigns fate is sealed. This week I got Brock Anderson again- it's like I don't know what these poor guys do, but some of them just constantly get thrown into matches against me. Like remember how I used to always face Christian? that was so fun- Brock Anderson seems to be the new guy that this happens to. Look Brock, buddy, pal, chief, I know it probably seems unjustified.. it probably seems a little unfair.. that you have to take a break from facing either the new signees or returning veterans who ran out of money and ramen noodles in the breakout division, to get matched up with me, but let me ease your mind on something. Don't stress too hard, because our match is going to be so quick that if people get stuck in the beer line, or have a pee that lasts a little too long, they're going to miss it. You see- you're Arn Andersons son, we get it, and even if we didn't you look like a mutant clone of him, so your looks really give us no choice but to get it. I understand that your dad was a famous wrestler back in the day where everyone was like hairy kind of and built like coke bottles. I get your dad was a popular wrestler in the days of like Al Capone and speak easy's but what I also know is that literally means nothing and does nothing for you here in 2023. You see here in 2023, my name is The Miz- and it's the 7th time that I've held this bad boy behind me. I'm also not in a particularly good mood these days, if you haven't picked up on that so far. So what I'm looking to do with you Brock, is I'm looking to send a nice loud and clear message, not just to you, but to this entire company- that I hold the gold you see here- because I'm unequivocally the best wrestler on the freaking planet. I hold the gold behind me- because I'm good enough to literally toy with you for 5 minutes- or just beat you into oblivion in 30 seconds. Brock legacies don't mean anything with you're walking into a mismatch of this magnitude.

Michael Cole: MIZ match bro.

Riddle: Oh I see what you did there Cole, you are a word wizard bro.

Michael Cole: Word MIZard bro..

Riddle: Absolutely on fire.

Michael Cole: Alicia Keys bro.

The Miz smirked.

The Miz: I just don't really get what you're going for Brock. Like your Arn's kid.. you have like no personality.. you act like cocky I guess... but it's also like really lame.. so you're incredibly confusing. I don't get whether I should laugh at you, cry for you, or just laugh until I cry when you come out and tell me how you're going to beat me. We've already been through this over and over again.

Michael Cole: Nelly bro.

Riddle: It's getting hot in herreeeee

The Miz looked at Matt and smiled again.

The Miz: It is getting hot in herreeee because I'm actually getting angry at how little competition there is around here these days. Like yeah I'm having fun- it's great to be the face of the company- to have the title- to hang around with you two..

Mickie James Mizanin: And meeee!

The Miz: Yes of course- and you babe. It's just where's the intrigue? Where's the challenge? Like what's supposed to rev me up and get the competitive juices flowing? Arn Anderson's weird looking off spring? Like who am I facing next week, David Flair? Like really? Arn Anderson's kid is the one who's going to give me a run for my money? I mean it is what it is- it's fine- it's just a bit boring. I actually think Arn Anderson could probably give me a better match than Brock could- but I doubt that fossil would be up for it.

Riddle: Old A-F bro.

Michael Cole: Ancient bro.

The Miz: I mean I can just picture this guys childhood. Doesn't it just seem like Arn Anderson is the dad that like play wrestles with their kids just like a few years too many to the point where it gets really weird if you're over their house? It's like "dad I'm 22 why are you like putting me in a headlock and giving me noogies in front of my girlfriend?" I'm sorry but there's just no way Arn Anderson isn't the "Noogie Dad" So now you got this spawn of Noogie Dad- and now he wants to take out all the years of being bullied by his own father in the ring, except the issue is, he's got no talent, no athletic ability, has the personality of a paper towel, and he's not tough enough to pay the noogies forward.

Michael Cole: No Noogies bro.

Riddle: Noogie Free America bro.

The Miz smirked.

The Miz: I mean I wouldn't go that far. I actually think I may start with a noogie and mess up this guys 14 dollar Great Clips haircut. Can you imagine the emotional trauma that would give him- if I like start by just giving him a noogie. Like I just start whispering shit in his ear like "you're never going to be as tough as your old man." Or like " I was in the 4 horsemen.. and you're not going to amount to shit." Oh man this dude would lose it, I know that it's not on the surface- but it just seems to obvious that this situation has therapy written all over it. So if he's not going to therapy for this- maybe instead I'll just give him such a savage beating- such an unenjoyable humiliating defeat that he'll have to talk about it with a therapist. Brock- I know your goal here is to prove to your Noogie Giving "here drink this it'll put some hair on your chest" tough guy dad- that you can be just as successful as he was.. but you know some people just aren't fit to achieve their goals. Some people just aren't worthy of success.. some people can WANT something but it doesn't mean that they're capable of those things happening. Brock I'm really sorry- but you just aren't going to get any type of gratification.. at least not against me. I think it's cute you in the breakout division against like Doink the Clown, and whoever else you face there, but that's where you belong. That's who you are. You're the breakout champion who is just never going to break out.

Riddle: No breakouts bro..

Michael Cole: Pro-Activ bro.

The Miz laughed at that, as did Mickie.

The Miz: You're the Breakout Champion who is going to insist that if you wanted to be, you could make a run and become something bigger or better.. but you know.. like I know.. deep down that that just isn't true, don't you Brock? You know that despite the false bravado- that your father was probably right as he tormented you- you really aren't going to amount to shit here.. you're just not. At least not the type of shit that's meant for people like me.

Riddle: Star Shit Bro.

Michael Cole: Clogged Toilet bro.

The Miz: You see people like me, we deserve the big time stuff. We deserve the limos- the adoration- the limelight. I worked for it- tirelessly- day after day- week after week- month after month- year after year. I scratched and clawed, I took criticism- I took even ridicule and I let it fuel me into the person you see today. 7 Time World Champion, future Hall of Famer, the mother effing GOAT. I didn't just come out of my dads fuzzy nut sack and expect to be famous. I didn't just pop out of Arn Anderson's baby mama and expect for things to just work out for me. You may WANT to fight your way out of his shadow- but you don't have the boxing gloves big enough to do it against someone that has had to go through what I've been through to be where I am and who I am. I'm simply WAY out of your league Brock, and I know that we both know that, but just in case you don't, I'm going to spend all 33 seconds of our match at Warfare reminding you. Then after I'm done you can go up to your dad and tell him the same two words you probably said to him a lot as you grew up. "I'm Sorry" It's a sad story- I get it- I feel for you- but Brock it doesn't change how I feel, it doesn't change what I'm going to do to you, it doesn't change that there is NO WAY IN HELL.. that you're going to validate yourself by coming up with a win against me. I am NOT someone that you're ever going to prove yourself at the expense of. I'm just that much better than you, I'm that much better than Roman Reigns, and quite frankly I'm that much better than every other jamoak-a-doke milkshake that works in this company right now. So Brock.. "I'm Sorry." I'm sorry that I'm NOT sorry.

Michael Cole: Demi Lovato bro.

The Miz: I'm sorry that I'm not going to apologize for reaching the level that I have. I'm sorry that my superiority to you- is going to lead to you once again letting your father down. I'm sorry that what's going to happen at Warfare will likely sour you on the business that you're desperately trying to prove you belong in. I'm sorry that another loss to me, is going to remind you that no matter how hard you try and play catch-up on the hard work it actually takes to STAY in this company and THRIVE in it- that you'll never be able to reach the level that I am at. Most of all man.. I'm sorry that I'm not going to apologize for waking up every day and getting to be The Miz because I EARNED it- and I'm sure as hell not sorry about the fact that you have to wake up every day and unfortunately you have to be Brock Anderson- because your mediocrity, your lack of charisma, your lack of anything that is even remotely interesting- is something that through nepotism and the laziness that it creates..you my friend have EARNED as well. I'm sure when it comes to wrestling you felt like you were home schooled by one of the best- but trust me when I tell you Brock- at Warfare- school is DEFINITLEY going to be in session- and there's no WAY you've studied enough to pass the test you got coming up.

Because I'm The Miz.. and as you'll soon learn first hand...

I'm Awesome.

The Miz winked into the camera and the scene faded to black.