The Miz was perhaps the biggest household name in the history of the EBWF. It was arguable- which is more than can be said for about 99 percent of the other people to ever grace an EBWF ring. He was a 7 time and current EBWF World Champion- he had started some of the most influential groups in the history of the company, he had won countless big matches, headlined multiple events, and has headlined multiple events successfully. This latest run featured a group that was perhaps the most unlikely that had ever graced an EBWF show. Michael Cole was a long time announcer, company personality, that had become of the more entertaining men in the business. Matt Riddle had floated around in sports entertainment obscurity until joining forces with The Miz. Then there was Mickie James-Mizanin- a girl who once obsessed over gaining the affection of her current husband, just long enough to win his heart, when it was seemingly impossible. It was a group that couldn't have seemed less likely to exist, but somehow it worked seamlessly. The Miz was the straw that stirred the drink- and it seemed as though whoever he chose to align himself with, instantly gained traction and credibility. Which made it all the more curious that there was another individual in the company by the name of Roman Reigns, that hadn't really done anything of note- that spoke in self-important riddles- that made little to no sense to the actual reality of any situation that had taken place. The Miz had turned Reigns away already on more than one occasion, but their match at Total Supremacy would ultimately be their final battle. It was a last man standing match, in a "rivalry" that to this point was extremely one sided. The Miz undoubtedly would look to keep it that way in this somewhat "big" match, that at the very least had the EBWF talking. They of course would not be the only one, as if there was a camera on The Miz- the words would come fast and furious.
The scene opened up on a Yacht. It was a large triple decker that looked like a boat straight out of the movie 'Wolf of Wall Street.' There were beautiful women in bathing suits walking on board. A few of them had drinks in hand, and it was clear that a few of the others were actually staff members of the boat. The boats name was simple. Two words that read "Forever Champion" Matt Riddle and Michael Cole entered the frame first. They were both in robes with their names written in cursive on the back, not unlike prime Ric Flair. They both rocked their normal snap back hats. Riddle's on backwards, Cole's on sideways. They each had a glass of champagne in their hands as well and looked about as relaxed as can be. They walked up the stairs of the yacht just as the boat was setting sail. On the upper level, in a large lawn chair was The Miz. He wore a robe similar to the ones that were donned by Cole and Riddle. He had the EBWF Championship over his right shoulder. Mickie James sat in a black swimsuit in the chair next to him. The group was convened around the champion and Riddle broke the silence.
Riddle: Bon Voyage bro- off to the island of discrepancy!
Michael Cole: Island of relevancy bro..
Riddle: Right.. it's where Roman Reigns has offered to take us many times. No thanks bro.. we'll just go ourselves.. no squids allowed.. unless some of them get in from the ocean somehow.. but none of the human squids.
Michael Cole: Squid free America bro.
The Miz: You guys do know that the island of relevancy is a metaphor right?
Michael Cole: Even still- we're excited to set sail with you bro.
Riddle: Setting sail to the waves.. the babes.. and trying not to get trapped underwater like those billionaires looking for the titanic.
Michael Cole: That's why we brought the yacht bro.
The Miz nodded.
The Miz: Don't worry Riddle, though it hasn't been a great month for water travel- we'll be safe on the "Forever Champion" - and even more than that- I will be FOREVER safe in my matches against Roman Reigns. You see Roman- we're on a yacht- but we're not headed to this so called island of relevancy- because it's not freaking real. I mean that in the sense that it can't be conduced to just one small entity. You see Roman- ANYWHERE.. ANYWHERE that I am.. that is a place that instantly becomes relevant. Roman.. I AM THE ISLAND OF RELEVANCY.. I don't need to freaking go there- I'm ALLLREADY THERE.
Michael Cole: Lonestar bro.
He popped a bubble. Miz smiled.
The Miz: Speaking of which Cole.. did you bring the music?
Michael Cole: Oh yeah bro.. I brought Michael Mcdonald, James Taylor, Billy Joel...
Riddle: Killer..
Michael Cole: Easy listening bro.
The Miz nodded.
The Miz: Easy. Yes. That's a great word to latch on to as a theme for this month in my EBWF existence. I have barely even been on TV. I came and spoke at the last Warfare just so people could be reminded of what the standard looks like. Not that they could have ever possibly forget someone like me, but just in case- I decided to grace everybody with my presence. The reason it's been easy other than not having to really compete, other than being able to sit back and watch the King of the Ring tournament, the biggest reason it's been easy.. is because the man who was.. is... however you want to say it.. the biggest threat to MY EBWF Championship.. the man.. who was.. is.. however you want to say it the next challenger for the EBWF Championship.. has been NON existent. He hasn't been threatening.. he hasn't been tough.. he hasn't been intimidating.. he.. well he hasn't been here. Usually a couple of days away from a title defense, I'd be getting myself focused. I'd be thinking about what I had to do to inevitably be successful as I always am.. but this time.. it's a no from me.
Michael Cole: Randy Jackson bro..
Riddle smiled.
The Miz: This time, I don't need the focus, I don't need the preparation. I already know I can beat him.. I already know that I WILL beat him.. I have beat him.. like a god damn drum.
Michael Cole: Travis Barker bro.
The Miz: Before you can even Blink... 182.. I will beat Roman in this match... if he even shows up. Part of me thinks that this guy went to his own island.. of Siberia.. to hide. The simple fact is.. he didn't go on a yacht because he's not a big enough start to be able to afford something like this. If anything he hopped on a greyhound bus and just said "bring me somewhere where there'll never find me."
Riddle: Siberia bro.
Michael Cole: Backstreet Boys bro.
The Miz: If by any chance he does show up, the preparation, the focus, all of the things that go into winning a big match.. not needed. Why you ask? Simply put this isn't a big match. It's really not. It's a last man standing match, against a guy who I've done nothing but put on his back like he was a cheap hooker, every time we've ever stepped foot in the ring together.
Riddle: Skanks bro.
Michael Cole: Fuckin skanks.
Somewhere youtube viewers from the early 2000's laughed.
The Miz: So for me this just isn't a big match. It's yet another opportunity for me to take someone like Roman Reigns.. who is the definition of the guys I love humiliating.. and get this.. humiliate him. If he hasn't already officially disappeared- after I beat the self-importance out of him at Total Supremacy- he surely.. will NEVER show his face again in this company. It's hard to be a guy that came into a company that he's achieved nothing in.. and from the first day.. acted like he was a high achiever. He acted like he was a storied champion, a guy with a resume. Instead he was just a guy who talked about achieving.. a guy who talked about the resume he would one day have. There however was one.. fairly big problem.
Riddle: He needed viagra..
Michael Cole: Limp dick problems bro.
The Miz looked confused.
The Miz: No.. I mean maybe.. but the more obvious answer.. the more obvious problem.. was that there was already someone in the place that he claimed that he would inevitably end up. There was already somebody who was achieving at a HIGH level.. there was already someone who WAS a storied champion.. there was already someone with an extensive resume.. and that someone was SO far superior to him.. that it would ensure he would NEVER come through on any of his threats or promises that he issued everyone in this business. That someone.. of course..was this beautiful bastard that you see in front of you right now. My name is Mike Mizanin.. folks call me The Miz. I'm the destroyer of every guy that comes in just a tad too hot. I'm the destroyer of every guy who gets a little too confident. The destroyer of the guy who gets a little too detached from what their reality could possibly become. I'm the guy that destroys dreams of people that step a little too far out of pocket.
Michael Cole: Michael Vick bro.
Riddle: Dog killer bro.
The Miz nodded.
The Miz: Perfect. That's exactly what I am. I'm a dog killer. Dogs are great animals, but sometimes they need to be put in the crate. Sometimes they need to be put on a leash outside to learn how to behave in the house with adults. I've already punished the so called 'big dog' on multiple stages and Total Supremacy will be no different. Roman Reigns will be put outside- Roman Reigns will be leashed- and let's face it.. the result of this match is going to be the equivalent of the "big dog" being taken out back and put out of his misery.
Michael Cole: Old Yeller bro.
The Miz: He's not that old- but his act is ANCIENT. He's not all that old- but the threats, the trash talk, the schtick, is as OLD and tired as it gets. So this Roman Reigns that we've all been subjected to- it's time to silence it.. for good.. forever. I'm going to hush this guy once and for all.
Michael Cole: Like a mime bro.
Riddle began to pantomime being trapped in a box. Everyone had a chuckle.
The Miz: Add Roman Reigns name to an already long and substantial list of people that have tried desperately to remove me from the top of the mountain- that have ultimately become non existent in the EBWF as a result. It's an absolute relief that in just a couple of days we won't have to hear about "The Head of the Table" or the "Tribal Chief" it's not Halloween man.. you can't just dress up and play the part of someone you're not forever. There will soon be no "Bloodline" just your blood spilled all over the ring- as I physically decimate you to the point where you can't stand up at the hands of the best of the best, the greatest of the great, the cream of the crop, your FAVORITE WRESTLER'S FAVORITE WRESTLER. The beating will be so full.. so decisive that it will somehow make me even more popular than I already am. Because Roman.. I'm not the only one who hates you..all my Mizfits.. everyone who cares about this company.. even Wes freaking Ikeda.. everyone hates you. They hate you because you just don't seem to get what we do here. This is the EBWF. This is a company that values people who are able to make statements that are actually realistic and can happen. This a company that values people who can talk the talk and walk the walk. It is NOT however a company that you can just claim to be great- without actually remembering to do anything great.. or good.. or mediocre.. or anything that quite frankly doesn't completely suck. Every fan.. every higher up.. every fellow superstar.. EVERYONE is going to smile.. laugh.. rejoice when they watch the MOST MUST SEE EBWF Champion of all time.. wrestle circles around you AGAIN.. when they watch The Miz.. brutalize Roman Reigns- and eliminate him from the business that we all love. Island of relevancy.. pfft.. anywhere I freaking am.. is the island of relevancy.. and Total Supremacy is where Roman Reigns gets to visit.. but then gets kicked the F off of it.. and left to drown.
Michael Cole: Leonardo Dicaprio bro.
Riddle: I'll never let go Jack.. bro..
The Miz: Except I am letting go.. Roman.. I am letting go. I'll hold your hand one last time.. as you shiver and struggle. I'll hold you up.. just to issue my final words to you before I let you drown in the depths of irrelevance. My final words that I'll utter Roman.. are plain and simple.
Goodbye. WE. WONT. MISS. YOU.
BECAUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM THE MIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ANNNNNNNDDDDD I'MMMMMMMMMMMM
AWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....
The Miz smirked and adjusted the title on his shoulder as the scene faded out to a shot of "Forever Champion" setting sail into the open waters.