The United Empire Responds

[William]

As you search through the EBWF website scrolling beyond the advertisements for Warfare and the upcoming Christmas Eve of Destruction Pay-Per-View, absolutely hyped by the excellent Warfare you just saw, there is a new video that has popped up on the main page after the segment recaps. This video instantly catches your attention as it wasn’t on the television tonight. “The United Empire Responds”. The name sounds intriguing to you as a fan and so you click through to see what has happened and notice there have already been 170 thousand fans who preceded you.

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The camera focuses on a tan wooden wall instantly beginning to zoom out in an unusually flat shot for typical EBWF camera work. As the camera begins expanding our view, we now see much more information. We see a large video screen right above where we were focused, graced by the digitally waving United Empire Flag. Next to the screen, hanging off the walls are many championships that diehard fans will immediately identify as Championships belonging to other promotions. We see a large stage with two very large desks converging to a middle point accessorized by expensive chairs and table linings adored by countless sponsors. At the far ends of both desks we see flags from each member of the United Empire strongly standing united on each end. At the conjunction of those desks, we then see an empty podium headed by microphones.

Only a few seconds later, we then begin to hear chattering of an audience. The camera pans the room to see the room is full of many people dressed in nice suits with full cameras of their own - reporters. An abrupt hush washes over the crowd as a familiar Japanese woman walks across the stage to the podium set. Dressed in an elegant black dress and expensive jewelry, her presence changes the feeling across the room. As a fan of the EBWF, immediately you know this woman. You can identify her as the same translator that was on EBWF television just a couple of weeks ago. In front of the flashes of cameras, she begins to speak.

The Translator: Welcome everyone! Thank you so much for coming to the United Empire’s official response to tonight’s Warfare. We apologize for such a short notice at this press conference. We know how horrific the traffic here in Los Angeles can be, but we know you will stay with us for what we have to say. We also want to thank the Marriott for allowing us this staging event and helping us prepare on such rapid notice. We also cannot accept any questions or interviews for the United Empire at this time, thank you for your understanding. Without further ado, please allow me to welcome in his second trip to Los Angeles, the benefactor of the United Empire, “The Dominator”, The Great-O-Khan!

Applause crackles the silence from both the Translator, who steps away from the podium to sit down, and the reporters in the room. The screen above changes to Great-O-Khan’s titantron as the house speakers begin playing “Silk Road”. After just a few moments, The Great-O-Khan saunters his way from the right side of the stage. Dressed in a very expensive black and gray striped suit, O-Khan merely glances at the audience before reaching his destination. The screen above returns back to the waving United Empire flag and the music fades. As O-Khan speaks in Japanese, thankfully for you watching, his words are translated in subtitles.

Great-O-Khan: How disappointing. The United Empire is grateful for you all coming here, but peasants dress nicely for their conquerors. You in this Country and next week in the lost kingdom of England will learn who we are and soon will respect us.

Great-O-Khan pauses as the live audience has no idea what he actually said and some even applaud him.

Great-O-Khan: Wait until we’re finished. Nonetheless, we are grateful. Your dream of Professional Wrestling being saved is upon us! Rejoice! We won’t have to suffer much longer from this decay of yesteryear. Next week begins the rejuvenation, the reckoning, falling from this bloated phoenix of the EBWF. In 2001, this bird rose from the wealth of one family, and we learned where it began to rot. Big Show! Christian Cage! Seth Rollins! Unfortunately for your families, you are the first feathers of flames that have faded and must be clipped. We have sounded the horn of war and the allure of gold has no time for your mediocrity.

The Great-O-Khan nods to the woman, as he saunters his way to a chair. Standing, adjusting her dress, the translator stands back up and returns to the stand.

The Translator: For those here live, please allow me to translate. The Great-O-Khan is thankful for you being here! The Great-O-Khan says: “Rejoice for the United Empire is here to save Professional Wrestling from peasants like the three men the United Empire will face next week!”

The Translator then spoke the rest of the Great-O-Khan’s message from “We won’t have to suffer…” identically as the Great-O-Khan stated. The audience applauded and O-Khan smiled authoritatively at the audience. The crowd then silences as the Translator continues.

The Translator: Next, please allow me to welcome for his statements on what has occurred tonight on Warfare, Jeff Cobb!

Repeating very similarly to the Great-O-Khan’s entrance, the reporters in attendance very politely applaud Jeff Cobb. The video above begins playing Jeff Cobb’s video tron and from the house speakers “Eater of World” erupts. Jeff, dressed in a traditional black and white suit, similar to what you would see in a mob film, rises from the right side of the stage. There are audible awes at the raw size of the man captures very athletic feats on the screen. His powerful and carefree gait further captures the attention of the reporters. Cameras flash as Cobb doesn’t even glance their way. The applause stops as Cobb reaches the podium.

The crowd awaits words from Cobb, but without saying anything or missing a beat, Cobb just goes and sits down. A rebellious gesture comes from Cobb as the Translator is signaled then by O-Khan to go back to the podium. The video fades and the music stops playing as Cobb just rests his head on his hand, visually bored. The translator, on the other hand, is visually flustered trying to save the momentum from the silence.

The Translator: A powerful message from Mr. Cobb. Sometimes silence is the best response.

The crowd lets out an awkward laugh as Cobb motions for this to all hurry up and finish.

The Translator: This does take us to the man behind the United Empire. The man who the United Empire follows, the Commonwealth Kingpin, Will Ospreay!

The crowd of reporters, uncharacteristically, let out an audacious response as the cheers echo through the room. The camera even zooms out as many in the front row now are to their feet applauding awaiting for the man. The hype was already beginning to build on his reputation and the scene he left the EBWF in with his showing of unique athleticism. The video tron for the Billy GOAT begins playing as “Bring it Down” begins erupting through the house speakers.

The camera zooms back in as the crowd’s adoration sounds as if it is physically pushing against the roof. We see then Will Ospreay coming also from the right side of the stage, dressed in an open dress shirt and slacks, but highlighted with expensive accessories. A brand new hanging necklace, rolex, and top of the line sunglasses cover his eyes. In his arrogant strut, Ospreay even blows a kiss to the reacting crowd, as the cameras are flashing now nonstop. Will then signals for his music to stop as we then hear for a few moments only the audible love from the reporters in attendance. Taking one of the microphones from the conference stand, Ospreay walks and speaks to this adoring audience.

Will Ospreay: Welcome to the future, bruv!

The crowd responds well to him as he stands arms open to the audience. There is once again a solid minute of applause from the reporters as Ospreay then takes the microphone laughing as he walks back to the stand. The crowd quiets down to listen to what this newcomer to the EBWF has to say.

Will Ospreay: Before we really start, I need to make this official. What you heard earlier tonight is true. The United Empire has officially signed to the EBWF!

The crowd, including the Translator and the Great-O-Khan, politely applauds at the news as Ospreay continues.

Will Ospreay: So, when we were contacted by EBWF management two weeks ago and told our services wouldn’t be needed tonight, we decided to make our time useful and begin training here in LA to get even more acquainted with the United States’ style. Because in my mind, right, I expected the announcement tonight to detail that we were going to be suspended. I expected that me and the boys here were going to have to remind them who they just signed. We were going to have to go on a proper invasion and kick the doors in, slap Paul E. at the door, and batter the rest of that roster gathering our gold from their vaults. Make those f[censored]ing c[censored]ts regret ever opening the door for us, right? But bloody hell, little did I know that someone in that place still had some balls! I’d even say a lot of balls.

Laughter begins creeping through the audience as Ospreay continues without missing a beat.

Will Ospreay: Not only was it announced no suspension, not only did they avoid locking the doors and hugging their babies telling horror stories of what we did, they actually opened the doors wide open and gave us the master bedroom!

Ospreay laughs as he again widens his arms showing physically how massive the announcement was.

Will Ospreay: Next week, they are giving us the shot to fight our way for the Gateway Championship! You realize what this is like? It is literally punching that company in the mouth and then having them ask us for a kiss after. It’s mental!

Laughter now from the reporters as Ospreay continues.

Will Ospreay: I’m not going to lie, whoever made that call, Wes Ikeda or Adam Cole, whoever, you have a little bit more of my respect, mate. I mean, we’re still going to invade ya, but I do think you have more guts than I expected.

Ospreay then looks at his rolex as a sly smile comes across his face. Clearly segueing now to another topic, the crowd even reacts to this small action.

Will Ospreay: I now see the time and I realize that I should discuss the other news we heard tonight before we call it a night. Time, after all, is the mortal enemy of our opponents announced for next week.

That sly smile never leaves Ospreay’s face as the reporters very clearly know he is referencing the age of his opponents.

Will Ospreay: As you all know, the news came that next week, live in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, the United Empire’s opportunity to challenge for the Gateway Championship comes only from defeating three highly decorated Wrestlers in a place that will be home turf for them. Multiple time World Champions from many different promotions actually, and don’t misunderstand me, they should be respected for what they have done. However, I’ll remind you, 49, 51, and 37. This is the first line of defense for the EBWF. Really?! Canada, Seth Rollins, and two retirement home regulars from Florida.

The reporters laugh louder now as Will leans on the podium looking to wrap this up.

Will Ospreay: To be completely honest with you all, sincerely honest with you, I feel a little offended. Big Show is a bloody actor after all! A failed actor, but he was on Netflix for a cup of coffee. My ma even saw it and told me how it was absolutely s[censored]t and he moved like a drunk hippo. Anyone seeing him live tonight would correct her, of course. Hippos are far more graceful on or off the sauce than that idiot. He was like watching a big toddler taking his first steps.

Ospreay again laughs as the crowd of reporters nervously laugh at the comment. While Big Show’s age is a factor, the reporters for wrestling know better than to openly mock or anger the Giant.

Will Ospreay: What's next, Mr. T also in the works for you, Christian? Is he going to come to the ring and give me “Pity the fool” bollox? Are we going to scalp the rubbage bins for Bret Hart’s moaning arse while we are up there in Canada, mate?

Ospreay laughs at his own references along with the crowd again nervously laughing along. Clearly making sure that they protect their ability to gain interviews with such established legends.

Will Ospreay: I’ll tell you what, get whoever you want. Nothing is going to save Christian’s soft head from another concussion when I drive my elbow into the back of his skull. No one is going to save Big Show from his hips of paperclips while Jeff Cobb is tossing him around effortlessly with deadlift suplex after release suplex! There isn’t one person on this Earth who will be able to actually help Seth Rollins from having his chest being absolutely caved in by the Great-O-Khan’s Mongolian chops next week. Go get whoever else you can get from that fat wallet! Christian and the EBWF can grab blokes from across the world, his friends and family in Canada, I don’t care! Because at the end of the night, he will need a whole god[censored] army to get that championship opportunity and this company away from us. Now all rise, and crowns up for the United Empire!

Ospreay worked himself into a much more serious tone by the end of his speech as the 3 men and the Translator all posed with the crowns above their heads glowing with the lights of the many cameras flashing. The Translator then begins passing the contract to the match out to the 3 men with all signing on officially agreeing to the match. Some of the reporters even followed listening to Ospreay’s words by posing themselves as pictures snapped with the signatures. The camera zooms out as Ospreay leads the men off the stage and we hear the Translator thanking the crowd again for coming as the shot fades to black.

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