B: A new Breakout Champion Story

[Kevin]

It was right after Christmas Eve of Destruction, the locker room was abuzz with administrators, superstars, local media, and VIP fans. Everyone had witnessed a show that, from top to bottom, was absolutely phenomenal. The two different women’s championships were merged into one in a street fight, the Path to Glory championship changed hands in a ladder match, the Tag-team championship changed hands inside elimination chamber, and CM Punk had defended his World Heavyweight Championship inside Hell in a Cell. Titles that were not defended were the Breakout Championship, and the Intercontinental Championship, most likely due to the champions’ inclusions in the Tag Title match.

The match that started it all though was a First Blood match between relatively new EBWF stars, Batista and James Storm. James Storm had received a beating for a good portion of the match. Luckily for him though, he had been there before. He was able to come through with an instinctual “Last Call” superkick. And when Batista stood up, he got cracked with a beer bottle, and dawned what JR called the “proverbial crimson mask.”

James Storm was 2-0. He had beaten a former TNA foe, and won his first career match against “The Animal” Batista. He was feeling good about it. He had been anxious, and his nerves were a little kicked, but once he got out there the adrenaline overtook all of it. He sat in his locker room now, wearing his Beer Hunter shirt, black jeans and cowboy boots, just soaking in the event. He had seen some of the guys in the back being treated for injuries. He knew Batista was going to need stitches because of him. He was happy with where he was, and was very curious where his career was going next. He had no idea he was soon going to find out.

Shane McMahon walked into the locker room. Storm noticed him, but thought he was there to talk to one of the dozens of other people in the dressing room. Yet when Shane, who had gave short, quick greetings to a few people, made his way to Storm, Storm stood up to greet him.

James Storm: Hey Shane, how you doing tonight?

Storm reached out to shake his hand, Shane extended and returned the gesture.

Shane McMahon: I’m good James, thanks for asking.

James Storm thought maybe Shane was just there to do greetings, and to check on the condition of some talent. So after exchanging the greeting, Storm started to turn back to his locker, and was going to grab his stuff to leave, but Shane had more to say.

Shane McMahon: That was a hell of a performance you had tonight. Congratulations on the win.

Storm realized Shane was there to make some conversation, he turned back to face him and continued on.

James Storm: Thank you.

Shane McMahon: Your last two matches have been pretty impressive, and after some consideration, a group of us have come up with a match for you.

Storm was curious now. Having wondered what the future will hold, finding out the night of his most recent match seemed like a quick transition. But if a decision was already made for him, there was definitely some confidence that the administration had in him.

James Storm: What’s that?

Shane McMahon: We’re putting you in a match on the first Warfare of 2013. You will be facing Zack Ryder for the EBWF Breakout Championship.

James Storm all of a sudden felt a rush. He was eager to get a chance to prove himself. He knew it wasn’t the most prestigious title in EBWF, but if you could hold any belt that Hulk Hogan held, you feel honored to be given the chance. He knew he would be ready.

James Storm: Well thank you Shane, I won’t let you down.

Shane McMahon: I’m sure you won’t. Now if you excuse me, I have to go around and talk to a couple of other guys about their matches. Take it easy.

Shane McMahon walked away, and James Storm sat back down real quick to process this thought. By the end of January 7th, he could be wearing his first piece of EBWF gold. This title was normally established for newcomers, so he felt he was on the path to where he wanted to be. Whether or not he was ready, well we would find out then.

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James Storm wasn’t the most familiar person with Zack Ryder, but he knew enough about him. He was charismatic. He was outspoken. He was a lot of things that James Storm respected, while at the same time a lot of things that James Storm despised.

For example, he liked the kid’s work ethic. He was perseverant, and did not care what obstacles were in front of him, he wasn’t scared to fight them.

On the other hand, he was a tool. You say bro more than once in the same sentence, you have to be, right? You fist pump like you’re on Jersey Shore, you are probably the microcosm of everything that is wrong in the world today.

Nonetheless, Zack Ryder was a tough son of a bitch. He could take a beating and keep bouncing back. His record throughout his career might not reflect it, but he was tough to put away in matches.

But again, he was just so damn annoying. Seriously, it was like old McDonald. A woo woo here, a woo woo there, here a woo, there a woo, everywhere a woo woo. And that phone, taking pictures all over was just dumb. Most people put it down when they’re at work. Not Ryder.

Why was James Storm thinking about all this? Because some idiot upstairs decided that a “J: True Tennessean Story” was needed for this week to counter the “Z! True Long Island Story.”

The problem was obvious. Zack Ryder appealed to a mainstream; James Storm was a southern simple man. Zack Ryder was loud and obnoxious. James Storm was quiet and laid back. Zack Ryder wanted to go clubbing, rave, down shots, kill some brewskis, hit on some hoeskies, all while hanging with his broskies. James Storm wanted to sit at his bar, drink his beer, and maybe shoot pool or darts. Shuffleboard if it was a good night.

This is what EBWF probably saw. If Zack Ryder pulled his antics in James Storm’s bar, he’d probably get his teeth kicked in. But Storm in Ryder’s type of bar, it had comedy gold written all over it. Just to piss Storm off some more, they brought in Pauly D to help produce it.

So it was the day of the shoot, and Storm was sitting in a studio. He wore his Cowboy Hat, his longnecks and rednecks t-shirt, black cowboy boots, his trademark sunglasses and blue jeans. He had a lot of thoughts going through his head, none bigger than he might have to call Chris Jericho about possibly adding more money to his contract. Nonetheless, this was title match week. So he was going to do his best to work with it.

Pauly D: Alright brah, we got these sick beats hooked up. You gotcha domeset on? We bout to rock this piece!

James Storm: In English please?

Luckily for Storm, EBWF had Stephanie McMahon there, just incase Storm was struggling.

Stephanie McMahon: James, he’s asking if you have your headset on, too compliment the amazing studio set we have here. Because this is going to be a good segment.

James Storm: Then why can’t he just say headset. I mean, for christ’s sake its…

Stephanie McMahon: James, we talked about this. He’s here to help.

James shook his head, put his headset on, and looked at the script in front of him. They found a lot of local indy guys to play his “friends” for this segment. So he was going with it.

Pauly D: Alright, in 3, 2,…

Pauly D pointed to Storm, giving him the queue to start.

James Storm: Hey y’all, and welcome to…

Pauly D: Cut!

James Storm was a little disturbed. Really? 5 words. Come on, man. What could possibly have been wrong?

Pauly D: Now J Storm, you gotta be not so southern.

James Storm: I am Southern.

Stephanie McMahon: James, just listen.

Storm was a little furious, but he decided to let it go.

Pauly D: Now J Storm, you gotta just let it flow, man. You can use your accent, chicks dig that. But you gotta try not to be so twangy. Try greeting with “Yo peeps,” or…

James Storm: Am I talking to Easter Candy?

Stephanie McMahon: James, let him…

James Storm: I’m sorry, but you guys gave me this script to follow. And nowhere does it say I’m talking to yellow gooey marshmallow birds or pink gooey marshmallow bunnies. He can produce, but if you want to avoid my draw, why don’t I just say “HI EVERYBODY!?!?”

Storm was clearly a little unhappy, he didn’t talk the way Zack Ryder did. Nonetheless, this wasn’t Zack Ryder’s segment.

Pauly D: Umm…okay, let’s go with that, bro!

Pauly D decided it might be a good idea to let him finish a segment and get in to the flow of things. He would give his input after.

Storm knew he was going to be greeted early in the show by his good friend, Vincent Pierce. This is what was in the script at least when he looked over the character list. He had not done a full read-through though.

Pauly D: And 3, 2, …

He pointed to Storm, giving him the go ahead to start.

James Storm: Hey everybody, and welcome to ‘J: A True Tennessean’s Story’ where I get to take you through the world in my southern eyes.

What makes this week special? Well I got my first title match in EBW, which is awesome. It’s bound to be one hoot’nanny of a ho-down in Iowa.

Pauly D had his jaw dropped. He did not just hear hoot’nanny and ho down. Nonetheless, he didn’t want an angry southerner, particularly one not too far removed from breaking a beer bottle over someone’s skull, mad at him. He let him continue.

James Storm: And how did I get that chance this week? By cutting open an animal. Which I told everyone I would do. Hey Batista, if it makes you feel any better, I wasted more beer on you than anyone else in my life. That was a full damn bottle!

But that’s old business. Hey Ryder. You think you’re something special because you have some crappy YouTube show? You think because you whined and moaned and cried until you got some spotlight, that you’re something special? Hell no you’re not!

Pauly D was so close to cutting, this just was not funny. It was pathetic at best. But he knew a new character was coming on soon, so he would see what that did.

James Storm: Now I’m not the only one who thinks so. I got my buddy here, Vinnie the P to…wait. Vinnie the P?! What the F*** kinda bullshit is this? Seriously. His name is supposed to be Vincent Pierce, what the hell is this?

Pauly D looked at Stephanie, who was trying to get him to cut. But he thought ‘screw it.’ Watching him rant turned out to be one of the more entertaining things about him. He figured he would let it go.

James Storm: Seriously, that’s what your name is? Vinnie the P, get over here.

Out walked an indy wrestler, maybe 6 feet tall, and about 230 pounds, which was identical to Storm. He was wearing flannel.

James Storm: Now Vinnie, do you know what my least favorite thing about a bar is?

Before the poor indy guy could say a word, he got hit with the “Last Call” Superkick. And he laid there motionless.

Pauly D: (laughing) Yo, make sure we get a shot of the bro that just got his dome cleaned.

The camera was still rolling and Storm’s short temper had flipped.

James Storm: Seriously, what is wrong with people today? Why do people like Zack Ryder? Because let me tell you this, if the whole world was like Zack Ryder we would be short on beer, and whiskey, and hunting, and things that REAL MEN do. You think every name has to be shortened to sound cool? Is that what you idiots from the Northeast really think?

Let me tell you what why I’m doing this video.

At this point he was completely off script, and he was fuming. Pauly D was finding it kind of funny, even though his lifestyle was being insulted. An angry, confused southerner had a very entertaining complex to it.

James Storm: I’m doing this video because if you tried to do the things I did, you would die. You drink Twisted Teas. I can piss Twisted Teas with what I drink. Try whiskey, it’s a man’s drink. Try beer, it’s a man’s drink. Try shooting an animal; it’s a man’s activity. Try going to a bar that plays rock and roll or country. That’s man’s music! You know what, screw this. Someone get in the car and drive me to whatever club Ryder is at.

Storm pointed at an assistant and pointed towards the door. He just inherited the role of driver. He walked right through Stephanie trying to stop him. Pauly D wanted to follow, and gathered the crew.

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They arrived at the club, and there was a door with a line, then a door with no line. Storm went to the door with no line, and met a man with a clipboard.

Doorman: Do you have ID, sir? This is the VIP area.

James Storm: Do my fingerprints count as ID?

Storm smacked the doorman down in one shot, and proceeded to walk right on by. Pauly D and the cameras followed, not to mention the many people with cell phone cameras who caught this event.

James Storm walked straight to the bar, and screamed for the bartender. A scared young guy, maybe 21 years old, walked over. He asked how he could help.

James Storm: I’m looking for Zack Ryder. Where is he?

Bartender: He, umm, he left a little bit ago.

Storm, not used to club volume, could not hear this gUY speak.

James Storm: WHAT?!

Bartender: HE LEFT. HE CALLED IT A NIGHT.

James Storm: Son of a bitch! Well, can you get me a beer then? Budweiser.

The bartender grabs the bottle of beer. Storm was on edge, which made the next sequence of events highly entertaining for Pauly D and the camera crew, as well as many bystanders.

Bartender: That’ll be $12.00.

Yea, that was probably a mistake.

James Storm: Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! WHAT KIND OF PLACE CHARGES $12.00 FOR A TWELVE OUNCE BEER. SERIOUSLY, WHY DO YOU MORONS DO THINGS LIKE THIS?! AGAIN, MAYBE OUR ECONOMY WOULD BE IN A BETTER PLACE IF YOU IDIOTS WENT TO THE BAR 2 BLOCKS AWAY WHERE TWELVE DOLLARS WOULD GET YOU EIGHT OF THESE BEERS.

BUT NO, WE LIVE IN A ZACK RYDER WORLD. WELL NOW, I’M GOING TO END THAT WORLD. HE GOT OUT OF HERE TONIGHT, BUT HE CAN’T ESCAPE ON WARFARE. AND THAT PRECIOUS BELT AROUND HIS WAIST, THAT’S GOING TO GO AROUND A REAL MAN’S WAIST. A MAN WHO CAN ACTUALLY DRINK. A MAN WHO CAN ACTUALLY FIGHT, AND A MAN WHO DOESN’T NEED MY OWN DAMN SHOW TO BUILD UP MY CREDIBILITY!

At this point a security guard walks up.

Security Guard: Excuse me sir, you owe the bartender $12.00, and then I have to ask you to leave.

James Storm: Oh, you don’t have to ask me.

James Storm then hit the “Last Call” on the security guard. He then turned down, and looked at the guy.

James Storm: SORRY, ABOUT YOUR, DAMN, LUCK!

James Storm walked out. He did not pay the $12 because he never took a sip of the beer. All of the events tonight made it online, just not in the same spot. EBWF had his in studio and club rants. TMZ had him smacking the doorman and superkicking a security guard, as well as his bar rant.

There was one way to get noticed, but he knew he’d have a hard time rebounding if he lost this week. He just created a storm of press that EBWF would have to handle, so he knew if he didn’t win, he was in for a long punishment period. If he did win though, EBWF could possibly ride his momentum.

So there was no choice, he HAD to win!

[D.J]

Nice work here man. You write a really nice Storm. He's one angry cowboy.

[Kevin]

Thank you DJ. He's been one of my favorites since he and Roode split, so I love having the chance to write as him.