I'm NOT Crazy!

[Chloe]

~A very large department store was the scene for this promo. It held all manner of things. Televisions, furniture, underwear, toys, video games and more! And all on sale today! But great deals and savings were not the subject of this piece. Our heroine was the fun-sized and, as of late, unbalanced A.J. Lee. She was dressed in a black and red colored sweatshirt with the hood tucked neatly over her head. Shadows covered her face and bits of her brunette hair could be seen hanging downwards. Black shorts that would probably fit a six year old covered her lower half. Not because they were super skimpy, perv, our antagonist was just iddy biddy. Red and black chucks were on her feet and her hands were rested into her hoodie's pockets. A lot was on her mind.

1. Her somewhat slipping grip on her sanity. Well. A lot more than somewhat.

2. Her personal life. Her estranged boyfriend, the blond SKANK-FACE that was stealing him, estranged boyfriend's off and on best friend, and her own best friend and chick buster.

3. The Women's title she had a chance of winning for the second time at the Royal Rumble. Hopefully this time the aforementioned SKANK-FACE would keep her nose out of this championship match. She knew she could whip the skirt off of Maria, the current champion, she just needed it to be a strictly one-on-one affair.

4. Why did she suddenly start skipping all the time? Was it some kinda weird mechanism to deal with her totally wonkiness?

5. She an enormous M&M cookie in catering and some body ate it. She had ruminated about this for hours.

~Maybe not in that order. So, there was a whole lot on her mind. A.J. thought that maybe a little shopping trip would help to lift some of these things from her brain. She had wished Kaitlyn was along with her but the last time they met, A.J. had her with a Slice Bread. Not, like, actual Sliced Bread but the wrestling move that speedy, short types perform with ease. She pushed her shopping cart around and overheard some customers in another aisle.~

Customer #1: Man, that price is CRAZY!

~A.J.'s head gave a tick. It was a man conversing with his wife about the price of a detergent but for some reason she seemed to think it was about her. As she strolled on two teenage boy's shot past her. ~

Teenager: Can't wait to listen to this! It's gonna be INSANE!

~They were talking about the new A$AP Rocky CD because apparently they loved bad bitches. That was their problem. A.J.'s hands began to grip tighter on the handle of her cart. Why did she keep hearing those words wherever she went? ~

Customer #2: Maria's body..it's..fricken NUTS!

~Said a man to his pal as her scrolled through a section of posters and stopped to drool over one of the current red-headed Women's Champion. A.J. could not stand anymore. ~

A.J. Lee: THAT'S IT!

~She tossed her hood off, seething, and kicked her cart aside. A lot of eyes were suddenly upon her.~

A.J. Lee: You all think I'm crazy, huh?! FINE! OK! I AM! I'm bonkers! Whacko! SKITTZY!

~The nimble wrestler hoped onto a display of enormous stuffed animals and bit one's ear off before spitting it out. She was causing quite a commotion at this point.~

A.J. Lee: So do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna cut a promo right here! 'Cause that's what crazy people do, right? I wasn't even DOING anything! I was just trying to shop! But NOOOOO! You all gotta make fun of the unbalanced chick!

~Her sneakers landed on the floor as she stomped over to the poster of Maria and glared into it's eyes.~

A.J. Lee: I. Am. Gonna. Take your title from you, ya giant BUTT FACE! You wouldn't even have it in the first place if it wasn't for me! HA HA! That's funny! Enjoy your little moment of glory while ya can!

~She threw poster onto the floor and began to jump up and down on it before kicking it aside. The customers weren't sure what to make of this meltdown. A.J. stomped her way over to the toy department and snatched two action figures from the wracks. She tore them open and sat squarely onto the ground. The figures were of herself and Maria, respectively. She also provided the voices, of course.~

Maria Figure: I'm Maria! Blah, blah, blah! A.J. handed me a title and I never thanked her for it! I SMELL!

A.J. Figure: I'm A.J.! I try to be nice and good but everyone keeps trying to push me down! I'M GONNA EAT MARIA'S SOUL! HAPPY HANUKKAH, CHUMP!

~In a fit of insanity, A.J. began to chomp on the side of the Maria figure's head. She then tore one of it's legs off and began to beat the figure with it. Obviously, a woman going mad alerted the security guards and a tubby one approached her with caution.~

Guard: Mam, you're going to need to pay for those things and--

~A.J. hissed back a response. Literally. Like a feral cat. She leaped at the man and bit his ear which caused him to shout and grip the offending part of his body.~

A.J. Lee: Oh! Oh!

~Without missing a beat, A.J. went skipping on over to the women's underwear section.~

A.J. Lee: Maybe if I wear something skimpy THEN he'll want me back! Yeah! And I'll be the Women's Champ too?! No way he can turn me down!

~More security guards approached and A.J. snatched one of the metal wracks and began to poke it in the direction of the mall cops.~

A.J. Lee: GETAWAYFROMME!

***

~It took some time but the increased number of guards were able to subdue A.J. and lift her out of the mall, kicking and screaming. They tossed her out and she landed flat on her butt with a thud. She sprung to her feet with her fists balled up, growling, but suddenly began to calm. She released a deep sigh and a content little smile appeared on her face.~

A.J. Lee: Ah. That feels better.

~And as if nothing had happened at all, she went skipping off through the parking lot to her car.~