Christian: Hey, how are you doing, my name is Christian and I am your former World Champion.
His smirk went away.
Christian: Not too good of an introduction, eh? Kind of makes you wonder whether or not my title win was a fluke. Well, it was much of a fluke as the other seven were. But let's not get trapped in past events. Now, I face a bigger challenge than CM Punk; and when I say bigger it's not as in "Bigger, Badder, Better" It's as in overly fed Walrus which has just been injected with calories. I mean, really, the guy is just so fat he makes Paul Heyman look like a Victoria's Secret runway model. And don't even get me started on the body hair. Jesus, man, do you have some notion of what the hell hygiene is? You know how to shave the hair on top of your head but not on the rest of your body?!
Christian starts acting disgusted as if he was almost puking.
Christian: And don't even get me started on that Japanese trend. I mean, why the heck is he Tensai? He's always been Albert, or some variation of that stupid name! Does he think he can get wins just for changing his name. Maybe, that works, I should have tried that last week for an epic match. That would have been awesome, for the World Championship, Punk vs. Random Ass Blond Guy! That would have put some butts in EBWF's seats. Now, you may have noticed I'm especially aggressive in my speech today.Well, that's because I'm freakin pissed off that I lost my championship, and I have no one else to blame but Chad Patton. I didn't need his "help" when I beat Punk the first time. If I had beaten Punk fair and square, I'd still have my title, and I'd be going on to Wrestlemania to defeat Dean Ambrose.
Christian's breathing becomes that of a tired man, so he slows his speech down, calming himself.
Christian: Instead, I'm trapped in the midcard, forced to wrestle a hairy walrus who's more intent on trying to pork Paige than in actually making a damn difference in this place. So, yeah, I'm pissed off with all of this crap. You can quote me on that, PWInsider. Christian pissed off at his treatment in EBWF. But don't you get me wrong. I'm not throwing a fit or temper tantrum, I'm merely expressing how I am disgruntled with the way I'm being handled. I will, however, deal with that digruntlement by kicking Tensai's fat hairy ass from here to Tokyo, where he THINKS he belongs.
Christian took a deep breath.
Christian:
So, come Warfare, I will relieve everyone watching from ever having to buy tickets or order a PPV and getting confronted with that fiendish vision before their otherwise pure eyes. I will prevent anyone from ever having to face that sideways overgrown, and yet under-clothed walking, talking and quite noticeably relentlessly eating freak show that is Prin... I mean Alb... I mean Tensai. As such, to the fans who will be rescued from such... Horrifying menace to their psychological well-being... You're Welcome.
With a small bow, Christian walked off the Peep Show set, completely neglecting his usual intro and outro. A new dawn rose for Christian, he no longer was trapped to his past feats. He no longer cared about keeping the paying customer happy. He cared about keeping the wrestling competitor known as Christian happy, and nothing more.