This time, Rated R

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BigD
Posts: 44
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2012 11:40 pm
Location: San Antonio, TX

This time, Rated R

Post by BigD »

Is For Redneck

Thanks to all for reading this. Feedback is welcomed.
Good luck, Ashlee.
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Ben M
Posts: 1179
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:12 pm
Location: UK

Re: This time, Rated R

Post by Ben M »

Great RP, D! I liked the serious tone for this.
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Ashlee
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Posts: 1886
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:46 pm

Re: This time, Rated R

Post by Ashlee »

Minor critique, work on off camera versus on camera. There weren't any cameras around when Edge invited his mom to the show... you probably didn't have any reason to know about that or use it in the way you did. Lots of us use off camera story to build to something - knowing the difference helps.
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Writers aren't exactly people. They're a whole bunch of people. Trying to be one person.
The only living, breathing, Queen of Efeds in captivity
"You can't blame a writer for what the characters say." - Truman Capote
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Will

Re: This time, Rated R

Post by Will »

Agreed with Ashlee...

Still enjoyed this. Pretty amazing promo. I think I like this Jay Briscoe.
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BigD
Posts: 44
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2012 11:40 pm
Location: San Antonio, TX

Re: This time, Rated R

Post by BigD »

Yeah, Ash I thought about that when I was writing. But I also thought that it would have been something that everyone would have noticed at the show. Just like going to Boston, and Cena's family wasn't there. So that was my justification. But, that whole on/off camera thing is something I've been guilty of many times, so I'll keep it all in mind going forth.

Thanks everyone else for the feedback.
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