Showing Off

[Chloe]

~It was time for a new arrival. A man in a black colored blazer with a bright pink shirt worn underneath of it stood in front of a black backdrop covered in EBWF logo's. With his slicked back blonde locks and overly confident expression, it was a face familiar to wrestling fans. Dolph Ziggler.~

Dolph Ziggler: Welcome one and all to the premier episode of EBWF Download. I am your host Dolph Ziggler. So good that I've already got my own show and I haven't even had a match yet. And if you have to ask "why?" then your existence is already more pitiful than I could have possibly imagined. No. Wait. Scratch that. It's statistically impossible for your life to be more pathetic than it already is. Trust me. I checked into it.

~The Heel's extremely unpleasant personality was still firmly in tact despite showing up in a new company.~

Dolph Ziggler: And not only do I get my own show without even stepping foot into a ring yet...I've also got a match against the Tag Team Champions. I've got Jack Swagger at my side and he's so American that he head butt's Bald Eagles and pisses Budweiser. And that, you dank rejects, is pretty damn American. Of course, the tag division, which is just begging for me, I mean, US, to save it is going to have to wait a little longer. Because it's a non-title affair.

~Ziggler rolls his eyes and looks even more conceited if that's actually possible.~

Dolph Ziggler: And don't try to give me that "have to proof yourself first" deal. Please. Prove myself? Against a pair of jokes like Zack Ryder and Trent Barreta? I'm as real as it gets and I could win any title I feel like any time I want. Fact. Ryder and Barreta know this. As soon as they heard they were going to face myself and Swags, they ran off to the higher up's and begged and pleaded to not put the title's on the line. They went through a hole box of Kleenex. It was just depressing. And wasteful. But I guess if I were either of them, and God knows I would have hung myself by now, I would have done the same thing. Which brings me to my first clip. Absolutely, positively my favorite moment in EBWF history. And, no, it wasn't when Evan Bourne caught a bullet with his feet. That was done with CGI. Not. Impressive.

~Footage began to roll of the last pay per view event: Aftermath. Ziggler could be heard commentating over the footage:

Trent had removed his headset and rolled into the ring, reaching over towards AJ and tossing her right arm up in the air... She turned around and hugged him while Kaytlin put her index in her tongue to display her feelings about the situation... Trent and AJ held each other in the middle of the ring, locking eyes with each other...

Dolph Ziggler: Alright. Let's pause it right there. This is a historic moment. This is the very first time Trent Barreta has ever been this close to a woman. That is, that isn't made of polygon's and on his television set. The downside? She's twelve years old. But before Barreta could whisk little Susie there off into his Pedo-Van....

~Trent and AJ traded a few inaudible words, both of them ended up smiling... Trent leaned in a tiny... Little... bit... closer... to AJ's face... Before suddenly collapsing onto the floor... Curt Hawkins had rushed into the ring right through the crowd and smashed Trent with his cane across the back.~

Dolph Ziggler: Oh! No one told Trent that "To Catch A Predator" helped sponsor the event! Another pervert brought to justice. Can we see that one more time?

~The footage rewound itself and slowed down when Hawkins struck Barreta in the back with his cane.~

Dolph Ziggler: I could watch that all day. Literally. Trent Barreta's tears fuel me. And do we really need those two contaminating the gene pool with their uber nerd child? Hawkins did the world a favor. The man deserves a medal. Or access to a shower since it doesn't look like he's seen one in the past couple of months.

~Ziggler folds his hands together underneath of his chin.~

Dolph Ziggler: Trent. I know you're watching this right now. Because you're a perma-virgin who lives on the internet. So listen up real close because I'm going to talk to you in your language. Beating me would get you five million experience points. You would gain fifteen levels and evolve into your next form: grown man who doesn't live with his parents. But that's not going to happen. Choose your own adventure, Trent! Swagger snaps your ankle or I hit you harder than your disappointment of Duke Nukem Forever. Either way...you lose.

~Dolph looks off-camera as an inaudible voice speaks to him.~

Dolph Ziggler: Trent Barreta has two titles? TWO? Wow. The guy's on this roster must really SUCK!

~The Show-Off can't stifle his laughter as he shakes his head in shock and dismay.~

Dolph Ziggler: And speaking of things that suck, that brings me to Zack Ryder. Yes. This whole "make Zack Ryder relevant" experiment is still going on. And it's still the worst thing I've ever seen on my television. That's right. Worse than Madonna at the Super Bowl and worse than anything Charlie Sheen did in 2011. If I hear that inane catch phrase one more time I swear I'm going to Long Island to personally slap Zack's parents around for giving birth to that spikey haired half-wit. That is if he wasn't reproduced asexually by some soul sucking demon. And I'm almost convinced that's the case. All that aside, this brings us to clip number two. Personally filmed myself as tickets went on sale at the HP Pavillion Arena. Roll it.

~Their were fans lined up outside of the arena as tickets to the Warfare event began to go on sale. The hand-cam zoomed in on a trio of young fans wearing matching Zack Ryder t-shirts.~

Dolph Zigger: Hey look! It's Huey, Duey and Louie! Just with less feathers and a lot more acne. But, no, seriously, kids, I've got a serious question for you. Are you Zack Ryder fans?

Kid: You know it!

Dolph Ziggler: Well, that's adorable. Wait, wait, wait. No it isn't. It's just stupid. You like Zack Ryder. Do you LIKE being picked on at school? Do you LIKE never attracting the opposite sex? You really must. Just stand there while I laugh at you. Don't act like you aren't used to it!

~Ziggler's finger could be seen pointing at the kids who looked terribly annoyed by his antics.~

Dolph Ziggler: Ah ha HA HA! Ha ha HAH! HAHAHA!

~The footage ended and the scene switched back to Dolph in the studio.~

Dolph Ziggler: That. Was. Priceless. And that's all the time we have for this episode. I'll be back with more and by the next time this show is on, I'll be one half of the Tag Team Champions. Later marks.

~The internet clip ended with a link to subscribe to the EBWF's youtube channel and pop-up's with more content.~

****

~Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger stood backstage and were ready to make their debuts. Swagger was wearing his very patriotic, red white and blue singlet while Dolph wore silver trunks, a pink, sleeveless shirt that read "SHOW OFF" across it in bright blue letters and a pair of pink rimmed sunglasses on his head. Matt Striker stood between the tag team.~

Matt Striker: Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, tonight you make your EBWF debuts. You will be facing Tag Team Champs, Zack Ryder and Trent Barreta in a non-title match up. If you are able to get the victory tonight are you going to be looking for a future match where the gold will be on the line?

Dolph Ziggler: No. No, Matt. We just want to beat the champions just to say we did it. We aren't interested in the titles at all. ...HELLO. Do you get paid to do this? That was the dumbest question I've ever been asked. We're all dumber for having heard it.

Jack Swagger: Easy now, Dolph. Not everyone is college educated like the two of us. To answer your question, Matt...yes. After we defeat Ryder and Barreta tonight they're going to have to put those titles on the line. And finally the EBWF can have champions that they can truly be proud of.

Matt Striker: Ryder and Barreta won those titles at Aftermath in a grueling TLC match. They put their bodies on the line against three other teams and came out on top. Do you think you're underestimating them?

Jack Swagger: We aren't underestimating them.

Dolph Ziggler: We're just better than them in every conceivable way.

Jack Swagger: You are looking at the All American, American...

Dolph Ziggler: ...and the man who steals the show each and every time. We're not just future Tag Champs.

Jack Swagger: We're future WORLD Champs. Guys like Trent and Zack can't possibly match up to athlete's of our caliber.

Dolph Ziggler: To their lame little Avengers theme song. Also, NEWSFLASH, no one has liked Sound Garden since 1993.

Jack Swagger: ....To their questionable lifestyles outside of the ring. Video games. Low rent clubs. We're here to demolish the competition.

Dolph Ziggler: And that demolishing begins tonight with those two clowns. And we're going to make it look easy.

~Swagger struck a heroic pose with his hands on his hips while Ziggler flicked some of the water from his damp locks at Striker. He curtly wished the arrogant team luck before stepping away.~