~The spunky, tiny Diva sat on a stool in a studio. She held up her freshly won gold and hoisted it onto one of her shoulders.~
A.J. Lee: And Sunday night, I will be defending this title against Maryse at Death Before Dishonor in sunny California.
~A.J. motioned to a corner of the screen where a DBD logo popped up.~
A.J. Lee: If you order now...you will get the chance to watch me whoop on a snobby French chick! If that isn't worth your money then I don't know what is.
~A.J. folded one leg over the other and tapped at her chin.~
A.J. Lee: Well, I mean, Lollipop Chainsaw is probably worth your money but it's not even out yet. But this is more worth your money! If they would let me come out with a chainsaw, I so would! But ya know? I don't need a chainsaw! I myself am a living, breathing, chainsaw. See, Tajiri, was a Japanese BUZZSAW. That's an entirely different thing. I'm a BAD ASS CHAINSAW.
~A.J. once again struck a thinking pose.~
A.J. Lee: I don't really like "BAD ASS" in front of chainsaw. If you have any suggestions, please tweet them to me at EBWFAJLee!
~Her twitter handler popped up at the bottom of the screen~
A.J. Lee: With all that aside, chainsaws do one thing and we that one thing very well! We chop down snooty French chicks! And we defend titles successfully. ...I guess that's kind of two things so I'm a multi-tasking chainsaw! But that is just one of the many qualities I have that allow me to be such a great champion. I have all the qualities of many other great champions as well. Such as...
~Another image popped up on the screen.~
A.J. Lee: ...Sailor Moon! Sailor Moon was awesome and was outer space. She was a CHAMPION of justice. She blew up aliens on a daily basis and had a cool outfit and was totally amazing. Just. Like. Me. I've blown up many an alien in my day. And who is to say that Maryse isn't possibly an alien? That accent sounds of alien origin to me. Anyhow, Sailor Moon is a champion and so am I. We turn things into moon dust. Don't question it.
~The image of the anime character was replaced with:
A.J. Lee: This guy. I don't know who he is. But as you can see by this title belt...he is a champion. I bet he wrecks stuff! He's overcome a lot of adversity by being an ape in a human dominated industry. But look at those determined eyes. I have those eyes!
~And that was replaced by:
A.J. Lee: Big Bear. Champion. He's doin' thangs. I am also doin' thangs. Next!
~And then..
A.J. Lee: Little known fact. I am a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. They all have the hearts of champions. Now my favorite is Raphael but look up at this picture of Donatello. He is SO beating up guys in suits with a stick. I AM GOING TO BEAT MARYSE WITH A STICK. ...No, no, no. I guess I can't do that. But I have ninja abilities. One of my finishing moves is from Japan. SHINING WIZARD. I assume it's from Japan since it doesn't make any sense. But it's a soul crushing kick to the skull and if I hit Maryse with it she's going to be soul crushed. Or I can use the move I used to win this title: The Octopus. Maryse doesn't have a move named after an eight limbed cephalopod mollusc. And that's why I'm a champion. Thank you.
~Somewhere in A.J.'s hyperactive and A.D.D. riddled mind, this was a convincing argument for her successful defense. The scene faded.~