EBWF Download #2

[Cat]

( Co-written with Chloe 'o course. )

*EBWF's bleach blond braggart Dolph Ziggler sat in a studio to film his second episode of EBWF Download. He reclined in a black leather chair with his hands rested in his lap. He wore a black, pinstriped blazer with matching slacks and a bright, light blue colored shirt underneath of it. His ego was already soaring and it seemed to be in the stratosphere today.*

Dolph Ziggler: I'm Dolph Ziggler. And even though this is only the second episode of EBWF Download it is already the hottest and highest rated piece of programming this company has ever had in it's eleven years of existence. True story. Trust me, I've done this research and nothing else eve comes close. And what else possibly could? Nothing else has my pure sex appeal. But enough about me. We'll talk about me some more later. And in great detail. But for now let's introduce my very first guest. My tag team partner. SOON to be one half of the Tag Team Champions as soon as we wipe Team Virgin off the face of the planet...JACK SWAGGER.

*The camera panned over to Jack Swagger who was sitting in a similar chair to Dolph. But unlike Dolph, he was dressed in a red, white and blue wrestling singlet. Because when you're an All American, American you never know when you might have to battle injustice.*

Jack Swagger: Glad to be here, Dolph. I'm pleased to be a part of a show with some dignity and class. Unlike most episodes of Warfare.

Dolph Ziggler: Of course most episodes of Warfare were cesspool's. Because we weren't there to give them any actual credibility.

Jack Swagger: So true.

*Ziggler and Swagger toasted one another with wine glasses and both took sips. When you are classy and dignified you drink wine.*

Dolph Ziggler: Speaking of episodes of Warfare, let's go back to two weeks ago.

Jack Swagger: That is without question my favorite episode of Warfare ever.

Dolph Ziggler: I would venture to guess that it was pure orgasmic joy for the viewing audience.

*A clip began to roll of Dolph Ziggler hitting Zack Ryder with the Zig-Zag during their non-title encounter two weeks ago. Dolph is shown pinning Ryder and it then cuts to Trent Barreta's shocked expression.*

Dolph Ziggler: Pure. Magic. Trent Barreta looks like someone just told him that the expansion pack for Arkham City has just been delayed. And Ryder looks absolutely crushed. As if he had just lost his front row seats to a sold out Justin Bieber concert.

Jack Swagger: There shouldn't be any shock or disappointment from those two. It's just as we told them. They faced two superior athletes and they lost. And at Death Before Dishonor they are going to lose once more except this time they will no longer be able to sully the good names of the titles they carry.

Dolph Ziggler: By the way. That clip I just showed? It's the single greatest moment in Warfare history. That is until we come out to celebrate our title win.

Jack Swagger: It's going to even rival the parade that was thrown in my honor when I won my first national wrestling match. A proud day for the Swagger family.

*Jack filled with pride as he fondly remembered this memory.*

Dolph Ziggler: I'm going to imagine that Trent and Zack's mom's are going to need some desperate consoling after seeing that their loser son's drop the only things that keep them relevant. Oh. That's right, marks. I'm going to have a three way with their mothers to fill their void of having failure children. DEAL WITH IT.

Jack Swagger: An admirable act if you ask me.

*Swagger flashed his pearly whites to the camera.*

Dolph Ziggler: SPEAKING of Trent and Zack's mom's...I happen to have a call coming in from them right now. Let's patch that through.

*Dolph folded his hands underneath of his chin and leaned forward in his chair. A graphic appeared along the screen that read "Voice of Zack Ryder's Mom" emerged. A woman with a Long Island accent began to speak.*

Zack Ryder's Mom: Dolph! Dolph! My son is such colossal loser! Please make gentle love to me! It's the only way I can go on living knowing that he came from me. WOO, WOO, WOO! YOU KNOW!

Dolph Ziggler: Momma-Ryder. You know I never disappoint. I am a show off. In and out of the ring. Prepare yourself. And get off the line because your voice kind of digusts me.

*There was a click to signify that the phone call ended. A second graphic appeared that read "Voice of Trent Barreta's Mom".*

Trent Barreta's Mom: Dolph! Dolph! Please go easy on my boy! He idolizes you so much! He has a poster of you over his bed that he prays to every night! But don't you go gentle on me. Mmm.

Dolph Ziggler: First off. Poster of me over his bed? Creepy. Unsettling. Very disturbing. Definitely true. And no need to fret, Momma Barreta. There is plenty of Ziggler to go around. Thanks for the call. And if you ever give birth to another kid? Drown it before it grows up to embarrass you.

Satisfied with his buffoonery, Ziggler leans back in his chair with a very smug look on his face.

Dolph Ziggler: God I love myself. I'm so amazing. And I'm told that you brought a clip today, Jack?

Jack Swagger: That's right, Dolph. As The All American, American I am obligated to protect freedom wherever I go. I'm a hero to millions of men, women and children. A lesser man would crumble under such pressure. But not Jack Swagger. I consider myself a role model and so does the rest of America. So I've taken it upon myself to help keep this country beautiful. And after these two clips you will clearly see that the Stars and Stripes are going to be shining even more brightly.

*A clip began to roll of Jack in the middle of a Gamestop. He had a clerk locked in his patented Ankle Lock. The salesman tapped wildly while children and teenagers cheered on Jack's bravery. They threw video game cases onto the floor and began to chant in unison.*

Kids: JACK SWAGGER IS OUR HERO FOREVER AND VIDEO GAMES ARE SATAN!

*The second clip began to roll and it was in a similar situation. Except this time it took place in a night club where Swagger had a DJ trapped in an Ankle Lock. The club goers, who all were dressed in a similar fashion to Swagger, cheered for his heroics.*

Clubbers: WE ARE FINALLY FREE THANKS TO JACK SWAGGER!

*Swagger stepped behind the turntables and broke the record that was playing over his knee. He placed a new one in which played his entrance theme. He then back to scratch at the record, making all of those wicka-wicka-wicka type sounds. The clips ended and cut back to the studio.*

Dolph Ziggler: Wow. I really had no idea you knew how to scratch, Swagger.

Jack Swagger: Turntablism is an proud American tradition.

Dolph Ziggler: I think that just about spells it out. We're leaving Death Before Dishonor as the new Tag Champs. America is going to be safe. The party is going to continue thanks to DJ Swagger. And Ryder and Barreta's mom's are going to be disappointed and satisfied at the same time. Our reign is going to be the most glorious thing you've ever seen and this company should THANK us for saving this division. I'll take my own private jet and scantily clad hostesses to start off. We'll work on the other conditions later. Until then..see ya, MARKS.

*Ziggler aimed a remote control at the screen and after pressing a button in it, the scene went scrambled.*