Ladies and Gentlemen. MY NAME is..

[D.J]

In a match that meant a lot in the scope of the career of Mike Mizanin AKA The Miz. The Miz outlasted his long time friend/enemy AJ Styles in a 2 out of 3 Falls Match to retain his Intercontinental Championship. His next task may be a little taller, and a little bit stronger than the previous. In the first round of the King of the Ring Tournament The Miz would have to go up against a man who recently just lost the EBWF World Championship in Brock Lesnar. The Beast Incarnate is one of the most dominant figures in the history of this business, but at the same time The Miz was a standard in his own right. He was the EBWF Intercontinental Champion, and one of the most decorated stars in the companies history. The one thing he definitely did not have was a good history in the King of the Ring tournament. The Miz was a first round knock out last year, to Jay Briscoe of all people. If he was going to get past the first round this year, he was going to have to get through a much different a much more daunting obstacle.

The scene opened up in a dark room. There was rustling heard until finally the lights popped on, and standing in the main frame of the shot was a face we hadn’t seen in quite some time. He wore a letterman’s jacket and his hair was spiked just the way we all remembered it. EBWF was once again looking at Alex Riley. Riley smirked into the camera and looked as though he was about to speak. Into the frame came The Miz. He wore a black t-shirt and black pants. He had the EBWF Intercontinental Championship over his right shoulder. Riley looked at Miz, and Miz returned the look. The both of them looked back at the camera, then back at each other, then back at the camera. Miz opened his mouth as he was about to speak, but Riley beat him to the punch.

Alex Riley: Hello EBWF Universe, MY NAME is Alex Riley, and I am the advocate of the EBWF Intercontinental Champion THEEEE MIZZZZ. You see EBWF, The Miz and I were once very good friends, but had not spent much time together over the past few years, but when I heard that he would be going head to head in the King of the Ring tournament against Brock Lesnar, I just knew we had to have a reunion. You see folks my client.. THEEEE MIZZZZ… is as good as it gets. He’s the cream of the crop, the best of the best, the superest of superstars, the little Extra to the Ordinary, he is your favorite Wrestler’s Favorite Wrestler, he is the EBWF Intercontinental Champion, and he is fresh off a victory against AJ Styles at Death Before Dishonor. The only thing that makes that even sweeter is that the next time he is in the ring, he is going to be knocking off yet another overrated over publicized goon, that people still can’t seem to shut up about, even now that he is off his steroids.

The Miz whispered something into Riley’s ear.

Alex Riley: Rightttt.. “performance enhancers.”

As you may have guessed, there were air quotes.

Alex Riley: Brock Lesnar isn’t on the same level as The Miz. He isn’t in the same chapter, he’s not even in the same book as The Miz. The Miz has a greatness that super cedes anyone else in this business. He is a winner, and he wins. All of the monologues, the loud yelling, the back rubs that Heyman wants to give to Brock, aren’t going to make one shred of a difference when the bell rings at Warfare, because my client.. THEEE MIZZZ, is above jitters. He is above butterflies, is this a big match? You bet your ass it is, but my client, THE MIZZZZ rises to the occasion. He doesn’t back down from a challenge, he meets it head on, every single time, and guess what? He overcomes it. The Miz has been World Champion, he’s been and is the Intercontinental Champion, he’s been a PTG Champion, a tag team champion, he’s banged your mom.. twice.. he CAN believe it’s not butter. Trix are only for kids.. and The Miz. The point is, there isn’t anything, ANYTHING, let alone anyone that is going to stop him. You may say Brock Lesnar will do this.. to you I say.. plashaw.. there is NO way that Brock Lesnar, on Monday Night, is going to do anything except breathe heavily like he was a 12 year old with a retainer that was too big for his mouth.. and lose to The Miz. Isn’t that right Miz?

The Miz began jumping from foot to foot.. mocking Lesnar. He stopped after about 6 back and forth hops.

The Miz: Yeah.

Alex Riley nodded in appreciation.

Alex Riley: “YEAH” you heard it folks! Not only is my CLIENT The Miz amazing in the ring, but he also knows how to say the SHIT out of the word “YEAH” great work Miz.

The Miz nodded with a serious look on his face.

The Miz: Thanks.

Alex Riley smiled.

Alex Riley: You’re welcome. You’re welcome, is EXACTLY what you are all going to be saying if and when you put money on The Miz to win on Warfare. Now the Miz may not be as big as Brock Lesnar. He may not have ever fought in UFC. He may not be the ‘Beast Incarnate’ but he can quote Beauty and the Beast, and that’s something that Brock Lesnar can definitely not do, similar to reading, pleasing a woman, and of course beating The Miz. You want to try and prove us wrong?

Alex turned to the Miz.

The Miz: “Be Our Guest”

Somewhere a fan of Disney movies of the early nineties had a feel good smile.

Alex Riley: Brock Lesnar may sweat the most pre match than anybody else in our business, but I can promise you that when he steps in the ring with MY client THEEE MIZZZ, he is going to be sweating from a lot more than his pre match mountain climbers. He is going to be sweating, because he is going to know WITHIN seconds of the matches start, that he is way out of his league. He is going to know that all the crunches, the cleans, the squats, did not prepare him for the level of in ring talent that MY CLIENT possesses. He is going to be sweating because The Miz is planning on asking him to solve for X on an Algebra problem before the match begins. He may even just short circuit fall to the ground, and the match will be over easier and faster than anyone could have imagined.. which interestingly enough is what all of Brock’s lovers say. Right Miz?

The Miz: Burn.

Alex smirked. Miz jumped foot to foot once more.

Alex Riley: My name is Alex Riley, and I don’t know much but I know a mismatch when I see one, and folks.. I see one. Brock Lesnar is the big bad wolf, but The Miz is made of bricks. There is NO WAY Brock Lesnar is going to be blowing anybodies house down, he’s not going to be blowing anything, except for Paul Heyman. He’s also not going to be winning anything, most notably the King of the Ring tournament. What a fall from grace. Have you ever seen anything like it in your life. Gorilla man come to EBWF.. Gorilla man win EBWF Title.. Gorilla man lose EBWF Title to John Cena..Gorilla man can’t win another match for as long as Gorilla man live. He loses the belt, loses to The Miz, loses his purpose. Next thing you know Lesnar is going to join a local wrestling company at the American Legion to go and try to “find himself” again like when he left wrestling in the first place for UFC. I would even go as far to recommend it. Seriously Brock go ahead, go do back yard wrestling, boxing, shit go do Karate in some creepy guys basement that he calls the ‘dojo’ for all I care. All of these are better options than stepping in the ring with MY CLIENT.. THE MIZZZZZ. The Miz is going to squash you, he is going to brutalize you, he is going to make your head hurt worse than it does when Sesame Street asks you what letter the word ‘cat’ starts with.

The Miz: C.

He jumped back and forth foot to foot again.

Alex Riley: That’s right C. C is for Cat. C is also for crush and that is exactly what THE MIZ is going to do to you Brock Lesnar. He is going to crush your hopes, he is going to crush your dreams of becoming the king of the ring, and then he is going to drink an Orange Crush Soda, while listening to the song Orange Crush, and texting his crush. The fact of the matter is Brock, The Miz is a better man than you. He’s better looking than you, his advocate has seen his pecker in the last 10 years. No matter what Heyman tells you all this week EBWF universe, don’t believe it. The reason Heyman is so fat is because he’s so full of shit. Paul Heyman wants you to believe that Brock Lesnar is a destructive force that can’t be slowed down or contained. He wants you to believe Brock Lesnar is a man who will bulldoze anything in his path, but the truth is Brock Lesnar is a fraud. He’s a fake, a phony. Brock Lesnar CAN be contained he can be slowed down, in fact he can and he WILL be STOPPED. SHORT this Monday Night on Warfare. God I really just can’t stand Heyman.. he is just so fat.

The Miz was now doing pushups, but stopped himself mid push up to retort.

The Miz: How fat is he?

Alex Riley: He’s so fat, that he looks up cheat codes for Wii Fit.

The Miz looked up at Alex Riley with a disappointed look. He then went back to absolutely crushing push-ups.

Alex Riley: And cheat codes are exactly what Brock Lesnar is going to need to beat my client THEE MIZ. Shit even with cheat codes he may not win. He can A,B, A, B, Start, Select, Select all he wants.. because this Monday Night there is only one man moving on to the next round of the King of the Ring, and his name isn’t Brock Lesnar. Now matter what decibel level Paul Heyman says his name at. The only name that’s going to be heard following the words “here is your winner,” is my client, my friend and yours, THEEEE MIZZZZ. Right Miz?

The Miz was now back to his feet.

The Miz: Right.

Alex Riley: The King of the Ring is a special event. Much like the Royal Rumble it is something people get geared up for, that they look forward to. But facing Brock Lesnar is something that makes this event extra special. To be able to see The Miz take down Brock Lesnar, to watch Paul Heyman’s 9 chins shake in disbelief when The Miz pins Brock in the center of the ring 1.. 2.. 3 is going to be the most amazing experience in my life, since I heard the word “yes” on prom night. The Miz is just simply on a roll right now. Somewhere Paul Heyman just perked up.. and said “there’s rolls here? Where are they?”

Alex Riley smiled in satisfaction of his own joke and turned to The Miz, looking for approval. Miz gave him a blank stare for a good hard 4 seconds, and then began jumping from foot to foot again

Alex Riley: You get it… cause.. cause he’s fat.. you know like from before.

The Miz stopped his hopping.

The Miz: I get it.

Alex Riley: You do get it Miz. The Miz gets it EBWF Universe. He knows. He knows what it takes, he knows the sacrifice that you have to give this business to get the most out of it in return. The Miz knows what you have to put yourself through to make any kind of stamp in this world that we all compete in. Does Brock Lesnar? I mean all this guy really is at this point is a name. A brand. Brock Lesnar has no idea what it’s like to sacrifice, to grind, to work. But REST ASSURED ladies and gentleman that HE. WILL. Rest assured that he will not only sacrifice, grind, and work on Monday Night.. but he will also do one other thing he’s not expecting to do, and that EBWF Universe… is lose. I know this to be true, take it to the bank, treat as gospel. Again EBWF Universe MY NAME is Alex Riley and I am the advocate for the best wrestler in the history of forever. I am The advocate for the EBWF Intercontinental Champion, and the NEXT King of the Ring. How do I know.. I know EBWF Universe because HIS NAME

Alex pointed to The Miz.

Alex Riley: IS THE MIZ.. and HE… IS…

The Miz moved Alex Riley out of the shot, and said his last word packed with intensity.

The Miz: Awesome.

The Miz smirked very Lesnar-esque and began to hop once more as the scene faded out to black.

[Will]

Really funny stuff here bro. You have a great sense of humor.

[Brian W.]

I really thought this was a brilliant idea. It was funny every time Miz spoke and it was spot on with what you were going for.