Raven plans his Breakout.

[Raven]

The scene fades in as a camera man is rounding a corner backstage at the Chesapeake Energy Arena to find Raven sitting on the second step of a flight of stairs that leads from a boiler room. Raven has his head in his hands and staring at the ground while he begins to speak.

Raven-The EBWF powers to be have decided to give me an opportunity to show my worth to this company. To display my significance to the roster they have assembled. A three-way single fall match for the number one contendership to see who faces that pompous moron, Damien Sandow at SummerSlam.

Raven lifts his head and turns so his back is reclining against the wall and extends one of his legs across the step he's sitting on. He stares at the wall while he continues to speak

Raven-The EBWF Gods if you will have decided that for your entertainment you shall see myself, Dean Ambrose and Tyler Breeze compete in a number one contendership match. Tyler Breeze, I don't know who you are, but I do know who I am. And I know what I am capable of. My intelligent proficient knowledge of the squared circle shall prove useful to dispose of yourself and Dean Ambrose.

Raven turns his neck so he can look into the camera

Raven-Which leads me to you, Dean Ambrose. I have no idea why you have even been included in this match. Didn't I dismantle you last week at the Toyota Center? I do not comprehend, grasp or fathom what you could have possibly done to have the EBWF include you in this match, but your confidence shall prove to be foolish. Ambrose, you fell victim once, you can fall victim again.

Raven smirks and takes a breath

Raven-You and Tyler both shall fall victim to what has come to be known as, The EvenFlow. The drive and determination that I have within me shall be matched by no one. I shall break your willpower with my tenacity. You two will be laying on the mat, bloodied and broken while the striped monkey raises my hand in triumph. I shall be the victorious villain whose evil intentions will leave you both in pools of your own failure. I would like to personally invite you both to my corrupt creation. Welcome to Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun. Where I shall take great pleasure in the exterminating extinction of you both. I plan on making you both ache in agony. You will twinge in your torture. So it is written, so it shall come to pass. And when everything is said and done, when all the smoke clears, it will be me, The Raven Warrior who goes on to SummerSlam to ravage and raze Damien Sandow and take what is rightfully mine. To take MY EBWF Breakout Championship title belt. Quoth the Raven, EBWF Breakout Champion, FOREVERMORE.

The camera fades to black after Raven finishes his promo and the scene goes back to Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler as they discuss Raven's promo and the upcoming match

[Ashlee]

Cool promo. I really like the voice you use for Raven. Since you've been around for a few weeks, I thought I just give you some advice because you're a really great promo writer, and I think there's some things you could add to help move you along to be successful in the fed.

More exposition would help the piece. Raven is on a set of steps in the Arena. What color are the walls? What is Raven wearing? Why is Raven's head in his hands, what is he feeling? Etc. Furthermore, another scene maybe with some backstory or maybe an off camera scene to show what Raven does off camera would be cool too. Maybe a bit of story could be included so as to have something to build off of week after week. Also, most EBWFers have transitioned to writing in past tense as it reads cleaner and sounds like a story. Think of your favorite book. It's probably in past tense.

I know my advice was unsolicited, but I like to provide feedback for people where I can. Hope you find something useful here, and thanks for writing such a great promo.