A pizza parlor in the middle of nowhere was host to a pair of extremely destructive forces. Kelly Clarkson's "Heart Beat" song was the soundtrack for an evening of oven baked flat bread and smoothies. But no smoothies were allowed for the pair of god damn bad asses that sat in a smaller than usual table. The table was only small because these two men were known as THE ASCENSION. KONNOR AND VIKTOR. They were dressed in their full regalia. Face paint, shoulder pads, and everything else that struck fear in the hearts of lesser mortals. Both men took bites from their slices of pepperoni pizza. Something was amiss. Their faces said it clearly. Displeasure. Someone had to play. They both stood and shoved their table aside.
Viktor: We are The Ascension!
Konnor: AND WE HATE COLD PIZZA!
The deep, rumbling of their shouted voices caused the jukebox's music to be replaced by their own theme music. Carnage ensued. A waiter was tossed over a counter. An unlucky patron was sent sailing into the jukebox as sparks flew from it. But that didn't stop the Ascension's soundtrack of destruction to stop playing. Oh no. It only made things more intense.
Viktor: We hate Kelly Clarkson!
Konnor: Welcome to the wasteland, KELLY!
More destruction the likes of which a meager pizza parlor had never seen. And will never see again. Bodies lay everywhere amongst rubble and broken furniture. Viktor and Konnor turned towards the camera that was filming them with all the confidence in this world or any other.
Viktor: We are The Ascension!
Konnor: And we're coming to the EBWF! Warfare?!?!
Viktor: You haven't seen Warfare yet! Prepare yourselves!
Viktor pounded his mighty fists against Konnor's chest who only responded with a T-Rex like roar.
Konnor: Bad News Barrett! Ryback! We are going to beat you within an inch of your lives! Your own stupid mothers won't even recognize you! Then we travel to WrestleMania to become TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
Viktor: We will feast upon your entrails and crack open your skulls! Then we will make love to your girlfriends! IF YOU EVEN HAVE GIRLFRIENDS!
Strong words from strong men. The Ascension left their atomic wasteland behind them and booted open the doors to the parlor. At their ready were a pair of incredibly bad ass black and red motorcycles that only demons like themselves could hope to ride. Konnor picked up a helmet and looked at it with disdain before punting it for into heavens.
Konnor: Helmets are for PUSSIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
Viktor: YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
They revved up their death hogs and went scorching to towards their destination. Warfare. Pain and violence was sure to ensue.
RISING!
-
Juan Ramirez
- Posts: 591
- Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:10 am
Re: RISING!
I'd want to watch a pizza parlor be decimated by The Ascension for real. Let's spam their Twitter accounts and have them do it.
History
*Sasha Banks: Member of the Mean Girls, 2016/2017 QOTR, 2016 Alliance of the Year, 2015 Female WOTY, 2x Women's Champion, 2x Women's Tag Champion
Michelle McCool: 2014 Newcomer of the Year, 2014 Women's Royal Rumble Winner, 1x Women's Champion
*Enzo Amore: Member of GTA, 1x IC Champion, 1x Breakout Champion
Seth Rollins: 1x Tag Champion
Blue Pants: N/A
*Sasha Banks: Member of the Mean Girls, 2016/2017 QOTR, 2016 Alliance of the Year, 2015 Female WOTY, 2x Women's Champion, 2x Women's Tag Champion
Michelle McCool: 2014 Newcomer of the Year, 2014 Women's Royal Rumble Winner, 1x Women's Champion
*Enzo Amore: Member of GTA, 1x IC Champion, 1x Breakout Champion
Seth Rollins: 1x Tag Champion
Blue Pants: N/A
Re: RISING!
Me: Who plays the Ascension?
Cory: Skyler
Me: Oh, Skyler!
Cory: Well, it's A Skyler.
Me: *reads, pauses, reads aloud* We are the Ascension. We hate cold pizza!
*longer pause*
Me: It's Skyler.
LOL
Cory: Skyler
Me: Oh, Skyler!
Cory: Well, it's A Skyler.
Me: *reads, pauses, reads aloud* We are the Ascension. We hate cold pizza!
*longer pause*
Me: It's Skyler.
LOL
Writers aren't exactly people. They're a whole bunch of people. Trying to be one person.
The only living, breathing, Queen of Efeds in captivity
"You can't blame a writer for what the characters say." - Truman Capote