Media Run

[Jay]

“FBI, EVERYBODY STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! AND BY FBI I DON’T MEAN FULL BLODDED ITALIAN… Although my last name is Marasciulo… Hmm… WHATEVER!”

A loud thud was heard as Trent had Kicked the door of their WrestleMania hotel room open. Apparently the protege of the Thrillseekers was thrilled to be at the grandest stage of them all. He tossed his luggage inside the room yelling “I CALL DIBS ON THE TOP BUNK!”, The camera panned out of the hall that lead to the room to show a couple of single beds.

Trent: Where are the bunk beds?

Lance Storm walked into the room, came to a halt and put his hands on his hips, taking it all in.

Lance Storm: Thank fuck for that. And no, we’re not pushing them together.

Trent: How about one on top of the other?

Lance Storm: How about you stay here while I go and stay in the top suite with Chris? I deserve it…

Lance started mumbling to himself.

Lance Storm: ...stupid wife… stupid kids…

Trent: Stupid Sami Zayn… Don’t forget about him.

Lance apparently came to his senses.

Lance Storm: Correct. He ruined our plan. Our wonderful plan to fingerpoke-of-doom our way into Wrestlemania history. Now we have to actually make an effort. Hey, two-on-one though, right?

Trent: Of course brah.

Lance walked over to his bed and took a seat on it, placing his small suitcase by his feet. Trent grabbed his truckload of luggage and opened it, dragging a world of cables and consoles to hook them up against the TV of his room… He poked his head in the back of the television.

Trent: DA FUCK? ONLY 4 HDMI PORTS? I BET THAT SAMI ZAYN DUDE HAS 10 HDMI PORTS IN HIS STUPID SUITE. CURSE HIM! Anger is boiling in my veins every second, Lance… It’s like everything bad that has happened to me is because of Sami Zayn!

Lance looked deep in thought.

Lance Storm: Huge...diplomatic...money...investigation? There’s 4 of those?

Trent: I’d have to switch ports everytime I want to play a different console of the 7 consoles I brought. Someone has got to PAY for this.

Lance still looked a bit puzzled.

Lance Storm: EBWF are paying for this, Trent. WES IS! AWESOME!

Lance jumped to his feet and flipped Trent’s bed over.

Lance Storm: Let’s trash the place!

Trent: Listen, Lance… I’m all for vandalism and shit… I was even going to suggest you superkick this Television to the seventh circle of hell… But I’ve got a better idea. Do you know what else Wes pays? Sami Zayn’s salary. We can break every bone in his body, we can make him into chopped liver and unlike this room, no matter how much cash Wes coughs up, he won’t be able to rebuild him.

Lance Storm: I like your thinking - I’ve taught you well. We beat him to within an inch of his life… EBWF picks up the medical bill! However, I’m sensing your dislike of Sami runs a lot deeper than mine…

Trent turned his head to the side dramatically.

Trent: It does… But I shall now divulge that right now… I rather choose to do it during a complicated, lengthy promo. This is not a sleepover or a pajama party, brah.

Lance had just opened his suitcase but immediately closed it, hiding his Harry Potter pyjamas.

Lance Storm: Well it is Wrestlemania week. I’m sure they’ve got us down for a shitload of media. What’re we down for? TV shows? Radio? Eating the divas?

Trent: Uhh… Well… I think we are on autograph signing… Group D or something, I believe we’re in group A, aka those guys who sign autographs while kids are at school and adults at work, we’re also signing autographs as a couple… Another reason why we should go into this match as a Tag team and destroy Zayn.

Lance Storm: I can’t say I’m surprised. They don’t want our beautiful faces upstaging Ziggler and AJ’s.

Trent: That hottie slammy of the year is mine already, Pfft. Sami Zayn isn’t even nominated.

Lance looked infuriated.

Lance Storm: AND NEITHER AM I. THEY KEEP US OFF TV? OFF OF THE RED CARPET? THEY KEEP ME OF ALL PEOPLE OFF OF HOTTIE OF THE YEAR? TRENT.

He got up and shoved Trent.

Lance Storm: LETS GO MAKE OUR OWN MEDIA.

And he stormed out of the room.

-

There was a drum-fill, a steady beat, a guitar riff joined by piano and then horns. The studio audience began their applause and ‘Conan’ came back from an ad-break.

Conan: Thankyou and welcome back! Man did Tom Hardy make me look bad. I think it’s the first time on this show you ladies in the crowd haven’t been fully focused on me, am I right? Well, as any citizen of Los Angeles will tell you this week is Wrestlemania week and we’re feeling the buzz here as well and tomorrow night we’ll have a special appearance by one of the top guys over at the EBWF – a guy even bigger than Andy – but we’re keeping his identity quiet for now… But once again I think I’ll allow everyone’s eyes to be drawn away from all of this. Aint he a beautiful man?

Andy Richter: He sure is-

“If you havin’ girl problems I feel bad for you son…”

All of a sudden the Basic Cable Band had kicked into a Jay-Z classic. Conan and Andy looked towards the entrance confused.

???: Why wait until tomorrow for a wrestling hunk? Tonight, the undisputed hottie of the EBWF joins you RIGHT NOW – on basic cable.

The crowd’s intrigue turned to a mix of boos and applause as out stepped Lance Storm holding a microphone. Conan and Andy looked at each other and shrugged.

Lance Storm: What? You’re not happy to see me? I don’t know who you’ve got on the show tomorrow night – John Cena, AJ Styles, Wes Ikeda… It doesn’t really matter does it? I’m giving you the main event right now!

Conan smirked.

Conan: Well, our producers have kindly prepped me on all things Wrestlemania and I’m pretty confident you’re not the main event, Mr Crewcut.

The crowd laughed.

Lance Storm: Ever the comedian, Mr O’Brien!

Conan: Well it is my job…

Lance Storm: Enough! I’m setting the twitters abuzz right now. This is a television surprise! These things make your dull conversation shows interesting, don’t they? Like I said – I don’t know who you’ve got on tomorrow night, but I knew it wasn’t me. In fact, I’m not really doing much this week. And yes, I’m not the main event of Wrestlemania – but I sure am the main event of this poor excuse for a show.

Lance strolled over and took a seat inbetween Conan and Andy.

Lance Storm: I know you were meant to have Peyton Manning on next, but I told him he wouldn’t be able to take a breather every 10 seconds and he left. AM I RIGHT, CROWD?

There was a good five people who laughed in response.

Lance Storm: I’M UP FOR THE ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR SLAMMY I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW.

Andy Richter: Is it the insurance firm Slammy Awards?

Lance completely ignored Andy.

Lance Storm: Screw this format. I'm not here to make anybody laugh. I’m here because I’ve not been asked to do much this week. I’ve got a few autograph signings here and there, but my bosses don’t seem to want me to be a face of their brand. Yet on Sunday I’ll be stealing the show on their grandest stage and reminding all of their fans why they pay stupid money to sit and watch professional wrestling. Say, Conan – who are some of your favourite wrestlers?

Conan looked down at a card on his desk.

Lance Storm: No, no. Don’t refer to your notes. Tell me the wrestlers you’ve actually heard of. Current wrestlers – if I hear anything that sounds like ‘Hulk Hogan’ I’ll superkick you onto an even worse network.

The crowd laughed at this one. Lance scowled at them.

Conan: Well, there’s John Cena of course. I love the Bella Twins – and I’m sure they’d love a little Conan time. Randy Orton… Chris Jericho… Brock Lesnar…

Lance Storm: Trent?

Conan looked at Lance blankly.

Lance Storm: Do you ACTUALLY know who I am?

Conan: Yeah, you’re Lance Storm. They told me in my earpiece when you showed up. I OK’d you coming on, you know.

Lance Storm: Well aren’t we best friends-

Conan: Oh! Sami Zayn as well. My red-headed brethren! I met him yesterday!

Lance sighed.

Lance Storm: And there it is. We’ve got to the man of the hour – Sami Zayn. Everyone’s favourite guy. The cheery, smiley man of the people. And my opponent at Wrestlemania.

Conan: He’s in a match with two guys, isn’t he?

Conan had referred to his notes again.

Lance Storm: Yes. Me and my protégé, Trent. It’s a three-way match for the Intercontinental Championship.

Conan: So you and your friend are in a match against each other?

Lance Storm: You’re catching on fast. You’ll be Breakout Champion within a month.

Conan: Well that doesn’t seem fair. The man is always holding the strawberry blonde beauties down. You two will gang up on him for sure!

Lance Storm: …and what of it?

Conan: Well that makes you a coward! I’m sorry, fans – I know I’m being uncharacteristically serious here – but this gets on my nerves! As a kid who had a rough time in school, I don’t like to see good men get picked on!

Lance Storm: And that’s why you tell jokes, and I break legs. I think you’ll find – if your bosses make you watch Wrestlemania this Sunday – that me and Trent teaming up to take out the ginger ninja early will prove best for the match itself. We eliminate the deadweight straight away, and then two true icons of the business will square off as friends, with nothing but respect. I’ve taught young Trent a lot, and it will be my honour to see what he has learned first hand. What you will see this Sunday is not an underdog story. It wont be like anything from some Hollywood script. It’ll be a few minutes of a cheery garden gnome’s hopes and dreams being destroyed in front of millions, and then the beautiful art of professional wrestling being showcased to the masses by Lance Storm and his brother in grappling arms Trent. I see a lot of Sami Zayn in you, Conan. A guy that everybody likes. A guy that people pass in the street and can’t help but smile at, because they’re that chirpy, loveable every-man who they can relate to. They can see themselves in the Sami Zayns, the Conan O’Briens of the world. Guys who just about made it, through a combination of niceties and pure luck.

Conan looked genuinely offended.

Lance Storm: And then there’s men like me. I’m not relateable. I’m not particularly likeable. I’m nothing but a hardened, determined, no-frills wrestling machine. I got to where I am through nothing but pure talent. If I’d relied on my people skills and likeability I’d be a librarian right now. But instead, I’m the best damn professional wrestler on the planet. And Sunday night – Conan you better tune in – because you’ll see how a true professional carries out his craft.

Lance turned to the crowd.

Lance Storm: I’m sorry you came here for entertainment, but this isn’t my medium. I’m just here to get you to tune in to Wrestlemania on Sunday, and have your eyes opened to the wonders of my profession.

Lance turned to the camera.

Lance Storm: And Sami Zayn – you wont be getting your Wrestlemania moment. You’ll be getting stretchered to the back while me and Trent tear the house down. Trent? I’ll see you there, brother.

Lance turned back to Conan.

Lance Storm: And now you may return to your quirky questions and attempts at being humorous. Thanks for having me on – like you had a choice.

Lance stood up, nodded to the crowd, and went to leave. He stopped just past the sofa, however, and turned his head. He smirked, and superkicked Andy Richter. The crowd gasped.

Lance Storm: I never saw the point in that guy, anyway. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED NOW?

Security appeared at the side of the stage.

Lance Storm: BUY WRESTLEMANIA!!!

And he ran off-set.

[Jay]

OOC: First Easter in years I've had a big family weekend! So while I couldn't write anything epic - I thought I'd try and write something fun :) LOVE YOU RAZA AND JUAN XO

[Juan Ramirez]

Dear brah

Cool roleplay, brah. I can see when you said 'Let's go do some media', you were serious about it.

Much love,

Your brah,


Juanito Ese holmes

[Jayme]

Eat the Divas lmaoo

Love this roleplay. Lance Storm always cracks me up. I love this whole taking Trent under his wing sort of thing. Keep it up, can't wait to read more adventures of Lance and Trent xD.

Oh and Lance still needs a Slammy for his tweets alone! Tony agrees with me!!

[Holly]

LOL'd several time when read this. Great read!

Note to self: Learn this "fingerpoke-of-doom" maneuver...

[Jay]

Allow the Immortal Arsehole and Big Sexy to teach you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di2DX_3KStQ

[Raza]

This was great as usual man; it's been awesome working with you both!

[Jay]

Always a pleasure Raza! Got some ideas im gonna throw your way at some point :)