Ted DiBiase - ROLL UP ROLL UP. Come forward it’s all free.
Its the late evening and Ted DiBiase is dressed in his customary suit, standing in front of a food truck. A sign is draped in front of it saying “HELP FOR THE HOMELESS”. Inside is Hideo Itami serving up bowls of soup to long cue of people. They move along quickly as they receive their food and try to slip away without being noticed. Ted DiBiase offers each person an over enthusiastic smile as they pass by. He spoke once again, this time addressing Itami as he serves the food.
Ted DiBiase - You see becoming a world superstar is about doing the right thing, getting good PR and giving something back to these bums.
DiBiase continued to offer his incredibly insincere smile to each customer who walked by.
Ted DiBiase - But, Hideo there is also a life lesson that can be learnt today as well. HEY BUDDY!
The Million Dollar Man called over to one of the men eating a bowl of warm soup. He was around 50 years of age and just shy of 400 lbs. Clearly uneasy at being called out, he briefly looked up and immediately turned to look behind him as if DiBiase was calling to someone else.
Ted DiBiase - There’s no one else there, I want to speak to you friend, please come over.
The homeless man quizzically pointed to himself and mouthed “me?” to DiBiase, before slowly walking over.
Ted DiBiase - See Itami this is my friend Mick, say hi to everyone Mick.
He clapped his hand hard on the mans shoulder, almost as though he was going to pull him in for a hug but thought better of it at the last moment.
Homeless man - Errr, sorry my name isn’t Mick, my name is Freddie…….
DiBiase pulled a $5 bill out and handed it to the man.
Ted DiBiase - Tonight you’ll be my friend Mick ok?
The man nodded and took the money hastily.
Ted DiBiase - See that wasn’t so hard. Now this is our friend Mick. As you can see Hideo, he’s a little down on his luck. Much like another Mick we’ll be seeing pretty soon at Warfare. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Itami nodded, but carried on serving those in front of him with amazing efficiency.
Ted DiBiase - Now I’m sure our friend Mick has a good reason for being here tonight. Everyone has been down on their luck at some point in their life, well apart from me HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. How come you’re here Mick?
Mick - Well, ermmm I was hungry and ……….
Ted DiBiase - Hungry?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you look like you’ve had more hot dinners than Mankind has taken chair shots to the head! No I mean how come you’re not at home like a normal person?
Looking incredibly embarrassed “Mick” spoke.
Mick - Well I lost my job and and ended up defaulting on my mortgage payments. Me and my wife got evicted and soon after she left me…….
Ted DiBiase - Whats a mortgage? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It doesn’t matter why you’re here really, the important thing is the lesson we can learn from you. Do me a favour, one of those stupid bum friends of yours spilt some soup on my shoe. Clean it off. With your mouth.
Ted DiBiase raised his shoe slightly nodding towards. “Mick” looked even more worried, not knowing what to do, he began to chuckle thinking it was a joke.
Ted DiBiase - I’m glad you think an expensive pair of shoes being ruined by some cretin who can’t eat is funny. I do not. Get on your hands and knees and lick. It. Clean.
DiBiase pulled out a $20 bill and gestured down towards his shoe. It was obvious “Mick” was thinking about it, his mind working a mile a minute. Before he finally, once again, took the money slowly bending down to the floor and gingerly licking The Million Dollar Man’s shoe.
Ted DiBiase - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Thata boy. You see Hideo, everybody has a price. And our friend Mick here is willing to to sell his dignity for 20 bucks! I feel like Pavlov and these (DiBiase stretched his arms out gesturing to all of the homeless people at the food truck) are my dogs! I ring a bell (he held a 20 dollar bill in his hand and pretended to ring it like a hand bell) and they do as I please. Actually thats a great idea, 50 dollars to bark like a dog while you’re down there Mick.
Less hesitantly Mick stopped his licking and let out a loud dog like bark to Ted DiBiase’s obvious amusement.
Ted DiBiase - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, he actually done it! Here you go Fido (he tossed the money to him) get up, you’re embarrassing yourself. This is great fun, I should come out to these places more often!
Mick stood up, gathering all of the money and stashing it in his pockets, he tried to make a hasty exit. But before he could DiBiase once again clapped his hand on his shoulder to speak to him.
Ted DiBiase - Not so fast there buddy. How about we make this a little more interesting. 100 dollars to let me hit you.
Mick - Hit me? I appreciate everything you’ve done here but I’ll just be on my way…….
Ted DiBiase - 500 dollars.
Mick hesitated, clearly the higher offer had plucked his interest.
Ted DiBiase - 1,000 dollars and I’ll even use my left hand. Come on, I’ve been retired for years, I’m not sure I can even remember how to punch someone, it’s been that long.
Mick stood looking at the ground, mulling over the offer before he reluctantly spoke, his words were a meager, whispered stammer.
Mick - O o o o o okay.
Ted DiBiase - HA thats the spirit. This evening just got a lot more interesting!
As The Million Dollar Man spoke he started a long and elaborate ritual of removing his suit jacket, handing it to his assist and slowly rolling up the left sleeve of his crisp, white shirt.
Ted DiBiase - You see Itami people say when someone is desperate they are at their most dangerous. Our friend Mick here is clearly desperate and you know what, Mankind is also desperate. Now I’m not sure what Mankind is desperate for, is it fame, title belts, heck perhaps like good old Mick here maybe he’s just trying to get a few dollars together for a can of Thunderbird or two. Whatever it is, Mankind is desperate for something. Since coming to the EBWF he’s shown guts, determination and that his old ass couldn’t even beat an egg! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now I don’t think people who are desperate are dangerous, I’ve spent my entire life exploiting the desperate. Because desperate people are stupid.
DiBiase made a theatrical winding back of his left fist, as Mick braced himself for the blow. At the last moment Ted swiftly kicked Mick in the groin. The blow immediately caused him to drop to his knees. As quick as a flash DiBiase picked up a steel chair lent against the food truck and delivered a sickening shot to Mick’s head. The sound of steel on skull was deafening, and the homeless man crumpled in a heap on the floor, his head split open from the ferocious attack. DiBiase was clearly pleased, smirking to himself and starting to slowly to roll his sleeve back down.
Ted DiBiase - Mankind you’re desperation to step foot back in the squared circle was silly, but agreeing to wrestling Itami was the stupidest mistake you could have ever made. Since his debut Hideo has already made easy work of a wrestling machine and an old relic like yourself. And you have just guaranteed yourself the next place on the growing list of wrestlers who will be beaten by the Japanese sensation. At Warfare you will end up like our friend Mick here. Beaten and battered because your own desperation for one last shot at the big time won’t let you admit that you just aren’t good enough to hang with the big boys any more. So you maybe a wild animal backed into a corner right now ready to strike, but behind me is the big game hunter in the EBWF and he will do you a favour by putting you out of your misery! GLORIA send round the car.
DiBiase’s assistant spoke into his headset and a limousine pulled up.
Ted DiBiase - Itami you’ve worked hard enough tonight, I’ve arranged a little treat for you. I’ve book you the penthouse suite at the Plaza hotel.
Without looking he tossed a hotel key over his shoulder and instinctively, without so much as a flinch Hideo caught it.
Ted DiBiase - I’ve also arranged for Miss Noelle Foley to accompany you for the evening. From what I’ve heard the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and she takes after her old man quite a lot. She likes it hardcore too (DiBiase gave an elaborate wink as he said it). HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
As Itami left the food truck DiBiase stepped around the fallen Mick who now had a pool of blood around his head as he began to finally stir.
Ted DiBiase - Have a nice day!
With that he threw the money he had agreed on over Mick. As he walked away he could be heard speaking to his assistant.
Ted DiBiase - Dammit, I got blood on my shirt.
Gloria - But Mr DiBiase sir you never wear a shirt more than once.
Ted DiBiase - I know that, it’s just the principal of the matter……..
