Nak 3.14: Nippon Energized

[Derek]

The colors are so bright that it threatens to melt the screen. The orange walls and yellow tile floor, the green stools, and so much pink everywhere else. A barely animated but extremely exaggerated cartoon face is laid over the shot, with a thick black word balloon jutting out of his huge mouth. It fades away to reveal an unnaturally cute teenage girl in cat ears and a sailor dress. “Ohayōgozaimasu! Wareware wa anata ga koko ni iru shiawasedearu, Nihon reiji e yōkoso! Watashi no gesuto, kyō wa Amerika de tatakau tame ni Nihon o hanare, watashitachi to kare no saisho no shōri o iwau tame ni nozonde imashita. Nakamura Shinsuke ni chūi shi, atatakai kangei o onegaishimasu! “[Good morning! Welcome back to Nippon Energized, we are happy you are here! My guest today left Japan to fight in America and wanted to celebrate his first victory with us. Please give attention and warm welcomes to Nakamura Shinsuke!]

J-pop and cheers on the soundtrack, bubbles filling the studio as the former IWGP champion steps through an asymmetrical door frame. He flings out some of his normal hand gestures, popping bubbles with each wild outburst. He smiles as he perches himself on one of the stools and surveys the still cheering audience. “Watashi wa anata no subete ga hidoku, watashinokoto o ketsujōdeshitaga, 3-shūkan no tame ni ittekimashita?” [I have only been gone for three weeks, did you all miss me that badly?]

The crowd emits a high-pitched roar, causing Shinsuke to break into laughter. “Ha! Mata, watashi wa anata o minogashite imasu. Demo idaina senshi wa, tokiniha hōmushikku o kanjiru node, watashi wa kaesu koto ga totemo ureshīdesu. Watashi wa makabe to okashi no donchansawagi ni iku to se shibō ikimasu yo!” [Ha! I have missed you also. Even great warriors sometimes feel homesick, so I am very happy to return. I’m going to binge on sweets with Makabe and go back fat!] The audience laughs along with him in understanding.

The hostess covers her mouth as she giggles. “Watashitachi no gesuto no tame no ikutsu ka no shitsumon o kiite mimashou! “ [Let’s hear some questions for our guest!]

A man with his face peeking out of the mouth of a blue plush dog costume tromps into audience with microphone in hand. A young boy jumps up and the dog approaches him. “Nakamura-san wa, dono yō ni Amerika o tanoshinde kudasai?” [Nakamura-san, how do you enjoy America?]

He shakes his head with a knowing grin.” Ā, Amerika wa kureijīna bashodesu! Sore wa, mainichi mi ni dōbu~tsuen de, atarashī mono o ikite iru yōna monodesu. Sore wa hijō ni ōkīdesu. Watashi wa kaubōi no yō ni, sora no heigen o kayotte idō shimasu! Sore wa Nihonde wa arimasenga, watashi wa soko ni subarashī jikan o sugoshite imasu. Hijō ni ōku no kotonaru hitobito no shurui, shokuhin, ongaku. Karera wa watashi ga shikashi, mada soko ni hoshida ka wakarimasen. Koko de, watashi wa tōri o aruku hitobito ga watashiwomite manzoku shite imasu. Sugu ni Amerika ga onaji ni narimasu, anata wa to omoimasu ka?” [Ah, America is a crazy place! It is like living in a zoo, new things to see every day. It is very large. I travel through empty plains, like a cowboy! It is no Japan, but I am having a wonderful time there. So many different kinds of people, and food, and music. They do not know I am a star there yet, though. Here, I walk the streets and people are happy to see me. Soon America will be the same, you think?]

The crowd cheers in the affirmative. The dog man marches towards another cute girl in a plaid skirt. “Anata wa kono toki machigatte ita mono o, anata no saisho no 2tsu no tatakai de ikutsu ka no fuun o motte imashita? “[You had some bad luck in your first two fights, what was different this time?]

Nakamura rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Watashi no saisho no tatakai wa, watashitachi wa koko ni motteinai monodearu, dōjini futari no otoko ni hantai shimashita. Ima, watashi wa watashi no beruto no shita no 1 o motte iru koto o, jikai wa watashi ga junbi sa remasu. Sonogo, watashi no dainishū, watashi ga hyōji sa reru made watashi no aite no tame ni zentai no shiai o matte, kono moppu ga watashi ni ochiru tamota naze fushigi ni tamochimasu!” [My first fight was against two men at the same time, which is something we just do not have here. Now that I have one under my belt, next time I will be prepared. Then my second week, I kept waiting the whole match for my opponent to show up, and wondering why this mop kept falling on me!]

A picture of Carlito is put up on the screen next to a dirty mop, drawing laughter from the audience. Shinsuke continues. “Watashi wa saishūtekini jissai no sentō de 1 ni, ringu zentai de 1 o sutando suru kikai ga atta toki shikashi, soreha subete watashi no kokoro ni kurikku sa remashita. Watashi wa puroresu o shūtoku shiyou to shite itaga, kawarini watashi wa karera ni puroresu o oshienakereba narimasen. Soshite, watashi no saisho no ressun wa,-gao ni kikkudeshita!” [But when I finally had the chance to stand across the ring, one on one with a real fighter, it all clicked in my mind. I was trying to learn pro wrestling, but instead I should be teaching them puroresu. And my first lesson was a kick to the face!]

Nakamura hops out of his chair and pantomimes a short kung fu fight to the cheers of the crowd. He sits back down with a goofy grin and watches the dog shuffle towards a nervous looking man with a bowl cut and thick glasses. The man shakes and grits his teeth as the dog approaches. “Ennnnnngh.... Nakamura-san! Anata no tsugi no taisen aite wa jinruidesu! Eennngh... Anata ga kowagatte imasu? “ [Ennnnnngh….Nakamura-san! Your next opponent is Mankind! Eennngh…are you scared?]

Nakamura laughs at the man, who is apparently a character on this show. “Ā, anata wa jinrui ga ē, osoroshī koto o mitsukemasu ka? Watashi wa anata o semenaide, kare wa hijō ni minikuidesu! Shikashi, kare wa sore ga kare o tamotsu tame ni ōku no hiza o torudarou, mata hijō ni kibishīdesu! Watashi ga wakakatta toki, watashi wa FMW no deathmatches de kare o mite, sabotenjakku to yoba reru akushitsuna otoko ga arimashita. Kare wa jibun no karada o gisei ni shi, katsu tame ni nani demo surudarou! Kare wa itami o tanoshinde, kare wa tashika ni osoroshīdeshita. Kono jinrui wa, kare wa onaji kokoro kara kite irunode, kare no kyōi wa, watashi wa karuku toru koto ga dekinai monodesu. Shikashi dōjini, watashi wa kono yōna takai tōtsū taisei de dareka ni chokumen shite kōfun shite imasu. Kare wa hokō sandobaggu no yō ni narimasu!” [Oh, you find Mankind to be frightening, eh? I do not blame you, he is very ugly! But he is also very tough, it will take many knees to keep him down! When I was younger, there was a vicious man called Cactus Jack, I saw him in the FMW deathmatches. He would do anything to win, at the expense of his own body! He enjoyed pain, and he was indeed frightening. This Mankind, he comes from the same mind, so his threat is something I cannot take lightly. But at the same time, I am excited to face someone with such a high pain tolerance. He will be like a walking punching bag!]

The host giggles again then points to a window. “Nakamura-san, anata wa junbi ga dekite yama no ō o saisei suru tame ni arimasu?” [Nakamura-san, are you ready to play King of the Mountain?]

He throws his arms open in glee. “Mao chan! Watashi wa junbi ga dekite umaremashita!” [Mao-chan! I was born ready!]

More animated characters pop onto the screen as it wipes to an outside location. A tall artificial slope stands two stories tall, populated with rocky alcoves and several winding paths. Nakamura climbs up the scaffolding and places a crown on top of his head. He calls out to the audience of mostly children crowded below. “Dare ga Shinsuke no yama no fumoto ni kimasu ka?” [Who comes to the foot of Shinsuke’s mountain?]

The children cheer out something resembling ‘We do!’ and Nakamura laughs. ”Soshite, dare ga samitto de, koko de watashi ni sankashimasu?” [And who will join me here at the summit?]

Another mess of cheers resembling “I will!” but Nakamura’s smile disappears for dramatic effect. “Sore wa yōide wanaidarou. Toppu ni tōtatsu suru ni wa, mazu, kyō no monsutā o norikoeru hitsuyō ga arimasu. Kare wa kao ga sō, kare wa masuku no ushironi sore o kakusu hitsuyō ga arimasu osoroshī to akushitsuna, fumetsu no kemonodesu. Kao o aete... Mutilator! “[It will not be easy. To reach the top, you must first get past today’s monster. He is a vicious, indestructible beast with a face so terrifying he must hide it behind a mask. Who dares face…the Mutilator?!]

A large man steps behind Shinsuke in a leather mask and dingy yellow necktie. The children scream in mock horror until a gong sounds to signal the game beginning. The mob starts to attempt climbing the steep false rock face, some dropping off nearly immediately from the difficulty of finding a their footing and tumbling to a big pillow on the ground to the sound of studio laughter. Those that manage to get traction now face the threat of the Mutilator, or rather Mutilators. A line of large men in similar costumes have appeared at the top of the ramp, carrying inflatable hamster balls. One by one, the Mutilators climb into their ball and take off down the ravines of the rock face, bouncing into the different corridors like the pachinko machine that the sound effects mimic. Kanji symbols pop on screen when the balls knock over the contestants and send them scrambling to the bottom.

Nakamura bellows from the top of the hill. “Mutilator wa akushitsuna aitedesuga, saigo ni, kare wa yuiitsu no betsu no shōgaidearu koto o oboete imasu! Kare no yuiitsu no mokuteki wa chōjō ni koko ni anata no unmei ni tassuru koto kara anata o iji suru kotodesu! Tatakai! Kaihi! Tsuyoku are! Hayaku narimasu! Kare wa anata o yabutte inaidarou, Shinsuke o utsu koto ga dekimasen! Tachiagatte, mōichido o tameshi kudasai!” [The Mutilator is a vicious opponent but in the end remember he is only another obstacle! His only purpose is to keep you from reaching your destiny here on the summit! Fight! Evade! Be stronger! Be faster! He cannot beat Shinsuke, he will not beat you! Get up and try again!]

The screen pauses.

Jessica Rushing sits in front of the monitor, mouth agape. Her eyes slowly drift from the screen to the interpreter in his suit and tie, and then to Shinsuke Nakamura over by the window in his leather pants and a Ribera Steakhouse jacket. She finally forces her lips to form words. “What did I just watch?”

The interpreter glances over to the Nakamura then back to Jessica. “Well, you had told him that you would like him to start doing media in Japan. So he…appeared on a children’s game show.”

She looks back at the screen in time to see another contestant get flattened by a human hamster ball. “This is for children?”

Nakamura speaks up without averting his gaze from the window. “Sore wa hijō ni takaku hyōka sa rete imasu.”

The translator shrugs. “Apparently it is very popular.”

Nakamura nods and saunters across the room. “Kodomo-tachi wa karera no eiyū o miru tame ni tatakai ni kimasu. Watashi wa nyūsu de gozen baai wa, karera ga watashiwomite imasen. Karera wa watashi o mitara, watashi wa karera no eiyū o shite imasu.”

The translator sheepishly turns back to Jessica. “His thought was that if you get the children, then you will get the parents, and the children do not watch the regular news.” Nakamura nods again as he places his foot on the back of the interpreter’s neck to use him as a post for a trademark monkey-like leg stretch.

Jessica shakes her head. “I appreciate that you are thinking outside of the box, Mr. Nakamura. If we could also pepper in the occasional adult interaction, that would be outstanding. I must say, it looks as if you are…comfortable?”

Shinsuke removes his foot from the translator’s back and smiles at Jessica. He places a finger on the smaller man’s lips. “When I first got here, I try to be respectful. I wear my suit to meetings and I play nice. I play by your rules, like a….eh…guest in your house. But when I looked across the ring at…Sheamus….I felt like I was back home. And I thought, you did not hire Nakamura because he was the Guest of Strong Style, you hired the King. So a king plays by his own rules. Jessica, the swag is back.”

The executive smiles. “I think our international broadcast partners will be very happy to hear that.”

He turns to the translator. “Dōyō ni ōku no yorokobi, soreha gaijū no yō ni anata o atsukau tame ni watashi o ataeru yō ni, watashi wa mohaya anata no kao o minai yō ni shitai to omoimasu.”

The translator’s face brightens. “Oh domo! Domo!” He turns to the confused Rushing. “He just fired me.” The man runs out of the room, nearly clicking his heels in joy.

Nakamura shrugs. “Maybe I…mistreated him just a little. You may send him fruit with my name on it if you wish. But I will not have any one else speak for me. My English is not too bad, better than some of your Americans on the show at least, ha! Jessica, you still look worried about Shinsuke, do not be. Trust in strong style. There is always a madness to his method ,ha!”

Pleased with his twist of a foreign idiom, Shinsuke struts away from the desk and indeed draws a relieved smile from Jessica Rushing. He pushes open the door with his foot and grabs a card from the receptionist with an extra phone number surrounded by tiny hearts. As he steps onto the elevator, he puts the card into his pocket and dials a different number. “Hello? This is live call-in show, yes? Is Joe there? Can you ask him how that crow tastes? Hahaha!”

Shinsuke continues to laugh. It’s good to be the King.