DC 5.23: Peacock Ascending

[Derek]

We cut backstage, where a man with crazy hair and a sequined jumpsuit lounges on a couch composed of muscular servants on all fours.

DC- "Salutations. I'm Dalton Castle and THESE are my BOYS. And this....[he waves around a pink piece of paper that has been carefully folded into a fan]...is my contract. That's right. We are oh-FFICIAL, baby! Oh my, it gives me the vapors just THINKING about it! [he fans himself with the contract before reaching down and handing it off to one of the Boys]

Ever since my triumphant processional into the Elegant Bachelor Wildlife Foundation, everyone knows....wants to know...when the Party Peacock will be gracing the world with his presence once again. Well, wonder no longer, you lucky, lucky people you. Because IT. IS. HAPPENING. That's right, next week I throw my feathered hat into the race to be elected king,and everyone better WATCH OUT, because I got a GOOD ARM! And the rest of me ain't too shabby, either. [he starts to bounce up and down, and slaps the Boy forming the center of the couch] Stop giggling! We are strong and immobile, like stone statues of glorious GODS! Also, the vibration makes me a little bit queasy.

This tournament is the hottest ticket in town, anyone who's anyone is going to be involved, and I'm going to be right in the middle. Right in the THICK of it. MIXING IT UP! And who did I pull for my first opponent but Damien Sandow, the smartest man on Earth. Well, if you're so smart, Damien, tell me what I am thinking right now. [he squints his eyes for a moment before popping them open even wider] Trick question! I don't think, I do. And you're going to see what I do first-hand, next week.

Sandow, I know you're going to want to put on a show. First night in a new place, you're gonna want to beat down the biggest, or the meanest, or the strongest, or in this case the MANLIEST. Pick a fight with the baddest dog in the yard, it's how you survive, but better watch out, or else you're gonna get bit. By the manly dog. That's me. I'm a manly dog. As well as being a peacock. Look, metaphors are complicated. But you know what I mean, right boys? [the Boys all grunt in the affirmative] And they're dumb as sexy bricks, so don't pretend you don't understand me, Damien. Losing your job in the public forum, probably makes a man desperate to establish himself again. But here's the thing about desperation...you can't claim sole custody of it. I am desperate myself, to prove I belong in the big leagues, and that I am as good as I say I am. Spoiler alert- I'm even better.

So hide your kids, hide your wives...hide your husbands, while you're at it, because Dalton Castle is here, and your world has just become a twenty four hour party.

CASTLE OUT!"

[Ashlee]

I love this. I'm dying I love this so much.