Smorgasbord

[Kamden]

Death Before Dishonor was in the middle of its pre­show, the fans ecstatic for the events to come throughout the evening. Presently, their attention was turned to the titantron as it lit up, Matt Striker at its center.

Matt Striker: Hello ladies and gentleman. Boy, what a show we've got for you tonight. In a few minutes we’ll kick things off with triple threat action, featuring EBWF newcomers Baron Corbin and RVD, as well as Matt Sydal, a recently established member of the EBWF roster. But first, I’d like to welcome my guest at this time--
­­
He didn’t get a chance to say anything else because he was interrupted by a series of flying fists aimed at and around his head, but barely grazing him. Each hand purposefully missed a hit
every single time. Insane accuracy. For missing at least. Striker stood as still as possible, looking at his guest with a side eye until the camera
panned out slightly to reveal the man behind the fists. Enzo Amore.With a sharp smack on the
back of Striker’s head, Enzo clapped his hands together very loudly several times while Striker
tried to rub the stinging heat from his cranium.

Matt Striker: Enzo Amore… Ow.

Enzo Amore: Is that what they’re callin’ me these days? If you say it just the right way it sounds too damn good. “Enzo Amore….. Owwwwowwwwowwww!”

Striker was not amused and simply shook his head.

Matt Striker: I’d appreciate if you didn’t hit me, Enzo.

Enzo Amore: Oh you thought I hit you just then? That was NUTHINNNN’ bro! I’ll show you what me hittin’ you feels like, just stand still so I don’t miss­­ like I did the other times.

Matt Striker: NOO NONO NO THANKS! I’d rather not be the victim of that.

Enzo Amore: Ok calm down man, no one was gonna do anything serious.

He put his hands up and bugged his eyes out a little, before jokingly backhanding Striker in the chest. Too hard for his own comfort. Striker grunted and coughed.

Enzo Amore: What’s up man, tell me, I got this match for the INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE
tonight!

Matt Striker: Yes, you do… against Kevin Owens. Someone much bigger than you.
Probably someone you can’t just slap around. I imagine if you tried that the outcome wouldn’t be
so pleasant for someone of your stature.

Enzo Amore: "Of my stature?" What’s that supposed to mean? You tryin' to discriminate or somethin'?

Matt Striker: You’re considerably smaller than Owens. That, frankly, puts you
at a disadvantage.

The Certified G didn't like what he just heard. To insult a man in this way was blasphemous and
unforgivable and a direct punch to the gut of his ego. A vessel in his throat and temple began to
pulsate.

Enzo Amore: I don’t care what this Franky over here says. Tell Franky he can come say that to my FACE and see if he still wants to talk all big and tough then. Does this look like it puts me at
a disadvantage Matt? Huh?!

He flexed his right arm and the muscles bulged. When Matt failed to react, Enzo grabbed him
roughly by his collar and started shaking him.

Enzo Amore: ANSWER THE QUESTION BRO! Does THIS look like it puts me at a disadvantage, my man??? AHHHHH!!!!

He flexed his other arm this time, and Striker started shaking his head slowly, but not fast
enough. Enzo shoved him and he fell to the floor, before flexing both arms and bobbing his head. His sharp blues eyes were bugged out to the max and it looked like he was possessed. Whether it was the massive amounts of protein he ingested earlier in the day or some inner demons he was battling was unclear. Either way it scared Striker. He lay on the ground shocked. The camera caught him flustered, failing to even get to his feet. Enzo smacked his chest and face a few times and snapped out of whatever it was that consumed him and walked over to Striker, again grabbing at his collar and with little effort stood him upright. He dragged him back to where they were both standing before and dusted off his clothes for him, and even straightened his tie for him. Striker was completely taken aback and speechless.

Enzo Amore: Man, sorry, sometimes I just get this case of the heebie jeebies and it ruins my mood. This turkey don’t jive right sometimes. But hey we all got a issues, right? Like me and
Kevin Owens, we’re gonna have an issue tonight whenever we step in that ring. I want you to
tell buster over that I gotta few things to say to him.

Striker nodded his head silently, refusing to look Enzo in the eye for fear of backlash.

Matt Striker: As long as you don’t touch me you can say whatever you want.

Enzo Amore: First of all. I’ma break his chicken legs. I bet you break one of them clean out the socket, gravy will come flowin’ out. That is not that type of train I would wanna ride. Then I’ll pick them both up and beat him with them. You know what they call a chicken without feet Matt?!
DINNER! I’M GONNA SERVE KEVIN OWENS ON A PLATTER AND EAT HIM ALIVE! Or I could just run some laps and he will probably die of an aneurysm anyway... Unless I get to him FIRST AND CHOKE HIM OUT!!!! Death Before Dishonor right? Hey Kevin, let me just kill you before you lose. You can do that at this pay-per-view right? Kill someone?

Matt Striker: No! Just because it's called Death Before Dishonor doesn't mean you can kill someone!!!!

At this point Matt looked utterly terrified but at the same time was so bewildered he even had to explain this. Enzo groaned and put his hands up in defeat.

Enzo Amore: ARGGGHHH okaaaay then man! Sheesh. Then I'll just punch him in the gut like I do a punching bag at the gym and terminate that food baby he has growing in the very pits of his stomach. One haymaker from this fist here and that lump in the front turns to hump in the back. And no one is gonna want to ride that. I will dropkick him in the nose and grape jelly will leak from his nostrils. I will plant his skull into the mat so hard that his eyeballs will explode from their sockets like stale gumballs and nacho cheese sauce will pour out. By the time I am finished with him he will have s*** himself out an entire pizza, because we know that man eats them WHOLE! There ain't a dish deep enough for him. Let me prove to the people that while the fries he gets from Chick-fil-a may be bottomless, he ain't gettin' no chicks that way since career is goin' to rock bottom. Enzo Amore will beat the grits hidin' out in this dudes armpits. Enzo Amore will shake and bake Kevin Owens till his brains turn to jelly. Enzo Amore will sizzle circles while he runs loops around Kevin Owens and drizzle him in his own blood when busts his ear drums like cherries when I ask him HOW YOU DOIN'! And ya CAN'T TEACH THAT.

He yelled right into Striker's face and probably busted his ear drums.

Enzo Amore: I need everyone to look out tonight because once I start there is no stoppin'. I have been up for 32 hours straight already. You can't even tell!!!

He pointed to his face. His eyes were still buggy and he had slight bags underneath his eyes, which were also glassy. The left one twitched a little, too. Matt looked slightly disgusted. Not the best close-up.

Matt Striker: Well I for one will not get in your way.

Enzo Amore: Good. All my peeps at home can catch it on TV. You and everybody else? Just sit back and watch the Certified G do his thing. Bada. BOOM!

Enzo smacked the microphone out of Striker's hand before walking away.
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OOC: Sorry for any weird spacing, typos. I'm in the middle of moving and have no internet and typed this from my phone D: Good luck Dotty!

[Juan Ramirez]

Hahahahah Frankie is such a Dick! I loved this Kamden.

[David]

I'm gonna be fully honest, I heard all of that in my head in Enzo's voice, and it was awesome!