EBWF's Stan Lee

[Juan Ramirez]

"It is no secret that most men have fears, skeletons in our closet, demons trapped deep inside us. Now, while some of us are able to overcome these demons with enough conviction, strength and discipline… Of course, there’s other kind of people… The ones who identify their flaws, defects and insecurities… But instead of facing them, they choose the easy way out, to go around them and hide their demons… Whether under large check books, hypertrophied, unhealthy muscles, extravagant tattoos… Sometimes all of the above.

There’d be a time and a place to tell the story of how I came to be, on how I overcame these fears to become the top physical specimen you are going to witness in the EBWF universe… One thing is for sure, I did not become the Swiss Superman by avoiding trouble and running back to my safe place every time things got rough… What would be the point of returning to Switzerland with my tail stuck between my legs? I am a symbol, by far Switzerland’s biggest export… And if I fail to achieve a goal I have set, I cannot simply turn my head towards an acting gig… Simply because I cannot lie to my nation and I cannot lie to myself.

Sparking new life into the ever growing EBWF is certainly my main objective, and what better than doing so by winning King of The Ring. A Tournament as prestigious as it sounded… Then again, not all participants were cut for Royal duties were they? Take Dwayne Johnson for example… As big, bulky, famous and charismatic as he might be… He Certainly was not cut for Royal duties. See, the EBWF Universe palate is far more demanding than that… And if the EBWF palate is not fond of Swiss delights… A few uppercuts could always knock some sense into their tastebuds.”

“Chocolate?”

His hand extended a small sphere rolled around in golden wrapping, dropping it on a female palm. The camera panned out slowly, just in time to catch a glimpse of Cesaro’s smile as he handed the chocolate to Renee Young, who wasted no time in unwrapping the Swiss chocolate to put it in her mouth… Cesaro smiled pleasanly yet again and leaned in against the microphone she held on her hand.

Cesaro: Allow me to take it from here while my swiss chocolate takes your mouth on a trip to the stars and back. See, everyone thinks Chocolate is our biggest export… Sure it is well known, but it is not as big, captivating, sophisticated and addictive as yours truly… Pardon me if I don’t indulge in acknowledging our geographical location or inappropriate catchphrases to get the crowd off their seats… But believe me, when the bell rings their eyes will be unable to let go off me and when the bell rings again, they’d be left wanting more. That is basically the experience that the EBWF Universe is going to have with Cesaro on a weekly basis….

Clad in his trademark red trunks with the swiss flag on them, white knee pads and elbow pads, Cesaro was looking like he meant business.

Renee Young: Thank you for that Swiss treat, Cesaro. As you already know, you’re scheduled to compete against The Rock on the first round of the King of the Ring tournament… Were you expecting such big profile match as your debut?

Cesaro: Most welcome, that is nothing but an appetizer compared to what is coming to the EBWF… And unlike my upcoming opponent, I always back up what I say in that ring... I rather leave a lot of things to be stated on the Canvas. Strong statements, strong in ring performances… Now, regarding your question: Was I expecting a big profile match as my debut? Well Renee… I am nothing but confident in my ability, I am nothing but ready to be the biggest wrestler this country has ever seen between the ropes… But I am pleasantly surprised Wes Ikeda has acknowledged such talent… Nonetheless, and I mean this with the utmost respect… Do you actually think Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is a "big profile" opponent for me? And before hand, I promise I am not going to rudely interrupt you and say “It doesn’t matter what you think”... Do I look like a teenager to you?

Renee Young: Well, the Rock is certainly one of the most beloved and successful superstars worldwide today…

Cesaro: He is, blockbuster after blockbuster, campaign after campaign, his social media is all over the place… He's one of the most influential Hollywood celebrities today. But when was the last time he was actually relevant in the ring? If I recall correctly, the last time he was in EBWF he told his millions and millions of fans, which is redundant, but I’m quoting him literally… He promised them he was here to stay… He promised he’d become the World Champion, albeit by the easiest path possible in EBWF today… He then went on to make a fool of himself, losing the title to someone whose movies are gathering dust at the bottom of Walmart's discount DVD bins, who is far less muscular and uses much, much less baby oil… Am I right?

Renee Young: Yes, The Rock did lose the Path To Glory title to The Miz…

Cesaro: He lost the opportunity of going for a World Title shot in the easiest, shortest, most risk-free way possible… What did he do? Did he rise against adversity? Did he learn from his mistakes and came back for what he said he wanted? No... He just went back to Hollywood to lick his wounds and patch them up with one hundred dollar bills… Now, he made up his mind -Or his accountant did, and decided he wants to be World Champion! Let me guess, Renee.... He went out there and promised his billions of fans he would win a The King of the Ring tournament, which if I am not mistaken consists on a series of matches… Didn’t he?

Renee nodded her head.

Cesaro: So, he says he is going to win four matches in a row, when he couldn’t win one match against The Miz? Let that sink in, Renee.

Cesaro chuckled before he went on.

Cesaro: Allow me to let you in on a little secret, Renee. The world is a harsh place… The world is like a pool infested with sharks, where everyone is trying to take the biggest bite. Dwayne Johnson is no different Renee… It is no secret to anyone that the real reason for “Rocky” to finally be back, for like the fifth time… Is none other than to promote one of his upcoming movies. And to paraphrase him… “When it is all said and done… When the dust settles… His millions and millions of fans will be chanting his name”.

The capacity crowd exploted in “Rocky” chants.

Cesaro: Chanting his name as he rides his limo, bags full of cash and his fake whitened smile and roided up cheeks will be back on track towards Hollywood... You see Renee, the thing is I can see straight through the Rock. I can see how much of a sad, insecure wrestler he is. He clearly has no more heart and passion for this business as much as he has passion for filling his pockets and walking down the red carpet... The Rock's priorities have been clearly set set since he shot "The Scorpion King". And as a man who has had to wrestle all over the world, sometimes for peanuts and gas money... The fact someone like the Rock shows no passion or drive for this business and manages to get his pockets full whenever he wants at the expense of the fans makes me sick... I live and breathe for this business Renee, and those EBWF fans who haven't seen me will learn that soon enough! For there is no room in the throne for a tainted king like the Rock... I will do everything within my reach to ensure he thinks twice before shamelessly trying to cash in on wrestling to promote his movies. To put it in cinematic terms... The Rock is to EBWF what Stan Lee is to Marvel movies... We're all happy to see the old geezer doing absurd, borderline ridiculous cameos... But we know he'd only be around for a brief moment... We know the movie will be all about superheroes fighting each other afterwards. This is exactly the same... The Rock comes out here "The Rock says this, the rock says that, Swiss have hairy armpits, Swiss wouldn't know deodorant even if they smacked them across the face, lay the smackdown, candyass, jabroni if you Smell what the Rock is cooking"... I'm pretty Sure Rocky could take the whole on air time of our show if he wanted to... But I wonder how much smack is he willing to talk if he doesn't manage to beat me? Which, t be honest... It's quite a feat in itself, considering he only trains to show off his muscles in movies these days, and he hasn't been on a ring for a good few months...


Renee Young: Do you have any additional message for the Rock?

Cesaro: I am not interested in a war of words, I am interested in besting him on the ring. Of course I do have a message for him, the biggest message will be delivered in the ring, though... Laugh and joke around Rocky... Laugh and joke around... We'll see how much laughter you've got left in you after I've tossed you around the ring a couple of times and messed up your fake hollywood toothjob with my Swiss uppercuts... You know what I find funny? For a man who has gone for over 15 years with the same repetitive and nonclever catchphrases... You seem unnerved by the possibility of your steroid enhanced ass going round and round while I swing you around the ring... I wonder how many swings would it take before you're begging, crying for me to put you down... Don't worry, the Swing is just meant to numb you so that when I am breaking you into two with the Crossface you don't feel too much pain...

Cesaro shrugged and smiled sarcastically.

Cesaro: You know how these prima-donnas can be... Sadly for you Rock, there are no stunt doubles here, and once in the ring with me, there will be no reshoots, no editing and no camera trick that would save you from defeat. Pain will be real, shame will be real... I'm not sure how getting your ass handed to you by a newcomer is good to promote a movie... But still. Welcome back, Rock... We can't wait until you go back to Hollywood. I can't wait to be the one who sends you back to Hollywood

Cesaro smiled at Renee Young before making his way out of the picture as the scene faded to black.

[Ashlee]

Bravo, Dohk! Bravo. I love the chocolate too :-)

[David]

You can never go wrong with chocolate and references to Stan Lee, really good work, man!

[Kamden]

SEXSARO <3333333

This was beautiful Dohko. And not just because Cesaro is here. It was an amazing read, thank you.

[Dotty]

Cesaro: Allow me to take it from here while my swiss chocolate takes your mouth on a trip to the stars and back.

For some reason I read this in Barry White's voice and made in the most sexual thing I've ever seen on this forum! Haha!