Tha God Meets The Boss

[Kamden]

OOC: Just wanna apologize before you all read about any typos and stuff that doesn't make sense at least halfway through this lol.
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Charlamagne Tha God: And Welcome back to the one and only Breakfast Club live on The Power 105.1. Charlamagne Tha God here with the squad Angela Yee and DJ Envy bringin’ you the next best in New York.

DJ Envy: What’s good what’s good.

Angela Yee: Let’s get right to it, ya’ll. I am so excited for who we’ve got in the studio with us today. She’s a boss, a killa and you better not try and school her. Because she will jack. You. Up.

DJ Envy: You don’t mess with a boss. That’s the quickest way to your final destination, 6 feet under in a lock box with no way out.

Charlamagne Tha God: We mean it when we say she means business. Let’s bring in our girl, two-time and current EBWF women’s champion, Sasha Banks.

Sasha Banks: Spoken like a true boss. Thanks for having me on the show.

Charlamagne Tha God: Of course, Sasha. Thank you for coming.

Angela Yee: For those of you at home, you can’t see it, but Envy is over here shaking in his seat trying not to get on the boss’s bad side.

DJ Envy: What? You can’t blame a man for tryna protect himself.

Charlamagne Tha God: No one needs to worry though. Sasha isn’t here to fight any of us. She’s saving all that for this Sunday. EBWF’s Fanniversary Pay-per-view will mark the company’s 15th year in the running. And Sasha will be participating no doubt. Tell us a little bit about Fanniversary, Boss lady.

Sasha Banks: Fanniversary is huge for the EBWF. Like you said, it’s the company’s 15th year. We’re a baby compared to the bigger wrestling promotions, but for the ones that are supposed to be our immediate competition like Ring of Honor or TNA? We run this industry. And of course, we have to thank our fans for that. The ones who have supported this company from day one and made it possible to go on year after year and continue to prove why the EBWF is the best of the best.

Angela Yee: It’s honestly so amazing to see woman, a woman of color at that, be part of something so influential in sports entertainment. When I was looking into EBWF compared to other companies like WWE or TNA, I saw this huge difference in how women are portrayed. What do you love most about being an athlete under EBWF?

Sasha Banks: I love the freedom! It’s liberating. I don’t have to be reduced to something I’m not. I can do what I want and say what I want, ‘cuz I’m a boss.

Charlamagne Tha God: And ‘cuz your boss said so?

Sasha Banks: Yeah okay… That too.

Charlamagne Tha God: See, she ain’t as bad as she thinks she is! So let’s get to some real talk, Sasha. You like to speak your mind, do what you gotta do. Let’s get a little taste of that.

DJ Envy: Yes yes yessir, I got these questions for you right here.

Angela Yee: So DJ Envy is gonna ask Banks some questions about her upcoming match at Fanniversary. She’s set to defend the women’s championship against our Donkey of the Day: Carmellaaaaaaaa.

Horse neigh and a bell sound effect went off at mention of Banks opponent.

DJ Envy: Carmella ain’t done NOTHIN’ wrong, in fact, she hails from Staten Island right here in New York. At 5’5, the baddest chick on the coast side of NYC is billed against the BOSS, SASHA BANKS! And for the purpose of this show, we have nominated her as our Donkey of the Day.

Charlamagne Tha God: Come Sunday we hear Carmellaaaa may make an ass of herself, hence being our Donkey of the Day.

DJ Envy: And now….. Also at 5’5, rocking the heavy chain and gold rings, shutter shades and more bling.. Coming out from Boston, Mass, the baddest, the champ…. The BOSS, Sasha Banks!

Envy clicked another button and this time the sound of a cheering audience sounded off.

DJ Envy: Now Sasha, first question: What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Both Yee and Charlamagne could be heard causing a ruckus in the background at the question.

Sasha Banks: That’s ok, that’s ok. It’s a legit question for a legit boss… You wanna know what my favorite flavor of ice cream is. It’s chocolate. With a topping of me whipping Carrmellaaaaaaaaa’s behind on a sundae!

DJ Envy: Oooooo ok! You know what though, I just realized I was readin’ off the wrong paper. My fault, my fault. Here is a real question for a real boss. We see you have lots of beef with rappers out there, from Kanye to Eminem to most recently Machine Gun Kelly.

Sasha Banks: He tried to touch my hair, so I smacked him.

DJ Envy: You know he kinda deserves a slap anyway. But enlighten us here at the Breakfast Club; is this just a sample of what you plan to bring to Carmellaaaaaaa at Fanniversary?


Sasha Banks: I wouldn’t even call that an appetizer, ‘cuz when it comes down to it I will be serving Carmella a deep dish platter of smack a rat. And I would love for her to try me just so I can show her if you touch a hot plate you get burned. The only thing smokin’ about Carmella is that burning dumpster of hot garbage she calls Staten Island. That’s what people from over there mean when they say “it’s lit”. Carmellaaaa is packing nothing but cigarettes into her big mouth, and I’m ready to put her out for good. Running only does good if it involves your feet boo boo, not that mouth. But if her style says anything about how she plans to fight in that ring… I’m scared for her. Next time Carmella says my name, there’s gonna be some RESPECK ON IT!

Charlamagne Tha God: Come on now, don’t be starting beef with Birdman now. We already took care of that.

Angela Yee: No you need to let her speak her mind and say what she has to say, that’s what we do here!

DJ Envy: Sorry I’m just wipin’ my brow here ‘cuz I broke a little sweat after all that FIRE! Next question though… Roast beef or chicken?

Charlamagne Tha God: Dawg, come on now…

Angela Yee: I thought we made you throw out these questions!

DJ Envy: Let me finish! Damn son, chill. Roast beef or chicken RAMEN?

Yee and Charlamagne both groaned into their mics, but Sasha gave a classic response.

Sasha Banks: Tuh.

DJ Envy: Here we go…

Sasha Banks: I got beef with Carmellaaaa cuz she’s a chicken. And you can tell her I said that. Lookit, do ya’ll know what you do when you crack an egg in that ramen noodle soup?

Charlamagne Tha God: I throw it in the trash because that’s nasty as hell.

DJ Envy: Naw fool, don’t be sayin’ that. You let your soup boil down to a nice simmer, add some chives, some chicken, some soy sauce in there…

Sasha Banks: Umm, swerve…

Angela Yee: Ya’ll, when you try to cook an egg you’re supposed to beat it. It’s that simple.

Sasha Banks: BET. You beat it. That’s what I’m doing to Carmella Sunday night. I hope she got her neck on a swivel because if I lock in that Bank Statement, that gullet she talks out the side of? It;s gonna snap like a limp noodle. Not ramen style. And you can bank on that.

Charlamagne Tha God: No threats allowed.

Sasha Banks: It’s not a threat, it’s a promise, boo boo.

DJ Envy: In the words of Jay-Z, may he rest in peace, On to the next one…

The Breakfast Club: May God be with him…

Sasha Banks: Um… Jay-Z ain’t dead.

Angela Yee: He was when Yonce’ dropped Lemonade, girl!

DJ Envy: Facts.

Charlamagne Tha God: Banks don’t hold back, folks. That’s a fact.

DJ Envy: Truth.

Angela Yee: It’s a shame we’re out of time, we were having a good time in here.

DJ Envy: Good time ain’t wasted time, and that’s another fact.

Charlamagne Tha God: So some facts to take away from today: Sasha Banks is a Boss.

Sasha Banks: The legit boss.

Charlamagne Tha God: DJ Envy is scared of her, and Carmella better be scared of her. Call your bookies, bet money, and put it all down on Banks.

Angela Yee: What a statement. Is that something you'd say?

Sasha Banks: Bet!

Charlamagne Tha God: Thanks for stopping by today Sasha, it was great having you. Come by another time.

DJ Envy: And to our listeners, God Bless. Thanks for helpin’ us keep it real. As always one love from the Breakfast Club.

Angela Yee: But hold up, don’t go just yet. Stick around, ‘cuz after the break you can ask me, Yee, about today’s episode on Ask Yee. Be sure to catch EBWF Fanniversary live on pay per view television this Sunday, October 30th at 7pm central standard time. Peace ya’ll.

*****

Fanniversary. October 30th. 2016.

Fabulous by CFO$ hit the sound system and the crowd got on their feet for the one and only...

It’s Caarrmeeelllaaaaa.

The volume to her theme turned down a notch as she came moonwalking out from the curtain to the arena and spoke to the crowd.

Carmella: The Princess of Staten Island is here, St. Louis. I am the moon walkin’, smackin’ talkin’, most fab-u-lous chick there is to be, in the ring and on any scene! How you doin’?

The crowd echoed her question right back at her.

Carmella: I am just fabulous, thank you. I am 3 and oh and baby. Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop me from gettin’ to four. People are aaaalways tellin’ me, “Carmella, don’t count your chickens before they hatch”. And you know what I say to them? Make like an egg and scramble yaself out my face! I don’t have time for the negativity.

Cheers went throughout the arena and the fabulous diva was soaking it up.

Carmella: Mhmm, that’s right. Let me jump the gun here by sayin’ tonight, you meet a new champion. I’ll whistle through this match faster than a bullet in the sky, and my girl Sasha? She’ll be seeing me wave bye bye, walking right back up this ramp to the back with her belt, and let me tell you somethin’ else... It’s gonna be faaaab-u-lous.

Carmella did her hip swing on each syllable of the word. The crowd continued to cheer not only for Carmella, but for the person running up behind her down the ramp.

Carmella: That scrappy-face, purple-headed bobblehead--

Sasha Banks took Carmella down with a hit from the women’s championship to the back of her head. Carmella’s snapback flew off and Sasha picked it up and put it on her head, mocking her. Banks picked up the microphone Carmella was using moments ago to say a few words.

Sasha Banks: Look boo boo, the only three count that’s gonna matter tonight is when your hand hits the mat after tapping out. And let me tell you somethin’... THAT’s fabulous! Tuh.

Sasha dropped the mic and threw the snapback onto Carmella’s body as she laid on the ground.

*****