Carmen Sandiego? More like…
“Where in the world is Eva Marie?”
Exactly. The voice faded in, as did the image of Eva Marie herself. After several sporadic appearances, the Red Queen was finally letting her voice be heard. Only, something was different. The Red Queen was not so red anymore. What used to be referred to as “All Red Everything” looked more like All…Black Everything. That’s right, Eva Marie was sporting black hair, a complete change from her trademark look.
EVA MARIE: “That’s been the question on everybody’s mind as of late, hasn’t it? Well, the wait is over, because as you can see, Eva Marie is in the building. And how could I not be? I have a contendership to win after all. Yes, you heard it right. After being in such high demand, I’m back to claim what I deserve…what I have always deserved. Because what would a huge event like WrestleMania be without me? Oh, I’m sorry…I meant to say without me…and my supporting cast.”
Although her look had changed, clearly her personality and mindset had not. It was almost like Eva was never gone in the first place.
EVA MARIE: “Alexa, you’re welcome, sweetie. You wanted to be All Red Everything so bad with those clip-in tips, didn’t you? Well, now is your chance. Actually, on second thought, I take that back, because you and I both know that you will never come close to the legacy that is All Red Everything. But, I suppose you can at least be ‘Little Red Something’ now. Hey, it’s better than nothing, but I digress. You have always been a little pest. Backflip and somersault all you want, as if anyone really cares about you at all. You’re an extra, an unaccredited extra at that. Even when you were Women’s Champion, all anyone ever saw you as was that short girl with fairy-like tendencies. I can tell you’re intimidated by me, and listen, I don’t blame you in the least bit. You and I stand next to each other, and no one even gives you a second glance. Come on now, ignorance may be bliss, but it’s time to get a grip on reality, Lexi. No matter what anyone tries to feed you, you and I are not in the same league. I’ll make sure that’s clear to you by the end of the night, which can also be labeled as the official end of your career.”
In typical Eva Marie fashion, she simply grinned and flicked her hair as if she did not just verbally assault someone. She moved on.
EVA MARIE: “Oh Velvet. Velvet, Velvet, Velvet…I hate to make this whole thing about hair, but girl...what on Earth is going on with whatever that is on top of your head? Don’t get me wrong, I was all for you finally getting rid of that awful hairstyle you’d been sporting since 2007, but this is just…tragic. I mean, I’ve heard of mid-life crises before, but…ugh, I guess some people will always be hopeless. Honestly, I don’t have that many issues with you, Vel Vel. Well, aside from your hideous wardrobe from Hot Topic and your poorly done tramp stamp. But in comparison to the other two, you and I are just peachy. I think it’s because I just never seem to pay enough attention to you to know how you really feel about me. It’s like, whenever you start talking I just mentally check out, because, well, it’s not like you ever have anything important to say...and, wait, who was I talking about again? Oh, Velvet. Right…okay, so maybe we’re not peachy per say, but at least I can say you’re not my main target. You’ll just be a casualty of war. Boo for you, boo.”
Just like that, Eva shrugged Velvet off, making a joke out of it by frowning at the camera, then chuckling under her breath.
EVA MARIE: “And then there’s Trish Stratus. Trish, you know that I think you’re an old, washed up has-been, so there’s no need to bring any of that up. And don’t worry; I know just what you think of me as well. It’s funny, actually. For some reason that’s completely beyond me, you’re supposed to be the gold standard. You’re the one we’re all supposed to look at and say, ‘wow, I want to be like her.’ My question is why? Why would I ever want to be like someone who claims to be the foundation of the EBWF Divas Division, yet takes pleasure in tearing down every promising new addition? On top of all that, you walk to the ring to a one-hit-wonder…and not even the hit, but anyways… For all intents and purposes, Trish, you should be on my side because we came from the same place. Models who took wrestling by a storm has a ring to it, does it not? I think so. But you just can’t take seeing anyone else on that path because when you do, you feel yourself being replaced. Even though you’ll never admit it, Trish, you see me and you see yourself. That's why you hate me so much, isn't it? Because you're threatened by me. That’s why I don’t need to be like you; I don’t need to be like you because I already am you. I’m you, Trish, but better.”
Suddenly, Eva’s theatrics were nowhere to be found. Ranting about the legendary Trish Stratus appeared to truly get her riled up, something that was a rarity.
EVA MARIE: “When I first entered this business, I went through hell. And you know what? I still go through it to this day. Yeah, I hear you boo me. All I have to do is breathe and I elicit more deafening reactions than any of your favorite Superstars could ever dream of receiving. It’s always ‘oh, she’s just one of the Mean Girls,’ or ‘oh, all she'll ever be is a Diva-Diva.’ Well guess what? I am a Mean Girl, and check my resume on where it’s gotten me. And I sure as hell am a Diva. That’s D-E-V-A, got it? And mark my words, this Diva is going to be the next EBWF Women’s Champion. So get ready, because while the red storm may have let up, the dark storm is just beginning.”
The intensity in her eyes matched the intensity in her words. But this serious side of Eva could only last so long before that sly smirk reared its head once again.
EVA MARIE: “So with all of that said, I finally have an answer to that question of yours. Where in the world is Eva Marie, you ask? Eva Marie is on movie sets, Eva Marie is lighting up social media platforms everywhere. She is in your thoughts, your sweetest dreams, and your worst nightmares. Eva Marie is everywhere. But tonight? Tonight in particular, Eva Marie is at WrestleMania 16, and she’s back…in…black.”
After blowing a kiss at the camera, Eva faded out to a screen that matched the color of her new hair. All Red Everything was no more, but the Back In Black movement was just getting started.
