Knuck If You Buck

[Kamden]

As famed husband of Beyonce Jay-Z said… On to the next one. Sasha Banks was back and still BOSSin’ it. Sasha jumped at the chance to ride solo in front of a camera to cut a promo for her next match against Zahra Schreiber. Like an Azealia Banks stan when you diss the infamous rapper on Twitter, Sasha was sure to stir up the entire universe with whatever she had to say about her opponent, the match, Katy Perry, Kimye-- whoever stood in her way. Or in the same space as her.

The BOSS was making her way down the hallway in the style of Vanessa Carlton: hair flying in the slight draft from the parking area she had just passed, and words gently coming from her mouth as she seemed to be singing to herself. That is, until she was approached by:

Sasha Banks: I smell a RAT!

Coming to a complete stop, Sasha turned on her heel to face whoever came up to her. It was Michael Cole.

Sasha Banks: Don’t come up on me like that, boo boo. You’ll get stomped. And we know you can’t run away fast enough with that… Thing growin’ out of your body. Are you preggo?

Michael Cole: Well hello to you too, Sasha. I see things haven’t changed.

Sasha Banks: wElL hElLo To YoU tOo SaShA i SeE tHiNgS hAvEnT cHaNgEd.

The mockery snatched Michael Cole bald. Who knew that resorting to a first-grade grade one bullying tactic could still sting.

Sasha Banks: What’s wrong with your face? Why are you lookin’ at me like that!? STOP!

Cole’s lip was quivering, slightly, but in some weird mixture of emotions. Who knew what was going on. Anger? Sadness? Disappointment? It’s better no one knew the inner workings of Michael Cole’s head.

Sasha Banks: KNUCK IF YOU BUCK!

Now whatever was going on on Cole’s face was wiped away in a hot second.

Michael Cole: Buck if you… What did you just say?!

Sasha Banks: Knuck if you buck, Cole. So now you’re a slow thinker too. Slow thinker, slow runner, slow talker, what else?

Michael Cole: What is “Knuck if you buck”?

Sasha Banks: It’s what I do, boo boo. Maybe if you learnt a thing or two you’d be able to let people stop pickin’ on you, and be a success.

Michael Cole: So if I knuck when I buck, then-

Sasha Banks: You can solve a lot of problems. Five if you wanna be specific. One for each finger.

The HBIC held up her hand, of course complete with her BOSS ring and wound her hand as far back as possible to smack Cole across the face. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and held his arms over his face, and Sasha stopped an inch away from his forearms.

Sasha Banks: Tuh, like I'd actually hit you! I was just showin' you the knuck that goes with the buck. Back up your words with some heat and you've got a plan for success.

Cole was red in the face, and took a deep breath of relief in knowing Sasha would not slap him.

Michael Cole: So will you knuck if you buck against your next opponent in the Queen of the Ring tournament, Zahra Schreiber?

Sasha Banks: Ohhhh BET! It’s all I do!

Michael Cole: Does Zahra knuck buck, too then?

With a look of utter shock on her face, Banks clutched a hand to her chest in deep offense.

Sasha Banks: Um, SWERVE! Does Zahra knuck?! NO! She’s all BUCK! Call her buck TOOTH if you wanna! All talk with no teeth. All bark but no bite. All L’s with no W’s!! What Zahra Schreiber does is psycho. She talks about hurting people, and that’s not allowed. Who is she?! Who is this girl who says she’ll break my bones when all she probably knows how to do is pick apart some meat from her chicken wings. Who is this chick that says she’ll make my life miserable by ripping out my arms from their sockets? I AIN’T A BARBIE DOLL. The only time you make me miserable is when I see your face. And those tattoos, and your name next to mine. That’s what’s sick. Not you, boo boo. You’re just messed up. And in about 2 minutes, I’ll mess up your career when you and me step in that ring, lock in that Bank Statement, and rob you blind. Your foot may not be broke anymore, but I’m about to beat you back into a broke ass bum, and you can Bank On That.

Sasha flipped her shutter shades down over her eyes.

Sasha Banks: Cash me ousside, how bou dat, Zahra?

A now-perfected signature Mean Girls snap was like the director's yelling of "CUT!" to end the scene, and the BOSS started to walk away. But in less than a few seconds turned around.

Sasha Banks: I know we’re like, gonna be inside, but that was for dramatic effect. It’s that bougie art practice, Cole. You wouldn’t get it.

Michael Cole sighed as Sasha pretended to dust dirt off his shoulders before leaving the shot.

Michael Cole: Don’t quit your day job, Mike…

Cole walked off sadly as the scene faded out.