Best in the World

[Sam]

It should’ve been just another Sunday for Phil Brooks; wake up, eat healthy, maybe hit the gym. Reach out to a few comic illustrators see what they think of his stories, but alas it wasn’t that kinda day. Travelling, he remembered that a long time ago, this was the bane of his life. Being miles away from the people he loved and missing them, but they were the ones that pushed him into this. Maybe this was what he was destined to do, pushing 40 he really didn’t have much time left but a spark was lit. The words of AJ Styles had lit a fire under Brooks the way he hadn’t felt for a long long time and yeah, I’m thinking he’s back.

He pulled up to the Scottrade Center after driving from Chicago to St. Louis in his mobile home. He was offered a jet and what not but there was something freeing about being able to hit the road in a vehicle you can also take a dump in. Plus it allowed him to think about what he was going to say.

He got out of the van and grabbed his bag from the storage holder, he zipped his hoodie up and brought the hood over his head hoping no-one would interact with him. He walked through the hallways and he could see people staring at him. He’d throw a fake smile or a nod so they’d stop but as he got to his dressing room he got stopped by a stagehand with a clipboard and a headset on.

Crewhand: “Mr. Brooks. Chris has advised that you haven’t cut a promo since you’ve come back and he’d really appreciate it if you would do so.”

CM Punk: “Call me Phil. Er, sure. We got a spare segment on the card? I can go to the ring and do some stuff.”

Stagehand: “Chris was adamant you speak to Renee!”

Punk’s eyebrows raised.

CM Punk: “Great. Tell them I’ll be there. Have the production crew ready, I’m gonna get in trouble here.”

Stagehand: “Wouldn’t have it any other way. Glad you’re back Mr. Bro- sorry Phil.”

Punk gave the stagehand a wink and made his way into the dressing room. This was his first night back and if it was indeed going to be his last then he planned fireworks, because his was win or bust for his career.

LATER THAT NIGHT...

Corey Graves: “Tonight we will see the new Champion AJ Styles take on the returning CM Punk in a 3 Stages of Hell match! What do you think of that Mauro?”

Mauro Ranallo: “I never believed in my career we’d see CM Punk come back, especially at Survivor Series delivering a GTS to AJ Styles!”

The camera cuts to a shot of Punk at Survivor Series.

Mauro Ranallo: “He hasn’t said anything since then, choosing to remain quiet against AJ Sty-”

Corey Graves: “Sorry to stop you there Mauro, we’re going backstage to Renee Young who’s standing by with none other than CM Punk! Renee?”

The camera cuts to Renee Young smiling.

Renee Young: “Thank you Gentlemen, standing with me at this time and I hope he can shed some light on his recent actions...CM Punk!”

CM Punk strolled into shot, his hair slicked back wearing his hoodie with the head down. The hoodie was opened up showing a EBWF Licensed shirt saying “Eat. Sleep. Get Stoned. Repeat.” And his trunks and boots. Punk grabbed the mic off Renee and raised it to his mouth.

CM Punk: “Hit my music.”

He kept the microphone and walked out of shot.

“Cult of Personality” hit and he emerged from the curtain.

Corey Graves: “Punk is here! He still has Renee’s microphone!”

Mauro Ranallo: “Someone call the military, because I think we’re about to see a pipe bomb!”

Punk did his usual entrance and walked around the ring and grabbed a steel chair. He threw it into the ring and set it up and sat on it facing the hard cam.

CM Punk: “I’m baaaaaaack.”

The crowd popped huge and changed CM Punk for a while as Punk smirked and looked around the arena.

CM Punk: “Did you really think Renee Young was going to be the one who got the scoop for Punker? I didn’t want to walk to the production truck and she was closer. Being the good hungry corporate girl she is she jumped at the opportunity! Thanks Renee!”

Punk smiled into the camera and winked.

CM Punk: “First off I want to say thank you to my better half. She pushed me into this after I didn’t want to come back and I’m glad she did because Jesus fuck I missed this. A lot.”

“CM Punk” chants started again.

CM Punk: “I know everyone has a lot of questions. Why am I back? Why did I attack AJ Styles? Why have I not said anything until now? What is that beautiful shirt you are wearing? Well one at a time! This shirt, is a AJ Styles special shirt! I’ve come across a lot of wrestlers with a lot of different mottos in life. This is what I assume AJ Styles motto is right? There’s got to be a reason he’s so lazy in the ring right? There’s got to be a reason there’s no way in hell PJ Black isn’t the World Champ after carrying this company through arguably one of its hardest periods?! Oh yeah, I’ve been watching intently! This sport may piss me off but I can’t not love it, a lot of stuff has changed around here! Wes Ikeda has once again faded away into the background until his next Mania payday, Steve Austin is no longer GM and Jericho took over for a while until he lost it to that little British Goth engine who never gives up Jimmy Havoc! Torrie Wilson retired, ushering in a wave of women wrestlers who actually can wrestle! Trish came back, won the title and then lost it again on some bullshit claim she can’t beat Natalya’s reign or something. Yeah Wes, great idea for that one.”

Punk flashed another smirk at the camera.

CM Punk: “With that all being said, why did I come back? Why? You wanna know why? Because some people seemed to forget who’s in charge around here! Who the king is, in EBWF. Me! People running around playing cowboy and shooting from the hip, Well this Redskin is about to drop a bomb on this mic right now. AJ Styles, you’re a little fucking loser.”

The the crowd popped and chanted CM Punk once again.

Corey Graves: We want to apologise for the language that CM Punk just used.

CM Punk: “I ain’t going to dance around the issue like a lot of people in the back, pussyfooting around making sure that no-one hurt AJs feelings because I don’t give a rat’s ass! AJ Styles thinks he can call out a colleague? What marks would call ‘shooting’ on PJ Black? He’s a disgrace to this company and to this business!”

Punk stood up and leaned against the ropes.

CM Punk: “Let me break the fourth wall here a second and explain some few basic Pro Wrestling rules right now. Rule #1 Alw-“

Punks mic cut out. You could see him mutter “seriously? I’m not going anywhere!” He tapped the mic but it never came on, he walked over to Christy Hemme and demanded another microphone. He tapped it and feedback sounded.

CM Punk: “Great! This one's on! Wes, Jimmy, Chris whoever’s on the buttons back there, you turn this mic off one more time and I’m walking out of here and never looking back.”

He waited a while and tapped it again, hearing feedback.

CM Punk: “Glad we’re on the same page here. Rule #1. Always make sure your opponent is safe, it is your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t get hurt out there. Rule #2. Everyone in that locker room has the same goal of making you guys go home happy, to make you entertained. Whether you boo the bad guys or cheer your good guys, we make you vocal.”

The crowd cheered because they were mentioned.

CM Punk: “Rule #3 And this is where you wanna listen up Allen. Do NOT mention whatever’s said in that locker room to everyone here. Protect the business, now more than ever. Twitter is alive and breaking kayfabe as we speak and you seem to want to push it off the cliff! You broke that rule when you brought yours and PJs conversation out into the open, like some petty little child all because you couldn’t get a Wrestlemania payday? How old are you? Oh that’s right you’re 40, acting like a new up and comer hot off the press but you’re not. I’m only a year younger and I know my best days are behind me, if I happen to be in the Main Event of Wrestlemania I’ll be damn well pleased but do you think I’m going to go on Twitter and be like ‘omg Wes sucks he hates me’? No, of course not because I recognise that talent like PJ Black, Braun Strowman, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Jimmy Havoc are the futur- hell… They’re the present and we’re the past Allen. I’m fine with that, but evidently you’re not. Flexing on PJ and Joe like you deserve the Main Event of Wrestlemania, you deserve NOTHING. Why should you get to Main the best show in this business? If you were booked to lose would you take it then? I bet not, if you’d lose you’ll do what you always do. Go in a rage, quit the business or take some time off, go play nurse for your loser girlfriend and wait until Wes gets desperate again and calls you. You answer the phone straight away because you’ve been waiting, inhaling that joint you’ve got like the biggest asshole in the country, negotiate a deal where you get either a title run or some bullshit programme with The Miz which never made sense.”

Punk paused for a second and pondered.

CM Punk: “You’re a great talent Allen, it’s just a damn shame you can throw it all away so easily. Vendettas against guys who have been carrying the company whilst you were riding the coattails of Ronda’s falling fame. You wrote in your little letter about how you were going to make this company new and what was the word, oh yeah edgy. Are you 13? I actually can’t believe I’m facing someone who wants things to be ‘edgy’ it makes my skin crawl just saying the word. You’re such a loser it hurts, what made me laugh though was the fact that you said and I quote…”

Punk coughed to clear his throat and put on a stupid southern accent.

CM Punk: “You’re nothing more than a coward and I know for a fact that you will NEVER be on my level. Keep trying to be me, keep pretending, PJ.”

He coughed once again and mimicked vomiting.

CM Punk: “See what’s funny to me is, you see this whole trying to be you thing is so hypocritical because let’s be honest and I don’t blame you but… you’re just trying to be me! You think you’re cool and edgy releasing personal conversations well it’s not, it just makes you look the fool. You’ve finally exposed yourself to the world what we already knew about you, a petty little bitch. Let’s get straight on one thing too, nobody said a bad word about PJ Black… what we’re all saying though is how much we actually hate YOU. You are so unlikable you make me look like Wes Ikeda, you’re manipulative, selfish, maniacal, lazy and I’d rather work with anyone tonight over you. That’s why I came back, to ruin your life, to ruin your career and to ruin everything you’ve tried to do in destroying this company. You know PJ wanted to kick your ass after that happened right? But he was respectful, he let it slide and knew what needed to happen. Me though? Nah, I can’t sit there and let you get away with that shit, you have to learn Allen what happens when you fuck up in this business. Back in the days you’d of stood trial in court but that don’t really exist no more so I guess it’s time for the old fashion way and beating your ass.”

The crowd chanted “CM Punk” loudly.

CM Punk: “You seem to think that your god’s gift to wrestling, like being in this company is an honour for them. It’s not, you should be honoured you’re not cashing in empty checks in Dixieland, getting your ass beat in Japan and eating shit off the floor in Ring of Honor. You are not the reason people watch, you are not the reason people to tune in. When people switch on and see you there they switch off, you’re not relevant anymore. You’ve put yourself on this high horse you can’t bring yourself down from and that’s where I stepped in. I will end your stupid title reign before it’s even begun and let you get back to trying to politic your way into some form of rematch. You’re old news AJ Styles, you demand things you can’t possibly have and do you want to know who did that first? Me! I was an asshole you could only dream of being, I’m right with the brass I could have anything I wanted but I realise that I’m now the old guard. To usher in the new breed and that’s what I plan to do, AJ Styles you’re gonna lose that title tonight without scoring a pinfall because plain and simple...I’m better than you. I’M THE BEST IN THIS RING, ON THIS MIC… I AM THE BEST IN THE WORLD. You’re nothing but a bitch. I’m done playing cowboy with your sorry ass, the westerns died out years ago. Time to take you out back and do the same.”

The crowd chanted CM Punk loudly.

CM Punk: “And one more thing. Once I’m done with AJ Styles, PJ Black you win that Royal Rumble and we go at it in a Wrestlemania Main Event. One you deserve and one that little wannabe won’t get involved with, surprised if he even stays till Mania. Anyway, enjoy the rest of the show. I’m sorry I’ve just shattered your illusion or how Allen is backstage. Have a good one.”

Punk dropped his mic and walked up the ramp to huge CM Punk chants until he got through the curtain.