Ciampa: Royal Rumble season is truly upon us. The Rumble, one of those rare occasions where anyone can sky rocket themselves to the big time. From nobody to number one. Can you imagine if I was that guy? Me, Tomasso, on the road to success rather than the road to ruin? That would be a miracle, right? Miracles happen though, especially if you have the right. Settle into your seats my followers. High One has a message for those willing to hear. For those who are confused I am not the High One. I am His mouth, His hand and His divine justice. There are those of you out there who seem to have been confused about that, this is my fault, High One has spoken and perhaps I have spent too long listening, not speaking. I am to blame, High One is faultless and perfect in all His ways.
Ciampa raises his hand out palms up and hold them there. The camera slowly pans around Ciampa during his upcoming little sermon.
Ciampa: On this day, High One has sent us an opportunity in the form of a being whose name it is best not to speak, or so I have been told. A very confused young man, or perhaps woman in a man's body. I am unenlightened in the ways of this creature. In the same way, the being is unenlightened in the ways of decorum or general decency. For ease sake I am going to refer to this being as he. He is a heathen, he is an abomination in the eyes of the High One. I have spoken too little of The High One. I am guilty, but I have repented, my wrong doings have been forgiven. You however man slash woman, you are beyond help of a mere mortal like myself. You are to be an example, High One does not take kindly to idolatry, especially when the false idol that is being worshiped is a warped version of yourself. In the past I have reflected greatly on Tyler and Noam. Both of these men are wrong in what they do, they are vain but at least their delusions are only on the surface, not even skin deep. They mock me, they mock my former affliction, remind me constantly of the error of my ways. My teachings, the words I speak, they are the words of The High One - they are intended for people like The Gorgeous Guys. But you, you I cannot help. The only way to deal with you is swift justice. In my former life I spoke of making an example out of my opponents. Back then I did not know the true meaning of these words. My words and my actions were selfish. Fueled by desires that was purely my own, evil desires, ones I ought to have been condemned for but happily I am saved. Condemned no longer. Now, I have a higher purpose. That is today's lesson. Today's blessing for the masses. Serve High One not yourself and all of His gifts shall be granted to you.
Ciampa lowers his arms and the camera stops panning and begins to zoom. There are 2 small pins on the lapels of Ciampa's jacket. A gold circle containing a red triangle. Presumably the symbol of this so called High One. The camera continues to pan in so Ciampa's face takes up the entire view.
Ciampa: Now, down to business, and in case it isn't obvious I speaking directly to that strange, sad excuse for a human being. I don't know what have might have heard about me. I will tell you what I think I know of you. You want me to find my inner smile or some such nonsense, correct? A few months back I may have been drawn into your false teachings. I was lost and wandered hopelessly in a figurative wasteland. I found my strength though, and not internally. I searched externally and I found. I found The High One. Now I have inner strength because he dwells within me. And probably not in the way you would want to dwell within neither. So as for your expectations of me. You are probably expecting a competitive match and obviously you'll be looking for a victory in your first match, right? That is how this story is supposed to go. Ciampa will shine you up nicely, give you a nice boost headed to the Rumble. Momentum. Except nope. Not this time. I am not going to glorify you. I am going to make you look dumb...
Ciampa pauses a second
Ciampa: I am going to make you look even more foolish than you manage without my input. Your hopes and dr... desires are not going to be achieved at my expense, not at the expense of High One's warrior. I have the creator of all things on my side. You are fighting in your own strength. You want to prove yourself? Look elsewhere.
Ciampa stops again
Ciampa: Actually, I do have a small piece of advice on that matter. Choose your battles wisely. When a person is righteous they are granted much of what we request in High Ones name. High One tells us to be careful what you wish for. If everything that you have been wishing for is manifested then... how can I put this? Rather you than me. For what it's worth... Good luck to you.