EDDIE EDWARDS - Gillberg has a few words for you...

[Nick]

[[Duane walked into the arena through the performers entrance. No grand welcome, simply a man with a clipboard who had to check his ID to verify who he was. This was the life for Duane Gill. But he didn’t mind – he had lived a lifetime in a business that he loved...Some of the boys in the back had guys who carried their bags for them. It was a sign of respect. Once one of the big dogs got to the arena, usually a young up and comer offered to carry the bags, not cause they were so heavy, but simply as an excuse to pick their brains and try and get a tip or learn from them. Duane had been around long enough to know matches backwards and forward, hell he ran his own school teaching kids how to perform in this business back in Maryland – yet no one, in all his years, ever tried to get a moment with him.

He wasn’t a superstar, he wasn’t a draw, he was a just a guy with a job...

Duane walked into the locker room and exchanged a few pleasantries with some of the boys who were already there. Doing big shows for promotions like EBWF, WWE or even promotions the size of TNA or an RoH wasn’t what he was use to lately. It’s true he had a decent run in “The E”, and while he’d never admit it to anyone for fear of being looked at as someone who marked for himself; he did take a certain level of pride in being WWE’s longest reigning Light-Heavyweight Champion. Not that he got promoted much or even defended it, but at the end of the day he could put that down as his mark, his dubious claim to fame, the reminder that the industry he loved cared enough about him to provide for his family and give him a little wink and nod of appreciation.

These days, he was lucky to know even a handful of the boys in the back. Duane had really only been doing shows here or there for audiences of a couple hundred tops, and the talent at those shows were rarely the guys you’d expect to find in a promotion that’s got national TV deals and PPV schedules. But while he was enjoying perhaps his last hurrah under one of the big tents with the big lights, he thought he might as well go enjoy some of the top notch catering. As he walked out of the locker room, a young man wearing an EBWF Staff shirt approached him.]]

Staff Member: Excuse me, are you Mr. Gill?

Duane Gill: Yeah. Can I help you with something?

Staff Member: Oh good, ok, so I was asked to tell you that they want to record a little vignette before the event.

Duane Gill: With me?

Staff Member: Yeah, it’s going to be about your opponent Eddie Edwards –

Duane Gill: I know who I’m facing, I guess I’m just surprised they would want to use TV time on me. Um, but sure, where do I need to be?

Staff Member: Well, this was kind of thrown together last minute, but I guess they have a camera set up just down the hall there, whenever you’re ready get in your tights or whatever you brought with you and you’ll do like a 30 second promo.

Duane Gill: Sure I can do that. Just a usual “Who’s First” type thing?

Staff Member: Honestly, I don’t know...

[[Duane suddenly realized this kid had no idea who he was. And why would he? He probably grew up watching RAW and Nitro and started watching Warfare a few years ago – there’s a good chance he would have never seen him performer before. Actually, given his age, it’s possible he would have never seen the guy he parodied before...huh...he began to worry the joke of his parody might fall flat in the audience. But that wasn’t his concern, he just needed to put this Eddie guy over well.]]

Duane Gill: OK, well let me grab a sandwich or something and I’ll go get in my gear. It’s the door down there on the left?

Staff Member: Yeah, the second door down there on the left.

Duane Gill: Great, thanks.

[[The kid kind of nodded at him and took off. Duane thought to himself how cool it was that on what was likely his last PPV appearance ever, he was going to get a bit of air time to try and get over. Who knows, maybe this might even get a few more students through his school.]]

-=-=-=-=-

[[Duane slowly opened the door to the room where he was to record his promo.]]

Duane Gill: Hello?

Staff Member: Uh, yeah come on in...

[[Duane looked around the room, it was a single light, one camera and a black curtain. There was also only one member of production in there – the same kid from earlier.]]

Duane Gill: Oh am I early?

Staff Member: Um, no. I’m just gonna get a quicky promo from you and then we’ll be done.

Duane Gill: You’re recording it?

Staff Member: Yeah, I uh just graduated from film school, but I’m hoping to get a more permanent job here.

Duane Gill: Oh, so it’s just the two of us eh?

Staff Member: Yeah, they said you would know what to do and it was just a quick one or two take thing.

Duane Gill: Oh.

[[Duane wasn’t sure if he should feel flattered that the guys running the show had such faith in him, or hurt that he was obviously not important enough to even be able to screw up his promo. He figured it was probably a mixture of the two – after all he wasn’t the story here, the story was making sure his Eddie guy got over by the end of the night.]]

Staff Member: So whenever you’re ready, just stand over the “X” there and do you’re thing...

Duane Gill: Alright.

[[Duane took off his old J.O.B. Squad t-shirt that he stilled liked to wear to shows and stood over the X. He looked over at the staff member.]]

Duane Gill: Good.

Staff Member: Yup, and, camera is rolling, whenever you’re ready –

[[Duane inhaled deeply.]]

Gillberg: I’m here! The man they called Gillberg! And I don’t want to know who’s next, I just want to know Who’s FIRST! It looks like Eddie Edwards is on the list! Well, you tell Double E to Fear The Spear!

[[He snorted loudly and then stared down the camera.]]

Staff Member: OK, cut. Looked good, I’m happy with it. Thanks a lot.

Duane Gill: Yeah, ok. Thanks man.

[[Duane started to head for the door, but then had a thought...]]

Duane Gill: You know, if you wanted, I have an idea. I always carry with me some sparklers and a fog machine as part of my gimmick, we could use that, maybe have a thing there you’re following me down the hallway before the promo...

Staff Member: I don’t know, I mean we don’t have clearance for any of that.

Duane Gill: Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it. I think it would be funny, and it goes well with my gimmick actually...

Staff Member: What is you’re gimmick by the way?

Duane Gill: It’s a parody of Goldberg, from WCW.

Staff Member: Oh yeah, I remember watching him back in the day. I loved that dude.

Duane Gill: Right, well, I basically do all the things he use to do, but they’re watered down and whimpy. It’s a comedy thing. So the more pathetic it is, all the while trying to be cool but failing, the better it gets over.

Staff Member: Um, sure, what the hell. I guess.

Duane Gill: Great! I’ll be back in a giffy!

[[Duane ran out the door to go grab his bag full of lame tricks. If he was going to to put Eddie Edwards over, and this was going to be his swan song, he was going to do it right dammit!]]

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

[[The scene opens against a black curtain. A billow of smoke crosses the screen, when suddenly a two sparklers begin to wave furiously back and forth.]]

Staff Member (attempting a bad ring announcer voice): Ladies and gentlemen, he hails from parts unknown, formerly Atlanta Georgia! HE is the megastar, the icon, the legend of legends! A man of brute power who currently stands with a flawless record of 0 wins, 0 loses and 0 draws...he...is...GILLBERG!

[[The man known as Gillberg begins to inch onto the screen wearing his blank trunks. He is snorting, he is spiting, he is slapping himself silly and kicking the air. He stops in the middles of the screne only to get a confused look on his face and wonder off the other direction.]]

Gillberg: Rrrawwghhh!

[[Gillberg saunters back to the center of focus and makes funky faces at the camera as he stares a hole right into the center...]]

Gillberg:: Rrrrrrawggh! Eddie Edwards! You know something, I’ve heard about you, Gillberg knows you’re the Sultan of Sleaze, well right now, you’re looking at the Sultan of Slam! The King of Krash! The Mountain of Magnitude! When you signed the dotted line to face Gillberg, you wrote a check your ass was ill prepared to cash! Cause the Duke of Danger has his eyes locked on you Sleazey! And when the Epitome of Extreme focuses gets going, everyone has to FEAR THE SPEAR! RARRGGHRRWAAA!!!!

[[Gillberg trashes about wildedly beating up imaginary enemies all around. He drops an elbow elbow on a pretend foe on the ground. As he gets up, he performs the arm spread apart signature taunt of Goldberg. Gillberg runs to the corner of the room exposing the camera to just how small and dingy this particular room is. Without warning he charges forward and performs a full on spear – to nobody but thin air. Then proceeds to hoist his pretend opponent in the air and do a jackhammer. He looks over at the young staff member...]]

Gillberg: MAKE THE COUNT!

[[The staff member places the camera on the ground pointed towards the chaos and drops to his knees as he laughingly makes a three count. He rushes over to pick up the camera again. And point it at the grown man celebrating a fake win over nobody...]]

Gillberg: That’s how quickly I can dispose of you Double E! I am untouchable! Unbreakable! I am undefeated and unrelenting! The landscape just changed around here! Soon the arena will be chanting GILL-BERG! GILL-BERG! GILL-BERG! And history will record you as nothing more than a footnote that reads “Victim #1!” RAAAWWWRRAGH! WHO’S FIRST?!

[[Gillberg grabs the front of the camera and looks right dead in the center with a goofy face and his tongue half hanging out.]]

Gillberg: You are Eddie Edwards! Gillberg 1-0! Fear the Spear! RAAAAARRWGH!

[[Gillberg picks up a folding chair and throws it against the wall which comically comes back and hits Gillberg himself, Gillberg falls to the ground as if he was hit by a semi-truck. He seizes about on the ground for a moment before standing up and then no-selling the past 10 seconds. He twists his neck and flexes for the camera, snorts, and then opens the door and walks into the hallway continuing his shouting and incoherent outburst!]]

THE CAMERA CUTS

Staff Member: Duane! That was hilarious dude!

Duane Gill: Thanks man.

Staff Member: You had me laughing quite a bit behind the camera, I think I might have been chuckling too much and the camera didn’t hold focus.

Duane Gill: So much the better! It’s good the more inadvertent errors we get on there.

Staff Member: Well, good luck tonight, I will for sure try and catch your match at least.

Duane Gill: Oh thanks man, that would be great.

[[The two shake hands and the young aspiring cameraman walks off to show his recording to his boss. Duane just starts heading to the locker room. It was time to begin stretching, cause even though he was in his 50’s, he still had a J.O.B. to do. And on this night, he felt pretty special to get to do it.]]