Because we can.

[Cory]

Natalie Neidhart was driving a rented red 2013 Ford Mustang down Calgary’s AB-2 highway. It felt nice to be what she considered home, and Trish was seated next to her in the passenger seat. Natalie was moving down the road at a considerable rate of speed when Trish heard Natalie sigh. She was glancing in the rearview mirror.

Natalie Neidhart: It’s the fuzz.

Trish chuckled, and Natalie realized she’d been speeding. There was in fact a Canadian Mounted Police Squad car behind her with flashing lights. Natalie slowed, and pulled over to the right. She waited as the official ran her plates, and then the Mountie began to approach the car in full red and black Canadian Mountie regalia. It was chilly, even for June in Calgary, but Natalie still thought the poor guy looked hot in that get up. She loved Canada, but some things about its traditions could be a little ridiculous sometimes.

Trish Stratus: Were you going a little fast there speed racer?

Natalie Neidhart: You know how it is once you get up here. You see all this lush green grass, and you start to get a lead foot!

They shared a laugh, and Trish looked in the passenger side mirror. There wasn’t any progress on the Mountie.

Trish Stratus: Our match was really good last week. Velvet and Angelina were really on, but our match felt really good and I felt like we hadn’t missed a beat, didn’t you?

Natalie Neidhart: I really felt like we hadn’t been out of the ring for very long at all. I agree with you. I felt good about us as a team.

Trish Stratus: Being in the ring is like riding a bike.

Natalie Neidhart: So is pouting.

Natalie pursed her lips at Trish as the tap from the the Mountie's knuckles collided with her windshield. Trish hit the ‘auto’ button on the driver door panel.

Mountie: License and proof of insurance ma'am?

Natalie Neidhart: Of course.

Natalie dug through her purse which was resting on the center console. She produced her wallet, slipped her Missouri driver's license and handed it to the Mountie. He took the card and looked it over.

Mountie: Any idea how fast you were going?

Natalie had a sheepish look on her face. She pressed her index finger and thumb together.

Natalie Neidhart: I might have been going a teensy bit over 100 kilometers an hour?

Mountie: It was closer to 110. Natalie... Neidhart.

He leaned down to have a look into the window of the car.

Mountie: Oh, wow! It is you. Calgary’s own!

She shrugged, with a smile, secretly feeling a sudden sense of urgency. He's going to hold them up and they're already late. They're always late, because Trish is always late. She's about as punctual as a watch without a battery.

Natalie Neidhart: Yep, that's me! I'm so sorry that I was speeding. We were just--

Mountie: On your way into the city for the show tonight, I take it! I heard your Uncle Bret might be making a surprise visit. All over the internet. Any reason we should be tuning it.

Trish stifled a giggle. Natalie loved talking about her Uncle Bret with internet rumor site readers about as much as she enjoyed getting a splinter. The two ladies knew about as much about a Bret return as the news site readers did, which was not much.

Natalie Neidhart: Oh, so you're a fan. Well, that's what the rumors say. I don't know if he'll be there, but it oughta be exciting either way.

Her clipped response had all the rehearsal of an Apple employee talking about the next unreleased iPhone.

Mountie: It definitely will be very exciting. Hopefully, I’ll be off in time to catch the end of it.

Trish Stratus: I sure hope you get home in time!

Hearing the other voice, the Mountie leaned down to see the passenger.

Mountie: Oh, wow! Trish Stratus! I won’t hold the whole Ontario thing against ya, sweetheart!

He handed the license and registration back to Natalya.

Trish Stratus: Well I appreciate that. I’m afraid we might be late to work if we don’t get on our way.

Mountie: You’ve got those Women’s Tag Team Championships you’re in the running for tonight.

Trish Stratus: We are. Still have an interview we have to tape today.

Mountie: Already got a look at what Paige and Maryse had to say. They hate Canada.

Trish paused thoughtfully.

Trish Stratus: Aren’t they both... Canadian?

Natalie Neidhart: Full-blooded. Kinda makes you scratch your head, huh?

Trish Stratus: Well, no - Maryse isn’t full-blooded. She’s a dirty French Canadian, so that’s sort of... but no, I’m still really confused.

Natalie tactfully turned toward the officers.

Natalie Neidhart: I’m so sorry, but we’re really going to be late. I know it’ll take a few minutes to process the ticket but... we’ll wait for that and be on our way, please.

Mountie: A ticket! I can’t be the guy who gives the only woman to ever graduate the Hart Dungeon a ticket!

Trish Stratus: Is your name Mark? You look like this guy I used to know named Mark.

Natalie tried not to laugh, and covered her mouth to fake a cough.

Mountie: It’s Allan ma’am.

Natalie had to turn her head, and let Trish answer.

Trish Stratus: I must have mistaken you for someone else.

Natalie Neidhart: If you’re suggesting that we’re free to go with nothing more than a Trish Stratus and Natalya autograph they’re yours. If I just blackmailed you, and that was not at all what you were suggesting, I will take my ticket and be on my way!

Trish turned her head and gave Natalie a raised eyebrow and a look that said her suggestion wasn’t at all smooth. Nattie shrugged.

Natalie Neidhart: It sounds so much more subtle when Wes suggests it.

She had put her foot in her mouth just mentioning him. She missed him, and remembering something good or funny about him made it a little worse. The Mountie was handing in a notepad. Trish grabbed it and scribbled her autograph. Natalya did the same, and the mountie thanked the two ladies, wished them good luck in their match, and reminded Natalie to slow down. She thanked him and the two ladies were off toward Calgary planning to do their pre-show interview.

-----

EBWF's resident senior cameraman, Drew, finished his final adjustments on the camera and clicked on the red light, giving the thumbs up to Matt Stryker, who was ready and waiting. Matt quickly put on his wide smile, holding the EBWF branded microphone in front of him.

Matt Stryker: Good evening, EBWF fans and aficionados alike! We are just minutes away from Death Before Dishonor, a show which no doubt will yield an array of drama, action, and nonstop entertainment! I am excited about my guests tonight, as they are not only coming home to the great country of Canada, but also will be competing for the inaugural EBWF Women's Tag Team Championships. With me tonight are the legendary Trish Stratus, and the Iron Maiden herself, Natalya.

Natalie and Trish also put on their best smiles for the camera and Trish cleared her throat.

Trish Stratus: Matt, I believe the proper introduction for tonight’s match, considering how historic it is, and the brevity of it would go something like this... the first ever EBWF Sky High Champion, Natalya and the longest reigning EBWF Women’s Champion of all time, Trish Stratus. And they are, the soon to be first ever, Women’s Tag Team Champions.

Matt Stryker: My many apologies ladies. Last week, the two of you came out swinging against The Beautiful People after some time away from the ring. How did it feel to be back?

Trish Stratus: It was amazing to be back in the ring, and it was good to be in front of the EBWF crowd with Natalya.


Natalya: But Matt, last week is in the past, and this week, we’re in a Triple Threat tag match against two teams who aren’t nearly as put together as Trish and I are.

Matt Stryker: Could you elaborate on that?

Trish Stratus: Well, let’s consider that for a moment. Maryse was last year’s Queen of the Ring, a former women’s champion, but what has she done for us lately? She decided to mentor a poor impressionable young Canadian girl who walks around sort of clueless with 0 personality, and I think lives to simply carry Maryse’s bags.

Natalya: And let's not forget that we also have Kaitlyn and AJ Lee, a pair of girls who I'm not sure even know what they're supposed to be doing tonight. In fact, I'm not even sure they know where they are. You know, I'm all about having fun at work, and acting silly and crazy, but I'm pretty sure they went on vacation to crazy town a long time ago.

Trish Stratus: I think Kaitlyn might have some clue as to what’s going on, but it’s probably not enough to carry the team on her own. And of course, Maryse & Paige pointed out that we’re Canadian and no one cares. They oh so originally mentioned that I’m old. You’re fat, and they made sure to make fun of your dad. Any other cliches... oh, there was an Uncle Bret jab in there too. Exaggerated eye roll on the count of three?

Natalya: Three.

As promised, the two ladies sunk their eyes into the back of their heads dramatically, and in unison.

Natalya: I'll never get tired of the girls in the locker room all going back to the same well like a bunch of poorly made-up lemmings.

Trish Stratus: Those were the only things they had to say about us. How quaint. I may be older than all of you, and in wrestling years, I’m much older than all of you. In fact, I’m the reason all of you have jobs. Kaitlyn should be a Hooters girl. AJ should be a looney bin. Maryse, you should be dancing on poles in Quebec, and Paige should be giving hand jobs behind a dumpster. You all owe your careers to me. When my music hits, you should be bowing before me. When Nat and I pull up at the arena, you should all be coming out to carry our bags. But since Maryse and Paige decided to be so damn disrespectful, they’re getting this little speech instead. I remind you dumb little girls until I’m blue in the face, but somehow it isn’t until I’m in the ring that you all magically realize I’m still exactly who I say I am. I’m still the reason you’re not models in a man’s world. I’m still the reason you’re all professional athletes, wrestlers, champions. I can still hang with every. last. one. of you. And I’m better at it.

Natalya: The nerve to come out here and disrespect the longest reigning Women's Champion in history.

Trish Stratus: The nerve!

Trish rolled her eyes.

Natalya: You know what else is weird? Maryse and Paige and Kaitlyn and AJ both talked about not knowing what the new Women’s Tag Team Championships looked like.

Trish Stratus: That is weird.

Natalya: Yeah, considering...ya know, that Nicole Ikeda brought them out on live television and showed them to the world.

Trish Stratus: Right, silver and leather...with diamonds and pink rhinestones. It’s like... they don’t watch the program or something.

Natalya: Perhaps too busy watching the Cartoon Network or something.

Natalya shrugged a little.

Natalya: What really confuses me is that everyone seems to have a problem with my family, and the members of that family that came before me. My Uncles, my Dad, and my cousins. Well I'm not sure why you're talking about them.

Nattie slapped her own chest, a fiery look of intensity coming over her.

Trish Stratus: Because they’re trying to keep us caught up on the same cliched talking points just like their Trish is old, and Natalya’s Uncle is a legend, crap.

Natalya: Guess what?! My Uncles? My Cousins? They're not going to be in the ring. I am. I am one of the best Women's Champions this company has ever seen, I've beaten more impressive girls on grander stages than all of you combined. And with the longest reigning Women's Champion in history as MY tag team partner? There is no pairing, man or woman, that can stop us from becoming champions tonight at Death Before Dishonor.


Trish Stratus: I’m guessing if any of you had been lucky enough to nab Natalya as your tag partner you wouldn’t be so quick to insult. I know if you had the privilege of stepping into the ring beside Trish Stratus rather than across from her you’d would be hiding behind all of this bravado. No matter though, girls. Tonight, when we talk out of Calgary with our brand new belts and become inaugural champions of these coveted titles we’ll remind you why the Diva’s division had been missing us. We’ll remind you why MsChif was able to walk in here and six weeks later be nominated for Female Wrestler of the Year. Its because the whole lot of you are truly unremarkable, and we’ll have gold around our waists two matches, and two wins in, because we collect titles like they’re nothing, because that is what winners and champions do.

Natalya: And tonight, we are going to collect. We are going to collect those titles, we are going to go home and put them in our title rooms with all the other belts we've collected, and you girls are going to sit back and wonder when it's going to be your turn.

Trish Stratus: And we’re also going to collect our debt, especially from those two little psychopaths Maryse and Paige. I know there’s a whole lot of history between them and AJ... and that’s whatever. But Maryse and Paige, you’ve been writing checks your asses can’t cash, and since we’ve already covered how your entire careers are owed to me, I think its time you paid up. Nat and I are coming to get what’s due. We’ll do it for Canada, you know, since you think it sucks so much.

Natalya: But most importantly, we'll do it...

Natalya shrugged, a sudden, unsettling grin on her face.

Natalya: Just because we can.

Trish Stratus: That’s going to be all Matt. We’ve got two big bully’s and two little girl’s on the playground that need a lesson in respect tonight. I think I know just the ladies who are going to give it to them.

Matt Stryker: Thank you so much, Trish. Thank you, Natalya. Natalya, just one more thing before you go! I have to ask. I know you know...

Trish immediately put her hand in Stryker’s face, and Natalie snatched the microphone so Stryker’s hand was aimed toward her mouth.

Natalya: I swear to God, Matt.. I love my uncle, but if you ask if I know if Bret Hart is going to be here in the Saddledome tonight... I’m going to add a fifth name to the list of asses I’ll be kicking.

Matt Stryker: My...my apologies, Natalya. Ladies and Gentlemen, Beautiful Dangerous will try their hand at the Women’s Tag Team Titles tonight at Death Before Dishonor. Can Natalya and Trish leave Calgary with the new championships? We find out in just minutes, live on pay-per-view!

Matt gave his big cheesy grin again as the scene faded to black and another promo package to hype the IC Championship match played as EBWF prepared for Death Before Dishonor.

[Cat]

I must point out that Paige isn't Canadian.

"ya know, that Nicole Ikeda brought them out on live television and showed them to the world. "

Pft. Whatever. Lies. Never happened. Added in the CG during recaps.

[Ashlee]

Durrr... She's British. I knew she was from some other country. Not sure why I thought it was Canada! Who doesn't watch the program now!

Total brain fart. lol Forgive me. :)