Who the hell is Daniel Bryan?

[BigD]

The scene opens to the country side of Sandy Fork, DE. Jay and Mark Briscoe are standing in the middle of a parking lot.

Jay: This week, yours truly continues on in the King Of The Ring Tournament against someone else who recently made a debut in the EBWF.

Mark: He been in the EBWF before.

Jay: Ok, I'm going against someone else who's recently made his return to the EBWF in Bryan Danielson. Now, y'all may know him as Daniel Bryan, but I call him Bryan Danielson. Daniel Bryan is a bullshit Vince Mac-Mahon name. Bryan Danielson was the man that took ROH by storm. Bryan Danielson was the man won the very tournament we're both competing in. But where is that man now? The great Hank Williams Jr use to sing "Where have all my rowdy friends gone" and that's exactly how I feel about Bryan Danielson. Where the hell has he gone? Because he sure as hell ain't the boy that I'm facing this Monday. My rowdy friend has settled down, it seems. You shave the beard, change your name, and now all that's left is some 14 year old looking little bitch. Seriously, what the f....

Jay stops himself from using profanity that wouldn't allow this video to be aired.

Jay: I just don't get it. I mean, I really don't. I feel like that boy who's friend went off to summer camp and then came back as a completely different person. I get that you're a vegan. I get that. But that doesn't mean that you have to turn into some tree hugging pus....

Mark: Whoa, whoa, hol' up now. You don't want the censors all over you again.

Jay: I meant girly boy. That's what I was going to say. Bryan, you think this is going to help your career? You want to play ball with the corporate types? Man, you ain't nothing but a sell out. And it's pretty obvious, too. You had trouble beating Leo Krueger? Leo Krueger? Ain't that some shit. I beat the former world champion. You barely get a win against someone who from South Africa.

Mark: Ain't them the same people who had to use diplomatic unity to be criminals in Lethal weapon?

Jay: It's immunity, Chicken, but yes, those same people. Is this really the person you wanted to become?

Mark: He kicked Teddy Dibiase's ass at the Pay Per View.

Jay: Yeah, a sneak attack. So, this is the person you are? A corporate sell-out that sneak attacks people and struggles with South Africans.

Mark: Really?

Jay: Whoa, easy Chicken. I already beat that boy, don't add insults by stealin his catch phrase. Oh, but you listen to "Daniel Bryan" and he'll make you believe he's a bad sumbitch.

Mark: He says his elbows turns people into Asians.

Jay: What? Chicken, what the hell you talkin about?

Mark: Yeah, he said his elbows Orients people.

Jay: That's disorient, Chicken. Man... But you right, "Daniel Bryan" sure does talk a big game. His kicks injure people, yeah I head you. And I saw you with that heavy bag. That boy whips up on a heavy bag, lemme tell you. He prolly kick the shit out of an ole boy with no arms. But I ain't drinkin this beer with a bendy straw, I have arms. You can whip up on that punchin bag all you want, but in the ring, we hit back. You may think your a submission expert. I heard you say that you can turn any move into a submission. That no one can combat your wrestling experience. Ain't none of that matter. I guarantee, you try to put me in one of those submission holds, I'm gonna punch you in the jejunum.

Mark: You gonna punch him in a board game? What if Robin Williams come...

Jay: No, Chicken that's Jumanji. The jejunum is that spot where Woody Harrelson punched Will... it doesn't matter. It makes you puke, Chicken. Let's see how Bryan puts me in a hold when he's fighting his gag reflex.

Mark: Ya know, he's got that pretty boy thing going. His gag reflex may be improved by his s....

Jay: We ain't talkin about that. I already got in trouble with that Rico shit last week. Now where was I? Oh yeah, Daniel Bryan the submission expert. Now, I've seen Bryan Danielson as a submission expert. I've seen Bryan Danielson fight his way out of any move. But I don't think Daniel Bryan could fight his way out of the closet.

Mark: Man, I thought you weren't going to say....

Jay: I know, I couldn't help it. My point is, Daniel Bryan is not the same person Bryan Danielson was. This was more than just a name change, folks. This was an entire person change. I don't know if aliens snatched his ass up or what happened. But something did. And there ain't enough technique in the world that can make up for it. You said you hear to win. No, you're here to kick ass and form into whatever the big wigs tell you to. You gonna wear a suit and put shit in your hair to? Please, this whole reinventing yourself is a waste of damn time.

Jay paces a bit and Mark crosses his arms to look intimidating in the background.

Jay: 6 seconds of pain or 6 months of rehab. Please, ain't nobody buying that bullshit. You said it yourself, you aint 6 foot 8 and a wall of muscle. You couldn't break a rake over your knee, much less break anything on my body. This shoulder already been messed up. And when it healed, I got me a World Title. So, do your worst boy, I ain't tappin. Even if you do take out an arm, I can still whoop up on the rest of the people here with the other.

Jay puts his right arm behind his back and lifts his left up in a sticking motion to emphasize his point.

Jay: Bryan, we both used to be cut from the same cloth. Back in the day, we were running the indies. We both sweat and bled for this business. We both worked small arenas in highschool gymnasiums just to put on a good show for the 15 people that showed up. I understand where you came from, Bryan. I really do. Because it's the same damn place that I came from. But the difference is I didn't forget that place. I didn't forget the hard work that I had to put in to make it where I am today. I didn't forget the Steve Corinos or the Necro Butcher who pulled me aside and gave me advise on what it means to be a real pro wrestler. It's not the dollars or the sold out arenas. Hell, it's not even about the championships. You forgot that, Daniel. You got a whif of that WWE money and you went from Bryan Danielson to Daniel Bryan; pro wrestler to sports entertainer. Instead of listening to the legends who paved the way for us, you listened to the MacMahons who never paid the dues that we did in this business. You are absolutely nothing like the man I used to face in Ring Of Honor and you sure as hell ain't nothing like the man I used to call my friend. You think you're a real wrestler? Shit...

Mark: He a damn sport entertainer, man.

Jay: That's right! You done forgot what real wrestling is like. Hell, that damn Trent Baretta boy is a better wrestler in them damn video games than you are right now. You don't know what real wrestling is, anymore. You're too busy with the big spots and the catch phrases, and your yes's and no's. You think you're hot shit because you beat Leo Krueger? EVERYBODY beats Leo Krueger. So, he has a belt? You think that's big shit because you beat somebody with a belt? That's the problem right there. You're so focused on belts and paychecks and what people think of you. I already done told The Miz how far the public's opinion will get you. And I showed him in person last week on Warfare. This ain't Raw, Daniel. You ain't gonna get over because Vince Mac-Mahon wants to make money off the real wrestling fans. People around here see through that. Just because you came up through the indies don't mean you still on that level. You got a little big for your britches there, Daniel. Walkin round like your shit don't stink. Like you too big for the indy world. I know 10 people down there in ROH that would whip your ass right now. One of 'em is standin here next to me.

Mark: Hell yeah.

Jay: You got this ego about you man, and it ain't becoming. It's like you above where you came from. You think you're a serious wrestler now because you doin interviews with The Coach and you got a catchy theme song? Man, The Coach ain't been shit for 10 years. He doing Sports Center and talkin on the radio now. You think because he interviewed you, you're all the sudden somebody? Man, it's about time I knocked you down a peg.

Jay held a hand up to eye level, then dropped it down to chest level to insinuate being dropped down lower.

Jay: Your technical skills ain't gonna help you when your in the ring with me. You being able to do a behind the back, cross legged arm bar doesn't mean jack when I kick you in the face or drop you with the J Driller. There ain't no amount of time you can spend on the punchin bag or strategizin that's going to help you on Monday. Cuz Daniel Bryan just ain't enough to beat Dis Boy one on one in the ring. You better just stick with your little feud with Jr, because that might be your only chance at getting a few wins around here. That's more of your level. This right here and the King Of The Ring tournament, that's not in the wheel house of Daniel Bryan. Maybe Bryan Danielson, but not who you are right now. Because, you see, I respect Bryan Danielson. I respect what he's done and I hope to respect what he will do in the future once he pulls his head out of his ass. But I don't know Daniel Bryan. And I sure as hell don't respect him. Daniel Bryan ain't done nothin in this business that I'm impressed by. And Daniel Bryan ain't worth the shit he stepped on to get to the WWE. To me, Daniel is nothing but a punk kid who needs a reality check. And that's exactly what I plan on giving him this Monday. Cuz at Warfare, it's time for you to man up.

The scene fades to black.