Princess A.J. Lee's Shooting Corner of the 4th Dimension

[Chloe]

The team that run's the EBWF's website work diligently to keep fans of the promotion updated on the latest breaking and news about their favorite superstars. It wasn't often that they had confrontations with the talent but on this afternoon there would be an exception. As one of the designers returned to his cubicle with a cup of coffee in hand he was startled by the sight sitting crossed legged on his desk and in front of his monitor.

A.J. Lee: Hello there.

The nearly spilled his mug and inched back a step or two. He looked about what you would expect a web designer type of guy to look like. Messy hair, glasses, mid to late twenties.

A.J. Lee: A.J. Lee. Pleased to meetcha.

He had no idea why she was there nor what kind of mood she was in as there wasn't much trace of any emotion on her face.

Designer: I-I know that. But uh..

A.J. Lee: Are you the website king?

Designer: I, uh, I'm one of the people who run the website if that's--

A.J. Lee: Sit down.

A.J. had proved how dangerous she could be despite being completely fun-sized. The designer slowly took a seat in his wheeled leather chair.

A.J. Lee: We need to talk about the website.

Designer: ...Do...you...like it?

A.J. Lee: NO, I DON'T LIKE IT!

The guy gripped the arms of his chair as he wasn't expecting such a sudden outburst. A.J.'s head slowly began to cock to the right.

A.J. Lee: You are putting things on the front page that are completely false and slanderous. About me.

Designer: I'm not sure what you mean...

A.J. Lee: "Trish Stratus will take on the slightly unhinged A.J. Lee."

A.J. leaned in closer as dark storm clouds grew in her eyes.

A.J. Lee: That is hurtful and un-true. I am not unhinged. Slightly or otherwise. I am a completely and utterly sane. YOU are just trying to make me out to be some kind of psycho. Gee, what was wrong with "pretty young A.J. Lee looks to totally destroy Trish Stratus in the Queen of the Ring tournament!"? Or "Two time Women's Champ and Slammy Award winning A.J. will probably kick Trish Stratus so hard she see's the curvature of the Earth!"? Are those headlines not ATTENTION GRABBING enough? Hm? Do you LIKE making me feel awful?

Designer: It wasn't really--

He was cut off again as A.J. slid down from the desk and began to pace back and forth with her arms folded.

A.J. Lee: We can fix this. YOU can fix this. I have a headline that you're going to update the page with. NO. You are going to make it a huge splash page that you have to click on before you can even enter the site!

A.J. held her palms outwards.

A.J. Lee: "TRISH STRATUS EATS KITTENS LIKE A BUFFET."

He was, understandably, absolutely mortified with the thought of actually having to do that. He would be fired within milliseconds and finding work anywhere else would be impossible.

Designer: B-But that's not true!

A.J. Lee: But that didn't stop you from calling me "WHACKJOB 5000 CRAZY GIRL" was it?!

Designer: That's not even what it said!

A.J. Lee: LIAR! You know what else? You are going to change Trish's name on the roster page. You are going to change her name to "Nazi VonKillYou"!

Designer: I can't do that!

A.J. Lee: Oh, yes you can! You are going to do it or I'm going to bite your nose off!

Realizing that he was not dealing with someone who was of sound mind, the designer began to attempt to negotiate.

Designer: What if I did something else for you?

A.J. Lee: ...PERV! PERRRRRV! DIRTY PERV! TRENT! THIS GUY IS LOOKING AT ME INAPPROPRIATELY!

Designer: N-No! That's not what I meant!

A.J. folded her hands over her heart and batted her eyes.

A.J. Lee: I'm listening.

The scene made an erupt cut and went to black. The hastily thrown together agreement was to give A.J. her own web show. A piece of white paper with a crudely drawn logo done in marker was displayed:

"PRINCESS A.J. LEE'S SHOOTING CORNER OF THE 4TH DIMENSION"

A.J. Lee: Helloooo everyone. Welcome to my little show here!

The designer was now being used to hold the camera while A.J. had gone back to sitting cross-legged on his desk. Sitting on her head was a makeshift, pointy crown made of golden paper mache. A bunch of monitors had been stacked up and displayed behind her and all of wallpaper on them were now wide, stretched pictures of herself. Except one that had "A.J. + Trent? 4EVER" written in a slightly scary font featured on it.

A.J. Lee: You may be wondering why I'm more drawn to the title of "Princess" rather than "Queen" when I'm in the QUEEN of the Ring tournament. Well, as we all know, Queen's are usually old and wrinkly and boring. Every kind of Princess you can think of is just much, much cooler. Princess Peach, Princess Celestia, Princess Leia...the list goes on and on. It's clearly the way to go. But that's not what I'm here to talk about! I'm here to tell it like it is! Since it's so popular amongst the wrestling world I am going to SHOOT.

A.J. pulled out an comically enormous pop-gun and pulled the trigger as the cork in the barrel came flying out.

A.J. Lee: I'm going to shoot on YOU Trish Stratus because it's high time someone did! Trish. Patricia. Patty. Can I can you Patty? SINCE THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. You think you have a chance against me? Please. I'm going to pin you quicker than when I pinned "Pistol" Pez Whatley in my WWF debut in 1990!

Designer: ...Uh?

A very confounding statement since A.J. was around three years old in 1990.

A.J. Lee: Don't interrupt me! I'm shooting here! Patty Stratus. Let me ask you a question. A question that you're are going to be too scared to answer. But I'm HARDCORE so I'm asking! That big gold belt that you wear all the time that has your name written on it? "TRISH" in big huge letters? Why do you wear it? Hm. Is it because YOU WOULD FORGET YOUR OWN NAME WITHOUT IT?! Yeah! That's right! It's the truth! The heat is on now! Just like the heat I had when I beat Bam Bam Bigelow at November to Remember in 1997!

Designer: I...

A.J. Lee: Stop talking! You are worse than the Cliq when they cut off my legs politically in 1994!

For reasons known only to the mind of a crazy person, A.J. was channeling Shane Douglas who was notable for "shooting".

A.J. Lee: I won't let anyone take this chance away from me. Not like when Pitbull #2 took my ECW Television Title away from me! Especially not Trish Stratus. Does the world want to know something else about Trish Stratus? Well, here it is! She used to be married to a super hero but she doesn't even have any super powers!

The look on the brunette's face was one of total disbelief.

A.J. Lee: I mean, c'mon! You MARRY The Hurricane and he doesn't teach you any kind of super human abilities? He could FLY. He had super strength. He had GREEN HAIR. Trish Stratus can't even talk to fish and that makes her lamer than Aqua Man! Absolutely. Totally. Pathetic. She doesn't deserve to be in the ring with me! She never had a four star classic with Justin Credible at Cyber Slam 99 like I did!

A.J. took a deep breath. Her next bit of information would almost certainly have the wrestling world talking.

A.J. Lee: And now I'm going to present the biggest revelation of them all. Something that will probably send Stratus straight into tears. She was gone for a few years. Everyone knows that. But do you see something different about her? Take a good, hard, long look. Notice anything? It's her hair. She lived a lie for years! She lied to the fans! Trish Stratus is NOT a natural blonde! How on EARTH could she be a Queen when she wore a disguise and tried to fool the universe for so long?! She's a fake! A phony! A fraud!

A.J. smirked and looked satisfied with the deep secret she brought to light.

A.J. Lee: The twitter world is abuzz right now. Management is blowing up my cell phone trying to get me to stop! But I REFUSE! It's time someone finally pulled back the curtain on what goes on around here! It's going to take this kind of courage and fearlessness to reign as Princess of the Ring and I possess all of that in spades! Trish Stratus can come down to that ring, she can try to pull the wool over everyone's eyes but it won't work on me! I am going to make her tap when I wrap her in the Black Widow. And if she isn't happy with all the secrets that I've brought to light, well, heh, I'm not a tough girl to find! All she needs to do is go ask Ric Flair what happened in 1989 when got me fired from WCW and I met him in the parking lot! NOW. HIT. MY. MUSIC.

The designer was prompted to hit an a portable i-pod which began to play "Never Come Back" while A.J. looked on sternly. After the song played for a moment she began to make a swiping motion across her throat.

A.J. Lee: No! NO! Cut my damn music!

The pause button was pressed.

A.J Lee: I'm not done yet! I have more I HAVE to shoot on!

A.J. propped up her Chuck on one of the chairs and glared into the camera.

A.J. Lee: Thomas the Tank Engine! You weird, British television show! You and your creepy trains with human faces! When I was a kid your weird, BRITISH show came on whenever I was looking for something COOL to watch! I can't get interested in a talking TRAIN! Who cares?! Do you know how much of my childhood you tried to rob from me with your boring, dreary, TRAIN drama?! Do you?!

The designer sighed. This was a terrible idea on his part. He had no idea how long A.J. was going to keep this stream going but it didn't' seem as though she was going to stop any time soon.

[Ashlee]

I started making a splash page:

A.J. Lee: "TRISH STRATUS EATS KITTENS LIKE A BUFFET."

[Ben M]

When I was a kid, Thomas The Tank Engine was my favourite TV show. Once I cried all the way home because my parents wouldn't buy me a toy train that I wanted... true story.

Hilarious as always, Chloe. I've always loved AJ Lee, but the way you write her makes me love her even more :)

[Holly]

I want to have drinks with AJ. Just to see what she'd be like drunk, lol.