Moves like Swagger

[Cat]

THE SIGNING:

*Jake Hager, better known to wrestling fans as Jack Swagger, sat in Stephanie McMahon's office. Stephanie is the Vice President of Talent Relations and Hager had recently been lured away from his position in the WWE. His 6'7'' frame sat in front of her desk at EBWF HQ and the two were going over the details of his freshly signed contract.*

Stephanie McMahon: We're very glad to have you on board, Jake. We're very excited to see what you bring to the table.

*Hager had been wasting away in the WWE and hadn't very fulfilled by wrestling in months. So he jumped at the chance to start somewhere fresh.*

Jake Hager: Trust me, Stephanie, I'm ready to perform.

Stephanie McMahon: We'll be bringing you in with Nick Nemeth. We liked that pairing and we feel as though you two could help add to the growing tag division.

*He gave a little grin. Nick, more commonly known as Dolph Ziggler, was always fun to work with. Plus they would both be itching to show what they could really do.*

Jake Hager: Sounds good to me.

Stephanie McMahon: In fact, you may even work with the Tag Champs in your debut but we'll all get that sorted out soon. You'll find this is a very different environment than working for my Father. We want you to work closely with the creative team to help mold your character.

*Well that was different. Unless you were at the very top of the WWE you had little to no say in the direction of your character. Jake silently began to bounce around a few ideas in his head.*

Stephanie McMahon: With that said...what would you like to do for your very first promo?

*He thought a second longer before answering quickly.*

Jake Hager: Can I get a flight to Oklahoma?

DEBUT

*Jack Swagger, making his first appearance on EBWF television, was shown walking through a residential neighborhood in Perry, Oklahoma. He was wearing a gray suit and he flashed his pearly whites at the camera.*

Jack Swagger: Hi. I'm Jack Swagger. The All American, American. And I'll be making my EBWF debut this week at Warfare. And I won't be alone. I'll be competing with my partner Dolph Ziggler.

*Swagger turned his smile towards the camera at a different angle*

Jack Swagger: But I'm sure he'll have plenty to say about that.

*The camera switched back to it's wider viewer as Swagger continued walking forward. He spread his arms outwards.*

Jack Swagger: This is my home of Perry, Oklahoma. This is where I became a National Hero. It was because of this upbringing and my indomitable will that will enable me to become a hero in the EBWF. My accomplishments speak for themselves. I made thirty pins as a collegiate wrestler. A record that stands to this day. I'm a former World Champion. I had a 4.0 grade point average in college which makes me not only powerful but intelligent. Heck, even GOING to college is an accomplishment when you're talking about professional wrestlers. Am I right? And also...

*There was another close up of his sparkling teeth.*

Jack Swagger: ...I'm married to a super model.

*A group of fans walked past. Each received either a fist bump or high five from The All American, American.*

Jack Swagger: Ha. Jack Swagger fans. They're everywhere. But who isn't a Jack Swagger fan? When you think of a champion you instantly think of me. Now my opponents for this week? Not so much. I hate to say it but this federation is in pitiful condition when Zack Ryder and Trent Barreta are your tag team champions. Not to mention that Trent Barreta is a double champion. How did THAT happen? It is simply beyond my comprehension.

*Swagger placed his hands on his hips and shook his head in disappointment.*

Jack Swagger: But there is no need to fret. Removing these "common men" from their lofty positions is what will drive me to succeed. This desire will drive Dolph and myself to victory. Personally, I believe that both of these men are truly freedom hating terrorists. But without substantial proof I'm inclined to say no more. But enough about those two. I brought you here today to give you a tour of my hometown!

*After he pushed aside the thoughts of his communist opponents, Jack pressed on.*

VIDEO GAMES

*A run down alley way. A pair of youths were crouched down and huddled around a pair of handheld game systems. Nintendo's 3DS. They looked around in paranoia as the game made various sounds and they tried to keep their addiction hidden.*

Jack Swagger: What's going on here?!

*Jack Swagger was angry. And you would live to regret it if you made Jack Swagger angry. With his hands on his hips he shook his head at the startled youths.*

Kids: Jack Swagger?!

Jack Swagger: That's right. And don't you kids know that video games will rot your brains? I didn't get where I am today by wasting my time with them. I can see that Trent Barreta's influence has reached all the way here to Oklahoma. Do you kids want to end up like Trent Barreta?

Kids: No sir!

Jack Swagger: If I had gone to high school with him I would have certainly shoved him into a locker and stolen his lunch money on a daily basis. That is if I were a bully. But I'm not. I'm the All American, American. Don't worry kids. I'll break you free from this hold!

*Jack swiped the handheld games and threw them onto the ground. After a stomping by his mighty and expensive footwear, they were smashed to pieces.*

Kids: Thank you, Jack! Now we won't end up like Trent Barreta!

Jack Swagger: You certainly won't. Now go join your high school's wrestling team to wash away this sense of failure. And if your high school doesn't have a wrestling team you need to DEMAND IT.

Kids: Yes sir!

*The kids performed a salute and rushed off. But there was no time for Jack Swagger to rest easy as there was an even greater threat drawing closer.*

??: JACK SWAGGER!

*A shadowy man stepped forth from the shadows. A man in a costume. An 8-bit NES cartridge costume. The only human features were his arms and legs which stuck out.*

Cartridge Man: I am everything Trent Barreta worships and represents! You will never be able to stop me!

Jack Swagger: Just as I suspected. Stadium Events. The rarest NES game in North America. The physical embodiment of Trent Barreta's hopes and dreams. Your un-American ways stop now you vile creature!

*Swagger's suit suddenly snapped off and he was dressed in a red, white and blue wrestling singlet. The cartridge was no match for his strength. It was quickly slammed to the ground and forced into his patented and painful Ankle Lock. The cartridge tapped like wild. Only when he was left with enough strength to crawl away did Jack release the hold.*

Jack Swagger: Let this be a warning to Barreta himself. Your time as a champion is rapidly drawing closer to an end. Whew. I'm drained. It's time to hit one of my favorite spots in Oklahoma to rejuvenate yourself.

KARAOKE

*A large clapping and swaying crowd in a club cheered on Jack as he took the mic to perform his rendition of Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings." The karaoke stage was electric.*

Jack Swagger: Did you ever know that I'm your hero? I'm everything you wish you could be.

*A scrolling disclaimer came across the screen: ALTHOUGH KARAOKE WAS CREATED IN JAPAN, IT HAS BECOME A PART OF AMERICAN SOCIETY. JACK SWAGGER FULLY ENDORSES THIS. THANK YOU.

WOO WOO WOO? I think not.

*A pair of misguided twenty somethings stood outside of a gentleman's club. They were very orange from the effects of a fake tan spray. Their hair was spiked upwards. Their sunglasses were ridiculous.*

Man #1: Are you serious, bro? Tonight is going to be amazing! We're going to hook up with so many girls! WOO, WOO, WOO!

Man #2: YOU KNOW IT!

*The men fist pumped the air like their was no tomorrow. Jack Swagger looked on. Not pleased.*

Jack Swagger: It's worst than I thought.

*Swagger approached and the two men lowered their sunglasses.*

Men: The All-American, American Jack Swagger?!

Jack Swagger: Correct. And I'm very disappointed. Is this what has become of my favorite gentleman's establishment? You two will never attract a buxom, America loving woman if you keep copying the mannerisms of someone like Zack Ryder. You look like fools. Much like Ryder himself. It's inexcusable.

Man #1: But Zack's a tag team champion!

Jack Swagger: That is something that will be remedied soon enough. Now do you two want a look that will REALLY attract women?

Man #2: Of course we do!

*After the sound of a magical chime and a quick edit, the two men now had identical haircuts to Jack. Their fake tans were gone and they were dressed in a sharp pair of suits.*

Jack Swagger: Now how do you feel?

Man #1: Like proud Americans!

Jack Swagger: I thought so. Go out and make Uncle Sam proud, boys. And don't let me see you fist pumping around here again.

Men: Yes sure!

*The men ran off much like the teenagers before them. Swagger looked on proudly with his arms rested over his chest.*

Mission Statement

*Jack had returned to the neighborhood were the promo began. He was deep in thought but also looked incredibly determined.*

Jack Swagger: This situation is awful. With Ryder and Barreta as tag team champions things all over America are falling apart. And if it can effect my hometown then it can strike anywhere in this great country. It's very clear what Dolph and I are going to have to. We must claim the gold from these two heathens to restore order. Ryder and Barreta must be stopped. Have no fear. Dolph and I will accomplish this task in short order. America and the world itself will be a better place for it. And the EBWF and all of it's fans can finally have champions they can be proud of.

*Jack had his goal firmly locked in mind and he would seek to make steps towards accomplishing this when he made his debut Monday night.*

[D.J]

Very entertaining!