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The EBWF Fashion Police’s theme song “Swaggerific” by Verbz kicked off the show. Photos of the fashionistas of the show appeared on screen. First, Eva Marie, followed by a picture of Sasha Banks, and of course last, but not least, Summer Rae. All three were decked out in the latest trending clothing.. The introduction package came to an end with the show title “Fashion Police: EBWF Edition”, before fading into the staging area.
Attention ladies and gentlemen! Here are your EBWF FASHION POLICE!
The audience cheered for their Fashionistas. The camera cut to each individual, showing a name plate underneath each diva as she got her 5 seconds of glory. The stage was set up with a classy theme as usual; the backdrop behind the women was a typical city skyline at sunset, with a lacy curtain covering it, and more silver drapery on the sides. When the music and audience died down, the show officially began.
Eva Marie: Thank you. Welcome to our second episode of Fashion Police: EBWF Edition. And no, my lovelies, you are not watching America’s Next Top Model. Just take a good luck at us. Would you see these faces competing against others to determine who the prettiest, most perfect model should be?
Sasha Banks: No, because WE are the prettiest and most perfecal!!
Summer Rae: Yes, we are the best of the best. The cream of the crop, you might say. We’re here for your viewing pleasure. In addition to that, my ride or dies and I are going to talk about all of EBWF’s fashion do’s and don’ts! Who’s hot and who’s not! There are lots of exciting things for us to talk about on the show today.
Eva Marie: I mean, if you call a hyped up blueberry and an Australian bozo exciting, then yes!
Summer Rae: Oh no, not them! I'm talking about the hottest thing of the Summer... Myself aside, of course... SummerSlam!
Sasha Banks: Yes boo! Your girls will be once again headlining another EBWF Pay-Per-View by defending our beautiful bling Tag Team Championships. It's gonna go down, and you already know all those hoes are gonna have to SWERVE!
Summer Rae: And by "hoes", Sasha is talking about her and Eva's tragic opponents, AJ Lee, Paige, Emma, and Alexa Bliss.
Eva Marie: Gross...
Summer Rae: I know, but don't worry, tonight's show is only going to focus on two of them, because our eyes just can't handle all four. And considering the fact that AJ and Paige have already been critiqued and STILL look a mess, it's clear that they are beyond help and are not worth us wasting our time on them yet again. So, ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, let's get this show on a roll. Sasha, let's see what you have to say about our first victim, Alexa Bliss...
An image of one of EBWF's newest Divas, Alexa Bliss, popped up onto the screen. All thee ladies just shook their head as they were clearly not here for what they were laying their eyes upon.
Sasha Banks: I can't tell if she's a blonde or brunette. I mean either way it wouldn't work in her favor. Those highlights do nothing for her. I bet she uses Kool Aid to dye her hair blue. So cheap! Her and Emma both are just childish. Alexa probably shops in the little girls section at Wal Mart. Where else can you get cheap acid wash shorts like that anyway? This isn't the 90s, so please, paint the denim back on or something. Better yet, get something to cover your face too, lookin' like a barnyard animal. I bet that's why she's dressed like she's on a farm! With that rag of a top. I just can't deal with you right now, Alexa. And then she has toilet paper hanging from her chest, too! She stuffs her bra obviously, as tiny as she is, she needs all the support she can get.
Eva, Sasha, & Summer: NEXT!
The first image of Alexa was replaced by a new once, making it Eva's time to give her opinions on the glitter princess.
Eva Marie: Before I even delve into this, I just want to make it clear that Alexa Bliss is already my least favorite female in EBWF. And it's because she's an advocate of blue! BLUE! Like, how can she walk around like she's All Blue Everything? I'll tell you why, it's because she's trying to compete with me! We all know I'm the first to bring in a color movement, it's my trademark. So the fact that this little runt has the nerve to try and clash with me is a joke! A complete, embarrassing joke. Let me tell you something, Alexa, no matter how hard you try, your blue will never outdo my red. Got it?! And you know what, your face in this picture is just as embarrassing as your little idea that you actually sport a bold color well. I have no further words from you, because you have me seeing red, which, again, is the only color that matters in EBWF. I dare you to make that face at me in the ring though, I'll slap you so hard you permanently look like that, you fake bitch.
Eva, Sasha, & Summer: BYE FELICIA!
Alexa Bliss was no longer the focus of the show, which became clear when an image of Emma appeared on the screen, causing Summer, Sasha, and Eva to all simultaneously cringe. It was literally that bad.
Sasha Banks: Emma looks so awkward in this picture. But I don't blame her. If I were looking that messy I would be feeling weird too. She's basically wearing a Pigasso painting on her shorts!! That should go back to the museum along with Emma, since she is so BORING! Tuh. Please, choose a color scheme that doesn't match an assorted meat tray. Then she has those straps or suspenders or whatever they are going all around her body. They musta been part of the straight jacket she broke free of because actually choosing to wear something like this must mean you're CRAY! And then to top it all off.... This hand sock. Like, what are you, 5? Considering you dance like a kindergartner I wouldn't be surprised. I take that back, a kindergartner is more coordinated than Emma. Whenever she dances it looks like she's having a seizure. It probably gives other people seizures too, especially wearing all those bright colors. Emma, please SWERVE into the nearest asylum and save yourself! Thank you very much.
Eva, Sasha, & Summer: NEXT!
As soon as the next image appeared, the girls instantly busted out in laughter at Emma's expense. Eva managed to maintain her composure first, just to get her point across, while Summer and Sasha kept on cackling under their breath.
Eva Marie: Well look who it is, the little jailbird! For those of you who don't know, our Emma had a little run-in with the law not too long ago. Want to know why? She got caught trying to STEAL. Steal relevance! I'm telling you, this hot mess is the biggest flop I've ever seen. But it's not hard to understand why, because I mean... Look at her! That puffed up face, the cheap eyelashes on top of the droopy eyes. Something is clearly not right with this girl mentally. To be honest, I don't know if I feel safe being in the same vicinity as someone like this. She dresses like a five year old, can't do her makeup anywhere close to correctly... She's just an overall sloppy, hot mess. Emma, I have no idea who allowed you into America, but I think you'd be doing everyone a favor if you went and got yourself arrested for and second time, lost your work visa, and got deported all the way back to Australia. Trust me, no one would miss you. Just like your partner for SummerSlam, you are a complete joke.
Eva, Sasha, & Summer: BYE FELICIA!
The screen went black, bringing their official roast of Alexa Bliss and Emma to a close. However, The Mean Girls were far from through with letting their opinions be heard.
Summer Rae: So that's it for the irrelevants, and as you all can see, they will be no threat to our Championship belts. It's almost sad to say that I'd deem AJ Lee and Paige a bigger threat!
Sasha Banks: I'll agree, but that doesn't change the fact that they don't stand a chance either!
Eva Marie: Seriously, I mean, we've beaten them before, and we will happily do it again. You said it best, Summer, the three of us are the cream of the crop, the best of the best. Those four? They're nothing but the next tragedy at our hands. At SummerSlam we're going wipe the floor with those poor excuses for Divas and leave them seeing red.
Sasha Banks: That's right. I keep saying it, but one more for the road ain't gonna hurt. Those bitches better SWERVE!
Summer Rae: And with that being said, that brings episode number two of the Fashion Police: EBWF Edition to a close. See you all next time. Until then, keep it cute, or put it on mute.
Summer, Sasha, and Eva all smirked and waved to the camera as "Swaggerific" began to place once more. The scene panned out on the girls giggling and continuing what was probably a shady conversation before fading out to black.
