Make no Miztake

[Juan Ramirez]

“What is your name?”

“Cinnamon"

The scene opened up in complete darkness… Light illuminated the room slightly, allowing the viewers to make out a couch, and a voluptuous, feminine figure sitting on top of it. The curvaceous frame in plain display for the camera.

“Look up here… Into the camera”. A familiar voice commanded.

“That’s going to cost you a bit extra, sugar…” The female voice said with a giggle.

“Money is not a problem… Are you ready?” The scene room suddenly up, revealing a busty woman in her mid 20s, she was dressed casually, with a leather jacked and some denim pants, casual make up adorning her face, blonde locks of hair which fell graciously down the sides of her face. She sat on a black leather couch, surrounded by some pretty high-end, yet standard decoration. The surroundings looked like a hotel room.

“What? Don’t you want me to freshen up and change into what I brought for you?” The woman snickered, aiming a hungry gaze above the camera lens, presumably where her ‘customer’ for the night, was sitting. “Not really” He replied, rather casually… The girl’s smile slightly faded from her face. “You’re going to do exactly as I say, and then you’re going to get that big… fat… thick… roll… of bills, you so desperately desire, got it?”. The girl nodded eagerly.

“Good.”

The girl’s eyes followed the customer as he made his way right next to her… Shirtless, he wrapped one of his tattoed arms around the girl. His face, surprisingly clean shaven and a smooth, short haircut… He pressed his tongue against the inner wall of his mouth, making his lip ring protrude.

CM Punk: Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is CM Punk. In case you didn’t know, well… I can’t help it but to feel sorry for you and at the same time extremely happy, because this moment where you just met me will mark a “before” and an “after” moment. I am joined by… Sugar tonight…

Cinnamon: My name is Cinnamon.

CM Punk: Whatever. I want you to help me out here… Do you recognize this man?

Punk reached out for a picture of his upcoming Fanniversary Opponent… The Miz. Passing the picture through the camera lens for the fans to see, he then tossed the picture upon the girl’s lap, wiping his fingers as if the picture was tainted.

Cinnamon: Oh yeah! He definitely looks familiar.

CM Punk handed her another picture, this time Miz joined by his friends from “Trilogy”.

Cinnamon: Oh yeah! They are regulars… They do know how to throw a party!

Cinnamon giggled. CM Punk’s facial expression reflected how irritated he was, and how much he was probably regretting this idea.

CM Punk: Now I see why you offered to freshen up… Do my a favor and go wash the lame and loser off your ass.

Cinnamon looked puzzled, but nevertheless stood up and headed into the hotel room’s bathroom. Punk cleared his throat and looked straight into the camera.

CM Punk: Boy oh boy, guess who the Birthday boy is! That’s right, one more year of me, grumping the world of wrestling, berating John Cena for the sole fact I am stealing his oxygen and sharing the planet with him… What do I get for my Birthday? Apparently, I was supposed to stay down after my last man standing match, but here I am, more resilient than AJ's herpes... And most likely being punished for it. I’m stuck in a match with The Miz and CJ Parker? I didn’t know Pam Anderson was into wrestling…

Some whispering could be heard, probably from the cameraman in charge of shooting the scene.

CM Punk: CJ Parker is a man? AWWWWW! And I had brought my autograph notebook in hope for a Pam Anderson Autograph… Of course I knew CJ Parker is a man, if I didn’t study my opponents before every match I’d be “Trilogy” material… CJ Parker, there’s just a dozen things wrong with CJ Parker… Where do I start? Oh, yeah! The last person who tried to make it big time in EBWF wearing Dreadlocks is currently enjoying an early retirement. And the whole ecologist thing… CJ, if no Hollywood studio was interested in making a Captain Planet movie, why would you think they would listen to a wrestler who told them not to litter, to recycle? What has CJ Parker done to even deserve my lips to pronounce his name, not counting ripping the name off 'Baywatch’? I hate to be the one who brings the Reality Check to CJ Parker, but here it goes.

Punk smirked, as if he didn’t truly enjoy saying what he thought to people’s faces, making them uncomfortable.

CM Punk: Everyone is out there, each and every day, just trying to make it big time. They get out of bed, heat whatever industrialized poison they fancy on their cancer inducing microwaves, heading down the nearest StarBucks to numb their neurones with caffeine, all while filling their lungs with carcinogenic substances from tobacco... And that is just Daytime... Do you really think you can inspire people to recycle? To think green? CJ, between you and I: it's a lost cause. Time and time again I have tried and failed to show people the way, to lead them, to make them better, in other words: To make them more like me. But the truth is they are blinded by imperfection. Like a bunch of Swines, they glee and rejoice while rolling around in the dirt. Sorry to burst your bubble CJ... But there is no glory in preserving the environment... I've also heard you surf, well? I'd be more than glad to give you a ride on top of a mexican surfboard stretch.

Punk narrowed his eyes.

CM Punk: CJ, what makes you even thing you deserve to be in the same ring as me? What makes you a decent contender for my path to glory title? Do you even know the history behind the title? If you do, then you probably had a pretty rough time sleeping this week, I assume you've had nightmares about being locked in the Anaconda Vice, nightmares about being put to sleep...

"Alright baby, I'm ready!"

The camera swung towards the bathroom door, to reveal Cinnamon. She had changed into a black lace lingerie set, consisting on bra, panties, and a garterbelt with stockings. She struck a pose and looked over at the Second City Saint.

Cinnamon: Do you like it?

Punk's silence said it all. He motioned for her to join him once again.

CM Punk: So, you were telling me about the guy in the picture... When did you first meet him?

Cinnamon tilted her head to the side.

Cinnamon: I'm not sure, I think a friend of his called me and a couple of friends to shoot one of these videos, saying we'd be on TV. We totally were on board! We arrived to the place, they had champagne, good music, drugs, drinks, anything you could ever wish for.

CM Punk: What kind of low level aspiration is that? Anyway, I'm stating the obvious. Go on. And please skip the part where Miz and his buddies gave you Chlamydia.

Cinnamon didn't look like the kind of girl who knew what Chlamydia was, despite being treated for it several times.

Cinnamon: We partied. All. Night. Long.

CM Punk: So, they called. You arrived. They offered you drugs, cash and liquor. You fornicated with them. What happened next?

Cinnamon: It gets kinda hard to remember, I was so hammered. I woke up the next morning and they were gone.

CM Punk: Try a little harder...

Cinnamon: I can't recall a thing after I popped a couple of pills.

CM Punk: No. You can't recall a thing because your subconscious-self is wiser than you think, and would do anything just to erase those tainted memories from your brain... Those misguided thoughts that keep you from succeeding in life. Tell me, did those rendezvous happen again?

Cinnamon: Well, I tried to call them, but apparently I wrote their phone numbers incorrectly.

CM Punk: And by that you mean they gave you fake numbers.

Cinnamon: I hadn't thought about it. They did call me from a different cellphone the next time they were in town. The exact same thing happened. We partied. Hard. I woke up with little to no memory of the events.

Punk turned his attention towards the camera.

CM Punk: You've heard it, everytime The Miz talks about how insanely popular he really is with the ladies, about how he parties all day, everyday; about all those things that apparently make him a superstar... Now you know he really picks up his phone, gets himself a local call girl, quenches her thirst with all kinds of lessening substances and has her way with her... Not with the beautiful woman I've introduced you to tonight, no. He has his way with a nearly unconscious, defenseless, misguided, poor woman. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Miz midas' touch, except it's backwards... Everything he touches becomes absolute shit.

Cinnamon looked a little shocked at what Punk had just said.

CM Punk: Now, Cinnamon. I am nothing like the Miz. I am a righteous man, who wants nothing but to bring back as many lost sheep as I can to the herd. Giving them something to believe in, giving them something to fight for. You might not have noticed back then, but there's still time for me to avenge the trespass you've been victim of. I happen to be facing the Miz in a wrestling match come Sunday night... And you can count on me, making Miz regret everything he has done to you. All I ask in return is for you to turn to the path of light, leaving all sense numbing substances behind, vowing to stay clean, mind, body, and soul. Can I get that in exchange?

Cinnamon was hesitant at first, but nodded, probably out of mere intimidation.

CM Punk: Words, as beautiful , enlightening and melodically as they are when they come out of my mouth however, aren't enough. In order to seal the pact, I need you to sacrifice something for me... And I wouldn't even call it a sacrifice.

Cinnamon: What would that be?

Punk reached out for a pair of cordless clippers, the buzzing sound of the machine could be heard as he clicked a button.

CM Punk: Your hair... The part of your body men like the Miz take you for a toy. It is beautiful indeed... But I believe that having you break free from a life of appearances and contamination is just as beautiful. Do it. Join me in the path of enlightenment... Or walk right through that door and continue selling your body, dwelling between guys like Miz, AJ Styles and Ted Dibiase until your body can't take it anymore and just gives up.

The only thing that could be heard was the buzzing of the clippers. The woman didn't say a thing, but leaned her head forward, as if presenting her straightedge savior her golden locks. Punk guided the clippers along the golden bangs of hair, carefully cutting them off her head, bang by bang. He looked at the camera.

CM Punk: Miz, you can't even imagine what you're going up against... While it's fairly obvious that I keep my mind, body and soul in cleaner and thus edgier conditions than yours, I have managed to persuade someone with just my tongue... And no, I'm not talking about sticking it down their throats like you persuade people. I have noticed you are oblivious to the reality around you. You proudly blindfold yourself, failing to see how much of a better wrestler I am, how much more of a charismatic person I am... I don't need to be in the middle of a faction, I don't need T-shirts with goofy catchphrases, I don't need to bribe women with alcohol, money and drugs to get their attention. See the difference now?

He carefully guided the clippers tightly against her scalp, the golden locks of hair falling by pieces, exposing her pink, shaved head little by little.

CM Punk: How dare you question me. How do you even dare to compare yourself to me? While you spent time in your little treehouse with your rich friend and your manwhore stoner friend, I was out there, working my ass off. Kicking Brock Lesnar across the skull, getting in John Cena's face, winning the Path To Glory Title... Scratch that, remember when I INVENTED IT? The title that gives you a shot at the World title? News Flash, Miz... You're going after your Favorite Wrestler's Legacy - Put that on a shirt and please don't be cheap, cough up some royalties. Summerslam marks a spot for both of us, Miz. At Summerslam I put your friend Teddy down, and reclaimed my Path to Glory Title... That same night you were being manhandled by Sean Waltman, who by the way I beat a few weeks ago. And yet, you have the audacity to call yourself more relevant than me? I guess booze and drugs really hurt the brain, Miz... But brain damage due to toxic substances should be the least of your concerns right now. You might not agree with this, but try to think about my words when my knee is crushing your jaw. Now, you don't seem like the kind of guy who would take a man's word... It is as if for you everything was a damn joke. Luckily for you, there's someone really close than can brief you with all the details, and probably advice you to stay of my path... Ted is no stranger to my superiority... I'm pretty confident he can give you a crash course on ow to cope with the fact that I am at a level way above you, Miz. In every single sense of the word. So joke all you want, print out as many T-shirts as you want, in the end it'll be useless... Because jokes ant T-shirts can't hold a candle to charisma and wrestling skills...

Punk gave the finishing touches to Cinnamon's head, before guiding her head so she was staring right onto the camera, with a completely shaven head.

CM Punk: Make no Miztake... I am CM Punk, and I am Better than you.

The scene faded to black as Punk cupped Cinnamon's chin, exposing her brand new haircut to the audience.