Best In The World
Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 10:57 pm
The Rock had taken an extremely long hiatus from the wrestling ring, and the wrestling business in general. Like riding a bike, however, last Monday Night came and The Rock looked like he was donning a very small amount of rust if any at all. His victory over Ted DiBiase, and in the fashion he did it, had wrestling fans far and wide excited. They were excited because their once favorite wrestler, their once hero, had returned in a big way, and looked as though he was here once again to stay. There were no rumors of a new film, no rumors of an exit date, it appeared as though what once seemed like only a far fetched dream for wrestling fans to have The Rock back full time, was indeed coming true. This coming week would be the next step in that return, as it had been confirmed that Warfare's main event would be a triple threat match between The Rock, Edge, and CM Punk. The winner would become the #1 contender for the EBWF Championship at Christmas Eve of Destruction. Always known as a big match guy, it was expected that The People's Champion would be ready to rock n' roll come Monday Night.
The scene opened up in a gym. It was not a gym filled with bar bells and other weights, but instead there were folks kick boxing. Hitting heavy bags, and sparring in some of the many rings that were scattered about. The scene faded away until we saw a wrestling crowd at a house show watching this gym scene on the tron. The crowd erupted as The Rock walked onto the screen. He wore a "Just Bring It" black t-shirt and white and black nike shorts. A skinny man in a white tank top and black shorts "Chris" came up to The Rock and extended his hand.
Chris: Hi Rock my name is Chr...
The Rock held up his hand in the face of Chris which got a reaction from the crowd.
The Rock: Whoa whoa whoa whoa... whoa... who do you think you are just running up on The Rock like that. This is a place of punching and kicking, what's the matter with you, you're lucky The Rock didn't just slap the taste out of your mouth for doing that.
Chris: But Rock I'm your..
The Rock mocked him in a whiny voice.
The Rock: But Rock I'm your... but Rock I'm your...
The Rock shook his head and wagged his right index finger back and forth.
The Rock: But nothing, The Rock isn't just somebody you can waltz on up to any time you feel like it, and have a conversation with. The Rock isn't just somebody that an 84 pound twerp can just come up to and start a friendship. Are we gonna be friends.. Rob is it?
Chris: Well actually it's Chr..
The Rock: It doesn't matter what it actually is! Let me make something perfectly clear Steve.. you and The Rock.. not going to be friends. You and The Rock, not going to ride a tandem bicycle together through central park.
Chris started to smile. The Rock smiled with Chris, which made Chris a little more comfortable. Rock nodded his head, which caused Chris to do the same. After a few beats The Rock became stone faced again and Chris had to quickly straighten up.
The Rock: The Rock doesn't really like the look you just got in your eye, that glimmering look, that twinkle in your eye. As soon as The Rock mentioned tandem bicycle riding you started to get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach didn't you?
Chris went to answer but The Rock would have none of it.
The Rock: No no.. Brian The Rock can tell that you are a little.. coom see coom sa.. but The Rock wants... NO he needs you to relax. The Rock knows it's not every day in this little slap and tickle gym, that a man walks in that can really do some damage. The Rock knows it's not every day when someone like The People's Champ comes strolling in, that it's not everyday when someone comes in that has literally millions...
The crowd was ready. As the scene quickly panned back to the arena.
Crowd: AND MILLIONS
The Rock: Of fans worldwide, so The Rock can understand Rich, why you came up to The Rock like you did.
Chris: Well Rock, if you aren't interested in the martial arts that we practice here, why exactly are you here?
The Rock took a step back.
The Rock: Look at you Hal, asking The Rock a question like that. Putting a little bass in your voice, The Rock likes that, he respects it. Good job.
The Rock held his hand up for a high five, and Chris went to give him one but The Rock quickly turned it into a fake elbow to the top of Chris' head. This got cheers from the crowd.
The Rock: The Rock will answer your question Kevin, the reason why The Rock is here is actually quite simple. You see Pat this Monday Night. The Rock will be competing in the main event at Warfare.. yo..
Chris: Well that's great Rock.
The Rock looked visually upset.
The Rock: Seeing as The Rock was not done speaking yet, you should know your role and SHUT your mouth.
Chris: Oh right sorry.
The Rock: As The Rock was saying before he was so rudely interrupted.
The Rock stared at Chris in silence to make him feel uncomfortable. He pointed at Chris and nodded his head, Chris had no choice but to sit there in silence. This was certainly not how he'd hoped this conversation would go.
The Rock: As The Rock was saying Mitch, this Monday it will be The Rock.. vs. Edge.. vs. CM Punk with the winner, the winner Ryan, going on to Christmas Eve of Destruction to face Solomon Crowe for the EBWF Championship.
The crowd erupted at this announcement.
The Rock: So you see Marty, The Rock likes to be prepared. The Rock likes to do is homework. So The Rock figured he'd do a little bit of extra preparation, The Rock figured he'd think outside of the box to get ready for his opponents. So The Rock thought to himself..
The Rock spoke in a whisper.
The Rock: "Hey Rock"
There was a beat.
The Rock: "Yeah Rock?"
He paused as the crowd laughed and started chanting "Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!"
The Rock: "You're The Great One."
Another beat.
The Rock: "I know... is that all you wanted to tell me?"..... "No there's more."..... "Ok let's hear it."... "This Monday you face Edge and CM Punk to become the number 1 contender for the EBWF Title."... "Sounds good.. what's the problem?.... "Well.. they think they're pretty tough.".... "Are they tough?"... "Well no.. they absolutely suck."
More cheers.
The Rock: Back and forth this inner conversation went until finally, it donned on The Rock. Even though Edge and CM Punk.. absolutely no match for The People's Champ, it donned on The Rock that maybe he should step into their world. Try and see life from their eyes. So The Rock started with Edge. Do you wanna know what The Rock did to see the world through Edge's eyes, Travis?
Chris: Well su..
The Rock cut him off.
The Rock: Rhetorical question Jim, The Rock was going to tell you anyways. So Kyle, The Rock to get ready to face Edge did the only thing one could do. He went to the movies.. do you like movies Tom?
Chris didn't answer for fear of what was coming.
The Rock: What's wrong? The Rock asks you a question and you just sit there and stare at him. The Rock said do you like movies?
Chris thought to himself, and spoke quickly.
Chris: Yes I like movies.
When he wasn't cut off Chris breathed a sigh of relief. Rock took a step back, and looked weirded out by the way Chris responded to the question. The crowd was loving this all the while.
The Rock: What in the blue hell kind of a way was that to talk to somebody? You sounded like someone put you on fast forward. "Yes I like movies" Well even though you answered that question in just about the weirdest possible way Stan, The Rock well continue with his story. So The Rock went to the movies, do you wanna know what movie he went to see?
Chris nodded.
The Rock: The Rock saw horrible bosses 2. The Rock saw Horrible Bosses 2 for a couple of reasons, A.) because The Rock heard it was good, B.) Because The Rock had a hankering for movie theatre popcorn, and C.) Because Horrible Bosses 2 was... rated R.
The crowd cheered as they finally made the connection of where Rock was headed.
The Rock: You see it was rated R, for strong language and adult content. Just like Edge claims to be, ohhh yeah Edge you're edgy, you're tough, you're rated R. Well The Rock says, yes Edge you are rated R.. but you edge that R doesn't stand for restricted.. like Horrible Bosses 2.. no no no no NO.. that R stands for READY to get his monkey ass beat by a man who's name also starts with an "R".. a man that goes by the name of... ROCK.
The crowd cheered
The Rock: So as The Rock sat there and watched horrible bosses 2.. it did remind him of Edge, it did get The Rock ready to face Edge.. in fact the movie was just like Edge, and no Edge it wasn't like you because it was too tough for TV, or because of the foul language, or because it was rude crude or whatever the hell else you jabroni's like to say. The movie was JUST like you Edge because A.) It didn't make The Rock laugh no matter how hard it tried. B.) Horrible Bosses is SO 2011.. and C.) Because The Rock literally felt like the 11.50 he spent on it.. was too much.. by about.. say 11.50.
The Rock looked right into the camera as he spoke.
The Rock: You see Edge you might say that this is the pot calling the kettle black. You might say that The Rock shouldn't talk about someone being past their prime, you might say that you don't have horse teeth... but the fact of the matter is this. When you're The Rock.. you don't have a prime.. you have a career. When you're The Rock, anytime you are in the ring, whether it's your first time, your fourth time, your eighty first time, your seven thousandth time, you are in your prime. The Rock will never... AND THE ROCK MEANS...
Crowd: EVER!
The Rock: Be past his prime. Where as you Edge, you are a little bit different. Like Horrible Bosses 2, there was no need for a sequel, no NEED for second run at something that wasn't all that memorable in the first place, but fear not Edge because for the first time in your career, The Rock is going to make you memorable. That's right, The Rock is going to make you someone that the fans will never forget.. because come Monday Night you won't be remembered for being rated R, or for reeking of awesomeness, because let's face it all The Rock's fans have long forgotten about any of that nonsense, but you will be remembered FOREVER because as of Monday Night you will be thought of as the guy who had The Rock's size 14 boot wedged so far up his ass that he puked out The Rock's shoelaces.
Another "Rocky" chant broke out. Chris chimed in.
Chris: Well what about CM Punk?
The Rock: So glad you asked Trent.. because CM Punk is what brings The Rock.. here. You see The Rock is a man who's done it all in this business. He's busted spines, he's dropped rock bottoms, people's elbows, but in order for The Rock to fully get ready for CM Punk, he's got to get ready for a whole lot of..
The Rock got into a karate stance, he did two knees and a straight kick. After each one he let out a feminine sounding "Kee-Yah" type sound.
Chris: Well actually it's a lot more than th..
The Rock: Shut your mouth jabroni, The Rock wasn't done.
The Rock did a few more slow motion kicks, and a couple of elbow thrusts. With each move he made a couple more "Kee-Yah" sounds. The crowd was going nuts and another "Rocky" chant broke out.
The Rock: You see CM Punk, The Rock knows you like to use your knees, your arms, your elbows, your ankles, your nose, your hair, your big toe, pretty much any part of your body when your in the ring. The Rock knows you are going to come at him from every angle.. from every which way. Having said that, The Rock hopes that you won't be offended when he tells you that he does things a little bit differently. You see The Rock doesn't need to be spontaneous, The Rock doesn't need to be unpredictable, which is why The Rock is going to tell you exactly where and how he's going to be coming at you. The Rock isn't going to be flailing his knees or his shins or his hips or whatever else your way. The Rock isn't going to be coming from 67 different directions. He's going to be coming from... ONE.. direction. You see CM Punk quite simply The Rock is going to take his hand from NORTH
The Rock held his hand up in the air.
The Rock: To south.
The Rock clasped his hands together in a punching motion.
The Rock: NORTH..
High hand again.
The Rock: To south.
Together.
The Rock: NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH.. TO... SOUTH. Laying the smack down on your straight edge, Pepsi tattooed, candy ASS!
With each time The Rock threw punch after punch with his right hand to his left.
Chris: So Rock, what I was trying to tell you at the beginning was that I was going to be your trainer today.
The Rock looked at Chris.
The Rock: The Rock's trainer? You're going to be The Rock's trainer?
Chris: Yes.
The Rock: With all do respect Cal, you couldn't even lift a training bra, how are you going to train The Rock?
Chris: Well I specialize in mixed martial arts.
The Rock: Would that be martial arts between mixed genders? From the looks of you Sean, it seems as though the only you specialize in, is watching Gossip Girl eating low fat hummus.
The crowd laughed and cheered.
Chris: No Rock I assure you, I can get you ready for everything that CM Punk is going to throw at you. Here let me show you.
Chris went to grab The Rocks waist to set him up for a move, but The Rock quickly shimmied away, looking disgusted.
The Rock: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, what in the name of all that is holy are you doing, you SICK FREAK?
Chris: Rock I was jus..
The Rock: No no no no NO. The Rock knows what you were trying he can see it written all over your face. You don't want to train the Rock.. you want to train The Rock's....
The Rock lifted up his shorts quickly around his crotchal region.
The Rock: Dragon.
The crowd erupted in cheers. Chris looked horrified.
The Rock: Train the Rock, get serious Fred. You aren't going to train The Rock, The Rock is going to train you... sit.
Chris was reluctant.
The Rock: Jabroni, The Rock says... SIT.
Chris surprisingly gave in and sat down Indian Style.
The Rock: Nice Indian Style, good boy... now roll over.
Again there was hesitation, but The Rock imposed his will and Chris did as he was told. The Rock, as Chris started to do sideways rolls, then kicked Chris out of the frame.
The Rock: Yeah roll your ass on out of here jabroni, nobody trains The Rock or his dragon. You see CM Punk, The Rock knows you've worked hard to get where you are in this business. He does he knows that, and he respects that. Bravo, CM Punk, The Rock salutes you. It's not easy to make it in this business when you aren't all that big.. you aren't all that athletic.. you aren't all that tough.. you aren't all that talented, you aren't all that funny, you aren't all that interesting, you aren't all that charismatic, you aren't all that smart.. you aren't all that.. well anything. The Rock says you have made it though Punk, you have managed somehow to make chicken salad out of chicken shit, and you've done it with hard work. You see there's an old saying, and it goes something like this "hard work beats talent, when talent fails to work hard." A credo I'm sure you live by, because all your life you've been going up against guys bigger and better than you, and somehow some WAY you've found ways to win, maybe because they didn't work as hard to get what you now have.. but CM Punk.. not to steal Wade's line but The Rock's AFRAID he's got some bad news. You have never in your entire life faced someone like The Rock. You see CM Punk, without a shadow of a doubt The Rock is the TOTAL PACKAGE. He's big, athletic, tough, talented, funny, interesting, charismatic smart, but most importantly The Rock is the hardest working man walking god's green earth! It's why The Rock has been successful EVERY step of the way, in EVERYTHING he does, because The Rock has the TALENT and the work ethic. Which means one thing, and that one thing is that The Rock is going to beat your monkey ass until you can't even spell the first part of your name on Monday Night!
The Rock walked over to a couple of guys hitting the heavy bag. He raised his elbow to both of them, and they both quickly scattered. Rock didn't break flow.
The Rock: CM Punk, The Rock knows that you like to come out in front of all the Rock's fans and claim to be the 'best in the world.' Was there a vote on that? Did anyone show up? Or no.. The Rock can see it. There was no REAL survey... no no NO.. The Rock says it was just you CM Punk wasn't it... yeah picture it.. CM Punk in his basement conducting his own election. Piece of paper that reads "Best in the World Election" Written in pink crayon hanging on the wall. Your stuffed animals all sitting in little seats, because HEY they are the voters, and the only name of the ballot is CM Punk. Obviously your stuffed animals can't write, because they aren't alive so what do you do? You help them, you check CM PUNK on each piece of paper that you laid out in front of each one of your animals, until you get to one animal that for whatever reason, doesn't have a ballot that says CM Punk in front of him at all. You get to your stuffed... Bull.
The crowd cheered.
The Rock: You get to that stuffed bull, and you say "But MR BULL.. WHERE IS YOUR BALLOT.. I'M THE BEST IN THE WORLD! How could you not vote for me?" That's when it happens.. as if by some divine miracle, we get a real life toy story. All your stuffed animals come to life! Each one of them inspired by this.. Bull. Each one of your stuffed animals taking their piece of paper in front of them crumbling them up and mushing them together to make one big bowling bowl size ball of paper. The animals grab this big ball of paper that at one time suggested that you were the "best in the world." They take that ball of paper, and they pass it down the row to that same BULL.. and that BULL.. nods to his fellow stuffed animals, takes that big ball of paper.. and then he proceeds.. to stick it straight up your Candy ASS!
The crowd went absolutely ballistic! One final "Rocky" chant broke out.
The Rock: You see CM Punk you are NOT the best in the world, The Rock knows that for a fact.. because there is only one man that without a shadow of a doubt, is the absolute BEST in the world in that ring.. there is only ONE man that is going to walk out of that ring on Monday Night the number 1 contender for the EBWF Championship..and that one man... is The Rock.
More cheers.
The Rock: So you can bring your elbows, bring your knees, bring your straight edge life style, bring your greasy hair, bring your wrestling history lessons, or your stories about your time wrestling in Ohio for 23 cents and a blockbuster card, bring your never ending rants while you sit Indian Style in The Rock's ring, but above else CM PUNK.. and you too EDGE... JUST BRING IT!
IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALLALALALALOW
WHAT THE ROCK...
The Rock cocked up one eyebrow, and then delivered his last words with intensity staring straight into the camera.
IS COOKIN'
The scene faded to black as the fans cheers were heard until the scene cut out.
The scene opened up in a gym. It was not a gym filled with bar bells and other weights, but instead there were folks kick boxing. Hitting heavy bags, and sparring in some of the many rings that were scattered about. The scene faded away until we saw a wrestling crowd at a house show watching this gym scene on the tron. The crowd erupted as The Rock walked onto the screen. He wore a "Just Bring It" black t-shirt and white and black nike shorts. A skinny man in a white tank top and black shorts "Chris" came up to The Rock and extended his hand.
Chris: Hi Rock my name is Chr...
The Rock held up his hand in the face of Chris which got a reaction from the crowd.
The Rock: Whoa whoa whoa whoa... whoa... who do you think you are just running up on The Rock like that. This is a place of punching and kicking, what's the matter with you, you're lucky The Rock didn't just slap the taste out of your mouth for doing that.
Chris: But Rock I'm your..
The Rock mocked him in a whiny voice.
The Rock: But Rock I'm your... but Rock I'm your...
The Rock shook his head and wagged his right index finger back and forth.
The Rock: But nothing, The Rock isn't just somebody you can waltz on up to any time you feel like it, and have a conversation with. The Rock isn't just somebody that an 84 pound twerp can just come up to and start a friendship. Are we gonna be friends.. Rob is it?
Chris: Well actually it's Chr..
The Rock: It doesn't matter what it actually is! Let me make something perfectly clear Steve.. you and The Rock.. not going to be friends. You and The Rock, not going to ride a tandem bicycle together through central park.
Chris started to smile. The Rock smiled with Chris, which made Chris a little more comfortable. Rock nodded his head, which caused Chris to do the same. After a few beats The Rock became stone faced again and Chris had to quickly straighten up.
The Rock: The Rock doesn't really like the look you just got in your eye, that glimmering look, that twinkle in your eye. As soon as The Rock mentioned tandem bicycle riding you started to get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach didn't you?
Chris went to answer but The Rock would have none of it.
The Rock: No no.. Brian The Rock can tell that you are a little.. coom see coom sa.. but The Rock wants... NO he needs you to relax. The Rock knows it's not every day in this little slap and tickle gym, that a man walks in that can really do some damage. The Rock knows it's not every day when someone like The People's Champ comes strolling in, that it's not everyday when someone comes in that has literally millions...
The crowd was ready. As the scene quickly panned back to the arena.
Crowd: AND MILLIONS
The Rock: Of fans worldwide, so The Rock can understand Rich, why you came up to The Rock like you did.
Chris: Well Rock, if you aren't interested in the martial arts that we practice here, why exactly are you here?
The Rock took a step back.
The Rock: Look at you Hal, asking The Rock a question like that. Putting a little bass in your voice, The Rock likes that, he respects it. Good job.
The Rock held his hand up for a high five, and Chris went to give him one but The Rock quickly turned it into a fake elbow to the top of Chris' head. This got cheers from the crowd.
The Rock: The Rock will answer your question Kevin, the reason why The Rock is here is actually quite simple. You see Pat this Monday Night. The Rock will be competing in the main event at Warfare.. yo..
Chris: Well that's great Rock.
The Rock looked visually upset.
The Rock: Seeing as The Rock was not done speaking yet, you should know your role and SHUT your mouth.
Chris: Oh right sorry.
The Rock: As The Rock was saying before he was so rudely interrupted.
The Rock stared at Chris in silence to make him feel uncomfortable. He pointed at Chris and nodded his head, Chris had no choice but to sit there in silence. This was certainly not how he'd hoped this conversation would go.
The Rock: As The Rock was saying Mitch, this Monday it will be The Rock.. vs. Edge.. vs. CM Punk with the winner, the winner Ryan, going on to Christmas Eve of Destruction to face Solomon Crowe for the EBWF Championship.
The crowd erupted at this announcement.
The Rock: So you see Marty, The Rock likes to be prepared. The Rock likes to do is homework. So The Rock figured he'd do a little bit of extra preparation, The Rock figured he'd think outside of the box to get ready for his opponents. So The Rock thought to himself..
The Rock spoke in a whisper.
The Rock: "Hey Rock"
There was a beat.
The Rock: "Yeah Rock?"
He paused as the crowd laughed and started chanting "Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!"
The Rock: "You're The Great One."
Another beat.
The Rock: "I know... is that all you wanted to tell me?"..... "No there's more."..... "Ok let's hear it."... "This Monday you face Edge and CM Punk to become the number 1 contender for the EBWF Title."... "Sounds good.. what's the problem?.... "Well.. they think they're pretty tough.".... "Are they tough?"... "Well no.. they absolutely suck."
More cheers.
The Rock: Back and forth this inner conversation went until finally, it donned on The Rock. Even though Edge and CM Punk.. absolutely no match for The People's Champ, it donned on The Rock that maybe he should step into their world. Try and see life from their eyes. So The Rock started with Edge. Do you wanna know what The Rock did to see the world through Edge's eyes, Travis?
Chris: Well su..
The Rock cut him off.
The Rock: Rhetorical question Jim, The Rock was going to tell you anyways. So Kyle, The Rock to get ready to face Edge did the only thing one could do. He went to the movies.. do you like movies Tom?
Chris didn't answer for fear of what was coming.
The Rock: What's wrong? The Rock asks you a question and you just sit there and stare at him. The Rock said do you like movies?
Chris thought to himself, and spoke quickly.
Chris: Yes I like movies.
When he wasn't cut off Chris breathed a sigh of relief. Rock took a step back, and looked weirded out by the way Chris responded to the question. The crowd was loving this all the while.
The Rock: What in the blue hell kind of a way was that to talk to somebody? You sounded like someone put you on fast forward. "Yes I like movies" Well even though you answered that question in just about the weirdest possible way Stan, The Rock well continue with his story. So The Rock went to the movies, do you wanna know what movie he went to see?
Chris nodded.
The Rock: The Rock saw horrible bosses 2. The Rock saw Horrible Bosses 2 for a couple of reasons, A.) because The Rock heard it was good, B.) Because The Rock had a hankering for movie theatre popcorn, and C.) Because Horrible Bosses 2 was... rated R.
The crowd cheered as they finally made the connection of where Rock was headed.
The Rock: You see it was rated R, for strong language and adult content. Just like Edge claims to be, ohhh yeah Edge you're edgy, you're tough, you're rated R. Well The Rock says, yes Edge you are rated R.. but you edge that R doesn't stand for restricted.. like Horrible Bosses 2.. no no no no NO.. that R stands for READY to get his monkey ass beat by a man who's name also starts with an "R".. a man that goes by the name of... ROCK.
The crowd cheered
The Rock: So as The Rock sat there and watched horrible bosses 2.. it did remind him of Edge, it did get The Rock ready to face Edge.. in fact the movie was just like Edge, and no Edge it wasn't like you because it was too tough for TV, or because of the foul language, or because it was rude crude or whatever the hell else you jabroni's like to say. The movie was JUST like you Edge because A.) It didn't make The Rock laugh no matter how hard it tried. B.) Horrible Bosses is SO 2011.. and C.) Because The Rock literally felt like the 11.50 he spent on it.. was too much.. by about.. say 11.50.
The Rock looked right into the camera as he spoke.
The Rock: You see Edge you might say that this is the pot calling the kettle black. You might say that The Rock shouldn't talk about someone being past their prime, you might say that you don't have horse teeth... but the fact of the matter is this. When you're The Rock.. you don't have a prime.. you have a career. When you're The Rock, anytime you are in the ring, whether it's your first time, your fourth time, your eighty first time, your seven thousandth time, you are in your prime. The Rock will never... AND THE ROCK MEANS...
Crowd: EVER!
The Rock: Be past his prime. Where as you Edge, you are a little bit different. Like Horrible Bosses 2, there was no need for a sequel, no NEED for second run at something that wasn't all that memorable in the first place, but fear not Edge because for the first time in your career, The Rock is going to make you memorable. That's right, The Rock is going to make you someone that the fans will never forget.. because come Monday Night you won't be remembered for being rated R, or for reeking of awesomeness, because let's face it all The Rock's fans have long forgotten about any of that nonsense, but you will be remembered FOREVER because as of Monday Night you will be thought of as the guy who had The Rock's size 14 boot wedged so far up his ass that he puked out The Rock's shoelaces.
Another "Rocky" chant broke out. Chris chimed in.
Chris: Well what about CM Punk?
The Rock: So glad you asked Trent.. because CM Punk is what brings The Rock.. here. You see The Rock is a man who's done it all in this business. He's busted spines, he's dropped rock bottoms, people's elbows, but in order for The Rock to fully get ready for CM Punk, he's got to get ready for a whole lot of..
The Rock got into a karate stance, he did two knees and a straight kick. After each one he let out a feminine sounding "Kee-Yah" type sound.
Chris: Well actually it's a lot more than th..
The Rock: Shut your mouth jabroni, The Rock wasn't done.
The Rock did a few more slow motion kicks, and a couple of elbow thrusts. With each move he made a couple more "Kee-Yah" sounds. The crowd was going nuts and another "Rocky" chant broke out.
The Rock: You see CM Punk, The Rock knows you like to use your knees, your arms, your elbows, your ankles, your nose, your hair, your big toe, pretty much any part of your body when your in the ring. The Rock knows you are going to come at him from every angle.. from every which way. Having said that, The Rock hopes that you won't be offended when he tells you that he does things a little bit differently. You see The Rock doesn't need to be spontaneous, The Rock doesn't need to be unpredictable, which is why The Rock is going to tell you exactly where and how he's going to be coming at you. The Rock isn't going to be flailing his knees or his shins or his hips or whatever else your way. The Rock isn't going to be coming from 67 different directions. He's going to be coming from... ONE.. direction. You see CM Punk quite simply The Rock is going to take his hand from NORTH
The Rock held his hand up in the air.
The Rock: To south.
The Rock clasped his hands together in a punching motion.
The Rock: NORTH..
High hand again.
The Rock: To south.
Together.
The Rock: NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH TO SOUTH.. NORTH.. TO... SOUTH. Laying the smack down on your straight edge, Pepsi tattooed, candy ASS!
With each time The Rock threw punch after punch with his right hand to his left.
Chris: So Rock, what I was trying to tell you at the beginning was that I was going to be your trainer today.
The Rock looked at Chris.
The Rock: The Rock's trainer? You're going to be The Rock's trainer?
Chris: Yes.
The Rock: With all do respect Cal, you couldn't even lift a training bra, how are you going to train The Rock?
Chris: Well I specialize in mixed martial arts.
The Rock: Would that be martial arts between mixed genders? From the looks of you Sean, it seems as though the only you specialize in, is watching Gossip Girl eating low fat hummus.
The crowd laughed and cheered.
Chris: No Rock I assure you, I can get you ready for everything that CM Punk is going to throw at you. Here let me show you.
Chris went to grab The Rocks waist to set him up for a move, but The Rock quickly shimmied away, looking disgusted.
The Rock: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, what in the name of all that is holy are you doing, you SICK FREAK?
Chris: Rock I was jus..
The Rock: No no no no NO. The Rock knows what you were trying he can see it written all over your face. You don't want to train the Rock.. you want to train The Rock's....
The Rock lifted up his shorts quickly around his crotchal region.
The Rock: Dragon.
The crowd erupted in cheers. Chris looked horrified.
The Rock: Train the Rock, get serious Fred. You aren't going to train The Rock, The Rock is going to train you... sit.
Chris was reluctant.
The Rock: Jabroni, The Rock says... SIT.
Chris surprisingly gave in and sat down Indian Style.
The Rock: Nice Indian Style, good boy... now roll over.
Again there was hesitation, but The Rock imposed his will and Chris did as he was told. The Rock, as Chris started to do sideways rolls, then kicked Chris out of the frame.
The Rock: Yeah roll your ass on out of here jabroni, nobody trains The Rock or his dragon. You see CM Punk, The Rock knows you've worked hard to get where you are in this business. He does he knows that, and he respects that. Bravo, CM Punk, The Rock salutes you. It's not easy to make it in this business when you aren't all that big.. you aren't all that athletic.. you aren't all that tough.. you aren't all that talented, you aren't all that funny, you aren't all that interesting, you aren't all that charismatic, you aren't all that smart.. you aren't all that.. well anything. The Rock says you have made it though Punk, you have managed somehow to make chicken salad out of chicken shit, and you've done it with hard work. You see there's an old saying, and it goes something like this "hard work beats talent, when talent fails to work hard." A credo I'm sure you live by, because all your life you've been going up against guys bigger and better than you, and somehow some WAY you've found ways to win, maybe because they didn't work as hard to get what you now have.. but CM Punk.. not to steal Wade's line but The Rock's AFRAID he's got some bad news. You have never in your entire life faced someone like The Rock. You see CM Punk, without a shadow of a doubt The Rock is the TOTAL PACKAGE. He's big, athletic, tough, talented, funny, interesting, charismatic smart, but most importantly The Rock is the hardest working man walking god's green earth! It's why The Rock has been successful EVERY step of the way, in EVERYTHING he does, because The Rock has the TALENT and the work ethic. Which means one thing, and that one thing is that The Rock is going to beat your monkey ass until you can't even spell the first part of your name on Monday Night!
The Rock walked over to a couple of guys hitting the heavy bag. He raised his elbow to both of them, and they both quickly scattered. Rock didn't break flow.
The Rock: CM Punk, The Rock knows that you like to come out in front of all the Rock's fans and claim to be the 'best in the world.' Was there a vote on that? Did anyone show up? Or no.. The Rock can see it. There was no REAL survey... no no NO.. The Rock says it was just you CM Punk wasn't it... yeah picture it.. CM Punk in his basement conducting his own election. Piece of paper that reads "Best in the World Election" Written in pink crayon hanging on the wall. Your stuffed animals all sitting in little seats, because HEY they are the voters, and the only name of the ballot is CM Punk. Obviously your stuffed animals can't write, because they aren't alive so what do you do? You help them, you check CM PUNK on each piece of paper that you laid out in front of each one of your animals, until you get to one animal that for whatever reason, doesn't have a ballot that says CM Punk in front of him at all. You get to your stuffed... Bull.
The crowd cheered.
The Rock: You get to that stuffed bull, and you say "But MR BULL.. WHERE IS YOUR BALLOT.. I'M THE BEST IN THE WORLD! How could you not vote for me?" That's when it happens.. as if by some divine miracle, we get a real life toy story. All your stuffed animals come to life! Each one of them inspired by this.. Bull. Each one of your stuffed animals taking their piece of paper in front of them crumbling them up and mushing them together to make one big bowling bowl size ball of paper. The animals grab this big ball of paper that at one time suggested that you were the "best in the world." They take that ball of paper, and they pass it down the row to that same BULL.. and that BULL.. nods to his fellow stuffed animals, takes that big ball of paper.. and then he proceeds.. to stick it straight up your Candy ASS!
The crowd went absolutely ballistic! One final "Rocky" chant broke out.
The Rock: You see CM Punk you are NOT the best in the world, The Rock knows that for a fact.. because there is only one man that without a shadow of a doubt, is the absolute BEST in the world in that ring.. there is only ONE man that is going to walk out of that ring on Monday Night the number 1 contender for the EBWF Championship..and that one man... is The Rock.
More cheers.
The Rock: So you can bring your elbows, bring your knees, bring your straight edge life style, bring your greasy hair, bring your wrestling history lessons, or your stories about your time wrestling in Ohio for 23 cents and a blockbuster card, bring your never ending rants while you sit Indian Style in The Rock's ring, but above else CM PUNK.. and you too EDGE... JUST BRING IT!
IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALLALALALALOW
WHAT THE ROCK...
The Rock cocked up one eyebrow, and then delivered his last words with intensity staring straight into the camera.
IS COOKIN'
The scene faded to black as the fans cheers were heard until the scene cut out.