Redeem yourselves.

[Juan Ramirez]

Cats always land on their feet. The same could be said about CM Punk. The past couple of months have been nothing but bitter between the ropes for the Straightedge Savior. Not only he slipped, letting Cena keep his title, but he got screwed out of his PTG title, he got outnumbered at Survivor Series, manhandled and pummelled by the monster Ryback.
But just when things couldn’t seem to get worse, a shot at redemption was offered to the Second City Saint. Redemption in the form of a gruesome match against not one, but two superstars that could be considered Legendary. Two former World Champions, one former EBWF champion. Men Punk knew very well, men who knew Punk very well, the three of them will collide come Monday night at Warfare!

XXX

“Phil, will you give me your autograph?”

“Famous" is a term that would make Punk sound like John Cena… Let’s just put it this way: When people recognised you, getting from point A to point B could turn into an Odyssey. Heckling, disrespect, sass, rudeness were to be tolerated.

“Phil! An autograph!”

This was exactly the reason why Punk drove to shows on his bus, no matter how far they were. He had landed in the Lafayette regional airport with the rest of the EBWF crew for Warfare, of course, going through security wasn’t much of a hassle, but going through it without getting noticed was a whole different story.

“You’re an asshole”.

Punk turned around and smirked at the fan, a young adult who had been chasing him for a few minutes now. Of course, travelling woes were the daily bread for the Chicago native when he went by plane, and in order to withstand them, he often asked his friend Colt Cabana to join him.

Colt Cabana: Gee, would it hurt so much to jot on a paper your name and a few six pointed stars?

CM Punk: Gee, would it hurt so much to be polite and say please?

Punk rolled his eyes as both men walked along the airport. The fan finally gave up chasing the Second City saint, he could be heard from afar.

Fan: You’re a Jerk! I hope The Rock and Edge kick your whiny ass!!!!

Punk wouldn’t even turn to waste time on the fan, he turned to Cabana.

Colt Cabana: Edge and The Rock?

CM Punk: Yeah, apparently Edge still works here. As for Dwayne, I believe it is that time of the year where he returns… You know, like a part time job?

Colt Cabana: Well, if they are putting you against a part-timer and a newcomer… Isn’t that a good thing? I mean, isn’t that number one contender spot assured?

Punk shrugged.

CM Punk: You never know in EBWF. Maybe Ikeda is opening some movie studio and wants Rock in one of his films, maybe he promised him the title. Who cares…

Colt Cabana: Haven’t they...

CM Punk: You know they don’t tell me shit until it’s time for the show…

Colt Cabana: I’m sure you haven’t worked or talked with Rock or Edge either.

CM Punk: Edge is never around… I legitimately thought he was gone, retired, his neck snapped, whatever. As for Dwayne, of course not.

Colt Cabana: I just hope they don’t give the shot to Jor-El.

CM Punk: I just hope I don’t have to spend 20 minutes on the ground in rest holds because the samoan hulk has been benching too much and not doing hard work. I don’t care if Wes wants that bodybuilder as the champion… He usually likes that shit.

Colt Cabana: What shit?

CM Punk: To put it in context: Jabroni beating, pie eating, Ass kissing, t-shirt selling, hollywood acting, steroid injecting part time wrestlers. Rock can go to Oprah, Rock can grant wishes… Going to “Talking Dead”, that’s where I draw the line at… Maybe appearing as a Zombie one day in the show. You know, a Wrestling champion should do exactly that, Wrestle. And these days, Mr. Johnson is more worried about box office and posting instagram pictures of his biceps than working the mat like it’s meant to be. You know, a lot has changed ever since that guy ‘mattered’ around here.

Colt Cabana: doesn’t he still matter around these parts?

CM Punk: Yeah, he’s a big draw financially… That’s about it. Eh, if Ikeda wants his world champion to show every once in a blue moon, cut promos via satellite and grant wishes, he’s going to -

Colt Cabana: Brock Lesnar.

CM Punk: Lesnar has that same megastar complex, but at least the man works, he’s worked the octagon, he’s quite physical, he’s not just huge for show.

Colt Cabana: Speaking of octagons...

CM Punk: Ugh… Can we concentrate at the matter we have at hand?

Colt Cabana: You’ll have to talk about it, sooner or later. Did you do that just to have EBWF notice you and give you a title run?

CM Punk: No, I work my ass week in and week out for them to give me a title run.

Both friends walked through the airport door and into a car, leaving the place.



XXX

The camera slowly panned its way up a man’s legs, up his wrestling boots and knee pads, up his wrestling trunks, his tattooed abdomen reading the word STRAIGHTEDGE quickly gave away the man’s identity, as the camera panned up, more familiar tattoos were exposed… The camera focused on the man’s face, bearded, brown bangs of hair dragged backwards, the man toyed around with his lip ring as he pierced a hole into the camera lens. The camera slowly panned out, to show the surroundings. CM Punk was located in what looked like one of the many backstage corridors, the camera filter was black and white. Punk’s taped hand and forearm waved at the camera.

CM Punk: My name is CM Punk… And according to some, tonight I get a shot at redemption. Now, if any of you were given the same shot, what would you probably do to make it count? Probably giving your best effort, your best performance and hoping for things to go your way? Well, hoping can only get you so far. You know, I might have been off my game as of late. Outnumbered, outmatched, blindsided, flanked, attacked, stomped on, defeated by John Cena… To quote one of my opponents tonight: It doesn’t matter how much the odds stack against me, It doesn’t matter how many superstars I tick off out of plain jealousy, it doesn’t matter! Because at the end of the day, I am the Best in the World. Otherwise I wouldn’t be competing for the EBWF World Title Number One Contender spot.

Punk leaned into the camera slowly.

CM Punk: However, this time it’s not going to be against John Cena. As much as I wanted to say I am happy someone defeated Cena, I can’t… Simply because I was meant to be the one to defeat him. I know it’s just a matter of time before I have a chance to meet him in the ring. In the meantime… I have a golden opportunity to claim the world title, in a match against two record breaking superstars! They go head to head in categories like: Most flawed comebacks and most salaries earned by spending time at catering. Tonight I will be facing Dwayne and Edge.

Punk ran his tongue along his lips.

CM Punk: But before I tear into my opponents as the tradition dictates… Allow me to share something with you. The whole week I have been asked the same question:

“Punk, how are you feeling about getting a chance at redemption?” “

“Its pretty cool you get to redeem yourself, huh Punk?”

CM Punk: Redemption. As if I had robbed, or killed someone… People, this is not redemption. This is the start of a revolution! My revolution! This is me, setting the tides straight once again! In time you will see that the ones looking to redeem themselves are none other than Edge and Dwayne!

Punk raised his eyebrows.

CM Punk: Now, I’m as shocked as you are about one of my opponents. Edge makes JTG look like a rookie when it comes to mooching salaries. How long has it been since your last match? Your last match where your job was to wrestle, and not to hold Randy Orton’s other tag team title belt? Sorry to burst your Bubble, blondie but you’re nothing more than a tag team title rack for the ladies to watch from time to time… It’s funny that you call yourself Edge, but then again your career in EBWF couldn’t be more dull. You want to act like you are hardcore, yet you get a tattoo which seems like it was doodled by an 8 year old, you get the worst possible rock band to play your music… It’s almost like you’re willing to be someone… With lots of tattoos, with a pretty cool music… who has been with a lot of Divas… Edge, don’t tell me you’ve been imitating me the whole time… I thought CP Munk from Chikara was my parody, but now I can add you up to the “Punk poser” list. Well Edge, I hope you’re not being too optimistic about your chances against me tonight… Randy Orton can’t help you, Christian can’t carry you tonight… Dwayne will probably be out of breath after a few minutes between the ropes… It is pretty safe to say you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do in this match… And something tells me deep down you know it.

Punk snickered.

CM Punk: Is that the reason why you rather stay backstage eating rather than earning your paycheck out there like the rest of us? Well, I got good news for you then! Tonight, after I’m done with you, you will definitely not be able to compete in a ring, probably for the rest of your life!

Punk’s head tilted to one side.

CM Punk: Now, onto my other opponent for the night… Dwayne… Yes, I am calling him Dwayne because apparently that's what he likes to be called. What’s wrong Dwayne? People don’t want to check out your movie about a firefighter in a chopper? Well, someone your size fitting through a chopper door is kinda plausible, so please forgive us for being skeptical. Every now and again, our friend Dwayne -who while he’s on Hollywood refuses to be acknowledged as “The Rock”, gets needy. Apparently he loves people to sing and chant along with him, those phrases that haven’t changed one bit since 1999… Apparently, Dwayne also kills two birds with one stone, he comes out here, and to quote him he “runs his mouth”, he wrestlers a couple of matches, he spends his time in the spotlight gathering viewers for his movies… And then he goes back to Hollywood. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that. Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins did the same thing at catering, Edge has been doing the same thing for years. However, when Dwayne wants to play “movie star” in the main event scene, I have a problem with that. Because I don’t drive thousands of miles around in my tourbus, I don’t work out harder than any other superstar in the back, I don’t continuously reinvent myself … For a refried jock with a mediocre movie career to come up and take MY spot.

Punk’s facial expression shifted from calm to displeased.

CM Punk: I’ve seen people busting their asses week in and week out, tearing their bodies apart in this ring, while you sit back on your chair, letting your stunt double do all the work… Now you knock on Ikeda’s door with two bags of cash and want to make this your yard?

Punk scoffed.

CM Punk: If that’s the case, you’re dumber than you look, Dwayne. You can shower the Ikeda family with money, you can promise the EBWF universe you won’t screw up as Black Adam on the upcoming Shazam Movie, you can talk, you can sing, you can play your guitar… But there is one thing you can do, and that is defeat me, Rock. Unlike you, I practically live inside this ring. Day in and day out. I don’t come here when I get the need to scratch and old itch. Love me, hate me, be jealous about me… I work full time here… I have given my best years to these people, most of them who won’t even recognize or even thank me for that… Most of them who instead of just saying hello, pester me on airports and hotels, without even being respectful. There’s one thing you can’t deny, and that is I am here, 365 days a year… Now, all of a sudden… Big, bad, Dwayne Johnson resolves to return to EBWF… He makes a statement by… Attacking Ted DiBiase?!?!?!

Punk couldn’t help it but to chuckle.

CM Punk: Woah, Attacking Ted. Mocking Ted… Running your mouth on Ted DiBiase? That is how you plan to cement your triumphant return to EBWF? I thought that was a prerequisite to join! Seriously though, it was a little sad to see Ted get bashed by your trash talking and your outdated moveset… We don’t have a network, but I’m sure anyone can tell you how many times that has happened. So, if you were planning to intimidate the EBWF locker room by pushing on Ted DiBiase, you better try something else.

Punk leered at the camera, as if he was staring at his opponents right in his eyes.

CM Punk: As I was saying, everyone asked me this week about redemption… And after giving it some thought, out of the three men involved in this match, I am the least who should be redeemed of anything. Edge should redeem himself from all the money he has costed EBWF, because he doesn’t charge peanuts exactly… Rock should be the one redeeming himself with the EBWF universe, for using them as box office guinea pigs! They should both be ashamed to be in a match of this caliber, against an opponent like me… And if they had any common sense they should just lay down and allow me to pin them 1...2...3… Simply because they don’t have what it takes to be EBWF World Champion. They are just glory seekers, they want to parade with the world title, sell movies, earn big paychecks.

Punk perked his eyebrows.

CM Punk: I, on the other hand… I am constantly orchestrating a revolution, changing the world as we know it… One knee to the face at a time… So Dwayne and Edge… You better not be thinking you stand a chance tonight… Don’t make it more painful. I will not hesitate putting you both permanently out of commission if you dare to step in my way… Edge, I’m pretty sure enjoying catering would be an impossible task with no teeth, and Rock, I’m sure you won’t look as fancy on the red carpet with a broken arm and a neck trauma collar… You wouldn't be able to shake hands, wave, nor turn towards cameras.

Punk inhaled slowly and spread his arm out, bringing his microphone closer to his lips.

CM Punk: You shall be witnesses of my skills tonight, of my drive towards perfection, you shall serve as stepping stones towards my most precious goal: Becoming the EBWF World Champion… Who better than me anyway? After all, I am the BEST. IN. THE. WORLD. Oh, and Solomon... Congratulations on your big win... It's a shame it's not going to last long. Enjoy while it lasts... I'll see you next week.

Punk smirked, dropping the microphone and staring at the camera with his arms crossed over his tattooed torso, forming an X. The camera faded to black.