Still a BOSS

[Kamden]

OOC: A lot has happened these last couple of months so I'm glad to be back! I hope my memory serves me correct on most of this. Good luck Jayme, Nick and Clover!
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It had been several weeks since the self-proclaimed HBIC, Sasha Banks, had set foot in a wrestling ring. Far too long in her opinion. She couldn’t even tell you how long she’d been out. Though she may not have been able to count that high anyway. It had all started when her "starch" nemesis (also self-proclaimed… and the completely wrong word) Alexa Bliss and Emma blindsided her and her bestie, Eva Marie. Literally. Glitter was thrown and eyeballs were penetrated with the magical dust, after being robbed of their title belts, leaving Sasha with a scratched eye and Eva looking even more festive than usual. Not that much longer after that, Sasha only made her injury worse by spraying herself in the eye with hairspray. Her doctor advised her to instead use less harsh beauty products so she wouldn't agitate her eyes, but she couldn't go without them. Besides, who in their right mind would use any brand other than John Frieda on their voluptuous curls? So she passed on the “Dollar store” Garnier Fructis and suffered the consequences. Her eye had sustained pretty serious damage, especially after a direct hit, but luckily her hair did not. Now, it was time for her marvelous return. She of course was still rocking some bold eyewear in the form of her trademark shutter shades, "sans eyepatch", but other than that she was free to expose her eyes to the dangers of the world at her own risk.

Of course, she’d arrived to the arena fashionably… Late. So this time the world would not be graced with the presence of the complete Mean Girls trio, but there was no reason to worry-- Sasha would be making an appearance tonight, and was set to have an interview at any moment now since she missed her original time. Todd Grisham walked up to her with a mic in hand.

Todd Grisham: Sasha! I’ve finally found you. Sorry I’m late, I--

Sasha Banks: It’s fine, you’re forgiven. But I need my mocha latte-- well now more like mocha LATE with extra LATESPRESSO, like 10 minutes ago. So unless you’ve got one for me right now you better SWERVE to the kitchen and make me one. Thank yousssss.

She nodded and stood there with her arms crossed over her body, waiting. Todd obviously didn’t make a break for it. This angered Sasha.

Sasha Banks: Excuse you, aren’t you supposed to be ski-paddling outta here now?!

Todd Grisham: You mean skeedaddling? People still say that!? Sasha, I’m here for your---

Sasha Banks: BYEEEEEEEEE!

She put a hand up in his face and started shooing him away, but he stayed put, staring cross-eyed at her manicured hand being waved in his face.


Todd Grisham: Interview! I’m here to interview you Sasha!

Sasha Banks: Oh… That’s fine I guess. But not like Trey Songz fine. It’s ok.

Todd nodded cluelessly and turned to face the camera. Sasha did as well, striking a professional pose with her chin held high as Todd spoke. Well, tried to. Sasha took the initiative seeing as Todd was "late".

Sasha Banks: There have been several inadjustments since I've been on leave from my life-threatening injury. And my duty tonight is to serve justice and make things right. Because there is sooo much wrong right now. First of all, The Mean Girls no longer hold the beautimous diva's tag titles! Like, what happened? Oh, we were robbed. First by two midget people, and then by grandmas with poor taste in hair style. That's just the first inadjustment...

She took a deep breath to calm herself, not dwelling on the numerous inadjustments, aka injustices, committed, and took off her shutter shades, clipping them to the front of her riveted leather jacket.

Sasha Banks: But tonight is the night justice will be served. See, tonight, the BOSS will compete in a fatal four way match. Where the BOSS will become number one contender to the women's championship. And when The BOSS goes inn to face the women's champion, that 12 year old boy that still shops at target AJ "Please Help Me" Lee will be in trouble. And not because the fashion police will be called. But because The HBIC, Head BOSS In Charge will be taking over officially! Even though I was injured and it was an injustice my friends tried to fight in the name of, red and gold will once again have gold! Because I will be bringing it home.

Todd decided to stay out of the way, but at this moment he chimed in, stepping back into the picture.

Todd Grisham: But first Sasha will have to win her match tonight! She will have three other very talented women to go up against in order to earn contendership for the women's title.

As soon as he finished Sasha put a finger to his face and pushed him back and out of the frame.

Sasha Banks: Tuh. Talented? Like any of these fools know what they're doing. Obviously letting someone as ug-Lee as AJ Lee become champion shows just how talented they claim to be! I'm the HBIC for a reason. Not that old bag Torrie Wilson, not that duck face Angelina Love , and definitely not that pug face, troll legged, blueberry ballerina ALEXA BLISS! TUH!

She put her hands in the air out of frustration. She was going to be in the ring with some of the biggest beauty disasters the world has ever seen, and also her greatest enemy. This would most likely be a bad time for Sasha Banks. But she planned to make the most of her situation by walking out victorious.

Sasha Banks: Firstly, why is Torrie Wilson still here? I thought she died. I mean, I hadn't heard about her for a long af time, then here I am in my deluxe studio apartment and she's on my tv!! She came back at the Royal Rumble and tried to snatch Eva Marie! Umm... SWERVE!! I know we can see your "fivehead" from a zillion miles away but I did NOT see that coming! You being in the women's rumble! Like, just collect your penship already and leave! Ain't John Cena or Wes your sugar daddy? Please ride that train on out of here and take their money with you boo boo. There really is no use for you here except to shine my boots with your leathery ass face. BYEEEEE!

She did the signature snap her and her baes infamously executed after dissing someone. She thought she had stuck it to Torrie and now she was about to go in on her next opponent.

Sasha Banks: NEXTLY, we have A. Love. I thought all the silly-cones in those things she calls breasts would have exploded by now, infesting her and putting her in the hospital. Like, can she just get run over by truck already? Even though she's already the biggest skid mark this division has ever seen she still hasn't been dismissed! Listen boo, CM Punk already has enough tattoos for the entire EBWF, so just stop with that trashy stuff. I hope Torrie drops you on your head just like your mother did when she birthed you because your brain needs to be unscrambled! You're a HOT MESS! And obviously not a threat to me. Just a threat to anyone who smells your hot garbage breath or stares at you because they'll turn to stone. Like that one chick in Greek monstrosity. Madea or whatever. Tuh. BYEEE!

After discussion of leaking silicone implants, tire tracks and Greek mythology, Sasha was nearly finished with her vicious escapade. One final opponent remained and she saved her for last...

She had to smack her lips and put a hand on her hip to brace herself.

Sasha Banks: And then there's Alexa Bliss. I swear, if you don't choke on a Pom Pom or get glitter so far up your nose it bedazzles your brain, which is probably as wrinkly, ugly and non-existing as you are, I will make sure I do it! How does someone even smaller than myself get noticed! THEY DON'T! If I could scalp you bald or bleach all your blue clothes or light your car on fire, I would. But that is against the law. And the law is the only thing that will be on your side tonight. You have no friends in that ring. Emma won't be there to "steal" a victory. Torrie is too tall to even see you, AngelinA will be too busy looking for what's left of her career, and I STILL can't completely see out of my bum eye! My beautiful eye! So please, say a little prayer before coming here tonight. Pray that I don't get my hands on you because if I do, I'll hurt you. I will jack. you. up! And then I'll win this dumb match tonight and be on my way as if I, the BOSS, never left! And you can all BANK ON THAT!

She whipped her shutter shades off her flashy leather jacket and put them back on, making a face at Todd who was still in the room. This was before she pushed the camera and made the cameraman stumble backwards. Todd got out of the BOSS's way, narrowly avoiding being pushed himself as she stormed off. The scene faded out into the company logo as the "interview" came to an end.

[Will]