BOSSton's Baddest
Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 10:56 pm
OOC: Chrish on vine was the inspiration for the last segment, (shameless plug) ... I hope you all enjoy this and and Sasha's story. Good luck everyone. WRESTLEMANIA.
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December 24th, 2002
A firm voice called out, carrying through the tiny apartment and reverberating off the crowded walls. The sock-covered feet of a little girl quickly pattered on the floor from a room around the corner, stopping to put bulky rain boots on, each sole clunking on the tile.
Woman: You better hurry up unless you wanna haul these bags through snow.
Little Girl: No ma’am. I’m ready!
The woman smiled and nodded her head to the opposite side of the kitchen. Two plastic garbage bags were propped against the cabinet under the sink. It was leaking even though the faucets were turned off. The little girl ran up and picked up a bag up in each hand and dragged them behind her as she walked to the door to catch up with the woman who had already stepped outside. There were a few flurries of snow falling from the rooftop of their apartment building. The sky was grey and full of clouds; a dull way to kick off the day before Christmas. As the bags dragged there were metallic noises.
Woman: Try not to drag them, you don’t wanna tear a hole in them and carry all those cans by hand to the machine.
The little girl did her best to lift them up higher, but they were the size of her own body, if not bigger. She had to hoist them over her shoulder.
Woman: You sure you wanna fight the rest of your life when you can’t carry a little garbage bag?
Little Girl: Momma! I’ve got it, I’m fine. It’s not like I’ll be carrying garbage bags with me everywhere I go.
Mom: You’ll be pickin’ up people. And throwin’ them down. Gotta lift bags first.
Her daughter shrugged and ran up ahead, snow crunching under her feet. It was like she was Santa Claus, carrying the bags that bounced on her shoulder. Mom shook her head and smiled, a tired one, but still a smile. Not much the two got to share often.
Mom: Mercedes. Wait, I have tell you somethin’.
Mercedes had already ran through the courtyard and tore around the corner. The giant “eating machine” as her mother like to call it, was just up ahead. She sprinted up to it, tossing the garbage bags beside her when she reached it. Snow had clung to the glass screen of it as well as the keypad. With a gloved hand Mercedes wiped it all off and pushed a button. A voice greeted her as her mom walked up. She ripped open a garbage bag and began shoving a variety of empty food and soda cans into a round opening.
Mom: Mercedes. I have to tell you somethin’ baby.
Mercedes: Yes mom. I’m listening.
Mom: This Christmas isn’t gonna be the same as the others.
The machine ate up the cans and made a lot of noise. Buzzing, whirring, crushing, increasing every time little Mercedes pushed a can into that opening.
Mom: Are you listening? I said this Christmas isn’t gonna be the same as the others.
Mercedes stopped and turned around to look up at her mother.
Mercedes: Mom, it’s ok. It’s not like we’ve ever really had a ‘Christmas’ anyway. You and dad work a lot. You work so we can have food and stuff. Who would wanna get presents and all that if you’re starving and thinking about eating all the time? I’d rather get like those huge turkeys you see on tv than a pair of socks like grandmas always get their grandkids. At least a turkey tastes good.
Mom: So you’re saying you’ve ate a pair of socks before?
Both of them laughed as they took turns putting cans into the machine.
Mom: I know we can’t give you much baby, but your father and I are gonna get you somethin’ big for your birthday. You always give what you get to your brother, so this will be just for you. You deserve it.
Mercedes: Oooo a present! Mom you have to tell me what it is! Pleeeease!
She did the thing where you stick out your lip and make a pouty face. The face a mother can’t refuse.
Mom: Mmm… Fine. But don’t tell your daddy that I told you. You gotta act surprised when we give it to you.
Mercedes: I promise, just tell me already!
Mom: Well you’ve been talkin’ about wrestlin’ for a couple years now. So we’re getting you tickets to a show. Over at this place called “Chaotic”. It sounds a little crazy, but it don’t matter. You’ll get to go and see if that’s really what you wanna do with yourself.
Mercedes jumped up and down and latched onto her mother tightly with all her 10-year-old strength, ecstatic over the news. This would be her first ever live wrestling show. This was something she’d wanted to do for a whole year and now it was finally happening.
Mercedes: Thank you sooo much mom, thank you thank you thank you!
All of the cans from her bag had been deposited, and her mother pushed a green button on the machine. A noise was heard and a couple of slips of green paper filed out of another opening. Mom pulled them out and handed them to Mercedes.
Mom: Take this money and put it in your piggy bank. But don’t go spendin’ it all now. You need to save it for that show because me or your daddy ain’t givin’ you money when you get there.
Mercedes took the cash and looked at it. Ten dollars for all of the cans she brought. Probably the biggest amount she’d gotten back yet. She pocketed it quickly and hugged her mom again as she went to push more cans into the machine. More snow had started to fall, heavier this time, leaving a nice dusty layer already piling up on the ground around them. More white filled up the scene as a bright flash consumed it all.
April 2nd, 2015
Sasha Banks blinked back a tear welling up in her eye as she continued to speak into the microphone. She nodded and laughed when her host tried handing her a tissue.
Sasha Banks: That’s how it-- that’s how my dream, all started. From some cans of all things. That one show I went to changed my life.
J.P. Garcia: Maybe it’s dumb to ask, but did you get to spend those ten dollars?
Sasha Banks: What’s so funny is I did! After the show my dad and I walked out. He was the one who took me. When we stepped outside there were a few people shaking hands and thanking others for coming. Some guy in a monkey suit and big hair stopped us. He asked me what I was doing at a wrestling show. He even had this big, plastic smile on his face that I just wanted to punch. My dad didn’t say a word and just looked at me. I told that man I was gonna be a wrestler there some day. And I took out those two five dollar bills and handed them to him and asked for a contract. Both him and my dad just laughed at me. But then business guy got down in front of me, looked me in the eye and told me we had a deal. That I’d start work the next week. My dad looked all bug eyed of course, thinking his daughter was gonna be wrestlin’ at 11 years old. But I did’t. I helped bring water to the wrestlers and all that. The man I spoke to turned out to be the owner. It was nothing big yet. I actually got in a ring for the first time when I was maybe 16, and some of the guys there helped me train. By the time I was 18 I was hired and working full time as a wrestler under Chaotic Wrestling. And since then I’ve been doing it all. Doing what I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl basically!
J.P. Garcia: It’s too early for the tears here. What is it, 8AM?
They both laughed it off.
Sasha Banks: Yeah, my bad! Too early. But I’ve got the time. Because a BOSS can choose her own hours. Sort of. As much as my actual boss will let me.
J.P. Garcia: That’s right, Sasha Banks is the self-proclaimed “Boss” of EBWF, the company she currently wrestles for. Owned and ran by Wes Ikeda. So I guess that makes him the boss of the boss?
Sasha nodded.
Sasha Banks: That’s right. It’s great working for the EBWF! I work with a great group of people. Really, really talented people. It’s amazing.
J.P. Garcia: But I’m guessing not as talented as you right? Considering you’re the Women’s champion. And you know what’s funny about all of this is Sasha is still a kid. 23 years young. You’re working with people who have been in the business for as long as you’ve been alive! Yet you’ve already accomplished a lot for someone your age. Why don’t you tell us about some of it?
Sasha Banks: As you mentioned I am currently the women’s champion, and I’m also a 1x diva’s tag team champion. I’m part of a group, the Mean Girls, with my two closest friends, Eva Marie and Summer Rae.
J.P. Garcia: And you’re about to add another big feat to your list: Wrestlemania!
Sasha Banks: Mhmm, Wrestlemania 14 is coming up very soon, April 5th!
J.P. Garcia: Yes, EBWF will be in town for their biggest pay per view of the year in just 3 days and Sasha Banks will be participating. You’ve got a big match too which fits the big show. You’ll be going against Brie Bella, who was EBWF’s 2015 women’s Royal Rumble winner. She was also 2014 Queen of the Ring winner. Brie along with 2014 AND 2015 men’s Royal Rumble winner Dolph Ziggler scored the chance to go against the respective champion of their division at Wrestlemania. That’s gotta be nerve wracking for all of you. What is on your mind Sasha as you head into the biggest show of the year?
Sasha Banks: This is Wrestlemania. This is literally my dream. It’s actually happening. And I’m freaking out. Like, this is what I’ve been hoping for forever. And not only is the HBIC fighting at Wrestlemania, she’s the CHAMP going into it! I couldn’t be more excited. Or anxious. But the good kind of anxious. The one that makes you wanna squeal all the time, or hug a stranger for no reason, just so you can share that joy with them.
J.P. Garcia: That sounds overwhelming.
Sasha Banks: It is. I’m not gonna lie about it cuz who would want to? It’s a good feeling people would die for. I’m happy where I am right now. And this Sunday I’ll be on cloud nine! Everybody will be.
J.P. Garcia: So I guess the real reason everyone is listening this morning is this: we want to hear about your match and your opponent.
Sasha Banks: Like you said at the beginning of the show-
J.P. Garcia: Before the tears started flowing.
Sasha Banks: Yes, before we were bawling like babies, I will be defending the women’s championship in a singles match against Brie. There’s nothing special being added, no fancy stipulations or rules... The fans get us ladies and all my talent.
J.P. Garcia: You meant “our” talent, right?
Sasha Banks: Haha you’re so funny J.P.! But no, that wasn’t a mistake. The BOSS doesn’t mess up. I meant when I said.
J.P. Garcia: So if this is “just a match” then what can the fans expect?
Sasha Banks: Oh there’s where you’re wrong boo. This isn’t “just” a match… Brie and I aren’t “just” gonna fight. We’re probably going to try and rip each other’s hair out! And that’s ok because it’s all worth doing when it comes to my championship. But I need to let you and all the fans know that Brie will be “just” that. Brie. She will not be “EBWF women’s champion” Brie. You can bet money.
J.P. Garcia: Sounds like you two have got a little rivalry going on there.
Sasha Banks: Of course we do! I mean this chick is gonna try to rip this title away from me. Like, that’s EXACTLY what she’s gonna have to do! Pry my belt from my cold dead hands. Brie is gonna have to kill me if she wants to take what I’ve been literally fighting for for years.
There was a brief pause as the radio dj looked at Sasha with raised eyebrows.
Sasha Banks: That wasn’t a challenge. Please don’t kill me Brie.
Everyone in the room gave a laugh.
J.P. Garcia: So I take it both you and Brie are taking this match very seriously, and that you both mean business.
Sasha Banks: Umm, I wouldn’t exactly say Brie is all business. They call me the BOSS for a reason. I'm one of a kind and that’s why I’m champion. Because I’m the most fit for the position. Duh! But Brie? She’s expendable. That’s why she can go off and do all those movies and go on tv and stuff. She isn’t needed in the EBWF, but she’s fun to have around. Once I beat her at Wrestlemania, and you can bet money I will, for her it’d be the same as if your boss came up to you and told you you’re not getting that promotion you’ve been hoping for all year. Or like, not getting that Christmas bonus.
J.P. Garcia: Ouch.
Sasha Banks: Ouch doesn’t even begin to cover it, boo. But it is what it is.
J.P. Garcia: You’re not worried at all that you could be the one walking out without that nice little bonus?
Sasha Banks: Tuh, nope! Why would I be? This is Brie Bella.
J.P. Garcia: But Brie Bella IS the one who won the Queen of the Ring last year AND the Women’s Rumble this year.
Sasha Banks: Yeah, she’s constantly reminding us of that cuz that’s all she’s ever done. I’m not denying that. But this is also a chick who got her friend to say my face looks like it got hit with a pan full of flaming turds. At least I’m hot shit, boo. You’re just full of shit…
Sasha shrugged.
Sasha Banks: I don’t think I should be sayin’ that on live radio. My bad.
More laughter was heard as the morning DJ spoke up.
J.P. Garcia: It’s ok, we’re all adults here. Well, you’re barely one.
Sasha continued laughing as they moved on to the next subject.
J.P. Garcia: I think we’ve heard enough about your opponent, how about the match?
Sasha Banks: You won’t wanna miss it. I’m definitely the most talented chick there is today in EBWF, and so Brie stepping into my square should bring out her best. It won’t matter though. She can bring her A-Game, her best and go her hardest. But my best is better than hers. I put my body on the line trying to win this title, and I have no problem doing the same to keep it. This gold is my baby, and you don’t wanna fight a momma for her child. You’re asking for a fight. A grade A, bonafide beat down. I hope she doesn’t walk into that building expecting anything less from me.
J.P. Garcia: Spoken like a true champion Miss Sasha Banks. Unfortunately Sasha it seems we’ve run out of time, but thank you for joining us this morning and we’d love to have you back. That’s it for now everyone. Make sure you stay tuned because up next we’ve got Zayn Malik doing a LIVE performance of his new hit single “I Won’t Mind.” Thanks for listening during your early morning commute! I’m J.P. Garcia--
Sasha Banks: And I’m Sasha Banks.
J.P. Garcia: --And you’re listening to KOHL 89.3 On-air now. Here’s Adam Smasher with the weather and traffic update…
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Sunday, February 22nd was a truly momentous day. The EBWF stars had made their way to the ATL, and of course the self-proclaimed HBIC was a part of the crew. After all, how could anything get done without a BOSS? Sasha Banks had walked in as her usual confident self (not cocky). But when she walked out, she was still that same exact diva. Nothing had changed, except she was a few pounds heavier. No, she didn’t gain weight, because to the Mean Girls being fat is not fashionable; she was a newly crowned champion! Alongside several other people: AJ Styles, Trent, CJ Parker, Tyler Breeze, and Brian Kendrick. It was official. Sasha Banks was the true BOSS of the women’s division. She was even more motivated as a champ to maintain her image and relationships with her besties, Eva Marie and Summer Rae. She promised that no matter what happened, she would always stick with them. They were the epitome of Ride or Die. Now they were on their way to yet another historic Sunday. Wrestlemania Sunday, April 5th, 2015. The Mean Girls found their place on the card and all three had a chance to hold a title. Eva Marie and Summer Rae would be going for the tag team gold against Beautifully Dangerous. The HBIC would also be in a match of her own! All her life she’d waited for this exact opportunity, and she took it and ran. She didn’t even have to steal it. This time, instead of competing for gold she’d be defending it against Brie Bella. She had never faced Brie one on one before, so it would be a match for the ages. Brie was ready to prove to the world she had what it takes. But Sasha? She wasn’t worried. She had already proven herself. She was the Head BOSS In Charge! The trios first order of business on their road to Wrestlemania? Staying well-rested.
The following morning…
It was 7:32am in Long Beach, California. Hyatt The Pike Long Beach to be exact. The most bougie hotel in the area. The Fashion Police deserved nothing less after their hard work slaving away at events. Normally people would still be sleeping at this time, but not the Mean Girls. At least 2 of the 3. Each got their own luxury bed to sleep in, but that was the last thing Summer Rae and Eva Marie could do at the moment. This was because Sasha was also failing to sleep. Instead she was thrashing around, and even punched and kicked at the air. Not cute.
Eva Marie: Um, Summer? What’s happening?
Summer Rae: I have no idea! This is scary…
Eva Marie: If you don’t know what’s going on then how would I know?!
The blonde and scarlet haired duo turned and looked at each other sitting up on Summer’s bed, which was farthest and safest from Sasha’s. When they turned to look back at Sasha, she was still writhing around, but this time let out a hiss as she slapped at the air.
Summer Rae: OMG!
Eva Marie: Sasha!
...Sasha’s really putting everything on the line here!
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler excitedly watched on as Sasha dove out of the ring onto AJ Lee. Her hiss was barely heard over the crowd going insane after the dive. Whatever happened after that was blurry and fuzzy, and Sasha couldn’t remember anything that happened until she fell to the mat after being kneed hard in her beautimous face by AJ Lee. A pillow went flying into the crowd.
A Shining Wizard!
Summer Rae: That’s it, I’m going to try to wake her up. She’s going to hurt herself throwing things. What if she gets to the lamp or something?!
Eva Marie: Or even worse, she’s gonna hurt us! That’s...
Jim Ross: That’s gotta be it!
Sasha Banks: You really think it’d be that easy to beat me?! Tuh. In your dreams!
Her words echoed throughout the arena, like she was speaking into a mic. Sasha got up several seconds later from her failed pin attempt and turned around to see AJ Lee run at her with a super shiny belt. It was almost like a light was shining inside of it. Where AJ’s head was supposed to be was a cat face. Sasha figured it was feral, which was weird, but she ducked out of the way and felt like a ninja when she performed her finishing maneuvers. Now she was holding onto a pillow, putting it in a crossface chokehold from behind. Bankrupt!
Summer Rae: Sasha, SASHA! Wake up! You’re being really weird. This isn’t funny.
Sasha opened her eyes and found herself staring at her pillow. She yawned and turned around to see Summer right in her face and squealed in surprise. The pillow flew into her bestie’s face and made her squeal. Eva, from Summer’s bed, also squealed because Summer had squealed. They all exchanged looks with each other.
Sasha Banks: Summer! I love you boo, but you can’t be in my space like that. I needs my sleep.
Summer and Eva turned and looked at each other with “WTF” expressions on their faces, before looking back at their friend.
Eva Marie: You weren’t sleeping. You were fighting, Sasha.
Summer Rae: Umm, yeah, it was kind of scary... So I woke you up.
Sasha Banks: Oh, I was dreaming. Not fighting. Duh. Who do I look like, some sickopath that fights my pillow in their sleep? SWERVE. Not this chick.
Summer figured it was just the sleep doing Sasha’s talking and chose not to correct her, especially after the violent sleep episode. The BOSS got up from her bed as if nothing happened and went to check her phone. She gasped, clutching a hand to her chest.
Sasha Banks: OH MY G. I’m LATE! I’m soooo late!
Eva Marie and Summer Rae: Late for what?!
All Summer and Eva could do was watch as Sasha got dressed, put on makeup, and did her hair in a frenzy. After only one hour, she was ready to go. Somewhere in the process she’d managed to ask Eva to call a cab for her to take her to the airport. She’d missed her flight, but luckily was able to book another that same afternoon. It felt like ages before she arrived in Denver, Colorado. A black limousine was parked outside her terminal and she was greeted by the driver, who opened the door for her. A large amount of hazy smoke as well as a strange smell oozed out of the door. She fanned it away and coughed before getting in, and being driven away.
********
When the scene returned, the limousine pulled up to a snowy cabin in some secluded mountainous area. The driver opened the door for her once more, and she stepped out, a little red-eyed and rubbing her nose.
Sasha Banks: Uhghhh, what’s wrong with me? Why is everything moving and scrigglying?
Another person stepped out of the car after the door was opened and he spoke, stretching his arms.
?????: Aw it’s just from the weed, give it a couple hours and you’ll be Gucci.
Sasha Banks: Wait, weed... wha? I can’t be doin’ that!
?????: Don’t worry baby girl, you’ll be fine. It’s allll legal here, and it’s allll ok here in my crib. Welcome to one of many doghouses across the nation. Fly, right?
Sasha turned her head slowly and made a funny face at the man who walked up beside her. He was much taller and skinnier, but his swagger and hers obviously matched up. Snoop Dogg gave Sasha a pat on the shoulder and lead the way into his “doghouse”.
Sasha Banks: Why do you even smoke this stuff? It makes you smell funny and that ain’t cute.
Snoop Dogg: Lil cuz, it ain’t about bein’ cute. But if it messes with your head too much you don’t gotta worry no more. I won’t smoke nun this stuff around you, coo’?
Sasha nodded and blinked the fuzzies out of her eyes. She could finally see clearly as she sat on a huge plush chair with a fuzzy ottoman where she propped her feet up. Snoop followed suit on the chair next to her. He was wearing shutter shades of his own, courtesy of the HBIC. He looked at her.
Snoop Dogg: You doin’ alright in that EVFW thing. Getting’ the gold, bein’ a champ, representin’ the fam. Dressed up in all that glim glam. And now.. You’re off to the Grammy’s of the Wrestling world.
Sasha Banks: Snoop… It’s EBWF! But yeah, you know me… I’m a BOSS. So of course I’m a champion. And I get to go to Wrestlemania! Isn’t that amazing? And actually, I wanted to give you an intervitation. We have something like the Granny’s in EBWF, but it isn’t Wrestlemania. Here.
She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope with Snoop’s name on it. He didn’t even notice Sasha’s verbal mix up because he was too hyped about the envelope. He took his time to rip it open and nodded in approval before pounding fists with Sasha.
Snoop Dogg: Lil cuz hooked me up with an invite to the Slammy’s AND some tix to ‘Mania?. Ice ice, baby. Thanks. I’ma be there no doubt.
Sasha squealed and clapped her hands together excitedly.
Snoop Dogg: So you gotta tell me, what match you got at Wrestlemania?
Sasha Banks: Oh, I go up against the lady who won the women’s royal rumble. Brie Bella. Whenever you win that, you get to go to Wrestlemania and face the women’s champ, which is obviously me. I beat AJ Lee for it in February.
Snoop nodded his head and somehow it kept going as he talked, like he was nodding to a beat. That wasn’t there…
Snoop Dogg: Aight, so tell me about this Brianna chick. She tough? She cute? What?
Sasha put a hand to her chest, and blinked her eyes several times, clearly offended.
Sasha Banks: To be honest you shoulda kept your name as Snoop Lion cuz you's wild... Brie Brie, cute? Tough? Umm… SWERVE cuz! Tuh. Brie is the farthest thing from cute! I’m like 1,000 percent sure Brie Bella doesn’t shave her armpits or legs! She’s basically a smelly hippy! She never showers. That’s why she won the rumble. People were throwing themselves over the ropes because she had such bad P.U. I mean, hippers don’t even wear shoes right? Obliviously she can’t wear nice shoes because when she tries to put them on her pinky toes squeal and her big toes beg for mercy.
Snoop stopped his gangsta head bobbing and looked absolutely disgusted.
Snoop Dogg: Aww hell naw, that bitch don’t shower or shave?! Yeah… Naw, that ain’t cute. You right lil cuz.
Sasha Banks: Tuh. It’s scary, how can someone just look dirty?! But I’m not worried. I’m champion for a reason. Rain, shine, stank or skank, I will still be a BOSS no matter what and come out the same way I went in. CHAMP!
Snoop Dogg: That’s damn right, ain’t no unhygienic female gonna take that gold from you. But I wanna ask you somethin’ else now. I know you talked to your momma after you became champion. She told me how proud she was of you. It reminded me of when I won my first award for my music EVA. Best Rap Music Video at the MTV VMA’s in 1994 and my momma called me. I remember exactly how I felt. It was the best feeling, even better than some good ass smoke. So tell me, from one thug to anotha, how did you feel after you won your own award lil cuz?
Sasha Banks: Oh my g. It was the best. As soon as I got backstage I cried. I had so many people text me, tweet me and call me! I had never been so emotionable in my life. But now, looking back at it, I kind of feel bad…
Snoop Dogg: Why? Ain’t you just proved to the world that Mercedes KV is one Boss Chick?
Sasha Banks: I realize now that Brie hasn’t got to experience that in EBWF, duh! Like, it’s a little heart wrench. She DID win Queen of the Ring last year. But she didn’t become Women’s champion. And this year she won the Women’s Royal Rumble! I gotta tell you something though Snoop. It’s gonna be the same thing as last year for her. She ain’t gonna beat the BOSS and become a champ. You out of everybody in this “Hollywood” life know me and my mom and dad came from not much. And I have worked extremely hard every day since I’ve started to get where I am today. Remember how I told you back then it was a big deal to go watch wrestling shows because we barely had money to spare? Well now I’m a part of those shows! I’m the HBIC of the shows! I get to wear sooo much bling, and even share some with my mother. I did this with all the support in the world from my parents, and that was enough to push me through. Even without cash. Like, this chick Brie and her sister were livin’ in the big city, modeling and acting and being on tv. So I won’t let someone like her take away what I have. Wrestling is my life. And her bougie ass with all these big words and tryna sound smart? I can’t let someone that had it so easy getting into EBWF take this away from me. She just switched from mainstream WWE to here. I wrestled for 4 other companies before I started my career with EBWF! Including FCW a NXT, where we both really got started! I represent the people who haven’t lost touch with who they really are and where they came from. That’s why I ALWAYS do me. So I’m gonna continue to be a BOSS and keep it real because it gets them haters scared.
Sasha had stood up from her chair in the middle of her dramatic speech and flipped her hair out of her face.
Sasha Banks: Snoop… Let’s show these people how we do.
Snoop rubbed his palms together, standing up from his plush chair. He guided Sasha to the bathroom first. Which may as well have been a bedroom because it was huge. There was a giant bathtub/jacuzzi mix, a shower, a commode, AND bidet! All of it was gold plated. Even the toilet paper was yellow. The floors and walls were made of polished wood. The famous hip hop mogul grabbed a roll of tp from the top of a pyramid in a large cabinet and held it up to Sasha. She took it with a confused look on her face.
Snoop Dogg: All this toilet paper and Brie Bella still ain’t shit.
Sasha cupped a hand to her mouth and tossed the roll over her shoulder, sending a long streamer of tp across the bathroom.
Sasha Banks: Um, Snoop… You can’t say that one word. I’ll censure you!
Snoop Dogg: Censor ME? Like you never swear. Aight then.
Snoop shrugged and walked over to the window. There was snow everywhere outside. The glass was squeaky clean and looked as if it wasn’t even there.
Sasha Banks: All these windows and Brie Bella still can’t see clearly! Tuh.
Snoop patted her on the shoulder in approval and they exited the bathroom. He shuffled his way into the next room with Sasha close behind. He was still wearing his shutter shades, so how he saw things in a house as dim as this while high, Sasha never knew. When they entered it smelled even more strongly of weed, and there was a bong on the center table. A couple of guys were inhaling from it. On the walls were hundreds of photo frames of magazine articles featuring Snoop Dogg and Snoop Lion. There was a fireplace also, with all of his music awards on the hearth. All he had to do was point at the guys and wave them out and they left the room. Sasha fanned the space around her.
Snoop Dogg: You know, your friend AJ Styles came up in here once and smoked with me. He a chill dude.
Sasha Banks: Ummm, I didn’t need to know that. But ok.
She looked all around her at the walls covered in frames.
Sasha Banks: All these photo frames, and Brie Bella still ain’t gonna stay in the title picture!
The BOSS froze up and clutched a hand to her chest in shock. She pointed to a picture but Snoop didn’t know why.
Sasha Banks: THAT’S HER! HOW COULD YOU?!
He walked up closer to the picture squinting his eyes hard behind his shades. It didn’t even look like he had them open.
Snoop Dogg: Which one? I must be trippin' cuz I'm seein' double. Like they’re the same people. I can’t see a difference.
Sasha pulled the frame off the wall and pointed to the photo inside.
Sasha Banks: You’re cool with the Bella Twins!? UGH. This is a disaster!
Snoop snatched the photo out of Sasha’s hand and glared at it indignantly, before turning around in one swift motion and launching it across the room. It bounced off a little basketball hoop hanging from the wall and into a trashcan. The glass could be heard shattering after it was dumped.
Snoop Dogg: SIKE. They’re no more. You wanna know a lil secret lil cuz? The Bella twins is thots. Now you got the dirt.
Sasha made a pouting face and crossed her arms.
Snoop Dogg: They was all over a brotha when I rolled through. They wouldn’t leave my side. I had them get me my drinks and show me around and everything. They was basically my bi--
Sasha Banks: Butlers! You’re own personal butlers?! OH MY G. You owned Brie. This is such good news. For me. Not for her. Obliviously.
He reached up and stroked his goatee, which was tied off at the end and nodded his head.
Snoop Dogg: Butler… Yeah. “Obliviously”. F’shizzle. You know, if that female get an attitude, just pop it like it’s hot…
Sasha had already lost attention and looked at one of the pictures on the wall for a second and nodded her head in agreement, even going for a fist bump with her big cousin, until she realized what he’d just said.
Sasha Banks: OMG! Are you telling me to shoot Brie Bella?
Snoop looked around and shushed Sasha, stepping up beside her and nudging her.
Snoop Dogg: Yeah lil cuz, but if she happens to ever get shot you ain’t heard it from me.. ya heard?
Sasha Banks: Umm, yeah.. For shizzle?
Snoop Dogg: You got it my nizzle. Unph.
He gave her fist a pound on the top, bottom, and then directly and draped his long arm over her shoulder, gazing up at all his photos and magazine articles. Lil’ Sasha put her hands on her hips and looked to her famous cousin.
Sasha Banks: You know, I think I’m ready to go home, Snoop.
Snoop put his free hand up in the sign of a “B”.
Snoop Dogg: B-town, Baby?
Sasha Banks: Um, duh! Where else would home be? Boston Bound! Let’s go!
And so the BOSS and Snoopy were on their way home, back to Boston, Massachusetts. They were chauffeured to the airport where they planned to get on one of the private jets, to fly in undeniable style.
**********
That same day Sasha arrived by jet plane in BOSSton. Snoop chose to stay behind at the airport. Marijuana hadn’t been legalized in Massachusetts… But he saw that his other famous cousin was left in the best hands. She hadn’t planned to fly to Boston until that night, so she of course in her free time hit the mall and treated herself. When she returned to her room hotel she was exhausted. After what seemed like only minutes of sleep, she had to be up again. The BOSS had a busy couple of days ahead which consisted of promoting EBWF and Wrestlemania. And it all started with today...
The cab ride was fun; she got to go around town and remember all the places she hung out at growing up, which for her wasn’t all that long ago. She was only 23 years old, putting her in the group of some of the youngest talent on the roster. Her ride had taken her to Chaotic Wrestling in Woburn Massachusetts, just a ten minute drive outside her hometown. The place where she started. This was where she was set to meet people for an autograph signing. There were cameras everywhere, and of course several local wrestlers under the company had come to meet her and stay for a special event after the autograph and picture session. When the public event was over, she was getting ready for the talent-only exclusive taping. Here, she’d be cutting a promo to add to her Wrestlemania video package. Sasha had time to switch out of her street clothes to her wrestling attire, complete with shutter shades, women’s championship and riveted leather jacket. Before stepping into a tiny wrestling ring that was set up for the occasion, she was introduced.
Announcer: Making her way to the ring, right here from BOSTON…. Formerly known as Mercedes KV under Chaotic Wrestling and currently EBWF Women’s champiooon… Sashaaaa Banks!
She was handed a mic by the current CEO of Chaotic Wrestling, and the crowd cheered for her as she started.
Sasha Banks: That’s right, BOSSton’s Baddest is back. This is home for me. Right here, Chaotic Wrestling. None of yous know me personally, and I’m glad for that because if I were seen standing next to any of you people with the way you dress, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Like, who still does frosted hair tips? That can break someone’s rep.
There was a guy in the audience who of course had dark colored hair with blonde highlighted tips. Some people started booing.
Sasha Banks: Whatever. You do you and I’ma do me. See, basilically, I shouldn’t even have to say much here because me being a champion speaks for itself. I am a BOSS in the EBWF. If you’ve never heard of it, then I feel bad for you. It stands for.. Well, it doesn’t matter what it stands for ‘cuz I don’t know, but it’s THE place to be if you’re a wrestler. What I DO know is I am the HBIC. Because I have this! Duh!
She held up the women’s title, yet there were still some boos in the crowd.
Sasha Banks: Uhh, SWERVE! Don’t be hatin’! I actually won this title! I am dead serious in everything I do in the ring. This chick don’t play. So Brie Bella, just because I don’t speak “right”, or dress “proper” or hang out with BOUGIE people doesn’t mean I’m any less than you. These people here in my hometown? We’re stars in the making. If anything, we’re better than you! You and me are going to be fighting at Wrestlemania. My cousin Snoop Dogg made a point, saying that Wrestlemania is like the Granny performances of Wrestling, which I bet you’d know all about since you was all over him, but that’s another story. Either way he’s so right! So it’s time you better start taking me serious. It’s time that EVERBODY starts taking me serious! That’s the biggest mistake you’re gonna make facing me Brie Bella. Choosing to think I’m some clown. Well the jokes gonna be on you, ainnit? I get the last laugh because I’ma win. You can go home again just like last year just like the big ole FLOP you are and cry yourself to sleep. Plus you need some beauty sleep ‘cuz you’re hella wrinkly. Who wouldn’t be so wrinkled after always comin’ up short?! Unlike you, I can come in clutch like Juan James or Drake Wade. Whenever the pressure is high, I can stand on my two feet on my own and do my best! When I first came to the EBWF from NXT, I was like a lump of coal. A pretty one, duh. Not ugly of course. I was just this dusty, unsculpturated rock. But under a lot of pressure and hard work, and of course a little heat, I changed into a diamond. Like Rihanna says, I shine bright! That song was made specifically for me I think. Under a lot of pressure, even the babyest piece of coal can turn into the most prettiest, most wanted, and brightest gift: a diamond.
The BOSS smirked and took a moment to herself. One person had clapped a couple of times, but most everyone was silent and listening.
Sasha Banks: And then there’s you. A slug. I take back what I said about you when I was with my bae’s like two weeks ago. I said it’s like you were being a snail. You just look so sad and you leave behind this snail trail of body stank. But SWERVE. No, you’re a slug! You don’t even deserve a shell! I can just stomp on you and you’re dead. You can’t support yourself, so how can you expect to carry an entire rock on your back like that?! That rock on your back would be this women’s championship. A SNAIL has more reason to face me for my title than you do Brie Bella! Do you hear me?... a SNAIL! And at Wrestlemania I am going to prove EGG-zactly that. So when you lose, just put an EGG in your shoe and beat it! BYEEEEEEE!
Sasha quickly dropped the mic and did the Mean Girls snap to the crowd who were on their feet either booing at her character or cheering for her. She was what many of these people could eventually become, a champion, and she represented her hometown as well. When Wrestlemania came around, she hoped to be as a big a name as other Massachusetts natives like Matt Damon, Elizabeth Banks, who was also fashion queen like herself, or even Barbara Walters. But that would be another stop she’d have to roll right on through on her road to Wrestlemania.
**********
April 5th, 2015
Today was the day. Wrestlemania. Sasha Banks was ready to go. The show had already kicked off with an amazing start. A monstrous showdown between The Ascension and Big Ryck and Cage, a showcase of talent between international stars Paige and LuFisto, as well as a triple threat match for a chance at the PTG title. It was the biggest Wrestlemania to date. And now, in the “Co”-co-main event, it was Sasha’s turn to get some of the limelight. The big screen in Levi stadium lit up as the rest of the arena dimmed. Sasha was seen backstage. She was looking at her gold iPhone 6 plus. It gave a quick two beat ring before she spoke into it.
Sasha Banks: Siri, what does ‘H-O-E’ spell?
Siri: The answer is ‘Hoe’.
The phone responded in its familiar feminine yet simple, robotic voice. Banks smirked at the camera with her gold shutter shades on. The crowd gave a mixed reaction as the BOSS and women’s champion took a deep breath in, and bobbed her head as she spoke.
Sasha Banks: Tonight, the word I’d like to focus on is gonna be “hoe.” So I know Brie Bella gonna try and be big and bad by callin’ me, the HBIC, a hoe, like sooo many other women have chosen to call me. She’ll probably call me stupid too, cuz what else does she know to go on to speak about? I know she has called me, as well as my best friends, those things before. I mean, I called her a snail, a dirty hippy, and even unfashionable, so it’s just getting even. I know I’m BOSSton’s Baddest, and also the women’s champion, but Brie needs to swerve with all that mess. Brie is just another triflin’ ‘B-I-C-T-H’--
Siri: That is not correct.
The crowd laughed at the women’s champion’s mishap. She brushed it off like a BOSS and continued as if nothing happened, taking a moment to remove her shades and clip them to the front of her jacket. Tonight was not the night to show weakness or lose focus! As a BOSS it was her duty to present herself in the best way she could.
Sasha Banks: Brie… Would you call Mr. Wesley Roger Ikeda, the boss of the BOSS, a hoe? I bet money you’d NEVER do that. You respect the Mister boss, don’t you? Because he is someone you should and do respect! But obviously not me… And I’m clearly above you, boo boo. They don’t call me Head BOSS In Charge for sticks and giggles. That’s why you’re coming to me for my title.
The camera zoomed out slightly so that it was no longer focused on just her face, but most of her upper body. On her shoulder was the EBWF women’s championship, looking shinier and more polished than ever. It shined the way gold should really glimmer in the light. Even her wrestling attire was gold. Though her leather jacket was black, the rivets were gold instead. The crowd was still hating on her. Taking a long, drawn out inhale, she smacked her lips and shook her head.
Sasha Banks: Yesss, I know what you, Brie Brie, and all y’all out there are thinking. Wade Barrel. And how we had like a date or whatever that one time. But what happened with Wade Barrel set me straight. That’s probably why I’m champion and you ain’t. Because you’re too busy focused on the wrong things boo boo! How about you focus on yourself instead of tryna tear me down? Cuz clearly that isn’t working for you. The only people who try to do that are the people despert to get somewhere in their lives. Are you despert Brie? Because you look and sound despert. Especially when you were all over MY fam. That’s right. It’s out there now. You tried to use Snoop Dogg, my cuz, to boost yourself. I never even reached out to him for help because I wanted to do it all by myself, because I’ma BOSS and that’s what I do. That’s some high school ish. And we are in the real world! You have a JOB! Which you still have trouble doing. You kiss booty all the way up to this night and then expect me to just turn the other cheek, (and by that I mean the one on my face) and let you walk all over me because you “deserve” it. Umm, SWERVE! There are people here from all over the world who don’t do that, and are still better than you and deserve way more! My people back in BOSSTON? They don’t deserve a flunkie like you as a champion! There’s already enough people from Cali running everything there is to be about entertainment! Tuh. It’s time for pretty AND unique to run the world. You ain’t no stand out Brie. You’re nothin’ special. Not like me. No more Barbie, bring in bratz! No more WEST Coast. How about a little East Coast?! OLD MONEY!!! NOT NEW MONEY!!
A small portion of the audience backed her up, cheering. Whatever booing that had ensued died down for the moment. It seemed like for the first time she garnered true support from some fans.
Sasha Banks: You wanna try and be real with us, with me, the BOSS? How about you get back to real-ality Brie. You’re jealous of me! Why call me a hoe when I’m the farthest thing from that? I haven’t hooked up with any dude since I’ve been in the EBWF. I’m not focused on boys. I’m focused on the gold. But you know, I guess now I’m a hoe because I have better fashion sense than you? Because I have better hair than you and it’s not even my own!? Because I’m PRETTIER than you? Because I’ve been champion TWICE in my little bitty time here and you haven’t since you crawled in like some Gary the fail?!
After several dramatic gestures, Sasha came to a halt, smacking her lips as the crowd went back to their hating.
Sasha Banks: I meant Gary the Snail, like from Spongebob. But whatever. That slip up is not gonna be as crucial as losing this title. Back to the story, if ya wanna call me a hoe by ‘appropriation’ because I’m friends with Summer Rae and Eva Marie you are sooo dumb. I thought Nikki was the dumbo, she even has a big head like an elephant! Elephant-itis even! A hoe is the last thing me OR my bae’s are! That’s why the Mean Girls were champions before you were even though you’ve been here longer! Tuh. And if you’s wanna play the appropriation game, then by appropriation you must SUCK because your sister ain’t no better! I really hope she will be watching. I hope your whole family will be watching. I hope that all the people in your hometown will be watching us fight, because I know my people back home in BOSSton will be! That way you are so embarrassed you’ll have to wear a paper bag over your head everywhere you go so people don’t look at you funny, more than they probably do now, with your big head and your buttcrack hair part and your bony body. I rock that hair style! If you’re gonna try to copy me you best look better while doing it. But get one thing straight boo boo, you can try to be me but you will NEVER, EVER be me! Because I’m a champion. I’m a BOSS. You can trash me all you want but it isn’t gonna do anything to me since I know where I stand… Above you! Better start eating those chips off your shoulders so you can gain some weight, boo boo. But no matter, you know what they ALWAYS say these days Brie...
The HBIC gave a cocky smile to the camera and took a step closer to it.
Sasha Banks: There’s only room for one HBIC. There’s no space for you here. I’m gonna prove that to you and the rest of the EBWF GALAXY tonight when I stomp you like the little beady beetle you are! And you can Bank. On. That.
Sasha Banks patted the title on her shoulder and put her shutter shades back down over her eyes. She also put on her gold Beats Headphones. With her hater blockers on the BOSS did the signature Mean Girls snap across her body before the feed faded out to the next segment of Wrestlemania.
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December 24th, 2002
A firm voice called out, carrying through the tiny apartment and reverberating off the crowded walls. The sock-covered feet of a little girl quickly pattered on the floor from a room around the corner, stopping to put bulky rain boots on, each sole clunking on the tile.
Woman: You better hurry up unless you wanna haul these bags through snow.
Little Girl: No ma’am. I’m ready!
The woman smiled and nodded her head to the opposite side of the kitchen. Two plastic garbage bags were propped against the cabinet under the sink. It was leaking even though the faucets were turned off. The little girl ran up and picked up a bag up in each hand and dragged them behind her as she walked to the door to catch up with the woman who had already stepped outside. There were a few flurries of snow falling from the rooftop of their apartment building. The sky was grey and full of clouds; a dull way to kick off the day before Christmas. As the bags dragged there were metallic noises.
Woman: Try not to drag them, you don’t wanna tear a hole in them and carry all those cans by hand to the machine.
The little girl did her best to lift them up higher, but they were the size of her own body, if not bigger. She had to hoist them over her shoulder.
Woman: You sure you wanna fight the rest of your life when you can’t carry a little garbage bag?
Little Girl: Momma! I’ve got it, I’m fine. It’s not like I’ll be carrying garbage bags with me everywhere I go.
Mom: You’ll be pickin’ up people. And throwin’ them down. Gotta lift bags first.
Her daughter shrugged and ran up ahead, snow crunching under her feet. It was like she was Santa Claus, carrying the bags that bounced on her shoulder. Mom shook her head and smiled, a tired one, but still a smile. Not much the two got to share often.
Mom: Mercedes. Wait, I have tell you somethin’.
Mercedes had already ran through the courtyard and tore around the corner. The giant “eating machine” as her mother like to call it, was just up ahead. She sprinted up to it, tossing the garbage bags beside her when she reached it. Snow had clung to the glass screen of it as well as the keypad. With a gloved hand Mercedes wiped it all off and pushed a button. A voice greeted her as her mom walked up. She ripped open a garbage bag and began shoving a variety of empty food and soda cans into a round opening.
Mom: Mercedes. I have to tell you somethin’ baby.
Mercedes: Yes mom. I’m listening.
Mom: This Christmas isn’t gonna be the same as the others.
The machine ate up the cans and made a lot of noise. Buzzing, whirring, crushing, increasing every time little Mercedes pushed a can into that opening.
Mom: Are you listening? I said this Christmas isn’t gonna be the same as the others.
Mercedes stopped and turned around to look up at her mother.
Mercedes: Mom, it’s ok. It’s not like we’ve ever really had a ‘Christmas’ anyway. You and dad work a lot. You work so we can have food and stuff. Who would wanna get presents and all that if you’re starving and thinking about eating all the time? I’d rather get like those huge turkeys you see on tv than a pair of socks like grandmas always get their grandkids. At least a turkey tastes good.
Mom: So you’re saying you’ve ate a pair of socks before?
Both of them laughed as they took turns putting cans into the machine.
Mom: I know we can’t give you much baby, but your father and I are gonna get you somethin’ big for your birthday. You always give what you get to your brother, so this will be just for you. You deserve it.
Mercedes: Oooo a present! Mom you have to tell me what it is! Pleeeease!
She did the thing where you stick out your lip and make a pouty face. The face a mother can’t refuse.
Mom: Mmm… Fine. But don’t tell your daddy that I told you. You gotta act surprised when we give it to you.
Mercedes: I promise, just tell me already!
Mom: Well you’ve been talkin’ about wrestlin’ for a couple years now. So we’re getting you tickets to a show. Over at this place called “Chaotic”. It sounds a little crazy, but it don’t matter. You’ll get to go and see if that’s really what you wanna do with yourself.
Mercedes jumped up and down and latched onto her mother tightly with all her 10-year-old strength, ecstatic over the news. This would be her first ever live wrestling show. This was something she’d wanted to do for a whole year and now it was finally happening.
Mercedes: Thank you sooo much mom, thank you thank you thank you!
All of the cans from her bag had been deposited, and her mother pushed a green button on the machine. A noise was heard and a couple of slips of green paper filed out of another opening. Mom pulled them out and handed them to Mercedes.
Mom: Take this money and put it in your piggy bank. But don’t go spendin’ it all now. You need to save it for that show because me or your daddy ain’t givin’ you money when you get there.
Mercedes took the cash and looked at it. Ten dollars for all of the cans she brought. Probably the biggest amount she’d gotten back yet. She pocketed it quickly and hugged her mom again as she went to push more cans into the machine. More snow had started to fall, heavier this time, leaving a nice dusty layer already piling up on the ground around them. More white filled up the scene as a bright flash consumed it all.
April 2nd, 2015
Sasha Banks blinked back a tear welling up in her eye as she continued to speak into the microphone. She nodded and laughed when her host tried handing her a tissue.
Sasha Banks: That’s how it-- that’s how my dream, all started. From some cans of all things. That one show I went to changed my life.
J.P. Garcia: Maybe it’s dumb to ask, but did you get to spend those ten dollars?
Sasha Banks: What’s so funny is I did! After the show my dad and I walked out. He was the one who took me. When we stepped outside there were a few people shaking hands and thanking others for coming. Some guy in a monkey suit and big hair stopped us. He asked me what I was doing at a wrestling show. He even had this big, plastic smile on his face that I just wanted to punch. My dad didn’t say a word and just looked at me. I told that man I was gonna be a wrestler there some day. And I took out those two five dollar bills and handed them to him and asked for a contract. Both him and my dad just laughed at me. But then business guy got down in front of me, looked me in the eye and told me we had a deal. That I’d start work the next week. My dad looked all bug eyed of course, thinking his daughter was gonna be wrestlin’ at 11 years old. But I did’t. I helped bring water to the wrestlers and all that. The man I spoke to turned out to be the owner. It was nothing big yet. I actually got in a ring for the first time when I was maybe 16, and some of the guys there helped me train. By the time I was 18 I was hired and working full time as a wrestler under Chaotic Wrestling. And since then I’ve been doing it all. Doing what I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl basically!
J.P. Garcia: It’s too early for the tears here. What is it, 8AM?
They both laughed it off.
Sasha Banks: Yeah, my bad! Too early. But I’ve got the time. Because a BOSS can choose her own hours. Sort of. As much as my actual boss will let me.
J.P. Garcia: That’s right, Sasha Banks is the self-proclaimed “Boss” of EBWF, the company she currently wrestles for. Owned and ran by Wes Ikeda. So I guess that makes him the boss of the boss?
Sasha nodded.
Sasha Banks: That’s right. It’s great working for the EBWF! I work with a great group of people. Really, really talented people. It’s amazing.
J.P. Garcia: But I’m guessing not as talented as you right? Considering you’re the Women’s champion. And you know what’s funny about all of this is Sasha is still a kid. 23 years young. You’re working with people who have been in the business for as long as you’ve been alive! Yet you’ve already accomplished a lot for someone your age. Why don’t you tell us about some of it?
Sasha Banks: As you mentioned I am currently the women’s champion, and I’m also a 1x diva’s tag team champion. I’m part of a group, the Mean Girls, with my two closest friends, Eva Marie and Summer Rae.
J.P. Garcia: And you’re about to add another big feat to your list: Wrestlemania!
Sasha Banks: Mhmm, Wrestlemania 14 is coming up very soon, April 5th!
J.P. Garcia: Yes, EBWF will be in town for their biggest pay per view of the year in just 3 days and Sasha Banks will be participating. You’ve got a big match too which fits the big show. You’ll be going against Brie Bella, who was EBWF’s 2015 women’s Royal Rumble winner. She was also 2014 Queen of the Ring winner. Brie along with 2014 AND 2015 men’s Royal Rumble winner Dolph Ziggler scored the chance to go against the respective champion of their division at Wrestlemania. That’s gotta be nerve wracking for all of you. What is on your mind Sasha as you head into the biggest show of the year?
Sasha Banks: This is Wrestlemania. This is literally my dream. It’s actually happening. And I’m freaking out. Like, this is what I’ve been hoping for forever. And not only is the HBIC fighting at Wrestlemania, she’s the CHAMP going into it! I couldn’t be more excited. Or anxious. But the good kind of anxious. The one that makes you wanna squeal all the time, or hug a stranger for no reason, just so you can share that joy with them.
J.P. Garcia: That sounds overwhelming.
Sasha Banks: It is. I’m not gonna lie about it cuz who would want to? It’s a good feeling people would die for. I’m happy where I am right now. And this Sunday I’ll be on cloud nine! Everybody will be.
J.P. Garcia: So I guess the real reason everyone is listening this morning is this: we want to hear about your match and your opponent.
Sasha Banks: Like you said at the beginning of the show-
J.P. Garcia: Before the tears started flowing.
Sasha Banks: Yes, before we were bawling like babies, I will be defending the women’s championship in a singles match against Brie. There’s nothing special being added, no fancy stipulations or rules... The fans get us ladies and all my talent.
J.P. Garcia: You meant “our” talent, right?
Sasha Banks: Haha you’re so funny J.P.! But no, that wasn’t a mistake. The BOSS doesn’t mess up. I meant when I said.
J.P. Garcia: So if this is “just a match” then what can the fans expect?
Sasha Banks: Oh there’s where you’re wrong boo. This isn’t “just” a match… Brie and I aren’t “just” gonna fight. We’re probably going to try and rip each other’s hair out! And that’s ok because it’s all worth doing when it comes to my championship. But I need to let you and all the fans know that Brie will be “just” that. Brie. She will not be “EBWF women’s champion” Brie. You can bet money.
J.P. Garcia: Sounds like you two have got a little rivalry going on there.
Sasha Banks: Of course we do! I mean this chick is gonna try to rip this title away from me. Like, that’s EXACTLY what she’s gonna have to do! Pry my belt from my cold dead hands. Brie is gonna have to kill me if she wants to take what I’ve been literally fighting for for years.
There was a brief pause as the radio dj looked at Sasha with raised eyebrows.
Sasha Banks: That wasn’t a challenge. Please don’t kill me Brie.
Everyone in the room gave a laugh.
J.P. Garcia: So I take it both you and Brie are taking this match very seriously, and that you both mean business.
Sasha Banks: Umm, I wouldn’t exactly say Brie is all business. They call me the BOSS for a reason. I'm one of a kind and that’s why I’m champion. Because I’m the most fit for the position. Duh! But Brie? She’s expendable. That’s why she can go off and do all those movies and go on tv and stuff. She isn’t needed in the EBWF, but she’s fun to have around. Once I beat her at Wrestlemania, and you can bet money I will, for her it’d be the same as if your boss came up to you and told you you’re not getting that promotion you’ve been hoping for all year. Or like, not getting that Christmas bonus.
J.P. Garcia: Ouch.
Sasha Banks: Ouch doesn’t even begin to cover it, boo. But it is what it is.
J.P. Garcia: You’re not worried at all that you could be the one walking out without that nice little bonus?
Sasha Banks: Tuh, nope! Why would I be? This is Brie Bella.
J.P. Garcia: But Brie Bella IS the one who won the Queen of the Ring last year AND the Women’s Rumble this year.
Sasha Banks: Yeah, she’s constantly reminding us of that cuz that’s all she’s ever done. I’m not denying that. But this is also a chick who got her friend to say my face looks like it got hit with a pan full of flaming turds. At least I’m hot shit, boo. You’re just full of shit…
Sasha shrugged.
Sasha Banks: I don’t think I should be sayin’ that on live radio. My bad.
More laughter was heard as the morning DJ spoke up.
J.P. Garcia: It’s ok, we’re all adults here. Well, you’re barely one.
Sasha continued laughing as they moved on to the next subject.
J.P. Garcia: I think we’ve heard enough about your opponent, how about the match?
Sasha Banks: You won’t wanna miss it. I’m definitely the most talented chick there is today in EBWF, and so Brie stepping into my square should bring out her best. It won’t matter though. She can bring her A-Game, her best and go her hardest. But my best is better than hers. I put my body on the line trying to win this title, and I have no problem doing the same to keep it. This gold is my baby, and you don’t wanna fight a momma for her child. You’re asking for a fight. A grade A, bonafide beat down. I hope she doesn’t walk into that building expecting anything less from me.
J.P. Garcia: Spoken like a true champion Miss Sasha Banks. Unfortunately Sasha it seems we’ve run out of time, but thank you for joining us this morning and we’d love to have you back. That’s it for now everyone. Make sure you stay tuned because up next we’ve got Zayn Malik doing a LIVE performance of his new hit single “I Won’t Mind.” Thanks for listening during your early morning commute! I’m J.P. Garcia--
Sasha Banks: And I’m Sasha Banks.
J.P. Garcia: --And you’re listening to KOHL 89.3 On-air now. Here’s Adam Smasher with the weather and traffic update…
************
Sunday, February 22nd was a truly momentous day. The EBWF stars had made their way to the ATL, and of course the self-proclaimed HBIC was a part of the crew. After all, how could anything get done without a BOSS? Sasha Banks had walked in as her usual confident self (not cocky). But when she walked out, she was still that same exact diva. Nothing had changed, except she was a few pounds heavier. No, she didn’t gain weight, because to the Mean Girls being fat is not fashionable; she was a newly crowned champion! Alongside several other people: AJ Styles, Trent, CJ Parker, Tyler Breeze, and Brian Kendrick. It was official. Sasha Banks was the true BOSS of the women’s division. She was even more motivated as a champ to maintain her image and relationships with her besties, Eva Marie and Summer Rae. She promised that no matter what happened, she would always stick with them. They were the epitome of Ride or Die. Now they were on their way to yet another historic Sunday. Wrestlemania Sunday, April 5th, 2015. The Mean Girls found their place on the card and all three had a chance to hold a title. Eva Marie and Summer Rae would be going for the tag team gold against Beautifully Dangerous. The HBIC would also be in a match of her own! All her life she’d waited for this exact opportunity, and she took it and ran. She didn’t even have to steal it. This time, instead of competing for gold she’d be defending it against Brie Bella. She had never faced Brie one on one before, so it would be a match for the ages. Brie was ready to prove to the world she had what it takes. But Sasha? She wasn’t worried. She had already proven herself. She was the Head BOSS In Charge! The trios first order of business on their road to Wrestlemania? Staying well-rested.
The following morning…
It was 7:32am in Long Beach, California. Hyatt The Pike Long Beach to be exact. The most bougie hotel in the area. The Fashion Police deserved nothing less after their hard work slaving away at events. Normally people would still be sleeping at this time, but not the Mean Girls. At least 2 of the 3. Each got their own luxury bed to sleep in, but that was the last thing Summer Rae and Eva Marie could do at the moment. This was because Sasha was also failing to sleep. Instead she was thrashing around, and even punched and kicked at the air. Not cute.
Eva Marie: Um, Summer? What’s happening?
Summer Rae: I have no idea! This is scary…
Eva Marie: If you don’t know what’s going on then how would I know?!
The blonde and scarlet haired duo turned and looked at each other sitting up on Summer’s bed, which was farthest and safest from Sasha’s. When they turned to look back at Sasha, she was still writhing around, but this time let out a hiss as she slapped at the air.
Summer Rae: OMG!
Eva Marie: Sasha!
...Sasha’s really putting everything on the line here!
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler excitedly watched on as Sasha dove out of the ring onto AJ Lee. Her hiss was barely heard over the crowd going insane after the dive. Whatever happened after that was blurry and fuzzy, and Sasha couldn’t remember anything that happened until she fell to the mat after being kneed hard in her beautimous face by AJ Lee. A pillow went flying into the crowd.
A Shining Wizard!
Summer Rae: That’s it, I’m going to try to wake her up. She’s going to hurt herself throwing things. What if she gets to the lamp or something?!
Eva Marie: Or even worse, she’s gonna hurt us! That’s...
Jim Ross: That’s gotta be it!
Sasha Banks: You really think it’d be that easy to beat me?! Tuh. In your dreams!
Her words echoed throughout the arena, like she was speaking into a mic. Sasha got up several seconds later from her failed pin attempt and turned around to see AJ Lee run at her with a super shiny belt. It was almost like a light was shining inside of it. Where AJ’s head was supposed to be was a cat face. Sasha figured it was feral, which was weird, but she ducked out of the way and felt like a ninja when she performed her finishing maneuvers. Now she was holding onto a pillow, putting it in a crossface chokehold from behind. Bankrupt!
Summer Rae: Sasha, SASHA! Wake up! You’re being really weird. This isn’t funny.
Sasha opened her eyes and found herself staring at her pillow. She yawned and turned around to see Summer right in her face and squealed in surprise. The pillow flew into her bestie’s face and made her squeal. Eva, from Summer’s bed, also squealed because Summer had squealed. They all exchanged looks with each other.
Sasha Banks: Summer! I love you boo, but you can’t be in my space like that. I needs my sleep.
Summer and Eva turned and looked at each other with “WTF” expressions on their faces, before looking back at their friend.
Eva Marie: You weren’t sleeping. You were fighting, Sasha.
Summer Rae: Umm, yeah, it was kind of scary... So I woke you up.
Sasha Banks: Oh, I was dreaming. Not fighting. Duh. Who do I look like, some sickopath that fights my pillow in their sleep? SWERVE. Not this chick.
Summer figured it was just the sleep doing Sasha’s talking and chose not to correct her, especially after the violent sleep episode. The BOSS got up from her bed as if nothing happened and went to check her phone. She gasped, clutching a hand to her chest.
Sasha Banks: OH MY G. I’m LATE! I’m soooo late!
Eva Marie and Summer Rae: Late for what?!
All Summer and Eva could do was watch as Sasha got dressed, put on makeup, and did her hair in a frenzy. After only one hour, she was ready to go. Somewhere in the process she’d managed to ask Eva to call a cab for her to take her to the airport. She’d missed her flight, but luckily was able to book another that same afternoon. It felt like ages before she arrived in Denver, Colorado. A black limousine was parked outside her terminal and she was greeted by the driver, who opened the door for her. A large amount of hazy smoke as well as a strange smell oozed out of the door. She fanned it away and coughed before getting in, and being driven away.
********
When the scene returned, the limousine pulled up to a snowy cabin in some secluded mountainous area. The driver opened the door for her once more, and she stepped out, a little red-eyed and rubbing her nose.
Sasha Banks: Uhghhh, what’s wrong with me? Why is everything moving and scrigglying?
Another person stepped out of the car after the door was opened and he spoke, stretching his arms.
?????: Aw it’s just from the weed, give it a couple hours and you’ll be Gucci.
Sasha Banks: Wait, weed... wha? I can’t be doin’ that!
?????: Don’t worry baby girl, you’ll be fine. It’s allll legal here, and it’s allll ok here in my crib. Welcome to one of many doghouses across the nation. Fly, right?
Sasha turned her head slowly and made a funny face at the man who walked up beside her. He was much taller and skinnier, but his swagger and hers obviously matched up. Snoop Dogg gave Sasha a pat on the shoulder and lead the way into his “doghouse”.
Sasha Banks: Why do you even smoke this stuff? It makes you smell funny and that ain’t cute.
Snoop Dogg: Lil cuz, it ain’t about bein’ cute. But if it messes with your head too much you don’t gotta worry no more. I won’t smoke nun this stuff around you, coo’?
Sasha nodded and blinked the fuzzies out of her eyes. She could finally see clearly as she sat on a huge plush chair with a fuzzy ottoman where she propped her feet up. Snoop followed suit on the chair next to her. He was wearing shutter shades of his own, courtesy of the HBIC. He looked at her.
Snoop Dogg: You doin’ alright in that EVFW thing. Getting’ the gold, bein’ a champ, representin’ the fam. Dressed up in all that glim glam. And now.. You’re off to the Grammy’s of the Wrestling world.
Sasha Banks: Snoop… It’s EBWF! But yeah, you know me… I’m a BOSS. So of course I’m a champion. And I get to go to Wrestlemania! Isn’t that amazing? And actually, I wanted to give you an intervitation. We have something like the Granny’s in EBWF, but it isn’t Wrestlemania. Here.
She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope with Snoop’s name on it. He didn’t even notice Sasha’s verbal mix up because he was too hyped about the envelope. He took his time to rip it open and nodded in approval before pounding fists with Sasha.
Snoop Dogg: Lil cuz hooked me up with an invite to the Slammy’s AND some tix to ‘Mania?. Ice ice, baby. Thanks. I’ma be there no doubt.
Sasha squealed and clapped her hands together excitedly.
Snoop Dogg: So you gotta tell me, what match you got at Wrestlemania?
Sasha Banks: Oh, I go up against the lady who won the women’s royal rumble. Brie Bella. Whenever you win that, you get to go to Wrestlemania and face the women’s champ, which is obviously me. I beat AJ Lee for it in February.
Snoop nodded his head and somehow it kept going as he talked, like he was nodding to a beat. That wasn’t there…
Snoop Dogg: Aight, so tell me about this Brianna chick. She tough? She cute? What?
Sasha put a hand to her chest, and blinked her eyes several times, clearly offended.
Sasha Banks: To be honest you shoulda kept your name as Snoop Lion cuz you's wild... Brie Brie, cute? Tough? Umm… SWERVE cuz! Tuh. Brie is the farthest thing from cute! I’m like 1,000 percent sure Brie Bella doesn’t shave her armpits or legs! She’s basically a smelly hippy! She never showers. That’s why she won the rumble. People were throwing themselves over the ropes because she had such bad P.U. I mean, hippers don’t even wear shoes right? Obliviously she can’t wear nice shoes because when she tries to put them on her pinky toes squeal and her big toes beg for mercy.
Snoop stopped his gangsta head bobbing and looked absolutely disgusted.
Snoop Dogg: Aww hell naw, that bitch don’t shower or shave?! Yeah… Naw, that ain’t cute. You right lil cuz.
Sasha Banks: Tuh. It’s scary, how can someone just look dirty?! But I’m not worried. I’m champion for a reason. Rain, shine, stank or skank, I will still be a BOSS no matter what and come out the same way I went in. CHAMP!
Snoop Dogg: That’s damn right, ain’t no unhygienic female gonna take that gold from you. But I wanna ask you somethin’ else now. I know you talked to your momma after you became champion. She told me how proud she was of you. It reminded me of when I won my first award for my music EVA. Best Rap Music Video at the MTV VMA’s in 1994 and my momma called me. I remember exactly how I felt. It was the best feeling, even better than some good ass smoke. So tell me, from one thug to anotha, how did you feel after you won your own award lil cuz?
Sasha Banks: Oh my g. It was the best. As soon as I got backstage I cried. I had so many people text me, tweet me and call me! I had never been so emotionable in my life. But now, looking back at it, I kind of feel bad…
Snoop Dogg: Why? Ain’t you just proved to the world that Mercedes KV is one Boss Chick?
Sasha Banks: I realize now that Brie hasn’t got to experience that in EBWF, duh! Like, it’s a little heart wrench. She DID win Queen of the Ring last year. But she didn’t become Women’s champion. And this year she won the Women’s Royal Rumble! I gotta tell you something though Snoop. It’s gonna be the same thing as last year for her. She ain’t gonna beat the BOSS and become a champ. You out of everybody in this “Hollywood” life know me and my mom and dad came from not much. And I have worked extremely hard every day since I’ve started to get where I am today. Remember how I told you back then it was a big deal to go watch wrestling shows because we barely had money to spare? Well now I’m a part of those shows! I’m the HBIC of the shows! I get to wear sooo much bling, and even share some with my mother. I did this with all the support in the world from my parents, and that was enough to push me through. Even without cash. Like, this chick Brie and her sister were livin’ in the big city, modeling and acting and being on tv. So I won’t let someone like her take away what I have. Wrestling is my life. And her bougie ass with all these big words and tryna sound smart? I can’t let someone that had it so easy getting into EBWF take this away from me. She just switched from mainstream WWE to here. I wrestled for 4 other companies before I started my career with EBWF! Including FCW a NXT, where we both really got started! I represent the people who haven’t lost touch with who they really are and where they came from. That’s why I ALWAYS do me. So I’m gonna continue to be a BOSS and keep it real because it gets them haters scared.
Sasha had stood up from her chair in the middle of her dramatic speech and flipped her hair out of her face.
Sasha Banks: Snoop… Let’s show these people how we do.
Snoop rubbed his palms together, standing up from his plush chair. He guided Sasha to the bathroom first. Which may as well have been a bedroom because it was huge. There was a giant bathtub/jacuzzi mix, a shower, a commode, AND bidet! All of it was gold plated. Even the toilet paper was yellow. The floors and walls were made of polished wood. The famous hip hop mogul grabbed a roll of tp from the top of a pyramid in a large cabinet and held it up to Sasha. She took it with a confused look on her face.
Snoop Dogg: All this toilet paper and Brie Bella still ain’t shit.
Sasha cupped a hand to her mouth and tossed the roll over her shoulder, sending a long streamer of tp across the bathroom.
Sasha Banks: Um, Snoop… You can’t say that one word. I’ll censure you!
Snoop Dogg: Censor ME? Like you never swear. Aight then.
Snoop shrugged and walked over to the window. There was snow everywhere outside. The glass was squeaky clean and looked as if it wasn’t even there.
Sasha Banks: All these windows and Brie Bella still can’t see clearly! Tuh.
Snoop patted her on the shoulder in approval and they exited the bathroom. He shuffled his way into the next room with Sasha close behind. He was still wearing his shutter shades, so how he saw things in a house as dim as this while high, Sasha never knew. When they entered it smelled even more strongly of weed, and there was a bong on the center table. A couple of guys were inhaling from it. On the walls were hundreds of photo frames of magazine articles featuring Snoop Dogg and Snoop Lion. There was a fireplace also, with all of his music awards on the hearth. All he had to do was point at the guys and wave them out and they left the room. Sasha fanned the space around her.
Snoop Dogg: You know, your friend AJ Styles came up in here once and smoked with me. He a chill dude.
Sasha Banks: Ummm, I didn’t need to know that. But ok.
She looked all around her at the walls covered in frames.
Sasha Banks: All these photo frames, and Brie Bella still ain’t gonna stay in the title picture!
The BOSS froze up and clutched a hand to her chest in shock. She pointed to a picture but Snoop didn’t know why.
Sasha Banks: THAT’S HER! HOW COULD YOU?!
He walked up closer to the picture squinting his eyes hard behind his shades. It didn’t even look like he had them open.
Snoop Dogg: Which one? I must be trippin' cuz I'm seein' double. Like they’re the same people. I can’t see a difference.
Sasha pulled the frame off the wall and pointed to the photo inside.
Sasha Banks: You’re cool with the Bella Twins!? UGH. This is a disaster!
Snoop snatched the photo out of Sasha’s hand and glared at it indignantly, before turning around in one swift motion and launching it across the room. It bounced off a little basketball hoop hanging from the wall and into a trashcan. The glass could be heard shattering after it was dumped.
Snoop Dogg: SIKE. They’re no more. You wanna know a lil secret lil cuz? The Bella twins is thots. Now you got the dirt.
Sasha made a pouting face and crossed her arms.
Snoop Dogg: They was all over a brotha when I rolled through. They wouldn’t leave my side. I had them get me my drinks and show me around and everything. They was basically my bi--
Sasha Banks: Butlers! You’re own personal butlers?! OH MY G. You owned Brie. This is such good news. For me. Not for her. Obliviously.
He reached up and stroked his goatee, which was tied off at the end and nodded his head.
Snoop Dogg: Butler… Yeah. “Obliviously”. F’shizzle. You know, if that female get an attitude, just pop it like it’s hot…
Sasha had already lost attention and looked at one of the pictures on the wall for a second and nodded her head in agreement, even going for a fist bump with her big cousin, until she realized what he’d just said.
Sasha Banks: OMG! Are you telling me to shoot Brie Bella?
Snoop looked around and shushed Sasha, stepping up beside her and nudging her.
Snoop Dogg: Yeah lil cuz, but if she happens to ever get shot you ain’t heard it from me.. ya heard?
Sasha Banks: Umm, yeah.. For shizzle?
Snoop Dogg: You got it my nizzle. Unph.
He gave her fist a pound on the top, bottom, and then directly and draped his long arm over her shoulder, gazing up at all his photos and magazine articles. Lil’ Sasha put her hands on her hips and looked to her famous cousin.
Sasha Banks: You know, I think I’m ready to go home, Snoop.
Snoop put his free hand up in the sign of a “B”.
Snoop Dogg: B-town, Baby?
Sasha Banks: Um, duh! Where else would home be? Boston Bound! Let’s go!
And so the BOSS and Snoopy were on their way home, back to Boston, Massachusetts. They were chauffeured to the airport where they planned to get on one of the private jets, to fly in undeniable style.
**********
That same day Sasha arrived by jet plane in BOSSton. Snoop chose to stay behind at the airport. Marijuana hadn’t been legalized in Massachusetts… But he saw that his other famous cousin was left in the best hands. She hadn’t planned to fly to Boston until that night, so she of course in her free time hit the mall and treated herself. When she returned to her room hotel she was exhausted. After what seemed like only minutes of sleep, she had to be up again. The BOSS had a busy couple of days ahead which consisted of promoting EBWF and Wrestlemania. And it all started with today...
The cab ride was fun; she got to go around town and remember all the places she hung out at growing up, which for her wasn’t all that long ago. She was only 23 years old, putting her in the group of some of the youngest talent on the roster. Her ride had taken her to Chaotic Wrestling in Woburn Massachusetts, just a ten minute drive outside her hometown. The place where she started. This was where she was set to meet people for an autograph signing. There were cameras everywhere, and of course several local wrestlers under the company had come to meet her and stay for a special event after the autograph and picture session. When the public event was over, she was getting ready for the talent-only exclusive taping. Here, she’d be cutting a promo to add to her Wrestlemania video package. Sasha had time to switch out of her street clothes to her wrestling attire, complete with shutter shades, women’s championship and riveted leather jacket. Before stepping into a tiny wrestling ring that was set up for the occasion, she was introduced.
Announcer: Making her way to the ring, right here from BOSTON…. Formerly known as Mercedes KV under Chaotic Wrestling and currently EBWF Women’s champiooon… Sashaaaa Banks!
She was handed a mic by the current CEO of Chaotic Wrestling, and the crowd cheered for her as she started.
Sasha Banks: That’s right, BOSSton’s Baddest is back. This is home for me. Right here, Chaotic Wrestling. None of yous know me personally, and I’m glad for that because if I were seen standing next to any of you people with the way you dress, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Like, who still does frosted hair tips? That can break someone’s rep.
There was a guy in the audience who of course had dark colored hair with blonde highlighted tips. Some people started booing.
Sasha Banks: Whatever. You do you and I’ma do me. See, basilically, I shouldn’t even have to say much here because me being a champion speaks for itself. I am a BOSS in the EBWF. If you’ve never heard of it, then I feel bad for you. It stands for.. Well, it doesn’t matter what it stands for ‘cuz I don’t know, but it’s THE place to be if you’re a wrestler. What I DO know is I am the HBIC. Because I have this! Duh!
She held up the women’s title, yet there were still some boos in the crowd.
Sasha Banks: Uhh, SWERVE! Don’t be hatin’! I actually won this title! I am dead serious in everything I do in the ring. This chick don’t play. So Brie Bella, just because I don’t speak “right”, or dress “proper” or hang out with BOUGIE people doesn’t mean I’m any less than you. These people here in my hometown? We’re stars in the making. If anything, we’re better than you! You and me are going to be fighting at Wrestlemania. My cousin Snoop Dogg made a point, saying that Wrestlemania is like the Granny performances of Wrestling, which I bet you’d know all about since you was all over him, but that’s another story. Either way he’s so right! So it’s time you better start taking me serious. It’s time that EVERBODY starts taking me serious! That’s the biggest mistake you’re gonna make facing me Brie Bella. Choosing to think I’m some clown. Well the jokes gonna be on you, ainnit? I get the last laugh because I’ma win. You can go home again just like last year just like the big ole FLOP you are and cry yourself to sleep. Plus you need some beauty sleep ‘cuz you’re hella wrinkly. Who wouldn’t be so wrinkled after always comin’ up short?! Unlike you, I can come in clutch like Juan James or Drake Wade. Whenever the pressure is high, I can stand on my two feet on my own and do my best! When I first came to the EBWF from NXT, I was like a lump of coal. A pretty one, duh. Not ugly of course. I was just this dusty, unsculpturated rock. But under a lot of pressure and hard work, and of course a little heat, I changed into a diamond. Like Rihanna says, I shine bright! That song was made specifically for me I think. Under a lot of pressure, even the babyest piece of coal can turn into the most prettiest, most wanted, and brightest gift: a diamond.
The BOSS smirked and took a moment to herself. One person had clapped a couple of times, but most everyone was silent and listening.
Sasha Banks: And then there’s you. A slug. I take back what I said about you when I was with my bae’s like two weeks ago. I said it’s like you were being a snail. You just look so sad and you leave behind this snail trail of body stank. But SWERVE. No, you’re a slug! You don’t even deserve a shell! I can just stomp on you and you’re dead. You can’t support yourself, so how can you expect to carry an entire rock on your back like that?! That rock on your back would be this women’s championship. A SNAIL has more reason to face me for my title than you do Brie Bella! Do you hear me?... a SNAIL! And at Wrestlemania I am going to prove EGG-zactly that. So when you lose, just put an EGG in your shoe and beat it! BYEEEEEEE!
Sasha quickly dropped the mic and did the Mean Girls snap to the crowd who were on their feet either booing at her character or cheering for her. She was what many of these people could eventually become, a champion, and she represented her hometown as well. When Wrestlemania came around, she hoped to be as a big a name as other Massachusetts natives like Matt Damon, Elizabeth Banks, who was also fashion queen like herself, or even Barbara Walters. But that would be another stop she’d have to roll right on through on her road to Wrestlemania.
**********
April 5th, 2015
Today was the day. Wrestlemania. Sasha Banks was ready to go. The show had already kicked off with an amazing start. A monstrous showdown between The Ascension and Big Ryck and Cage, a showcase of talent between international stars Paige and LuFisto, as well as a triple threat match for a chance at the PTG title. It was the biggest Wrestlemania to date. And now, in the “Co”-co-main event, it was Sasha’s turn to get some of the limelight. The big screen in Levi stadium lit up as the rest of the arena dimmed. Sasha was seen backstage. She was looking at her gold iPhone 6 plus. It gave a quick two beat ring before she spoke into it.
Sasha Banks: Siri, what does ‘H-O-E’ spell?
Siri: The answer is ‘Hoe’.
The phone responded in its familiar feminine yet simple, robotic voice. Banks smirked at the camera with her gold shutter shades on. The crowd gave a mixed reaction as the BOSS and women’s champion took a deep breath in, and bobbed her head as she spoke.
Sasha Banks: Tonight, the word I’d like to focus on is gonna be “hoe.” So I know Brie Bella gonna try and be big and bad by callin’ me, the HBIC, a hoe, like sooo many other women have chosen to call me. She’ll probably call me stupid too, cuz what else does she know to go on to speak about? I know she has called me, as well as my best friends, those things before. I mean, I called her a snail, a dirty hippy, and even unfashionable, so it’s just getting even. I know I’m BOSSton’s Baddest, and also the women’s champion, but Brie needs to swerve with all that mess. Brie is just another triflin’ ‘B-I-C-T-H’--
Siri: That is not correct.
The crowd laughed at the women’s champion’s mishap. She brushed it off like a BOSS and continued as if nothing happened, taking a moment to remove her shades and clip them to the front of her jacket. Tonight was not the night to show weakness or lose focus! As a BOSS it was her duty to present herself in the best way she could.
Sasha Banks: Brie… Would you call Mr. Wesley Roger Ikeda, the boss of the BOSS, a hoe? I bet money you’d NEVER do that. You respect the Mister boss, don’t you? Because he is someone you should and do respect! But obviously not me… And I’m clearly above you, boo boo. They don’t call me Head BOSS In Charge for sticks and giggles. That’s why you’re coming to me for my title.
The camera zoomed out slightly so that it was no longer focused on just her face, but most of her upper body. On her shoulder was the EBWF women’s championship, looking shinier and more polished than ever. It shined the way gold should really glimmer in the light. Even her wrestling attire was gold. Though her leather jacket was black, the rivets were gold instead. The crowd was still hating on her. Taking a long, drawn out inhale, she smacked her lips and shook her head.
Sasha Banks: Yesss, I know what you, Brie Brie, and all y’all out there are thinking. Wade Barrel. And how we had like a date or whatever that one time. But what happened with Wade Barrel set me straight. That’s probably why I’m champion and you ain’t. Because you’re too busy focused on the wrong things boo boo! How about you focus on yourself instead of tryna tear me down? Cuz clearly that isn’t working for you. The only people who try to do that are the people despert to get somewhere in their lives. Are you despert Brie? Because you look and sound despert. Especially when you were all over MY fam. That’s right. It’s out there now. You tried to use Snoop Dogg, my cuz, to boost yourself. I never even reached out to him for help because I wanted to do it all by myself, because I’ma BOSS and that’s what I do. That’s some high school ish. And we are in the real world! You have a JOB! Which you still have trouble doing. You kiss booty all the way up to this night and then expect me to just turn the other cheek, (and by that I mean the one on my face) and let you walk all over me because you “deserve” it. Umm, SWERVE! There are people here from all over the world who don’t do that, and are still better than you and deserve way more! My people back in BOSSTON? They don’t deserve a flunkie like you as a champion! There’s already enough people from Cali running everything there is to be about entertainment! Tuh. It’s time for pretty AND unique to run the world. You ain’t no stand out Brie. You’re nothin’ special. Not like me. No more Barbie, bring in bratz! No more WEST Coast. How about a little East Coast?! OLD MONEY!!! NOT NEW MONEY!!
A small portion of the audience backed her up, cheering. Whatever booing that had ensued died down for the moment. It seemed like for the first time she garnered true support from some fans.
Sasha Banks: You wanna try and be real with us, with me, the BOSS? How about you get back to real-ality Brie. You’re jealous of me! Why call me a hoe when I’m the farthest thing from that? I haven’t hooked up with any dude since I’ve been in the EBWF. I’m not focused on boys. I’m focused on the gold. But you know, I guess now I’m a hoe because I have better fashion sense than you? Because I have better hair than you and it’s not even my own!? Because I’m PRETTIER than you? Because I’ve been champion TWICE in my little bitty time here and you haven’t since you crawled in like some Gary the fail?!
After several dramatic gestures, Sasha came to a halt, smacking her lips as the crowd went back to their hating.
Sasha Banks: I meant Gary the Snail, like from Spongebob. But whatever. That slip up is not gonna be as crucial as losing this title. Back to the story, if ya wanna call me a hoe by ‘appropriation’ because I’m friends with Summer Rae and Eva Marie you are sooo dumb. I thought Nikki was the dumbo, she even has a big head like an elephant! Elephant-itis even! A hoe is the last thing me OR my bae’s are! That’s why the Mean Girls were champions before you were even though you’ve been here longer! Tuh. And if you’s wanna play the appropriation game, then by appropriation you must SUCK because your sister ain’t no better! I really hope she will be watching. I hope your whole family will be watching. I hope that all the people in your hometown will be watching us fight, because I know my people back home in BOSSton will be! That way you are so embarrassed you’ll have to wear a paper bag over your head everywhere you go so people don’t look at you funny, more than they probably do now, with your big head and your buttcrack hair part and your bony body. I rock that hair style! If you’re gonna try to copy me you best look better while doing it. But get one thing straight boo boo, you can try to be me but you will NEVER, EVER be me! Because I’m a champion. I’m a BOSS. You can trash me all you want but it isn’t gonna do anything to me since I know where I stand… Above you! Better start eating those chips off your shoulders so you can gain some weight, boo boo. But no matter, you know what they ALWAYS say these days Brie...
The HBIC gave a cocky smile to the camera and took a step closer to it.
Sasha Banks: There’s only room for one HBIC. There’s no space for you here. I’m gonna prove that to you and the rest of the EBWF GALAXY tonight when I stomp you like the little beady beetle you are! And you can Bank. On. That.
Sasha Banks patted the title on her shoulder and put her shutter shades back down over her eyes. She also put on her gold Beats Headphones. With her hater blockers on the BOSS did the signature Mean Girls snap across her body before the feed faded out to the next segment of Wrestlemania.