Mega Woman
Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:09 am
~The young EBWF career of A.J. Lee had been very successful in a relatively short amount of time. After doing some lacky work, she out-shined her mentors and eventually defeated a mainstay in the company in Torrie Wilson to become Women's Champion. She even managed to successfully defend her title against newcomer Maryse. So why did she seem so stressed? She currently sat in her locker room while slumped against a sofa with a PS3 controller in her hand. The expression on her face was completely blank.~
A.J. Lee: Hooooooo boy...
~AND THEN IT WAS KAITLYN. A.J.'s chickbusting partner stepped into the locker room and plopped down beside her. She noticed that the character A.J. was controlling was repeatedly walking into a wall. She leaned forward and waved a hand in front of the Women Champ's face.~
Kaitlyn: Uhh...A.J.?
A.J. Lee: ...Huh?
Kaitlyn: Something up? I know you've got that big title defense and--
A.J. Lee: SHE'S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME!
~A.J. waved her arms around in a dramatic fashion~
Kaitlyn: Do what now?
A.J. Lee: Beth Phoenix! HER BIG! HER STRONG WOMAN! She's HUUUUGE! She's gonna rip my arms off and beat me with them!
Kaitlyn: ...You know...Beth and I don't have terribly different body types...
~Both Kaitlyn and Beth had that physically fit and super strong look. Kaitlyn was a fitness model at one point.~
A.J. Lee: You're aren't big. You're thick, gurl. Like She-Hulk.
Kailtyn: Yeah. You know I don't know who that is.
A.J. Lee: She's a girl Hulk!
Kaitlyn: That doesn't sound endearing at ALL.
A.J. Lee: ...And...and...and...
~A.J. placed her hands on either side of her head.~
A.J. Lee: This is going to be like the Death of Superman! I'm Superman and Beth is Doomsday! Doomsday was, like, a baby that a scientist kept beating against a rock! And then he would take the pieces of the baby and clone it! And then beat it against a rock again! But eventually he cloned the baby so many times that it got super strong! Doomsday is the ultimate baby! BETH PHOENIX IS THE ULTIMATE BABY! And then Doomsday went down to Earth and totally JACKED UP The Justice League! Doomsday and Super Man got into this big BRO FIGHT and punched each other until they DIED! I don't want Beth to punch me until I die!
~Kaitlyn was at a complete loss and she squinted with her mouth hanging open slightly.~
Kaitlyn: ...What...is this...I don't even...
~Kaitlyn realized that A.J. was a poster child for ADD and it was difficult to motivate her unless it was wrapped up in something she was interested in.~
Kaitlyn: I'm going to help you.
A.J. Lee: You are?
Kaitlyn: What's that game you like so much? Mega's Man's?
A.J. Lee: MEGA MAN.
Kaitlyn: Whatever. That's the one where the little blue guy does around kills guys and steals their powers right?
A.J. Lee: That's drastically cutting the mythology short but yeah.
Kaitlyn: OK, OK. Give me...like...a half an hour and I'll whip something up to motivate you. YOU'RE gonna rip Beth's arms and beat her with 'em, kay?
A.J. Lee: I like how this sounds.
AND THEN IT WAS TIME.
~The new location was an empty stage with a monitor hanging above it. Kaitlyn sat in front of the stage and behind a table very much like an American Idol Judge. Or The Voice. Whatever floats your boat.~
Kaitlyn: Alright, let's see if I can get this thingamabobber working...
~Kaitlyn pressed a few buttons on a panel in front of her and bloody knife appeared on the monitor above the stage.~
Kaitlyn: Power of Brian Kendrick.
~A.J. sauntered off onto the stage and was wearing a white jacket, black trunks and a black top. Her hair was wet and hanging in front of her face as she flashed a lopsided grin and tilted her head slowly to the side.~
A.J. Lee: ...You know...uh...Beth...you don't scare me. You don't. And you can't. Because I don't get scared. And I don't care. About anything. And if you want to do this...I'm going to chain your grand parents up to a pipe in my basement and beat them with a wrench. Heh. 'Cause it sounds like fun. And you're stupid. And the look on your blood covered face is going to be stupid just like that cheap ass tiara you wear. I'm going to stab your pet hamster.
Kaitlyn: OK, that is really creepy. Let's do something else!
~What followed was a series of quick cut's. A.J. would come out dressed in different attire each time a new image flashed on the screen.~
PADLOCK CHAIN - Power of John Cena
~A.J. stood on the stage in a wife beater, baggy shorts that were sagging to show a pair of 1-UP boxer shorts and a black stocking cap.~
A.J. Lee: Yo, yo, yo. Turn my mic up. Ey, yo BETH, I bet you like METH, I can smell it on yo' BREATH, it's gonna push me to my DEATH. Im'a kick you in yo' FACE, send you all the way back to yo' BIRTHPLACE, you should call me ACE, 'cause when I'm done with you they gonna stuff you in a SUITCASE. WORD LIFE. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG.
TWITTER ICON - Power of Kevin Nash
~A.J. who was clearly sitting on Kaitlyn's shoulders, lumbered out onto the stage. The Chickbusters covered themselves in a big trench coat that had "MAGIC MIKE-OMG" written across it and A.J. was sporting a fake beard.~
A.J. Lee: SHUT UP, WES IKEDA.
~A.J. started to wave her hands around in a circle to keep her balance but Kaitlyn ended up toppling over and both Diva's ended up laying in a heap on the stage, groaning.~
DANCING DINOSAUR - Power of Brodus Clay.
~The Champ appeared back on the stage in a black and red tracksuit while wearing a bright red bucket hat on her head. Her dancers were former EBWF talent Taylor Wilde and Portia Perez who were clad in skintight, red body suits. Taylor was her usually, happy, bouncing self and Portia was typically annoyed and aggravated~
A.J. Lee: Alright, REAL TALK. Beth, you might be big and strong. But I'm a ROMPIN, STOMPIN, FUNKASAURUS. 97 pounds! 5'2''! You don't want none of this! Somebody better call yo' momma! And you do know this, MAN! Hit the music!
~"Somebody Call My Momma" and all it's funky energy began to play and A.J. and Taylor began to dance up a storm or at least something comparable.~
Taylor Wilde: WAHOO! DANCE EPIDEMIC TONIGHT!
Portia Perez: ...I'm not even getting paid for this...@&#*(@!
~Portia shook her head and scowled before walking off stage in disgust.~
EBWF LOGO - Power of Wes Ikeda
~A.J. stood on the stage in a black EBWF logo t-shirt and True Religion jeans with her hair pulled backwards. She pointed at the camera.~
A.J. Lee: SHUT UP, KEVIN NASH!
FIRE - Power of Kane
~The stage had a dim red light covering it and A.J. stood in the middle of it with a red, half mask on. Black and red tights and a top with the same color scheme completed the look.~
A.J. Lee: I'm going to steal your soul, Beth. And after that you will do everything I say. I will turn your life into a living nightmare. You should be scared of what I can do to you, Phoenix. Because what are you without a soul? My puppet. My minion. And I'll give you an opportunity. And opportunity to get choke slammed straight to hell.
~A.J. lifted her arms slowly and quickly brought them down~
A.J. Lee: Boooom. Fire. Explosiiiiiooooooon.
Kaitlyn: Thaaaat is the creepiest thing I have ever seen. Please never do this again.
8-BIT WRESTLER - Power of Trent Barreta
~Kaitlyn was on the stage now and was wearing a Trent Baretta t-shirt, now available at EBWFshop.com, with a pair of black tights with green designs on them. She folded her hands underneath of her chin and lifted one of her legs.~
Kaitlyn: I'm Trent Barreta and I love you so much, A.J.! Let's kiss and make tons of little nerd babies and talk about dorky video games and drive KAITLYN CRAZY ON TRIPS TO THE ARENA! Blah, blah, blah! Muah, muah, muah, muah.
A.J. Lee:[ OH MY GOD. NOBODY LIKES YOU. OH MY GOD. YOU'RE FACE IS A BUTT. SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.
BIG, HAPPY, SMILING A.J. FACE - Power of A.J. Lee
~A.J. had her hands resting on her knee's and was panting away while wearing her usual 'skull-bow' covered ring attire.~
A.J. Lee: All those costume changes were really hard.
Kaitlyn: Last one, babe.
A.J. Lee: Alright, alright. Beth? You might be bigger and stronger than me but guess what? I'm quicker, faster and smarter. I got here by whippin' Torrie Wilson and I'm not gonna let you take away what I fought so hard for. Glamazon, huh? Well, I don't have a fancy nickname, YET, but when I do get one it's going blow yours straight out of the water! And do you know what else? The power of my forthcoming nickname is fueling me to propel myself across that ring and kick you right in the head! Or the neck. General face area. You get the idea! You might toss me around and you might hurt me but you won't be able to keep me down. I'm going to come at you like a spider monkey! Spider monkey's have really long arms and legs and SUPER big eyes and...uh...SO DO I? NO! My heart is as big as a Spider monkey's eyes! That will be all I need to push right past you and continue to reign supreme!
Kaitlyn: Good save.
A.J. Lee: I thought so.
Kaitlyn: Feel motivated now?
A.J. Lee: I'm so motivated that it HURTS!
~A.J. placed one fist on her hip while throwing her other fist skywards. She leaned up on her tip-toes a few times.~
Kaitlyn: ...What are you doing?
A.J. Lee: Waiting for you to teleport me out of here ala Mega Man!
Kaitlyn: Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, I don't really have a teleportation device over here, A.J.
A.J. Lee: Edit one in later!
Kaitlyn: OK. Sure. Right on that.
~A.J. continued to strike the same pose which she assumed would be edited into a sleek teleportation sequence. She assumed incorrectly.~
A.J. Lee: ...Telepoooooort.
~Le Fade~
A.J. Lee: Hooooooo boy...
~AND THEN IT WAS KAITLYN. A.J.'s chickbusting partner stepped into the locker room and plopped down beside her. She noticed that the character A.J. was controlling was repeatedly walking into a wall. She leaned forward and waved a hand in front of the Women Champ's face.~
Kaitlyn: Uhh...A.J.?
A.J. Lee: ...Huh?
Kaitlyn: Something up? I know you've got that big title defense and--
A.J. Lee: SHE'S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME!
~A.J. waved her arms around in a dramatic fashion~
Kaitlyn: Do what now?
A.J. Lee: Beth Phoenix! HER BIG! HER STRONG WOMAN! She's HUUUUGE! She's gonna rip my arms off and beat me with them!
Kaitlyn: ...You know...Beth and I don't have terribly different body types...
~Both Kaitlyn and Beth had that physically fit and super strong look. Kaitlyn was a fitness model at one point.~
A.J. Lee: You're aren't big. You're thick, gurl. Like She-Hulk.
Kailtyn: Yeah. You know I don't know who that is.
A.J. Lee: She's a girl Hulk!
Kaitlyn: That doesn't sound endearing at ALL.
A.J. Lee: ...And...and...and...
~A.J. placed her hands on either side of her head.~
A.J. Lee: This is going to be like the Death of Superman! I'm Superman and Beth is Doomsday! Doomsday was, like, a baby that a scientist kept beating against a rock! And then he would take the pieces of the baby and clone it! And then beat it against a rock again! But eventually he cloned the baby so many times that it got super strong! Doomsday is the ultimate baby! BETH PHOENIX IS THE ULTIMATE BABY! And then Doomsday went down to Earth and totally JACKED UP The Justice League! Doomsday and Super Man got into this big BRO FIGHT and punched each other until they DIED! I don't want Beth to punch me until I die!
~Kaitlyn was at a complete loss and she squinted with her mouth hanging open slightly.~
Kaitlyn: ...What...is this...I don't even...
~Kaitlyn realized that A.J. was a poster child for ADD and it was difficult to motivate her unless it was wrapped up in something she was interested in.~
Kaitlyn: I'm going to help you.
A.J. Lee: You are?
Kaitlyn: What's that game you like so much? Mega's Man's?
A.J. Lee: MEGA MAN.
Kaitlyn: Whatever. That's the one where the little blue guy does around kills guys and steals their powers right?
A.J. Lee: That's drastically cutting the mythology short but yeah.
Kaitlyn: OK, OK. Give me...like...a half an hour and I'll whip something up to motivate you. YOU'RE gonna rip Beth's arms and beat her with 'em, kay?
A.J. Lee: I like how this sounds.
AND THEN IT WAS TIME.
~The new location was an empty stage with a monitor hanging above it. Kaitlyn sat in front of the stage and behind a table very much like an American Idol Judge. Or The Voice. Whatever floats your boat.~
Kaitlyn: Alright, let's see if I can get this thingamabobber working...
~Kaitlyn pressed a few buttons on a panel in front of her and bloody knife appeared on the monitor above the stage.~
Kaitlyn: Power of Brian Kendrick.
~A.J. sauntered off onto the stage and was wearing a white jacket, black trunks and a black top. Her hair was wet and hanging in front of her face as she flashed a lopsided grin and tilted her head slowly to the side.~
A.J. Lee: ...You know...uh...Beth...you don't scare me. You don't. And you can't. Because I don't get scared. And I don't care. About anything. And if you want to do this...I'm going to chain your grand parents up to a pipe in my basement and beat them with a wrench. Heh. 'Cause it sounds like fun. And you're stupid. And the look on your blood covered face is going to be stupid just like that cheap ass tiara you wear. I'm going to stab your pet hamster.
Kaitlyn: OK, that is really creepy. Let's do something else!
~What followed was a series of quick cut's. A.J. would come out dressed in different attire each time a new image flashed on the screen.~
PADLOCK CHAIN - Power of John Cena
~A.J. stood on the stage in a wife beater, baggy shorts that were sagging to show a pair of 1-UP boxer shorts and a black stocking cap.~
A.J. Lee: Yo, yo, yo. Turn my mic up. Ey, yo BETH, I bet you like METH, I can smell it on yo' BREATH, it's gonna push me to my DEATH. Im'a kick you in yo' FACE, send you all the way back to yo' BIRTHPLACE, you should call me ACE, 'cause when I'm done with you they gonna stuff you in a SUITCASE. WORD LIFE. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG. SWAG.
TWITTER ICON - Power of Kevin Nash
~A.J. who was clearly sitting on Kaitlyn's shoulders, lumbered out onto the stage. The Chickbusters covered themselves in a big trench coat that had "MAGIC MIKE-OMG" written across it and A.J. was sporting a fake beard.~
A.J. Lee: SHUT UP, WES IKEDA.
~A.J. started to wave her hands around in a circle to keep her balance but Kaitlyn ended up toppling over and both Diva's ended up laying in a heap on the stage, groaning.~
DANCING DINOSAUR - Power of Brodus Clay.
~The Champ appeared back on the stage in a black and red tracksuit while wearing a bright red bucket hat on her head. Her dancers were former EBWF talent Taylor Wilde and Portia Perez who were clad in skintight, red body suits. Taylor was her usually, happy, bouncing self and Portia was typically annoyed and aggravated~
A.J. Lee: Alright, REAL TALK. Beth, you might be big and strong. But I'm a ROMPIN, STOMPIN, FUNKASAURUS. 97 pounds! 5'2''! You don't want none of this! Somebody better call yo' momma! And you do know this, MAN! Hit the music!
~"Somebody Call My Momma" and all it's funky energy began to play and A.J. and Taylor began to dance up a storm or at least something comparable.~
Taylor Wilde: WAHOO! DANCE EPIDEMIC TONIGHT!
Portia Perez: ...I'm not even getting paid for this...@&#*(@!
~Portia shook her head and scowled before walking off stage in disgust.~
EBWF LOGO - Power of Wes Ikeda
~A.J. stood on the stage in a black EBWF logo t-shirt and True Religion jeans with her hair pulled backwards. She pointed at the camera.~
A.J. Lee: SHUT UP, KEVIN NASH!
FIRE - Power of Kane
~The stage had a dim red light covering it and A.J. stood in the middle of it with a red, half mask on. Black and red tights and a top with the same color scheme completed the look.~
A.J. Lee: I'm going to steal your soul, Beth. And after that you will do everything I say. I will turn your life into a living nightmare. You should be scared of what I can do to you, Phoenix. Because what are you without a soul? My puppet. My minion. And I'll give you an opportunity. And opportunity to get choke slammed straight to hell.
~A.J. lifted her arms slowly and quickly brought them down~
A.J. Lee: Boooom. Fire. Explosiiiiiooooooon.
Kaitlyn: Thaaaat is the creepiest thing I have ever seen. Please never do this again.
8-BIT WRESTLER - Power of Trent Barreta
~Kaitlyn was on the stage now and was wearing a Trent Baretta t-shirt, now available at EBWFshop.com, with a pair of black tights with green designs on them. She folded her hands underneath of her chin and lifted one of her legs.~
Kaitlyn: I'm Trent Barreta and I love you so much, A.J.! Let's kiss and make tons of little nerd babies and talk about dorky video games and drive KAITLYN CRAZY ON TRIPS TO THE ARENA! Blah, blah, blah! Muah, muah, muah, muah.
A.J. Lee:[ OH MY GOD. NOBODY LIKES YOU. OH MY GOD. YOU'RE FACE IS A BUTT. SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.
BIG, HAPPY, SMILING A.J. FACE - Power of A.J. Lee
~A.J. had her hands resting on her knee's and was panting away while wearing her usual 'skull-bow' covered ring attire.~
A.J. Lee: All those costume changes were really hard.
Kaitlyn: Last one, babe.
A.J. Lee: Alright, alright. Beth? You might be bigger and stronger than me but guess what? I'm quicker, faster and smarter. I got here by whippin' Torrie Wilson and I'm not gonna let you take away what I fought so hard for. Glamazon, huh? Well, I don't have a fancy nickname, YET, but when I do get one it's going blow yours straight out of the water! And do you know what else? The power of my forthcoming nickname is fueling me to propel myself across that ring and kick you right in the head! Or the neck. General face area. You get the idea! You might toss me around and you might hurt me but you won't be able to keep me down. I'm going to come at you like a spider monkey! Spider monkey's have really long arms and legs and SUPER big eyes and...uh...SO DO I? NO! My heart is as big as a Spider monkey's eyes! That will be all I need to push right past you and continue to reign supreme!
Kaitlyn: Good save.
A.J. Lee: I thought so.
Kaitlyn: Feel motivated now?
A.J. Lee: I'm so motivated that it HURTS!
~A.J. placed one fist on her hip while throwing her other fist skywards. She leaned up on her tip-toes a few times.~
Kaitlyn: ...What are you doing?
A.J. Lee: Waiting for you to teleport me out of here ala Mega Man!
Kaitlyn: Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, I don't really have a teleportation device over here, A.J.
A.J. Lee: Edit one in later!
Kaitlyn: OK. Sure. Right on that.
~A.J. continued to strike the same pose which she assumed would be edited into a sleek teleportation sequence. She assumed incorrectly.~
A.J. Lee: ...Telepoooooort.
~Le Fade~
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