“So any person, in the right situation, is capable of murder. Woman or man. But not any person is capable of being a good camper. You know, fishing, setting fires, building camp. SO with that murder and camping are not as similar as you think… are you getting this…?”
“Huh? I mean, yes of course…”
“Good. Good. Stuff like that will be gold for my potential EBWF autobiography. Sell millions of books. Get people to know the REAL me. You know, what I mean? Now back on the original topic of things that I fear the most… scary skeletons…”
“Right…”
“I hate scary skele-…”
As she is walking she bumps into a vender who is angry at first but then immediately recognizes her.
:”OH WOW! Kelly. Friggen. Kelly! Too cool. You are like my… third-fourth favorite womens wrestler of all time..”
“Oh wow. Number 3 or 4 huh? Great. Nice to meet you… and the name is Barbie or Barbara Blank now. Not BeBar either. Barbie… but I gotta keep going…gotta hit the gym before my return match with….”
“EVA MARIE” he shouts cutting her off. “She rocks. You will have your work cut out for you. She is one talent you don’t want to mess with. You know she’s a former EBWF Tag Team Womens Champion?”
Barbie sighs. “Yes. Yes. I am aware of her championship reign. Big deal. I may have not won a EBWF title… but I once went on a date with EMMY award winning actor Jeremy Piven. I even made out with him too! Can Eva Marie say that? Can she? Because I hope not, it’s been on my resume for years. Once made out with Jeremy Piven right above the time I threw up on Billy Bob Thornton in my list of accomplishments… I like to party… but don’t worry… it wasn’t food.”
“Eww. Gross. Anyway, do you have any strategies on how you’re going to get in the ring with Eva Marie? She will bring it.”
“I do… why? You some narc or something? One of those idiot bloggers? Gonna go on the compooper and tell the world my game plan? Nice try, bub. But I’m not as stupid as people make me out to be. I’m currently planning a autobiography in written form. Can a stupid person do that? And, and, and I listen to Peter Gabriel sometimes. Not just his hits either. His real deep, intense music too. Sure it gives me a headache so I usually lay down and watch Family Feud or something. But I bet I’m way smarter than this Eva Marie. Sure I might be a little ring rusty. But I’m coming back with vengeance. Plus my assistant and I invested some of our money into these pills that make you smarter… a dollar a pill… it makes you smarter I swear… assistant… give me one…
Assistant without hesitation digs into his pocket and hands her one.
She quickly pops it in her mouth and swallows it. “ANOTHER!” As she glares at the fan with her hand out. The assistant hands it to her. She goes to swallow it but looks at it.
“Wait a minute. This is only a green pea?”
The assistant smiles. “See, you’re getting smarter already…”
Barbie sighs. And flicks the pea in the face of her assistant and grabs his note pad and starts hitting him with it.
“You asshole. I’ve been taking those for about a week now. Freaking hell.” (looks back at the fan. “Doesn’t matter. I’m way, way more smarter than Eva Marie. You can count on that. Plus I plan on bringing it myself on the physical side too. I can be pretty tough when I have to be… take this for instance… when I saw Taylor Swift last month in L.A… she had a mosh pit in the audience… when she Shake it Off played… oh man, I totes jumped in and started wrecking everyone. So much in fact I got kicked out. I also had a lot to drink… and the security said it wasn’t a mosh pit but just a group of preteens dancing together. But I know a mo’fo mosh pit when I see one. Also the kids didn’t like when I through up all over them. They weren’t as cool as Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Bob didn’t throw a hissy fit and start-crying… babies. My point is of course, I can do some dangerous stuff. So just imagine what I can do in the ring. Eva Marie better be ready for me. And you can tell the Internet that.”
Barbie Blank throws gang signs in the fans face as she keeps walking down the street as her assistant follows.
“Well that was interesting, huh assistant?”
“I’d say..”
“See that’s why were a good team. We get along and know each other. And share moments. Like remember the time I said ‘that was interesting’ and you said ‘i’d say’… good moments.”
“We should totally make out…”
“What was that?” She says as she fixes her hair not pay attention.
“Nothing…nothing… so do you think you will be ready for Eva Marie? In all honesty?”
“Of course I will be. I don’t need a doubter on my team, assistant. I need a go getter positive can do person on my team. And a assistant who accepts my home made wampum instead of cash for payment.”
“Speaking of which, could I get money instead of - - …”
“Eva Marie needs to know that this run I will be having in EBWF starts at Warfare in this stink town. So I will do whatever it takes to win. Show the world, and hopefully Hollywood, that I am a bright and shining star, That they can’t throw me out and spit me out on the streets like some old dog they don’t want anymore. Kick it for good measure. No! I’m better than an old dog. I’m smarter, stronger, faster and just better than Eva Marie. And at this weeks Warfare I’m gonna prove it. And prove to all the negative Nancy’s that Barbie Blank is the real deal. Then I can leave again, and make real money modeling and acting. Instead of this garbage wrestling stuff. Can I count on you… assistant?”
“Sure. And I have a name it’s…”
“WONDERFUL! Now! Give me a few of those smart pea-pills! I’m feeling woozy.”
“I think that’s because that’s all you’ve been eating all morning and …”
“I! Wasn’t asking, assistant. Gimme. Gimme. Gimme.”
He digs in his pocket and dumps a handful of peas in her hands. She stuffs them in her mouth and nods at the assistant before walking ahead of him. He shrugs and follows her as the scene ends.
