I'm 100% gorgeous
Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2016 5:32 am
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It was backstage following Warefare and Jonathan Coachman spotted Tyler Breeze. He ran towards Breeze who was posing with his selfie stick.
Jonathan Coachman - TYLER? TYLER? Can we get a quick word with you about your match at the Royal……
With a wave of his hand Breeze cut off Coach and scowled at him. He gestured to his mobile phone with his eyebrows.
Tyler Breeze - Can you not see I’m addressing my millions and millions of followers Jon. A. Than?
Jonathan Coachman - Right. No, sorry I didn’t….
Coach’s sentence trailed off as Tyler shook his head and tutted as he continued to once again speak towards his fur covered selfie stick.
Tyler Breeze - What is a star? A star is a luminous ball of gas, mostly hydrogen and helium, held together by its own gravity. Nuclear fusion reactions in its core support the star against gravity and produce photons and heat, as well as small amounts of heavier elements.
The Coach looked on in amazement at what Tyler had just said. But was woken from his trance as Breeze spoke again.
Tyler Breeze - Let’s be honest. No one has a clue what on earth that means. But, what the EBWF universe can be sure of is you are looking at one right now. Infact you’re looking at THE brightest star around. So it only makes sense that at the Royal Rumble I have been put in a number one contenders match for the Breakout Title.
He paused a moment, giving the camera his duck faced pose. Then he began to smile.
Tyler Breeze - The biggest joke is I’ve already beaten 50% of the guys in this fatal four way. That means I’ve only got to worry about the other 50%. Now as I’m one of those that leaves 50% of the 50% which is……
Breeze’s trailed off as he was starting to get lost in his own thoughts, trying to work out the figures in his mind. Until he regained his thoughts and snapped at his mobile phone once again.
Tyler Breeze - Look it doesn’t matter about numbers. All I know is I’m 100% gorgeous and that’s all that really matters. Because at Royal Rumble Dolph Ziggler you’ll step in the ring again and everyone knows you won’t be a problem for Prince Pretty. The only plus point with you being in the match is beating you is so easy I don’t even break a sweat or put a hair out of place, it’s almost too easy.
Tyler ran his hand through his hair which was uncharastically down, rather than pulled back in the usual way he has during a match.
Tyler Breeze - Then there is the Scottish Warrior Sheamus. At Warfare I showed him exactly why stepping in the ring with the King of Cuteville is career suicide. So “fella” lightening gets to strike twice for you as you’ll be once again left laid out on the mat thanks to the Unprettier.
Looking to the sky, as if theatrically trying to think of the last competitor Breeze’s eyes lit up, as it a light switch was turned.
Tyler Breeze - Which leaves, boo woo woo, Long Island Iced Zzzzzzzz (Breeze pretended to fall asleep). Nice of the EBWF top brass to finally give me a new opponent but seriously Zack Ryder? If there was a more undeserving wrestler to be fighting for the chance to be Breakout champion then I haven’t met him yet.
He shook his head disapprovingly.
Tyler Breeze - So all I can do is applaud the EBWF for already recognising that I should be the number one contender for the Breakout championship. And let’s be honest it’s a foregone conclusion I’ll win the title when I get my shot. I am a reluctant hero for my millions and millions of followers. I’ll put them out of their misery and make sure they don’t have to watch Sheamus, Zack Ryder and old man Ziggler for any longer. I’ll be coming out of that fatal four way as the winner and put Prince Pretty one step closer of bringing the Breakout championship back to Cuteville #winning
With that Breeze put his selfie stick and strode past Coachman like a runway model without saying a word to him.